M IS FOR MARSHALL MATHERS

I backed into Marshall Mathers, sort of like I have back-doored into most of the great blogs I found on blogger in the very beginning.  I used to think it was sheer luck that I found these excellent reads.  Then I decided that The Universe decided to look upon me favorably.  Then I decided that eventually every bird finds a worm.  So, there you go.  Let's circle back specifically to Marshall Mathers, shall we?

One of my new blog friends posted Marshall Mather's (aka Eminem) newest video, at that time, off of his Recovery album on HER blog.  The song was called Not Afraid.  I sat and looked at that YouTube footage- in horror- for probably two minutes.  I post a lot of YouTube footage, and really want people to take the time to actually WATCH it.  Ergo, I try to give others the same courtesy.  But rap, seriously?  I hate rap.  My hand hovered anxiously on my mouse.  I did not want to take this plunge.  Before I could go back, I clicked.

And I was astounded.  Amazed.  Mesmerized.  I watched it three times.  On her blog.  I dare you to watch it (only once)...

Then, I went to YouTube.  And that was when the confusion began.  There were videos like Not Afraid, but there were also these really angry songs that I didn't like at all.  Watching the video Superman made my stomach turn.  How was this the same guy?  And there were more of the same and worse.  So the quest began.  Who was Marshall Mathers?

I threw a Shout Out on my blog asking for help in explaining this mystery.  I got some excellent feedback from some amazing Blog Buddies (you know who you are) detailing that Marshall Mathers has *personas* that he raps as in each song.  Eminem, Slim Shady, and Marshall Mathers are all distinct characters in The Eminem Show.  They each have their own unique voice.  The fact that I hate the Slim Shady voice is just my own opinion.  Other people have reached out and embraced that hate speech, making Slim Shady very popular.  That is more a reflection on Public Opinion than anything else, folks.  Just sayin'.  (Yep, I am saying that the masses are a hateful bunch.  My opinion.)

Eminem's voice is still "street" but not so hard.  From The Man himself in his autobiography, he says that his song Lose Yourself, from the 8 Mile Soundtrack, is a good example of the Eminem voice.  When he raps as Marshall Mathers, he is actually himself.  He says that the song Mockingbird is one of those.  There are not that many songs coming from the Marshall voice, because he doesn't think people actually want to hear what Marshall has to say (according to him in his book).  I think he couldn't be more wrong about that.  Marshall is the only REAL person in the room, and everyone is very curious to know what Marshall has to say.  Again, that is just me. 

I think that there was a lot more Marshall in the Recovery album than in any of his previous work.  That is scary stuff.  When you are hiding behind a persona and everyone loves it, it is scary stuff to suddenly expose yourself.  And he went full throttle.  He told everyone about his addiction problem, his inability to cope with his best friend's murder, and the fact that he was an abusive husband to his former spouse.  In fact, I have never seen anyone be so honest about what abuse looks like in a relationship.  It often goes both ways.  The fact that one person is stronger than the other does not make the person being abused get out, stop it, or even curb things.  Please understand me... Not saying that they deserve anything that happens to them, but it is like an avalanche that everyone sees happening, except the two people at the bottom of the hill, about to be buried by it.  In their own ways, at different times, they are both certain they have got it under control.

Marshall Mathers taught me that I can respect someone for their honesty, without liking every minute thing about them.  The things that I don't like in him, he doesn't like in himself.  But he isn't lying anymore about them.  He isn't glossing them over.  I can respect that.   And I have to believe that when you know better, you do better.  That is what life lessons are all about.

As Marshall says, "I can't tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like."

Marshall Mathers: IDK yet.  He's been a Passion.  I thought he might be a Phase.  I certainly have learned some Life Lessons.

Had you seen either video before today?  Did it change the way you saw Eminem or Marshall Mathers?  Did I LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE feel like a sucker punch in the gut when you saw it?  Are there people whom you respect without liking every single part of them?  Are you able to accept people with their flaws and all?  If this was your first exposure and you are now intrigued, I recommend Lose Yourself, Beautiful, and Airplanes Part 2 as your next stops on the Eminem Tour.

N is for Not Afraid

A friend of mine emailed me with some comments on the last blog. She indicated, once again, that I am much funnier in bullet points than I am in paragraphs. I think it is because I have a sarcastic personality and you can't really get a good jab in with a paragraph format. It is only in bullet points can you sink one. I am a real fun one at parties, too. Nothing out of me and then *BAM* I nail the sarcastic jolt when least expected. Of course, my friend had a few other comments. I think I shall address those and anything else that comes to mind in bullet points, since I am insanely funnier that way.

• She says that I shouldn't have laughed at H-Girl when she said she was "all about the learning." That sort of behavior on my part is likely just to make the kid angry at me.
• I say that the kid needs someone to call her out on her crap. She needs to know that she isn't snowing me like she is other people. Kids don't respect people they think they are manipulating. I want her to know that I have her number. 'Nuff said.
• My friend also indicated that blogger had this nifty bullet point program. Peeps, I am utterly lost on a computer. Hand to God.
• My mother used to tell me daily when I was a kid that I would lose my head if it weren't attached to my shoulders.
• What does this have to do with anything?
• Well, I know that there are some of you who think I should just learn how to do the design on my website. You are thinking, "It can't be that hard."
• I thought like that, too, for about three hours after I bought the domain name and my web hosting site. Into the fourth hour, I very nearly chucked my laptop out the window.
• Eventually I called the 24-hour 800 number help line to get them to put up a page indicating my site was under construction because I could not figure out how to write that on a BLANK PAGE and put that up.
• Yes, it is that bad. And that is where the head and shoulders business figures in.
• I tell you that and I share you this thing about the bullet points for this reason: I have been on blogger for over a year and didn't know that in the menu bar that it would create bullet points for me.
• Right now I am looking at the quotations and I can't figure out by sheer reasoning what that will do if i click on it. Clearly it will do something regarding quotations, but what? what? what?
• It should be obvious, but it isn't.
• It's hard to believe right now that I graduated with a liberal arts degree from college, isn't it?
• I know. I am having trouble digesting it, too.
• On Saturday night, we went to the pizza place for food and karaoke.
• Our usual karaoke guy wasn't there because his band was playing somewhere so some friends of his were filling in. This was a new experience for us.
• Not so much for them. They have their own business and their own equipment.
• Once again, too many kids were singing for our taste. Pretty much any kids are too many because most can't sing. They scream or talk into the microphone and it is monotone.
• However, the kicker this past Saturday was that there were only 8 people on the sheet to sing, but the teenagers took over every time it came to them. How did they do this? They sang solo, they sang duets, they sang trios.
• Three girls managed to hog the microphone for forty minutes every time the rotation got back to them.
• So, we we were there for three hours and sang three times. You do the math on that one. Eight people. Three hours. Everyone should have gotten to sing a lot.
• We almost didn't sing that third time because my mom was tired of listening to teenagers and kids scream into the microphone. The lady came around with the sheet to get our song to speed up the process, and my mom asked how far out we were. Turns out two kids were ahead of us, one of whom was singing.
• At that point, I was in favor of waiting and singing. We were there for three hours and had only been able to sing twice. Mom was ready to go, and said something about there being too many kids.
• I knew that was a pointless drum to beat. When you go to karaoke at a restaurant, there will be kids.
• The lady said if you want no kids you should go to a place that is over 21, and she was right.
• I said that the real problem was letting small groups of people monopolize the microphone. It was not right. It would be like me singing, my mom singing, me and my mom singing, my mom and another friend singing, the other friend singing, me and the other friend singing, me, mom and the other friend singing. We could tie up the works for forty minutes just like you have let those girls do all night, but we haven't.
• She didn't like what I said, but she admitted that it was a mistake and wouldn't be happening again.
• Now, would it not be happening again because I said something, or would it not be happening again, period?
• I got a nasty comment from the guy running the machine about being impatient to sing when he called me up.
• That tells me that even though the woman was very gracious to me, and admitted that I was right, she didn't relay it back that way to her partner.
• Most people just leave and don't come back if they don't like something. My mom said that if she finds out that our regular karaoke guy isn't going to be there, we will rethink going there in the future. And that was after I said something.
• People don't like confrontation. I didn't like it when I was married. My ex made it so uncomfortable that I eventually stopped speaking out about what I did and didn't like. What is and isn't acceptable.
• I am not doing that anymore. It is unacceptable to hog the microphone at a karaoke joint. I will tell you nicely. You can make one jab at me, but not two. And if it keeps happening I won't come back.
• I guarantee you this: for every one person who tells how it is, there are twenty who are thinking it and just not coming back. Be grateful for that person who speaks out.
• And if you are someone who is afraid to speak out, try it. It feels so good. It if is your truth, then it isn't wrong to say it. It is never wrong to speak honestly and from your heart.
• Trust me on this: the worst thing in the world is losing the ability to speak your own truth.
• The first Marshall Mathers song I listened to was Not Afraid. It was what hooked me on Eminem. The song is about not being afraid to do what you need to do, speak your truth, be yourself.
• Before you say that you hate rap or hip hop, know what you are talking about. I thought that I hated it, too. I hated it BEFORE I listened to it. It is dangerous to make those kind of calls. And it is also dangerous to hate an entire genre of music, because you never know when a specific piece of music will jump out and hit you where you live. Just sayin'.
• My mom has been watching OWN (the Oprah Winfrey Network) and loving it. Apparently, there was something on there about the new Oreo cookie. It is a regular Oreo covered in chocolate.
• I couldn't quite follow if it was on one of the shows or if it was a commercial... Anyway, the entire family sans the mom are sitting around the table eating these cookies and talking in Martian about them. (In other words, my mom had no idea what they were saying.)
• Then the mom came in and she tried one and my mom tried repeating what she said. She kept at it until I figured it out. That was when I realized that the kids and hubs are talking in modern day slang. I hated to break the news to mom that the family were not taken over by aliens.
• What was the giveaway phrase, you ask?
• Shut the back door!

photo found at www.weheartit.com

Wednesday with Bullets

I was going to do another alphabet post, but you guys seem to like my bullet post style posts, what I have is mostly mish mash, so it seemed like a better way to go.


*For instance, right now I think Penny Can on Cougar Town is hilarious.
*You don't watch Cougar Town?
*How can this be?
*Oh yeah, you're Chris, and don't own a TV.
*Well, let me help you with some YouTube of Penny Can. This stuff cracks me up. It would be on my Thursday post, if I could work up the fortitude to roll one of those out.
*Roll the penny can footage:



*I love Ellie. She is the one that makes all of the crazy penny can shots. She is da bomb. I want to be Ellie when I grow up.
*H-Girl spent the night last week. It had its good and bad points. It scares me how much she has learned from her father. And I am not talking about the good stuff.
*She basically tricked me into taking her into the mall.
*Yes, I was tricked by a twelve year old.
*Yes, it still stings a bit.
*After she lingered over all of the things she wanted me to buy her... even after I told her before we left the house that I had NO money, we finally ended up at the bookstore.
*We spent over an hour mooning over jewelry. She was hoping I would cave. She never once asked, but she just looked pitiful. And once pointed out the matching necklace (the she didn't have)to the bracelet that she did (and was wearing).
*All of this after raiding my jewelry box at home and getting me to cough up several pieces of jewelry for her... moving on...
*So, after giving up on the jewelry at the mall, we arrive at the bookstore. That place is my personal weakness. I can turn down clothes all day long. Put me in a bookstore and that is like shoving an alcoholic into a bar.
*Naturally, we end up back in the YA section. She starts picking up various books and telling me that specific friends are reading this one and that one. She would like to read this one and that one. Then she says this: "Because I am all about the learning."
*I laughed so hard I nearly fell down and hurt myself.
*She followed it up with, "What? I LIKE to read."
*That only produced more laughter on my part. I started looking around for a chair because I had a kink in my side and it hurt.
*When I was able to speak again, I told her that she should call her dad and tell him just what she told me. I was willing to float her $15 if he would pay me back right away.
*He said he would. He also got a laugh out of that. Unlike me, he seemed to believe her line about being all about the learning.
*I find that interesting. One would think that a person who floats BS all of the time would recognize it in others more quickly. Apparently not. Who knew?
*Back to the trick... she told me that her aunt was going to meet us at the mall. Not true. Not even close. She just wanted to go to the mall and talk me into buying her stuff. Imagine my surprise when I find out that I end up having to take her all the way back to her grandparent's house. It didn't cut my driving at all. That is where her aunt was.
*So, I had H-Girl regale them with the tale of being all about the learning. They all laughed. Apparently, they were all shocked. Her older brother said he was going to read the book and quiz her to make sure she actually read it. Smart kid.
*That one day knocked me out in so many ways. Sooooo tired physically.
*So tired mentally. It really hurts me in the heart that H-Girl does these sorts of things. Her lack of honesty and the way she manipulates people without a second thought really disturbs me.
*As for me, I have been dreaming about sweets. Craving sweets terribly. I know what this means. I am stressed out. Severely stressed out.
*I bought two bags of M&Ms the last time I was at the pharmacy. It did occur to me that my Eminem fascination went from the person to the candy. H-Girl might not be the only "disturbed" individual out there...
*If you received the letter for my future non-profit website via email, please answer me this: did you copy/paste and send it to everyone in your address book, specific people in your address book, or no one in your address book? Whatever your choice, why? You can tell me in the comments or email me. My email is in the sidebar. Thanks.
*I really don't have much dirt. I am thinking about practicing Penny Can. Chris, can I call that exercise? It looks like so much fun to say "Penny Can" when you actually get the penny in the can.
*I really could have been a writer for Seinfeld. It was a show about nothing. I have got an excellent handle on that.

The Grammys and Marshall Mathers Should Have Won Best Album. Just Sayin'.

Okay, I know that you have all been on pins and needles awaiting my Grammy Award breakdown. No, I didn't have a breakdown of any sort after the show. I am referring to my critique of the event. You guys are so silly. Since you seemed to like the bullet points, perhaps we shall gave that another go.

*Once again, they only presented awards to the folks who showed. That is getting annoying. That means entire categories get left out. They also just didn't present some awards to folks who did show, but announced before they performed that they had won awards. Now, that is even suckier. What awards?
*In the case of my man Marshall, they announced his two award wins before he even won the second one. Idiots. Of course, since they run that thing so crazily, and he was up for ten awards, how was he to know?
*Another clue if you are going to win: are you performing? If so, chances are good that you are a winner. Ding ding ding.
*A lovely surprise of the evening was the first announced award. Train won Pop Duo or Group for Hey Soul Sister. I love Train. I am glad to see them getting back on track. Pun totally intended.
*Miranda Lambert winning The House That Built Me didn't shock me at all after she had just performed the song. Personally, very happy to see Miranda get some Grammy love. Now, she was not favored to win in this category, but I think of the Grammys in much the same way I do the ACM awards.
*How's that, say you?
*The most unlikely people win those awards. Let's say someone has a huge year. They give the award to someone that has just popped out of the woodwork and has maybe two songs under their belt. That is just how they roll. It leaves everyone rolling their eyes and saying, "WTF" at the watercooler the next day.
*Apparently the Grammy voters lunch with the ACM voters and discuss the "proper" way to do these things.
*Batshit crazy. That's how. Moving on.
*Now, I am not saying that they always get it wrong. I am just saying that they often pull things right out of their a$$. That's all.
*For instance, Lady Antebellum picking up all of the country awards is not surprising. They are freaking awesome and deserve them. I have posted several of their songs on here. Love them. However, I have not posted Need You Now. So, here it is.



*I loved David Letterman's list of ten things. I have to agree with him on one major point. What is the difference between Best Record and Best Song? Near as I can tell, it is nothing. They are both nominations for songs. And it appeared that most of the noms were the same. In this case, Lady Antebellum won them both for the same song.
*Isn't that redundant?
*Or is it just me and David on this one?
*Lady Gaga winning best Pop Vocal Album was totally expected.
*Lady Gaga arriving in an egg was a huge surprise.
*While I will never count myself a Justin Bieber fan, I can't count myself a Justin Bieber hater either. You gotta admire someone who is willing to fight for a career as a singer at 13. Usher told him something like, "If we meet again, we'll see." And he kept coming. At 13, that would have been enough to send me home.
*I would have been crying and saying, "He wouldn't even listen to me sing." That is the difference, you see, between someone who knows that they have the magic "it" and someone who just wants to be a rockstar.
*I still want to be a rockstar, but I know I don't have the magic "it."
*Every now and then I can sing a good tune.
*Back to the awards show...
*So, anyway, this kid can actually sing. And then Will and Jada Smith's kid comes out and raps with him. And OMG, that was the cutest. He is a cute kid. But what was the cutest was the look on Will and Jada's faces. They were not celebrities. They were parents who were all about their kid.
*Priceless moment at the Grammys.
*Back to me and what I am doing while the show is on. I found this site on yahoo. It has each category with the nominees, Expert Pick, and the percentages of people who voted for each person. In other words, it should be a good indicator of how the general public feels about who should win in each category.
*Now, you see what I mean about how the head scratching over the choosing of the winners. And why it reminds me of the ACMs.
*Now, that we have talked about everything non-Marshall Mathers, let's get down to it.
*I know from having read his book that he would really like to win an award that is not specifically a rap award. He did win the video award for Without Me, but that is it.
*I really thought with 10 noms that this would be his year. He would get Album of the Year, Record of Year, or Song of the Year. Nope. Lady Antebellum snatched Record and Song and Arcade Fire grabbed Album. Frankly, I think that he should have won best Record and Best Album. I am perfectly happy letting Lady Antebellum keep Best Song.
*As I said, they are the same thing. Different voters. Dumb. Moving on...
*That it is not what happened. And it hurt. A lot. It was painful for me. I can't imagine what it was like for Marshall. It had to sting.
*With that in mind, I went through the old winners and rap just doesn't win much outside of its own category. Outkast won a couple of years ago, but that is about it.
*I am going to throw up some more live footage. One is MM performing with Rihanna and Dr. Dre. It has some breaks in it, but it is the best going on youtube. The song is Love The Way You Lie Part 2 (modified) and I Need A Doctor (modified). I am also throwing up Marshall accepting his Grammy for Best Rap album. Then I am throwing up both original songs with lyrics. They make more sense that way. You might want to watch those first and then the live performance.











image found at www.weheartit.com

E IS FOR ENMITY

Yeah, this is me. What? Back so soon? I know. Gone for weeks and then I am here all the time. Well, I am trying to get a handle on my hate issues. Hate issues? What hate issues? You need to step off this blog and read the last one to catch up. I'll wait for you. That would be "And this will make me happy... thanks Christine." I wrote two ~ count them two ~ blogs yesterday after getting worked up after reading Christine's blogs by the same name. I was going to comment on ya'lls comments when my comment got eaten by the black hole that is Blogger, or so I thought. I shrieked. Read the whole mess to my mother. Got up took a shower. Ate lunch. Tried to work out if I was still really pissed. I was. Am. And we are off again. Are you still with me? Good.

You all leave the same loving comments that I like to leave on people's blogs when they are on the verge of losing it, and need a reality check. That is so sweet. Truly. I know that you spend some time really pondering what to say, and trying to find something meaningful that will provide relief for someone in pain. That is awesome. The thing is that I would enjoy throwing rotten tomatoes at Flash's house because he is scum of the earth and I still have migraines. Mostly it is just me beating the drum of life being fair vs unfair. In about 12 hours, I would be over it because no one ever promised us fair. If life were fair, bad things wouldn't happen to good people. Doesn't work like that. Instead, people like my ex-husband are the luckiest bastards alive. I know that if he ever played the lottery he'd win. He is luckier than anyone I know. It isn't "right," but that is just how it is. If I thought he'd spend the money on his kids, I'd encourage him to play. Since I know he'd just spend it on himself, I don't.

I forgave Flash a long time ago. He was just the teacher. Am I a human being who doesn't enjoy just the tiniest bit the idea of Flash getting his comeuppance? Well hell. I admit it. I do. Should the day come that Flash pay for any of his crimes, I can't say that I would shed a tear, and I have to admit that I would probably be doing an internal happy dance. Does that make me a bad person? I don't know. Maybe. It makes me a human being. Certainly.

Christine nailed the point of my blog with her comment. It wasn't about Flash. The whole blog wasn't about Flash. He was superfluous. It was HER. The other woman. This person who had become my friend in the most bizarre situation known to man. She forgets my name and asks Flash so that she contact me. It galled me. I didn't say that she and Flash had communicated by email numerous times exchanging "hellos," but she did add that tidbit in her email to me. How in the hell did she reach a place where they could be that friendly after she was ready to MURDER him? Oh yeah. They verbally kicked it around afterwards in a very ugly way. Same goes for email. Her husband got in on that action. It was all of that hatefulness that led to her and I not being able to maintain any sort of a friendship.



Basically, everyone was throwing around hate and I was determined to be the peaceful port in the storm. Flash even convinced me to forgive him and try again. Well, I did forgive and we did try. That never really worked. I learned that I can forgive but I just don't trust again. Ah. The things we learn about ourselves. So, I did forgive him, but I never loved him again. Let's face it. He had already done some pretty reprehensible things by that point, so there really wasn't much to salvage. My problem was his unwillingness to let go. He was very much like my ex-husband. He just kept at you. Call. Call. Call. Show up. Pretty much "no" is not an answer. Hammer and nail mentality. As I said, in a previous blog, I am forever thankful to the pastor at the church who intervened. He got to take Flash's calls and I stopped opening emails, etc.

However, this is not about Flash. It's about HER. It bugs me that she is friendly with Flash. One email to get my name might have been okay. Did she need to tell me that they were exchanging hellos? She and her husband pulled their marriage out of the fire. Apparently way out of the fire. In a very short period of time they have a very successful business, have moved, and have built a brand new house. It looks very expensive. If I had to guess... at least $250,000. Probably more. She has gone from alcoholic, abusive husband, and a marriage that was on the skids because of her infidelity to Graceland. And she is exchanging hello emails with Flash. And she forgot my name, but she wants to know how I am doing.

HOW AM I FREAKING DOING???? I AM PISSED OFF.



I BEEN THROUGH THE WRINGER FOR TAKING TOO LITTLE THROUGH THE MIDDLE FINGER!

I would say that the song in its entirety sums up my mood, but that lyric says it best.

People in real life, and on here, tell me all the time how nice I am. You know what? Being nice isn't always such a great thing. Sometimes being nice means taking too little through the middle finger. Sometimes being nice means putting other people so much in front of you, and your needs, that it is migraine-inducing. It is not healthy. There is a point when the healthy thing is to tell someone to fuck off. You have caused enough carnage here. Go do damage somewhere else. That is actually healthy. It may not be nice, but it is healthy. You gotta love it when you can use the fuck word and it is totally the right thing to do. So open your ears kids, sometimes saying fuck is just what the doctor ordered. Screw your parents and their rules about cursing. If you don't believe me or Eminem, pull out one of my old 80s favorites, The Violent Femmes, and spin KISS OFF. That should set you straight. It didn't work for me, but you have this blog, plus Eminem working for you. And this bit of wisdom from Christine on how to handle HER:

Sometimes we are too precious for our own good.
this chick and you had one thing in common. You both slept with the same dude..and whether she owed you anything or not, she still messed around with a dude in a relationship. Then she screwed around on her husband. she doesn't sound like good friend material, relationship material or quite frankly, good people material.
serial skank would be a more apt description. It's best to leave said skank in the dustbin of history. Come up with a good excuse..you know like the fact that you have serial migraines and are trying to get an important project off the ground and just don't have time to scrape your brain free from crud every two or three weeks...but thanks for thinking of you. lol.
signed
Robin whatevermylastnameisyoustupidskank

Thank you, Christine, Eminem, The Violent Femmes, and my own middle finger which I have been road testing for the last ten minutes. I do believe that I have a handle on this situation now.


image found here

MARSHALL MATHERS: 60 MINUTES BREAKDOWN

This is the promised follow-up to yesterday's post. So, if you haven't read that one, you really should go back and read it before this one, or this really won't make much sense. That implies that my writing makes sense as a stand alone, which I am convinced is relative to the reader. Now I am confused. I think it would be wise to move on.

I hope that you watched the 60 Minutes interview. It is no fun to break down an interview if the people reading the post are not on the same page. I want to say this first: I watched this video several weeks ago, and felt one way about it, and watched it again yesterday, and felt differently about it. I know that is strange. I suppose it takes some time for some things to process. Let me rephrase. It isn't that I changed my mind altogether; it's more that my viewpoint wasn't as passionate as it was before.

I liked the fact that they started at the beginning. Yesterday, Coffee Junkie said that she had no idea who Marshall was and that the blog was enlightening for her. That would have been me several months ago. I would have been "Marshall Who?" If you aren't into hip hop, the guy is a total mystery. So, starting with the basics of what his life was like was a good start. I did that yesterday in my blog. It actually is common knowledge. (Thanks again Wikipedia) However, Marshall Mathers, despite all his fame, came off to me both times ~ still ~ as a shy person by nature. When he is doing his hip hop thing he becomes somebody else. Once again, as I said before, it is like assuming a part in theatre. He takes on a role and becomes someone else. But, if you watch his body language when he is just walking and talking, he is not coming off as this overconfident, cocky guy.



In fact, when he talks about his life as a teenager you can see the kid inside the man. I could imagine that guy getting pushed into lockers, getting beaten up in the bathroom, ambushed walking home from school, etc. Before they visited one of the underground clubs, Marshall explained what those clubs were about: boasting, bragging, coming up with the best rhymes. It was all about bravado. Playing a game. Can you see how hard this would be for a kid who spent his whole life being bullied and beaten up by primarily black kids (since he was a white minority)?

Now, add to that, these people did not want a white guy playing in their clubhouse. Marshall has been the subject of reverse discrimination his entire life. Think on that for a while. This was a black people's "game" and they did not want him to play. I do believe I mentioned that he had to punch through the floor because they wouldn't let him in the door. (My own little rhyme) Yeah, I do think it pissed him off. And he was already angry about a lot of things. However, let's get back to the problems he had to overcome in these clubs, aside from the fact that he was white. Boasting, bragging, and bravado were things that did not come naturally to a shy kid who probably got a swirly in the toilet every other day. What he did have was this way with words. His problem was getting them out, being heard, getting past that fear of crowds, and standing up to the people who scared the bejesus out of him. He had to keep telling himself that he was smarter, faster, better, stronger, quicker, and had something that they would never have. He had to keep telling himself that until he could throw down. Fear can consume you. So many people do not get past it. He spent years in those clubs working his way through it.



I love the section on rhyming. It is one of the things that makes Marshall Mathers unique. I call it the pure vs. impure rhyme. He calls it bending words. It doesn't matter what you call it, because it is the same thing. He hears words differently than most people. Songwriters tend to get hung up because they stick with the pure rhyme. The idea of bending a word doesn't occur to them. If you were reading it, of course it wouldn't work. That isn't the case here. Impure rhymes are brilliant because you can bend them and work them into the beat of your song and they are pure enough that no one notices that it isn't a pure rhyme. In so doing, you have a huge arsenal of words at your disposal. Essentially, nothing is off limits for you. Marshall Mathers writes in color, while everyone else is still stuck in black and white. That is why I called him wicked smart in my blog about his song on NO LOVE. It was a Saturday blog with one of the funny names with NO LOVE worked into it.

I was surprised that Marshall Mathers read, or maybe still reads the dictionary. That is a love affair with words. It explains how he knew what triple beam meant in NO LOVE, and why I had to look it up. You have to really love words to read the dictionary.

When Marshall pulled out his treasure trove of notebooks and Anderson said that the other instances he had seen of people doing this sort of thing were crazy people, it really pissed me off the first time I watched this. Marshall just said that maybe he was crazy, and didn't seem fazed at all. The second, and now third time, that I have watched this, I am not sure how I feel about it. I don't think I would like it as a writer if I pulled out my best stuff for an interview and the interviewer suggested that was crazy behavior. Writers do that kind of thing. They think of stuff and write it down. I have a notebook with all kinds of stuff in it. It isn't written on the diagonal or in all caps or whatever. But it isn't necessarily related to anything, either. I just get an idea, and I think I might use it someday, and I don't want to forget it, so I write it down.

Marshall on settling scores: I think that writing is therapeutic. Writers do that. I have done it here. I know that my blog doesn't have the reach that Marshall's writing does, but he writes what he thinks. You can like him or dislike him for that. I think that he calls it how he sees it. That may not always be right, but it is as right as he knows it from his perspective.



Marshall on cursing/children: He was called out for bad language and the damage it does to children. The camera focused on a young child in the audience at a concert. Hello! All of his CDs have explicit stickers on them and children have no business listening to them. That parent should not have brought the kid to the concert. Marshall was right in saying that he is not responsible for parenting other people's children. Parents have to take responsibility for their kids. Parents need to know what their kids are doing, what music they are listening to, what TV shows and movies they are watching. etc. Parenting is a job and they need to be doing it. He says that he doesn't talk that way around his own kids. Music is his art/job.



Marshall on saying hateful things: Marshall has thrown a lot of anger and hate out there. Slim Shady is very popular and the people love it when Slim Shady gets all worked up. Honestly, that says more about our society than Marshall Mathers, in my opinion. Whatever. The focus ended up landing on the word faggot, but it could have ended up in numerous places, because there was a lot of ground to cover here. Marshall's response to this was that, at that time, all hip hop artists were throwing down with the same sort of material, and they were not getting the same level of hate thrown back at them. He didn't understand that. A friend of mine said that he was lucky that the interviewer didn't push that one further, and go into all of the horrible songs he wrote about his ex-wife. She has a point there. The same friend said, "Everyone else is doing it," seemed like a cop-out answer to her. Another point. Of course, he could have mentioned his performance with Elton John and their ongoing friendship since said performance, but he didn't.



For some reason, Marshall Mathers is still on the fence about shaking Slim Shady and Eminem. On the one hand, he wants you to know it's a show. On the other hand, he is afraid to let go of the show. What if people don't like Marshall Mathers sans Slim Shady and Eminem? In my opinion he isn't asking the right question. What if your only chance at real recovery is dropping Slim Shady and Eminem? What if the only way to be real is to just be Marshall Mathers? Your best songs have already been written as Marshall Mathers. No Slim Shady. No Eminem. Turn the corner already.

Here is Not Afraid (this is for Coffee Junkie to help you catch up):



People don't want to change. They really don't. Oftentimes the only reason we change is out of necessity. We are forced to change. Chris over at A Deliberate Life just wrote a blog on this very thing. It was change or die. She spoke about an experience in her own life where that was the choice. Change or die. I've been there. Change or die. Marshall Mathers went there when he overdosed. Change or die. He had been to drug rehab already, but not because he thought he had a problem. Someone else thought he had a problem. It only works when you want to change. After he almost died, he tried to quit on his own. Couldn't. Then he went to rehab voluntarily because he knew he had a problem. Change or die. These experiences fundamentally change you.



I mentioned being on Eminem's official site. I thought I would gain something. I did. It notched up my migraine. I can't do crap on that site. I still visit as a visitor and not a member. I have my login info, but it ticks me off because I can't figure it out. The one thing I expected to see was a tour schedule for Recovery. I kept coming back to the site waiting for it to pop. It never popped. It still hasn't popped. I don't think there is going to be a tour for Recovery. He talks about the huge arena concert in this interview. Imagine doing a concert for 40,000 people and being clean and sober for the first time in forever. He talks about seeing the faces. He didn't see the faces before. He is still that shy kid who can now see the faces. He can say that he is not touring for his kids or any other viable reason. That may be partly true. However, touring would very likely jeopardize his recovery. The pace is terrible, the faces in the crowd, the stress of the thing... well it is all of the things he doesn't say. That is why he isn't touring.

Here is the behind the scenes stuff from 60 Minutes:




Right now you are in one of two places. You are bored out of your mind or you are more curious than ever about the puzzle that is Marshall Mathers. This is, in my opinion, one of the best songs off of Recovery. There is no video, so you just have to listen to it. However, it illustrates VIVIDLY so many of the points made above. Marshall Mathers writes what he feels and thinks. Not only does he make other people look bad, he doesn't cast a halo on himself. He does tell the truth as he sees it. There is something to be said for that. The song is appropriately titled CHANGES.




all images found at www.weheartit.com

RELAPSE OR RECOVERY?

It has been so long since I have able to write on a topic of my choice I thought I might come up empty today. Turns out that once I started thinking about it, I had LOTS of ideas. Who knew that so many things were stirring around up there itching to come out? In fact, I have one post that I probably should break up into 3 posts, just so that your eyeballs don't fall out or glaze over. I can get just a bit long-winded. In fact, while I was in The Think Tank it occurred to me that non-profits are all about being human change agents. It stands to reason that a lot of the things that work in successfully running a non-profit would also work in successfully running a life. In other words, if you are wanting to be the source of your own change, some of the techniques in this book would work on you. It actually could be a self-help book. Weird. But totally cool.

So, let's get down to the first of what is likely to be a three-parter. I have been wanting to talk about this for weeks now. I am just not sure where to begin. I have so many new followers AND this is a topic that is relatively new for me, so I am really jazzed about it. More so than I might be if it were old hat. Marshall Mathers did a 13 minute interview on 60 minutes. I will probably end this piece with that. And pick up tomorrow's with my breakdown on the interview. Maybe. I never understood UNTIL NOW why there was a breakdown about what the President said after he gave a speech. It always ticked me off. I would mutter things like, "Do they think we are stupid? We just heard him say that."

Well... I totally get it now. They have to give their interpretation of what was said. And what was not said. Sometimes that is more important than what WAS said. The thing is that I didn't major in political science, and it only makes me mad to listen to it all the time, so... I miss the little details that are actually really important. I could start listening, but that would super stress me out, and then I would be like that old lady in the commercial who has fallen and can't get up. I would be banging away on the emergency button for a rescue, and cursing like a maniac. I can't see that ending well.

My apologies to anyone who find this little bit of stuff a rehash. I have been researching Marshall Mathers on Wikipedia (btw, I love wikipedia), have yet to see 8 Mile (but I really want to), found out he wrote an autobiography (and now I must own it!), and have been doing the best that I can to piece together the person with the music and the facts. Oh, and I watched a ton of old videos until I finally figured out the whole Slim Shady, Eminem, Marshall Mathers deal. That about drove me nuts until it sank in. Lira sent me a hint of a comment on this (thinking that I knew something about it) and Phoenix sent an extended comment trying to break it down. Misery pointed me toward some songs to further confuse me. Ha! Seriously, it is confusing. For those of you not in the know, this is how I finally pieced it together in my head....

Marshall Mathers is living on 8 Mile in Detroit. Things are sucking. Always have. However, he now has a wife and daughter to support and the only thing he is really good at is hip hop. He gets words. There are natural born writers and cultivated writers. He is the former. He hears something that most of us don't. He hears the break in the syllable and goes for the impure rhyme that makes most impossible to rhyme words possible. The thing is that he keeps knocking on the door and no one wants to let him in. It pisses him off. It happens again and again. He knocks on the door until they force him to punch through the floor. And he comes up angry. And they like it. Anger works. Slim Shady is born. It is a show. It is theatre. But you can't be angry all the time. So, what comes after? Apology. And Eminem is born. Who arbitrates? The only real person there, of course. Marshall Mathers. I finally got it when I watched one of his videos from The Eminem Show. (He even called one of his records The Eminem Show.) I think he did that because people weren't getting it ~ that it was all a show ~ that he wasn't Eminem, that he wasn't Slim Shady. He had to write a song saying "I am Marshall Mathers." People still don't get it. Eminem doesn't exist. All that anger that he wrote wasn't real. It was part of the show. The same way a playwright would do a play or a writer would a book. If there is a villain in the cast, it doesn't mean that the author embodies that character. It is fiction. Moving on...


The Fame Game destroyed his personal life. He has now admitted to various addictions. He did use his music as a platform to hurl some viciousness around at specific people. He really let his ex-wife have it. He and Mariah Carey went back forth numerous times. No, the man is not perfect. He has done an excellent job at keeping his kids out of the media. It is darn near impossible to find current pics of his kids. The most common google search for my blog is "what do Eminem's daughters look like now" or some variation on that. It has been like that for months. I was curious so I googled it myself. There are no pics out there. Good for you, Marshall, on keeping your kids out of the press. You chose this life; they did not. And shame on you people who have no business checking out celebrity kids. They are KIDS. Get over it.

You can thank or blame Misery for my interest in Marshall Mathers. She posted NOT AFRAID on her blog. Since I post so much youtube footage, I feel obliged to watch other people's footage. Honestly, I expected to hate it. Hip hop is so not my thing. I watched it three times. He followed that up with I LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE with Rihanna on the hook. That is a disturbing song, but nothing about abuse should be pretty. Next up was NO LOVE. I hated it on myspace. I am a member of Eminem's website, but I honestly do not see the point, because that is one more site I cannot figure out. So, I knew it was coming (NO LOVE, I mean). I listened to it on myspace. Hated it. Hated it. Hated it. Too fast. Couldn't understand anything. When the video came out, it featured childhood bullying. Okay. I'm back in. I went to lyrics.com. The thing was that it wasn't about childhood bullying.


I wrote a blog about this on a Saturday. I didn't come out and say this part, because it has been on simmer, but I think that MM got dragged into making a video about bullying because it is a hot topic. This song is about the Record Machine trying to bully MM. Probably someone specific at the label. That person knows who they are. MM couldn't make that video, so he went with this one. The best things about this song are the WORDS. MM shows how wicked smart he is in this song. I did say that in my blog. Never before have I had to look up a word in the dictionary to understand what a SONG meant (or a line in a song). Kudos to you, Marshall Mathers. I said it in that blog, but I will say it again. You are a better writer than I am and I majored in English. On the one hand, that depresses the crap out of me. On the other hand, it really makes me admire you. Not sure which hand is typing right now.

This album was going to be Relapse 2, but you changed in mid-stream and decided on RECOVERY instead. It shows. All of your previous albums are tied somewhat to a central theme. If you look at this one you can see the break where you flipped the switch. It is like you were walking down a street doing the Relapse theme and you just couldn't take it anymore and decided you wanted to turn a corner. Except you couldn't quite make the full turn. So, where you are now is at a crossroads. You have one foot on one side of the corner and one on the other side. Your next record will tell the tale. Will it be relapse or recovery?

Aren't you dying to watch that 60 Minutes Interview now?




all images found at www.weheartit.com

SIMPLY ADDICTED TO NO LOVE

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