Friday, August 27, 2010


This is a two-for-one post. I had a revelation before falling asleep last night. One of those lightbulb moments. I had to share it before I forgot it. Do you remember the blog where I told you how I couldn't wrap my head around my dad disowning his sister and vice versa? You don't? Well you can read that here to catch up.

So, this whole bankruptcy stuff is getting to me. I have some ideas about bringing paperwork to the hearing to show that my uncle was the lien holder on the van, etc. However, in the event that doesn't work, and they decide to take the van from him, I already know that my mom is going to pay the remaining $5000 to him. Well, that is what tears me up. It isn't like my uncle gave me an interest-free loan here. So, while I haven't said it to her, I have been thinking to myself that I sure hope that he goes back over his records, shaves off the interest, and only asks for the principal, or says "forget about it" to my mom. This is family. This isn't a mortgage company. He knows that my mother, his sister, is in financial trouble. To make her pay the $5000 so that he makes a profit on his investment bites my ass. Now, if it wasn't family, that would be different.

The thing is that my mother would pay the $5000 and not even be mad that she was paying the principal plus the interest. She wouldn't be mad that he was making a profit on her pain. But I will be mad as hell. 1) Because she is covering my loan 2) Family just doesn't do that to family when the chips are down.

So, then I altered this scenario in my head a little bit and imagined me being my mother, with my opinions being what they are, and my uncle being my brother. Since the only kids that I have are H-Girl and C-Man they are stepping in as me. Let's say one of them got sick. Since C-Man is actually the most likely to succeed in this scenario, let's say it is him. He had a very successful life and then he got sick, and it all went to hell in a hand basket. He held on as well as could, started selling things, eventually moved in with me, but got screwed in his divorce. I was a lot better, but not nearly as financially fluid as my brother. We both got money from my dad when he passed, but my health remained problematic. So, my brother paid for C-Man's car and C-Man was making the car payments. It was no problem until his life went to crap. He got sick, was unable to work (his situation looked a lot like mine), and here we are. His wife was a lot like The Operator. He had done so much for her, including the car, and now he was stuck with an upside down vehicle, and she was riding around without a car payment. He was facing bankruptcy, filing for SSD, I used part of my inheritance money, which had been tied up in an IRA, to pay my brother $10,000 on the car. There was still a balance of $5000 (same situation folks). And then the bankruptcy attorney says that the car might be taken to pay off the other creditors even though its total value is $5000. C-Man is sick. I am sick. The only difference is that I go to my brother with this news and he expects me to pay him $5000 if they take the car. I ask him to figure out how much was interest, and I will pay the principal. I explain that you shouldn't make a profit on family. He says a loan is a loan. And then I tell him that I am disowning his ass. He is no longer my brother. And he can forget about me giving him squat.

It isn't about the $5000. It is the principal of the thing. You shouldn't profit off your family when they are in pain and barely surviving. I couldn't understand how my father could do such a thing under any circumstances. Money? You disowned your sister over money? I didn't get it. And he couldn't explain it in such a way that I could get it. Last night lying in bed, I got it. It wasn't money. I don't know what it was. It sounded and looked like money, but it wasn't money. In their case, it was a whole lot of hurt that ran really deep for a long time. In the above scenario, it would be someone who was aware that I had been hurting and struggling for a long time. Instead of helping and making that easier, as my one and only sibling, by holding out a helping hand, it would be like getting a kick in the face with a boot. Now, do I think my brother would do that to me? No. I don't. Do I think my uncle would do that to my mother? Yes, I think he just might. However, she isn't helping the situation. She's already told him she'd pay it. It makes me sick to my stomach. My migraines are worse. And my general feeling of being responsible for everything shitty in everyone's lives are stronger.

Okay, now let's clear the mind of all this crap because I have seven questions to answer. I have been tagged a couple of times. So, this is just round one. Today's questions are coming from Yenta Mary the Food Floozie. If you are someone who likes to cook, enjoys looking at sumptuous dishes, reading recipes, and imagining what they taste like, or getting advice about where to eat out, those are all good reasons to check out this blog. However, the posts I enjoy most are when Mary is less food and more Mary. Don't get me wrong, she always manages to tell you something about herself in each post. You know why? She is one interesting lady. Maybe we can talk her into starting a non-food blog. Who knows? Let's see what eight questions she cooked up for me... (yeah, that pun was totally intended)...

1. What item of yours has the most sentimental value, and why?

I have a silver ring that is a little bit too big for my fingers from my nanny. She collected horse figurines that stand about six inches tall and I have some of those. I also have some red glass that belonged to my grandma, because she collected it, and a cup and saucer. She also painted me this picture of a robin and it's nest. She promised me this picture of herself as a child, which she later gave to my aunt. However, she made me a really nice copy. I hate that copy. And I clearly still have issues about it. This is the aunt that is married to my uncle who bought my van. I have my Grandma Laura's entire plate collection. It is really beautiful. It has been in boxes since I moved out of my house in 2006. So, I am going to go with my green backpack. When I went to college, one of the first things I found out was that it was totally uncool to carry a purse. Uncool and not at all handy. So, I went to the college bookstore and picked out my backpack. It went with me everywhere (pretty much) for those four years. I carried it the two years I lived in NY every day to work. When I went on my Europe trip, it went with me. When I went to FL, it was the carry-all when I went to the beach. That backpack has been more reliable than all of my friends. Because of the straps, even when it is full the weight distribution isn't too painful to carry. That has been a kindness. Sometimes I have taken it out in lousy weather, and still it stands at the ready.

2. What is the best compliment you've ever received?

Wow. I could be stuck on this question forever. Everything I think of gets thrown out because the person no longer is speaking to me, the person is my relative, and, therefore, biased, or I haven't seen said person in such a long time that it really is no longer relevant. Then I think of some of the nice things that you people have said, but I don't feel that those count, even though some of you know me in ways that people in real life never will. And yet... that seems really lame.

The only thing I can think of, and it is really sad if it is the "best," is something that a friend of mine here said and will still say if prompted. "When I met Robin, I hated her. I mean I couldn't stand her. She said something at the karaoke bar (I was drunk and taking all of my medications and out of my freaking mind, but this person didn't know that) and I got offended. It wasn't until much later when we talked (when I wasn't drunk and off my rocker) that I realized she was actually nice. We became friends and have become really good friends. It just goes to show that first impressions aren't always right." Well, this friend and I have seen each other a total of two times since I have been back. Once by deliberation and once by accident. I have now been here for over a year. We talk on the phone sometimes. I comment on her FB status and we send email. I saw her more when I lived in FL and came up to stay with her when I saw my dr and stayed at her house.

3. What did you want to be when you grew up?

I wrote a blog about this. It was always changing when I was a kid. Every time I saw a new movie, that was what I wanted to be. Finally, I realized I wanted to be an actress, because I didn't really want to BE any of those things. Or a ROCKSTAR. I majored in music. That meant I went with rockstar. I should have majored in theatre. As it turned out, I was a commission sales person for the better part of my working life. That is a lot like theatre. At least in some ways.

What I really wanted to be was happy. Too bad that they didn't have courses on that in school.

4. Do you love or loathe family get-togethers?

The only family that lives close are my mom's sister and her husband. My cousin lives close, too, but he isn't around a lot. I guess I like them because they don't happen real often and don't last too long. They usually involve food and then we play a game. If they are still hanging around after that, and it's at our house, I will excuse myself and go to my room. About four hours is my tolerance point. When we are on vacation, go out of state, and are visiting all of the relatives it is different. These are people that we haven't seen in FOREVER and it takes a long time to catch up. So, it is a different story. I like them. However, it's always nice to get home. I imagine they say the same. It's nice when they come, but it's nice when they leave. And there you have that.

5. What is your favorite breakfast?

It has been so long since I have had breakfast food at breakfast time.... That is crazy. The thing about breakfast is that I love breakfast food. I love restaurants that serve breakfast all day. I suppose my favorite is boring. Eggs over easy with toast. Grits with cheese in them (I am living in the south people). Or no cheese in the grits, but turkey sausage and white gravy. Then I put the white gravy in the grits and on the sausage. But not the grits on the sausage because that would be gross.

6. Where were you born?

Canton, Ohio

7. What is your favorite holiday?


8. What are you going to do for yourself today to make yourself happy?

Mary, I feel like slapping you through the computer.

I suppose that taking my regularly scheduled pain medication doesn't count, even though it makes me very happy. Well, not very happy. Less freaking miserable.

I am going to continue reading the 4th novel in the Sookie Stackhouse series. They make me laugh.

Now I have to think of eight questions and eight people to answer them.

1. We all dance with the seven sins from time to time. Which of the seven sins do you dance with most frequently, and why? They are wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony.

2. If you could live for a week in the body of someone famous, who would it be? You would still be you, but you could access their need to know info as you needed to know it. Of course, the kicker is that they would live in your body and have the same privileges.

3. Do you believe that angels walk among us? That there are true psychics, mediums, or anyone who is more connected to God than the average person?

4) Have you ever dreamt about a future event that happened, a past event that happened when you were but a very young child, or anything that was just so real, but otherworldly, that you felt its truth in your soul? If so, I'm listening.

5) Do you feel like you have a gift that you aren't using? It could be for anything. Design, writing, art, photography, decoration. The list is endless.

6) Is there someone that you are unwilling to forgive? Is it weighing on your heart? Eating you up on the inside? This is a yes or no. If it is yes, I hope you make the choice today to want to forgive and then let it go. Throw out your desire into the universe.

7) If we were able to take away or add one element into the heart of each and every man, which one would be the one that would make the most difference in making this world a better place to live?

8) What is the last movie you saw at the movie theatre? Using the five star system, how would you rate it?

Chris at A Deliberate Life

Purple Cow at Australian in Athens

Red Shoe's Chronicles

Phoenix at Res Ipsa Loquitur

Ro Magnolia at Soft Winds and Roses

Mitzi at Southern Style

That one girl at What Was I Saying Again?

Carol at the Gardener


  1. The Celtic knot tattooed into my skin is the most sentimental thing I own.

  2. Now, now -- you HAVE to do something to make yourself happy. A cup of tea after dinner ... a cookie ... watching your favorite movie for the 835th time ... SOMEthing. No one else can be counted on to do it, and we all deserve it. One thing, just one thing each day. It may be the only moment in a sea of chaos and stress that will shine. But we all need it, and we all must find a way to get it ....

  3. and I didn't comment. Thought I did.
    yeah, I can see how it can happen. But don't let it.
    It would be better to view it as strictly a loan.
    That way you don't get upset. If it weren't your uncle you would expect to pay the loan back with interest. Maybe we could view it as treating our family better than we would treat a stranger. That being said, you would hope he would do the same.
    I can't wait to answer these questions.

  4. I suppose I will go ahead and play yet another round of

  5. Hahaha that's five questions in every one of yours... Maybe I should answer them post by post and not question by question. Can I do the ones you did? Much easier.

    Thanks for thinking from me. I'll do them when I get back. I'm off to Istanbul on Sept 1. Which, by the way, is where I was born!

  6. Yikes! These are hard questions!!! I shall have to give them some serious thought before answering.

    And Purple Cow was born in Istanbul??? Oh Purple Cow, if you happen to read this, I've concluded you are quite the mystery woman! Australia, Greece, Istanbul .... definitely cosmopolitan!

  7. You pick some good questions! Wow. I will for sure do these this week. I'm sooo behind on tagging posts because my two year old doesn't give me even a free second these days. You want him? ;)

  8. I answered them, Ms Robin...

    Thank you for including me...


  9. Money is always a metaphor for something else - whether people think it means safety, happiness, freedom... but money is never just about money.

    I think the best compliment I ever got was when a guy I was dating told me that I'm the kind of woman that men go to war for. I think I physically melted through the floor like Amelie does in the movie...

    Thanks for the tag, girl! I still have to do your crushes one but it's taking me for-freakin'-ever to think of so I might just bust this one out really quickly today or tomorrow.

    You're awesome and you're worth it for your mom to make a sacrifice. Never doubt your worth, k? ::Hugs::


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