Sunday, August 8, 2010


Obviously, this is bugging me or I wouldn't be writing this. This is an addendum to this blog that I wrote earlier today (COULD YOU BE THIS HONEST?). It was actually a follow-up to this blog from the day before (I LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE). I am only posting the links so that you can catch up if you are reading this and thinking, "What in the world is she blathering on about now?" It should bring you up to speed.

I felt pretty good about my first blog, I LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE, until someone more knowledgeable than I on the person of Eminem pointed out some things. I was impressed that he had taken time off from the business (it was actually five years, not three), went through rehab for himself, and not for anyone else, and came out a stronger person for it. And I said that he was honest about how abuse can go down. It's ugly. And he really manned up in that video. In other words, he had intimate knowledge of the subject matter and he still threw it out there. However, the way he did it was in such a way that it was very clearly saying that it was NOT OKAY. He was also saying that too many people can't break free from abusive relationships no matter how bad it gets. Or at least that is what the video was saying. And that is THE TRUTH. I like honesty. Give me honesty over bullcrap any day of the week. So, what I said in that blog was ABOUT THAT SONG. The only other reference points I had for Eminem were his songs NOT AFRAID, which is also off the new album (and is amazing), and the song AIRPLANES 2. That is it.

The problem when you don't know your history on someone is it distorts the view. I don't know if that is better or worse. In the case of that blog, I think it was better because I wasn't talking about the man, I was talking about the song. Could I tell that he knew something about abuse from the lyrics of that song? Yes. Rage? Yes. Has he maybe been on both sides of that coin? Maybe. I don't know. Whatever. Veering off the course.... I said in today's blog that Misery posted a comment about who he is as a person that might not make me think so highly of him. That sent me slogging through what I could find out about the guy. I wanted facts and not rumors. You know what the truth is? Confusing.

I think I got it right on the blog I posted today, but maybe not all the way right. Hence the addendum. Do I admire the Marshall Mathers III before he went into drug rehab (for himself) as a person? He went into drug rehab before that for other people and it didn't take. It never takes until you want to do it for you. It doesn't take until you admit that you can't beat it. That the drugs are controlling you. For someone in hiphop (macho image yada yada) to say that was big. Huge even. That was when he reclaimed his life. Maybe when his real life started. Someone on drugs and someone not on drugs are two different people. Back to my question about MM III before he went into rehab... do I admire that guy? No. However, even then he lived his life honestly. Like I said in my earlier blog. It wasn't always pretty, but it was honest. Sometimes it was scary as crap.

Lira posted a comment about his dual personas: Eminem and Slim Shady. I don't even know what that means. That is how little I actually understand Marshall Mathers. But, as much anger as I have seen him throw at his ex-wife, I have never seen him throw anything but love at his daughter. And then he has gone and adopted at least one other girl. There is more here than meets the eye.

Since I was married to someone who was verbally abusive, I have been asked more than once if I think people who are abusive can change. My answer to that has always remained the same. Only if they really want to change. Only if they recognize that they have a problem and they decide that they want to change for themselves ~ not because someone else is threatening to leave them, etc. It is when they look in the mirror and decide that I want to do this for me. If you have a life-altering experience that changes the way you see everything, yes, I think you can change. But you have to want it. More than you want anything because it is going to be hard.

The bottom line here is that I can't judge the man. I don't even want to judge the man. I have seen a live interview that he gave that was very impressive. He admitted his drug problem and that his first stint in rehab was for other people. It wasn't until he almost overdosed and died that he realized that he had a serious problem. He could not quit. That moment changed his life. When he went into rehab that time it was for himself and he came out a different person. The music seems healthier. The man seems healthier. However, I am never going to be your go-to person on what the celebs are doing because I just don't read the rags. Now, you have got me making an exception...

So, Marshall Mathers, you are now on my radar. I got my eye on you, and I am so hoping that you do me proud and keep your priorities straight. And it would be really nice if you didn't drop the FBomb so much all the time when you're talking. I mean, I know you got an image and all, but the kids are listening!


  1. This is exactly why I like him. Because NOBODY IS PERFECT. Some people are just better at hiding their disfunction. He never hid his. He has always been smart and talented and has had real potential.
    That is why I love his new music. He has grown up. I have been on the recieving end of every type of abuse there is, I know when someone is full of sh*t and I know when someone has learned their lesson. He's learned his.
    Great post.

  2. I see this whole thing has gotten to you, who would've thought. I agree with Bathwater's comment from previous post - you should watch "8.mile". it tells a lot. You know, your posts made me think about the whole Eminem's honesty thing. And I came up with this (although I may be wrong): he's a white rapper, so as a white guy he cannot really rap about the same things as black rappers because they would laugh him out and he wouldn't even seem sincere in this. So I think that being "angry white guy" is half of his idea for himself in order to break through (through all this meaningless sh*t about partying and doing drugs, you know, these kind of songs) and half of, I don't know, his need to speak (yell, more like it) the truth. He certainly made it his trademark and, when Marshall Matters LP sold SO amazingly well, he knew he had to continue this (because his debut album wasn't THAT much autobiographical). But then, again, people relate to him exactly because of his brutal honesty. And you're right, admitting that you've got drugs problem is something brave in hip-hop culture, where drugs are glorified more than in any other kind of music-related culture. All in all, I think you'll agree with me, that Eminem (and his life-story, his music) is fascinating in a way.

  3. I always thought I was pretty liberal and open-minded, and used to get offended when Craig would tell me I was "too black or white" about certain topics and not open to "grey areas"... I guess I *am* pretty judgemental about people who are abusive, having been on the receiving end of verbal and physical abuse from men... I don't tend to view them as multi-faceted individuals and only focus on the negative... :o(

  4. Sigh. Yeah. The comment I left you was pretty epic. I'll try to shorten it for you and sum it up again - I basically agreed with Lira that Marshal Mathers has characters that he puts on - Slim Shady and Eminem. He sings as Eminem and takes creative license to reflect back on the stuff that Marshal Mathers has done - but Slim Shady is the controversial one who sings about killing his wife, wishing his mother was dead, shooting his enemies, etc.

    All things that Marshal would never do and does not really want. Does that make sense? He does this so that he will never be put into a box and stereotyped - his emotions are so mixed about most things that he has one character play angry and one play contrite and he gets to narrate all of it.

    I left you the link to a video on my comment too - it's of Eminem's song "Stan," with the female singer Dido mixed in (she also plays the wife in the video). It's an incredible video because Eminem basically plays himself reading his own fan mail as a deranged fan, who doesn't know that Eminem would never do the things he sings about, takes it too far and ends up killing his own wife and unborn child. The expression on Eminem's face at the end of the video - when he realizes that his music is party responsible for people getting killed - is priceless and profound. I think it says a lot that Eminem would make that song to begin with and shoot that video the way he did because he's actively condemning anyone taking his music literally and shows the horrible consequences of what happens when someone does.

    (a lot of it is censored so if you need to look up the lyrics just google 'em.)

    Even more interesting is that the character of Slim Shady often came across as homophobic in his songs so people automatically assumed that Eminem himself was too - but when he performed this song live, he performed it with Sir Elton John (the gayest of the gay) on stage and then gave him a huge hug afterward that shocked all his homophobic fans who thought he was one of them. Hah!

    Another video is the "Without Me" video he shoots with Dr. Dre - you mentioned that he swears a lot and he needs to play it safe because he has kids that listen - just watch that video because Eminem takes full responsibility for making sure kids don't hear his music, which is pretty awesome.

    (I'm leaving all this as an email too - don't want to risk getting this comment wiped twice!)

  5. I think that major talent comes often from not so great circumstances. Isn't it a bummer that so many of children's heros are so NOT hero like? Again, I think this guy is amazingly talented and yes, hope that his life made a turn for the better.

  6. Thank you Phoenix for taking the time for that very long comment. Watching those videos did help. The explanation about who Slim Shady is vs Eminem also helped. I am not convinced that a sticker on CD keeps kids from listening to things they shouldn't, but I am glad he cares. I wish that he didn't drop the FBomb so much in interviews. When people talk that way so casually, it means that they talk that way. Period. However, he is far from the only person who is guilty of that. He just does it on national TV. Anyway, your comment did clarify some things in my head. I think that this CD is going to be very different from anything else he's done. I am not sure that he needs Slim Shady anymore. I could be wrong. Time will tell.

  7. i love you! you really are my hero. you remind me of my dad except he has been relapsing alot! i get so mad at him! of course now he is in prison for posetion of fire arm. of course hes a fellen from all the stupid crap he has done:( marshals "song when im gone" my dad dedicated to me when i was very little. of course i am only 11 years old but he dedicated that song to me when i was 3. and his new song "not afraid" he thinks is hid song.. i really dont think its his song yet. but im not going to stop prying for him. we all need to have faith for a person like him! but anyways i love you marshal you are the shizzy:P


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