Eleven.

One of the best things about blogging is the friendships that are formed with other bloggers.  One of the first bloggers that I met when I started this whole thing was Mary.  She writes a food blog.  I know.  That just sounds whacky, no?  Me.  Food.  I honestly don't follow many food blogs.  However, I love Mary's food blog because I love Mary.  We have become wonderful friends who talk about many things other than food via email.  She occasionally veers off the course of food and offers a peek into the Life of Mary on her blog, too.  I always consider that a treat!  Right now, Mary is on hiatus.  She writes for various food publications in Michigan, and holds down a full-time job, so something had to give for the summer and it turned out to be her blog.  However, she did pop in to bestow this lovely award.  I hope that you decide to visit her place and follow along when she returns.  Her recipes are delish and she is a delight.  Plus, she offers insight into Jewish traditions, so you will probably learn something, too.  Thank you, Yenta Mary the Food Floozie for honoring me and my blog with The Liebster Award.  You are a maven.

 The rules of the award are that the nominee must:

- link back to whomever awarded the prize
- state 11 random facts about him- or herself
- answer the 11 questions from the award giver, and then - finally!
- nominate another 11 bloggers and devise 11 questions for them to answer.


11 Random Facts About Me
1. My favorite color is purple.  It has been purple as long as I can remember.  For the first time in a long time, purple is actually an "in" color in terms of fashion.  The last time I went shopping I bought purple capri pants and a whole bunch of blouses that had purple in them.  Purple is everywhere!!!  I am totally digging it.  Can I say it is the New Black????

image found on www.weheartit.com

2. I hate high heeled shoes.  I love pictures of high heeled shoes.  I like the idea of high heeled shoes.  I hate actually trying to walk in high heeled shoes.  Ergo, I don't own many high heeled shoes.  The ones I do own, I avoid wearing at all costs.

3. I am learning to like foods that I previously wouldn't eat.  All of the greens are back in my diet.  Yeah, I am talking collard greens and turnip greens.  I have liked spinach for a long time.  I am eating squash (previously a "no way") as well as red and yellow peppers.  I still don't care for green pepper.  But, hey, this is Big Improvement!

4. I hate reality television.  The only show I can tolerate watching is Dancing With The Stars and that is because I like the dancing.  It is not because I like the stars.  Sometimes, they grow on me.  Sometimes, not so much.  But, the dancing...  Yeah, I do enjoy that.  All of the rest of reality TV can sit and spin.

image found on www.photobucket.com

5. I adore everything 80s except the clothes.  80s music and 80s movies will always be my favorites.

6. My mom and I are saving up to go to Vegas in the fall.  We were debating going to Tunica, but Vegas is calling our names.  So, Viva Las Vegas it is.  I am so excited.  There is no place like Vegas.  I have written before about my fascination with the casinos, so I am not going to go into great detail here, but suffice to say that there is no place like it.

7. I have started working on a novel again.  Alex J. Cavanaugh said that I would start writing when the timing was right.  It turns out that when a story starts banging around in your head, you really don't have much choice.  I have no idea whether it is brilliant or crap, but I plan to actually finish this one.

8. I hate snow, but I love snowmen.  I have this huge snowman collection for Christmas.  It has gotten a little bit bigger every year.  It is now a fairly large display.  Aside from a nativity scene, I don't have any other Christmas decorations.  It's all snowmen at my house!

9. My favorite smell is puppy breath.  Ironically, dog breath can be pretty terrible.

10. I no longer drink alcohol at all.  Due to my migraines, it is one more thing in a fairly long list that I have given up in search of better health.

11. When I was living in New York City, I worked in the publicity department at St. Martin's Press for two years as an assistant.  This was my first job out of college.  Given that I was a lowly assistant my brushes with anyone "important" were rare and short-lived.  However, I did meet G. Gordon Liddy when he was in the office promoting his book.  Same goes for MacDonald Carey (he was on Days of Our Lives forever, for those of you not in the know).  I also met the infamous "Holly" from Lou Reed's song Take A Walk on the Wild Side.  Yep.  Holly is/was a real person.  And he/she wrote a book called A Low Life In High Heels.  SMP published it and we threw a big party at The Limelight.  I went to that, too.  It was one of the most interesting parties I have ever been to and way too much for this blog posting.  Let's just say I arrived in New York City a naive young girl and left... not.



Mary's 11 Questions for Me
1. What is the first thing you'll ask God when you get to Heaven? (We're all going to Heaven, we're just taking different scenic routes.)  Here is the thing I believe about God.  God is not big into answering questions.  Every now and then, God has given prophets more knowledge than others to try and answer the Big Questions so that people have some perspective on this Life Thing.  And then Jesus came and answered a lot of questions.  For me, the biggest one was that we all have a spark of the divine inside of us.  That says to me that when go to heaven, we won't need to ask God anything, we will literally be plugged into divinity.  We will simply know the things that we didn't know before.  How well we understand that information will have to do with our own spiritual growth.  However, our access will be unfettered.  And God still isn't in the business of answering questions.

2. What is your favorite "me time" indulgence?  This is a love it/hate it pastime, but I really cherish my writing time.  Of course, when the writing isn't going well, it doesn't feel so much like an indulgence.  It tends to feel more excruciating.  However, when it's all flowing, it's wonderful.

3. What is the word or phrase you overuse the most?  I have gone through these phases in the past, but I am not in one NOW.  Too funny.  So, I am taking a "pass" on this one. 

4. What is your favorite side dish at Thanksgiving?  This is hard.  I love Thanksgiving dinner.  The side I miss the most is mashed potatoes.  I became allergic to potatoes back in the early 90s.  I really feel the pain of that allergy on Thanksgiving.  However, I love green bean casserole and candied sweet potatoes.  However, I would give them all up for a plate of mashed potatoes and gravy.  ::sigh::

image found on Facebook

5. What is your most cringe-inducing, most appalling, most ridiculous dating story?  Seriously, Mary?  Do you want cringe-inducing, appalling, or ridiculous?  Cringe-inducing would be the long-term relationship after my ex who turned out to be a thief, liar, cheater, and actual criminal.  Appalling would be my ex-husband.  It started with dating so it counts.  It's appalling because it is where I lost all sense of myself and my boundaries.  He didn't respect them and pretty soon I had none.  That is what abuse looks like.  I would like to lay all of the blame on him, but I can't.  It's appalling.  And ridiculous would be the amount of time I dated a really nice guy for whom I had zero attraction and he broke up with me by asking for the return of his garage door opener.  The excuse: his mother's was broken and she needed it.  I gave it up easily.   After that, he never called me again.  It took me several days to understand that it was his way of breaking up.  What makes it ridiculous is that I was just dumped via Garage Door Opener and didn't even know it.

6. What has your greatest accomplishment been so far in 2013?  My first thought was getting off all pain medication for the first time in ten years.  And that is pretty darn big.  My second thought was recognizing the underlying pattern of why all my relationships for my entire life have been so horrible (boundary issues), and working on me so that it never happens again.  I am not sure which of those two is bigger.  They both go toward making me a healthier person in different ways.

7. What website do you check most often throughout the day?  It is a tight race between this one and Facebook.

8. It's Christmas in July; in your letter to Santa, what are you asking him to leave under the tree for you?  I could use an IPad.  Since they are so small, they are very mobile and it would make my life a lot easier when we travel.  I would still have to carry a keyboard to get any real writing done, but still a huge improvement over the laptop.  Plus, I could hole up in my room for quiet time to get some actual writing done without constant interruption, which would be LOVELY.  So, my answer is an IPad!!!!

9. Have you ever been to Michigan?  Yes. 

image found on www.photobucket.com

10. If so, when, where, why? If not, why not??? I went to college in Michigan, so I spent four years there.  I met a boy at said college who was from Michigan, so several years after graduating, I moved back to Michigan with him and lived there (again) for a couple of years before we called it quits. 

11. What is your favorite kind of pie?  Pecan pie.  Maybe that is actually my favorite side at Thanksgiving.  Hmmmm.


My 11 Questions
1. Who do you miss the most?

2. What is your favorite word, and why?

3. Where do you want to go that you have never been, and why?

4. Where do you want to you go that you have already been, and why?

5. If you could relive any experience in your life just for the pleasure of doing it one more time, what would you choose?

6. What is your favorite holiday?

7. Do you feel like you are doing what you are meant to be doing?  If so, what is that?  If not, what is holding you back?

8. Do you remember your dreams?  Have any of them ever been significant in your life?

9. Tell me about the first time you learned the lesson that life simply was not fair.  (It's not a question because I know it has happened to you.)

10.  Who, or what, did you want to be when you grew up (earliest memory)?   (For example, I wanted to be Cher when I grew up when I was about five or six.  That is my earliest desire that I can recall.)

11. Why do you blog?


Choosing 11 of you to pass this on to is the hardest part.  I know that some of you don't accept awards.  I don't always recall who does and who doesn't.  So, I am going to pass this on to 11 people that I don't think have received the award and who I would like to answer MY questions.  Plus, I am interested in knowing 11 random things about them.  So there.  That is my method.  I hope that you will participate even if you don't normally "do" awards.  Here goes...

Jasmine at A Yellow Rose of Texas

Linda Pressman at BarMitzvahzilla

Susan at I Think; Therefore, I Yam

Rawkynrobyn at Life by Chocolate: Robyn Alana Engel's Blog

Red Shoes at Red Shoe's Chronicles

Memphis Steve at Steve's Nude Memphis Blog

Liza at Middle Passages

JJ The Disconnected Writer

Dana Martin at Waiter, drink please!

Manzanita at Wanna Buy A Duck

Yvonne at Writing my life away!

For Those Who Have Heart.

First of all, I hope that no one passes out. Two blogs posts in two days. I know it is scary. Today started off rocky, but it got a bit better. I still am hovering on the line. In migraine terms, it means I feel very nauseated and things could jettison from okay to terrible at any time. Yeah, this isn't thrilling me. So, I am choosing to be okay. In that endeavor, I am embarking on a blog post. That is after having read several of YOUR blog posts. I am determined to not let this migraine take over my life again. Why? Because it is a biotch and once it gets in your head it just doesn't want to leave. Well, that would indicate that it isn't already there. I am determined to not let her crank up the volume any louder. Enough is enough. I think Barbra Streisand and Donna Summer did a song with that theme. In the 80s. Hmmmm. I might have to do some enterprising research on youtube and crank it out for Inspirational music day. There... a positive goal. And a good reason to troll youtube. Fantasmic. And we are off to the races.

I decided that it was way past time to deal with some awards. I have some others that have been on the shelf so long that I have forgotten the nitty gritty on them. Yikes. That is a good reason to handle these asap. This first one has been making the rounds. I have seen it on many of your blogs. It is the Life Is Good award. Yvonne at Writing My Life Away! honored me with it a while ago and I have been remiss in accepting it, answering the questions, and passing it along. I am going with the usual excuse: it was the migraine people. If ever there is a problem on this blog, blame the migraine.



Part one is to thank the person who gave you the award. Thank you, Yvonne. If you haven't yet checked out her blog, I encourage you to take a moment to do so. She runs the gamut from the serious to the comical. Her subject matter is pretty much her life (shocking, eh?) and covers work, dating, friends, and all the other craziness that life hands out. That is where the comical sometimes comes in. Also the sad. As I said, it is a little bit of everything, but it is always honest. And usually short. Totally unlike this long-winded blog. So, it will be a refreshing change for you! Thanks again, Yvonne, for the award! This one came with 10 questions that I have to answer. Let's get started. I will do my best to keep it short (not my long suit...).

1. If you blog anonymously, are you happy doing this? If you aren't anonymous, do you wish you started out anonymously, so that you could be anonymous now?

I am pseudo-anonymous. I know that doesn't really make sense, but some people that I actually know are aware of this blog and might or might not read it. I have purposely kept many people that I know unaware of this blog so that it could be a place where I could write freely.

2. Describe an incident that shows your inner stubborn side

When I was six or so, I strongly resisted making the bed by myself. I already knew on some level that mastery of that event would lead to a lifetime of making my own bed. I don't know how long I got away with "I can't do it" before my mother wised up and called me out. After that, the game was over. She was totally on to me. That tactic never worked again. Very smart woman, my mom.

3. What do you see when you really look at yourself in the mirror?

Dark circles under my eyes. I know that it is from the chronic pain, but that is the one thing that I really hate. Everything else I can live with well enough.

4. What is your favorite summer cold drink?

I pretty much drink water or G2 all of the time now. Every now and then I will drink a Coke. Mostly when we eat out because the water is terrible.

5. When you take time for yourself, what do you do?

Blog, read, watch TV. I keep telling myself that I am going to start yoga again. However, my willpower isn't very strong right now and my fibro pain is. Aaaccchhh.

6. Is there something that you still want to accomplish in your life?

Unless you are new to this blog, you have heard oodles about My Big Idea. It isn't going lots of places of right now, but that doesn't mean I am not thinking about it. I am always refining it in my head. I still need email addresses of everyone who reads this blog. You can give me yours by emailing me. That way I can email you my Big Idea letter the next time I send it out. I am keeping a list of email addys. I have a website to build, houses to build, lives to change. Did I mention that I am on a mission to save the world? Yep. Big Idea. And I could use your help. Email me. Seriously.

7. When you attended school, were you the class clown, the class overachiever, the shy person, or always ditching?

I was a fairly good student until the 9th grade. Then I became an excellent student. My Bs mingled with a few As became straight As. My mother was shocked at the first report card. I straightened her out. "Mom, from hereon out it goes on my permanent record." The way she tells it, she says I spoke to her in a voice like everyone should know this important information. I think I must have thought a lot of myself. LOL. From the 10th grade on, I didn't even take lunch. Yeah, I had to get a note from the parents each year to opt out, but I had too many other things going on. No time for lunch. I graduated with a 4.0 GPA from high school. And I had lots of extra curriculars. I think we can all say that I was an over achiever. Did anyone ditch in high school? Seriously???? Dang. There was too much going on! Stuff to learn to get into college. No time for ditching.


8. If you close your eyes and want to visualize a very poignant moment in your life, what would you see?

When I was little one of my favorite places to be was in my dad's lap with my icy cold feet under his legs. He never complained.

The vacations I took with my best friend Jennifer, and her family, to Kiawah Island in high school. The car ride alone was hilarious and, to this day, we crack up just talking about it. The car ride, that is.

When my first boyfriend told me he loved me. It was at night on the beach. It felt like something out of a movie. It really couldn't have been more perfect. First love is magic.

I could go on and on. Memories are cherished things.

9. Is it easy for you to share your true self in your blog, or are you more comfortable writing posts about other people and events?

I think that I tend to blather on and on about me. You guys probably know way more than you want to about the World of Robin. I pretty much don't hold anything back. Excruciatingly honest. I am not sure that everyone is comfortable with that. My followers keeps going up and down. I don't worry about it. That much honesty just isn't for everyone!

10. If you had the choice to sit down and read a book or talk on the phone, which would you do and why?

It all depends on the day. Seriously. Some days I don't feel up to either task. I don't really want to talk to people because I don't feel well. And it hurts my head to read. Other times I think that reading is important to pull me out of something if I can read. It is an excellent distraction. And any distraction is a good one. As for the phone thing, it can be wonderful. I love to laugh and whatnot. So, those phone calls are always good. That laughter is the best medicine.... I think that there is something to that. I know that I really didn't answer the question, but really how do you choose? I love both!



That was seriously very tiring. I wrote way too much. So, I am going to save the other award for tomorrow. Or the next time I blog. Now I am going to pass this one on to others deserving of the honor. Who am I kidding? If I follow your blog, you are deserving of the honor. I am going to try and remember if you have received it or not and do my best not to regift it to anyone who has already been there, done that.



JJ The Disconnected Writer


Liza at Middle Passages


Sharon at Musings of a Mercurial Woman


Kim at Saving My Life

Manzanita at Wanna Buy a Duck

Now, I can't think of a time that I haven't honored Purple Cow when I get honored. However, she retired her Australian in Athens blog and started a new one called Letters to Imaginary Friends. Well, as you can imagine it is just what it implies: letters. I gave her an award the last time I received one, and she appreciated it, but couldn't quite figure out how to work it into a letter. It was quite the dilemma. So, Purple Cow, if you can figure out how to manipulate this award into a letter, it is yours. I challenge you to do it. There. This is me throwing down the gauntlet. Let's see just how good you are... I am waiting to be impressed. And I'm not worried.

Well, that is all I have for today. Keep writing peeps so that I can come up with a decent Thursday. We can't have a sucky Thursday after a No Thursday. That would be dreadful. So write, write, write, and write some more. Now I am done.

image found at www.weheartit.com

TEN BIG ONES

Love. It's an awfully big word. It's always seemed to me like it should have more letters. I started keeping a book of my favorite quotes in high school. It was a fabulous idea, except that now when I think of one I can't find it. My quote book has expanded into two notebooks. I can flip for a long time and still not find the quote I am trying to track down. Thank goodness for the internet. Now if I can remember significant portions of the quote, I can probably google it.

"The Eskimo has fifty-names for snow because it is important to them; there ought to be as many for love."
— Margaret Atwood

See how fast that was? No, you can't see how fast it was because you aren't here. You have to trust me. It was fast. I popped it into google and it spat it right out. It's in my quote book because when I read that quote eons of years ago, I loved it. I loved it so much that I typed it up and added it to my quote book. Now, I can't find it in my quote book. Yikes.


Why are we talking about love today? Because I got this I Love Your Blog Award from Java at Never Growing Old and Purple Cow at Australian in Athens. The first rule of this award is to thank the person or people who gave it to you. I could just say thanks and leave it there. That isn't my way. Let's start with Java. What first attracted me to her blog was simply how she identified the people in her family, who are also the fodder for most of her material. Everyone is coffee related. Java, Joe, Venti, Grande, Tall, Short, Mocha... you get the idea. It's about family, work, and just being your best you. I can get down with that. Purple Cow is a philosopher at heart. She is also political. She is also a mother, daughter, wife, and a woman in the workplace. She asks a lot of really tough questions. Two very different blogs and both are well worth reading, so I hope you check them out!

The second part of this award is to write ten things that you love. Now, that sounds easy, but really not so much. It didn't say like. Love. Oh boy.

1. My family. I have learned to appreciate family more as my friends have disappointed me in my adult years. When I was a younger person, I thought that I had some friends who would never bail no matter what. The truth is that when it comes down to a friend or their family, your friend will choose family. Every time. I wish I had appreciated my family sooner. It's like that Alabama song says, "When you fall on hard times you can fall back home." When you fall on hard times with your friends, most of them cut and run. Sad to say it, but it's true.

2. My pets. Every one I've ever had. The ones I have now and the ones who have passed. They are like family. Very loyal.

3. Any story that touches me enough to make me cry. It can be a book, movie, TV show, or just two people talking telling a real-life experience. It doesn't have to be "real" to hit me in the heart. It just has to be good.

4. Doing live theatre. I had forgotten how much I loved it until I did a show a few years ago. Make that several shows. Right now, I am not healthy enough, but one day I will be again. When that day comes... well, I will post pictures.

5. I would say writing. But it's like someone else said before me and I can't remember who... it's having written. I hate writing. I love having written. And not just writing, but writing something and feeling like it was actually good. Maybe it was the story or the way the words fit together.

6. Music. Once upon a time I had aspirations of being a famous singer. I laugh at that now. Famous singer indeed. However, I love to sing karaoke. I haven't done that in forever. And I would be okay with never doing it again. But to never hear music again would be crushing. There is a lyric from an old Alison Krauss song called I DON'T KNOW WHY that says "if there were no music I could not get through, I don't know why I know this I just do."

7. Water. I know that I don't drink enough, but there is nothing better when you are so thirsty that you can't stand yourself. Have you ever been so thirsty that you felt like you were chewing cotton? I particularly love spring water. Cold water. I am big on ice. The hardest thing about my European vacation was the lack of ice. Bring on the ice.

8. I would say sleeping, but since I am asleep it is actually hard to appreciate that. What I really love is that feeling right before you fall asleep. It lasts only a second. It almost feels like falling. Love that. I guess since I am an insomniac it makes sense that makes my list.

9. Meeting someone you feel like you have known forever. This happens rarely. It has happened to me only a handful of times. Not all of these relationships have ended well I am sad to say. But they were still wonderful and I cherish the time that these people were in my life. On the brighter side, some still are.

10. De Ja Vu. Again, these moments don't happen very frequently for me. They used to happen more often when I was younger. They occur more rarely as I have gotten older. I know that they freak some people out. I see them as signs as being on the right path. Or, to put it another way, I am in the right place at the right time.


If you are wondering why C-Man and H-Girl aren't on this list, it's because I consider them family. Technically, we aren't biologically related, but we are still family. They are as close to kids as I will ever have. So, I didn't leave them out. I am sure that I could have thought of many other things if I put my mind to it. But who has all day to read my blog????

Now, the third part of this is to pass this award on to 10 other bloggers:

Kristin at Bringing at Pretty Back

Carol at Carol's Prints

Kimber at Convergence

Misery from Leftovers from Illumination

Debra at Write on Target

Mitzi at Southern Style

Autumn in Jeans at Living Out Loud

Kim at Saving My Life a Weightloss/PCOS Blog

Linda at BarMitzvahzilla

Kimberly at Confessions: The Secret Life of A Writer


The fourth, and final, part of this award is to let the victims honorees know that they have been gifted with the I Love Your Blog Award so that they can share ten things and pass it on.

Whew.

Have a lovely day. And I say that with all of the connotations of the word intact.

OH MY BLOG AWARD

1. Get really excited that you got the coolest award EVER!
2. Choose ONE of the following options of accepting the OMB award:
(a) Get really drunk and blog for 15 minutes straight, or for as long as you can focus.
(b) Write about your most embarrassing moment.
(c) Write a “Soundtrack of your childhood” post.
(d) Make your next blog a ‘vlog’/video blog.
Basically, you’re talking to the camera about whatever.
(e) Take a picture of yourself first thing in the morning,
before you do anything else (hair, make up, etc) and post it.
3. Pass the award on to at least three, but preferably more, awesome bloggers as yourself.
Don’t forget to tell them.

Well, this is the award that I waxed poetic about in my last posting. I would consider option (c) if I understood what it meant. Unfortunately, I don't really get it. Do they want a list of songs on a soundtrack that I think sums up my childhood? Well, that would be fun. It would be another one of those posts where no one would "get it" because they would look at the song and say "What song is that? Who sings that? Or who is that singer? I've never even heard that. I have no idea what that even means. Oh great, she's posted more youtube footage so that I can hear the song. Oh fantastic. There are ten links here to all ten songs. Who has time for this? Okay, now I've listened to the song, but I still don't get it. What is her point? This has to be the stupidest post ever." Ixnay on the soundtrack idea.

I don't drink (anymore), I don't do video, and don't even think about taking a morning picture. All that leaves is the embarrassing moment story. If you want my
most embarrassing moment you can read this blog. I wrote it before I knew I was going to get honored with this award. Now, you have to settle for this story. In all honesty, I am not convinced it is the second runner up. I just have so many stories that it is difficult to decide.

The reason I chose this story is because I actually have blocked out a lot of the details of this event because it was traumatic for me. That reads embarrassing, right? I have spent two days trying to recall as much as I can for this blog, and it is still sketchy, at best. I have nailed down that it was my senior year of high school. I was very involved in music and theatre in school, and had already decided that I wanted to major in music in college. I had taken piano lessons in junior high school, but quit, because I really didn't have a love of the piano. This should have told me something. It didn't.

Anyway, knowing that I wanted to major in music, my mother found me another piano teacher for lessons, and I began again my senior year. This was a busy year. I had a lot going on all the way around. I am fairly certain that it was in the Spring that my piano teacher had a recital for all of her students at her church. In addition to that recital, I was in the spring play at school, ARSENIC AND OLD LACE, contest (for choir, swing choir, and as a soloist), THE SPRING CONCERT(which was a huge show for concert choir, swing choir, and multiple musical acts), Acting Ensemble had our spring play, and REE Camp Counseling Week. Oh, and I had my actual classwork.

Anyway, back to this piano recital. I think it is safe to say that the biggest problem with my piano skills was my lack of practicing. Yep. I didn't spend enough time at the piano as I needed to in order for my piano playing to really be considered good. However, this recital snuck up on me. Like I said, I have really tried to block as much as possible about this event from my mind as possible, right down to what song I was playing. I am pretty sure it was "Chariots of Fire." Somehow, that seems appropriate now. The thing is if she would have let us play it with the music, it wouldn't have been a disaster. However, it had to be memorized.

What do I remember? Sitting in the church pew dreading my turn. Seeing my enriched trigonometry teacher in the audience. Seeing one of my mom's old quartet buddies from Sweet Adelines in the audience. I remember making it through the introduction, and then somewhere on what would have been the second page my memory just deserting me. Like that. It was gone. I couldn't improvise. I just stopped playing. I didn't even play well enough to make up an ending. Besides, I'd only been playing for less than a minute. "Chariots of Fire" is a fairly long song. I sat there and thought about starting it again from the top but I knew I wouldn't get any further along. So, I just stood up and walked off the "stage." People didn't know whether to clap or not. I don't know if anyone ever did clap. There was buzzing in my head, so if they did, I didn't hear it.

I had a lot of people come up to me after and tell me not to feel bad (yeah right) and it wasn't that bad (of course not) and so on and so forth. Each person only reinforced how truly terrible it was. Hence the blocked memory. Now, I wonder about things like Alzheimer's, since it runs in our family. Just imagine ~ someday when I can't remember my family and friends, or what I had for breakfast, I am going to have total recall of this horrible day that I crashed and burned at a piano recital on a song called "Chariots of Fire." The nurses will be apoplectic with laughter.

Here is the fun part... I get to tag at least three people to pick up this award and run with it.

1) Purple Cow at Australian in Athens
2) Liza at Middle Passages
3) Miss Angie at My So-Called Chaos
4) Truthful Mommy at The Truth About Motherhood
5) Linda at Bar Mitzvahzilla

WHAT DEFINES US

Chris has "honored" me with an award. This is not me fulfilling it. This is me agonizing over it. You can meet the requirements of the award in numerous ways, but the one I am most likely to go with is *Write about your most embarrassing moment.* Now, my dilemma obviously isn't that I have a problem in sharing my humiliating moments, since I have already dished up several for your reading pleasure scrutiny. I am actually having trouble with the word most.

What quantifies something as most in this sort of thing? Is it the number of people who observe the embarrassing moment, a particular person who observes it, or does anyone have to observe it at all? Is it enough for you to know that you did something so stupid, or worse yet, that you compromised yourself in some way that you cannot take back? In some ways, that extends beyond the bounds of embarrassing and into the territory of shameful. Of course, if other people knew, then it would be embarrassing.

So, what defines us? The secrets that we keep or the ones that we tell? If we let them go, do they cease to have power over us, or by letting them out do they have more weight? I suppose if I were someone famous, it would become the thing that defined me instead of the thing that set me free. Since I'm not, I don't know. I like to think that people are generous and forgiving. I'm not so sure. Right now there is this line from an Indigo Girls song running through my head. I can't even think of the name of the song. But the line is "The things I hate in you are the things I hate in me."