Thursday, September 30, 2010


It is that day again. What day is that you ask? How can you have forgotten? Drum roll please. It is HERE'S TO YOU THURSDAY, of course! The very best day of the blogging week. It is the precursor to the best day of the work week.

I notice that I actually have some newbies for this event. How exciting! Well, here is what is going down. This is a weekly event. The best (or worst) part is that I am not going to explain why I chose "whatever" footage for each of you. If, you watch your footage and are scratching your head at the end, well that means I didn't do a very good job. However, all is not lost. You can email me at and ask me what I was thinking when I chose that particular piece of footage off of youtube and connected it to you. And then I will tell you. Then I will start sending up prayers that I haven't offended the crap out of whoever is on the receiving end of that Because, honestly, I will tell you right now... I admire all of you enormously so I really hope that doesn't happen.

Also, this is not an exclusive venture by any means. I hope that you will take the time to watch ALL of the footage because I don't pick bad footage:-) I also hope that you might check out the blog of the person I dedicated the footage to because they are pretty darn awesome. If you haven't figured this out yet... I pick the footage based on something that you've written or something that I've gleaned from your personality. Think on that for a while... If you are having trouble watching the entire video (meaning it is being cut off on one side), click on it a couple of times and it will take you straight over to youtube. If you click on the four squares at the bottom corner of the video, it will enlarge it to fill your screen. The escape key will bring it back to normal size. The back arrow will bring you back to my page. Of course, you will have to deal with this all over again: Lastly, don't forget to turn off my music player at the bottom of the page. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Now, let's get this PARTY STARTED!!!!

This one is for everyone:

This one is for That One Girl at What Was I Saying Again?:

This one is for Jeff at Life Can Be Funny (Sometimes):

This one is for Chris at A Deliberate Life:

This one is for Candance at Crazy Texas Mommy (Part 1):

This one is for Candance at Crazy Texas Mommy (Part 2):

This one is for Leiah at A Southern Belle Trying Not To Rust:

This is for Gabriela at enjoy the silence:

This one is for Truthful Mommy at The TRUTH About Motherhood:

Wednesday, September 29, 2010


Dear H-Girl,

I think back to when you first came to live with me and it was so hard. You missed your biological mother, despite all of the abuse and dysfunction, that living with her brought. You also rebelled against the boundaries that I set up, not knowing that you craved them, and they brought relief. Finally, someone was running things. For the first few years of your life, you and C-Man were in charge of the household. How scary was that? You don't want to turn over those reins of responsibility to just anyone. You have to trust the person to navigate the waters safely for you. I know that when your dad and I divorced, that threw you back into unsafe territory.

You have been trying to be captain of the ship ever since. It hasn't worked out well for you at all. Your grades are abysmal. Your disposition has gone from a sweet, loving person to a shut down, closed off person. People keep telling me it is the tween thing. I know that it is a contributing factor, but I think that it is more than that. I am not saying that you don't joke around and laugh. You just don't really let anyone into your heart anymore.

I tried to get your dad to let you move to Florida and live with me, even though I was still sick, and he wouldn't have it. I could tell from the time I spent with you in Augusta, and the visits you made to Florida, that you were floundering. You needed stability and more help in school than he was able to give. However, I have no legal rights to you and his "no" on that was final. I am now back in Georgia, and sicker than I was before. You are beyond my emotional reach now. I was still able to get to you when we were discussing you living with me in Florida. You wanted to live with me. Now... I am not even sure you would choose it. I don't feel capable of doing the job even if you did.

That doesn't mean I don't miss you. I miss that little girl who was so in tune to other people. You were always the one who was most aware of when I felt really terrible. So many times when I felt lousy, you would come into my room, lie in bed with me, and just hold my hand. You were always the child you wanted to spend time with me, was free with hugs and kisses, made pictures and jewelry, chose to be helpful, was an easy conversationalist, and was always eager to spend time with me.

I told you when you spent the night last time that you could tell me anything and I would keep your confidences. I can't parent you because I just am not there enough to do so. I can be that special adult in your life who just loves you, listens, and offers up advice when asked.

Sweet girl, I miss you so much,

image robbed from Miss Angie at My So-Called Chaos

Tuesday, September 28, 2010


Dear Norm,

I didn't even realize how much I have missed our talks until I started this letter writing challenge. Today's letter is to someone I've drifted away from, and that would definitely be you. I miss our monthly lunches that we had back when I was living, and working in Augusta, and South Carolina. Of course, things were changing even before I moved to Florida. I was working a lot less because the migraines had gotten a lot worse. The company that you worked for was going out of business and you had no idea where your job was going to take you. We actually drifted apart even before I left the state. I have no idea where you are living now.

I just want to take a moment to let you know how much I appreciated our friendship. I am going to make an effort to try and catch up with you. Into each life come a few really good people, and I was lucky that you were one of the really good people that came into mine. You were always willing to listen to my "crazy" ideas. You have a kind heart, a gift for telling stories, a great laugh, and are just a good friend. A person can't have too many good friends. I am really sorry for letting our friendship slide this long. I am going to pull the sick card... just sayin'... but we can still email, and maybe have lunch sometime. Unless you moved out of state or something. Then we can just email and have a nice phone chat every now and then. And I will give you my blog address, of course. That way you can keep up with what I am thinking at all times. I mean, doesn't everyone want to know that? Most importantly, I will do my best to carry my weight in this friendship deal. I've missed you, friend. I hope you answer, because I am going to be ringing your phone soon. Or sending you an email. If that doesn't work, I am not sure what I will do. Carrier pigeon?

Miss you,

image borrowed from Miss Angie at My So-Called Chaos

Monday, September 27, 2010

I need HELP with a decision!!!

This is not a reason to skip over my post from earlier today, by the way.... just sayin'. However, I am at a loss. I have decided to purchase the Domain Name for My Idea. This all starts with a website. I thought that I had this figured out. Well, I did until I saw the price tag on the name I wanted. Gulp. That was not happening. is 1288.00/yr. That is just slightly out of my price range. However, I can get for 29.99/yr. It isn't a .net, a .org, or a .com. I am not sure that a .co sounds very professional.

Back in 2008, I had tinkered with the name, but I thought that it sounded like a florist. Of course, my theory is taking a person from the bottom, in terms of their health, and helping them blossom into a healthy human being capable of stepping back into the world. I knew all along that the website was only the start. I just hadn't figured out the part about the houses yet. Or Phase 3, which I haven't even shared with you yet. Yeah, I have lots of plans. So, the deal is that is available for 14.99/yr.

What do you think sounds more like a website that is going to start out with listings for doctors that listen, etc. Then we are going to build houses for sick people. And I am really hoping that before we really get going that we are non-profit organization. Given all of that information, which domain name should I buy? This is the time to share your opinion.

We interrupt this blog

because today's letter would be redundant. Day 13 is who do you want to forgive you. I have put a great deal of thought into this one. There are a few people out there harboring grudges, but most of those people, in my opinion, don't have anything to be angry about. Or they may already be over it and just don't want to be friends. If that is the case, I share the sentiment. They were not good to me and I don't need them in my life. I don't wish them ill; mostly I don't think about them at all. In fact, pretty much not at all until I was looking into every corner of my brain to find someone for this letter.

The only person that I really feel like this could possibly apply to is my friend Jennifer from college. In fact, I wrote her a fairly lengthy letter last fall (4 pages) and made her a mix CD. The letter still sits on my bureau and the mix CD is in my travel bag. I love it. I know that there is something wrong with that picture. I have mentally skated around this one for about a year now, and I have come to understand that this is where this relationship was going to end no matter what. I feel really badly about bailing on her when I did, but I realize that I was going to bail. I have called and left messages on her phone four or five times, and she's not returning my calls, so.... I would venture to say that she is done. And she is still involved with the abusive boyfriend. That would mean that since 1993 she has chained herself to abusive men. How long can a person watch that and hear about it before they have to walk away? When you love someone, their hurt is your hurt, and it would have been daggers into my soul. Being with my ex for three years darn near sent me to the grave. Three years. I don't know how she is still standing. And she doesn't want help. So, there is no letter here that would fix anything. What would I say? I am sorry I left when I did, however it was going to happen eventually, but call me when you break up with your abuser? That would just piss her off. So, it is what it is. We will just stick with it where it is. I miss her. The old her. A person that probably doesn't exist anymore because her spirit has been crushed into something unrecognizable. Moving on...

Carol the Gardener said she missed my regular posts. The letters were nice and all, but she preferred the way my blog used to roll... or something like that. The way my blog used to roll was anything goes, for those of you who are new. Anything can happen and sometimes did! Mostly it was me just spewing out whatever was on my mind that day. That week. That month. Before I got into the letter thing, I was doing some actual BlogTherapy on myself. For Real. When I called this blog, Blog Therapy I was talking more about just being able to speak freely. Well, as it turned out, it became actual Therapy. And all of you became the Therapists. Very.Big.Important.Job. The letters went hand in hand with it, which is why I took them on. Don't know if I have shared that I have cried through the writing of most of them. Not all, but most. So, I think it's working.

On occasion, I have shared my dreams here. Well, I had this dream a couple of nights ago and I have been DYING to tell you guys about it. But there was Song Saturday and the letter yesterday and no one reads blogs on the weekends. So, finally my opportunity has arrived. *sigh* Taking a deep breath. Letting it out. Unlike some people, I have fairly vivid dreams. The last thing that happens, as you might imagine, I remember best. The further back I go, the less details I can remember. This one was so intriguing that I jumped carefully got out of bed, and dragged myself into my parents' office. Of course, they had been awake for hours. I had to tell them about this dream. I should have gone back to my room and written it down in my dream journal ~ pronto ~ but I was tired and went back to bad. Mental head smack! Okay, here it is...

Back up. Do you remember my dream about my h.s. friend who was on fire? If not, you can read that one here. He was in this dream, too. Not so surprising this time. I had sent him an email about My Idea, so he was on my mind. When I told him about the fire dream, he told me he had a dream about a group of friends (me included) going to college together. For the record, none of us went to college together. Moving forward again.

Scene 1 My high school drama teacher, MKB, and I are poring over my schedule for my freshman year of college. I am having difficulty with it. In this scenario, I am majoring in theatre instead of music (something I now wish I had done), and am trying to find a way to balance out my core classes and my theatre classes. One of the problems is the Intro to Theatre class. MKB is teaching theatre at my college. As I get frustrated with it, she tells me to skip it. She will sign off on it. I don't need that class. Just take the next required class b/c that is really where I should be starting anyway. Now my schedule works out. *More importantly, MKB was the first person who overtly believed in me in high school. I owe her a great deal because she changed my life. Because she believed in me, I believed in me, too.

Scene 2 Still in college, but at a council meeting of some kind. I am not on the council, but I am watching. One of my friends from hs is on the council. He is a person who frustrates me now on facebook. I have seen him be very argumentative with other people from hs in their status boxes when they don't share his opinion. He can get pretty ugly about it. He considers himself to be a Christian, but he is very political and in your face about the whole thing. However, he has sent me email saying things like he doesn't understand why people don't want to be his friend. He thinks he is respectful of other people's views, but others are not respectful of his. I believe that he believes what he is saying. He is very blind to his own actions. I suggested that he stop talking about religion and politics since they are hot topics. He might be greeted with more friendliness. In this meeting, every time another council person says something to which he objects, he mutters loudly something to the effect that it is crap. BS, that person can't think straight. And on and on and on. *It was another reminder that people's views on religion and politics are pretty well set in stone. Trying to change them is a waste of time. Arguing about them doesn't do anything but isolate you. The worst thing you can do to get someone to consider your opinion on anything is to be disrespectful of theirs.

Scene 3 MKB, The Burning Man, and I are sitting in the hall at college. This wasn't my college or high school campus. It reminds me now of the high school where Rory Gilmore went on Gilmore Girls. It was grandiose. Big staircase and marble floors. MKB was doing most of the talking. She was saying how sad it was that every time she turned around that the buildings were getting closer and closer. She directed our attention to the closest window and indicated that there was no view. All you could see was another building.

We were then outside and she pointed to Something in the sky and said how much she liked looking at it. She then pointed to a park bench and said that she used to spend hours on that park bench enjoying that view. We all walked to the park bench. A building had been put up between the Something and the park bench. She couldn't see it anymore from the bench. She asked us what a person should do in that situation. I don't know remember if it was The Burning Man or me, but someone suggested finding another park bench that still had a view of the Something. That was the right answer. *This was about overcoming problems. I think she was saying that into every life problems are going to fall. Or happen. And it is ongoing. The people who succeed are the people who are problem solvers. You have to get creative. You can sit on the park bench and bemoan your lack of the view that you used to have OR you can find another park bench. It is as simple and as difficult as that. The next park bench won't be as familiar to you or as lovely. It won't have the memories that the old one had. Yeah, that sucks. So, you have to choose. What is more important? Was it the bench you loved or the view? You don't always have to choose one or the other. In some cases, you can have both. The bench or the view. You just don't get them simultaneously anymore.

Scene 4 The first part of this is just me at some kind of function where there is a bunch of food laid out. Make that desserts. I am not a sweets eater. I pretty much always take a pass on dessert. Or I will eat a little something. In this case, it all looked wonderful. So good that I had two plates full of nothing but desserts. I topped the last one off with donuts. When I dream about donuts, I know what is happening. *For me, dreaming about sweets means that I am STRESSED OUT. I only crave sweet stuff when my adrenal gland is getting really blasted my brain for cortisol (the stress hormone). Of course, my adrenal gland really doesn't work anymore, so it is borrowing from my other hormones, making my hormonal imbalance worse, making my migraines worse, making my pain worse, making my stress worse, making the circle of pain worse. When I dream about sweets and donuts, I am STRESSED TO THE MAX. That is a sign to me that I must do WHATEVER IT TAKES to bring me back down to earth.

Scene 4 Cont. After I walked me and my two plates of desserts over to a chair. Why don't they have tables at events like these? How am I going to eat all of this crap when there is no table? I sit my plates on the floor. They never did get touched by my lips, btw. As soon as I sat down, I got really cold. So cold, that from out of nowhere I produced a blanket and wrapped myself in it. Sort of like one those things you put a mental patient in. My mind is gone and I can't think of the word. Anyway, turns out that what we were there for was a magic show. Yay. The Burning Man was the magician. He was producing balls of light out of nowhere and people were catching them and holding them in their hands. They were beautiful. He sent one my way, but I couldn't catch it, because I was all tied up in my blanket. So, it hit my shoulder and rolled off. At that point, I started struggling to free myself from the blanket. Finally, I was rid of the blanket. He sent another ball my way and I was able to catch it. Of course, when I caught it, I understood that it wasn't real. It was an illusion. It had no substance to it. *Of course, there is the message that magic is an illusion. Always was, always will be. What was important here is that you can't catch any of the good things life sends your way if you are all bound up. You have to have your hand stretched out wide open in order to get the good stuff. I think it was more about playing it safe versus taking chances. You can play it safe and stay huddled in your blanket. Or you can live wide, with your hands held out, ready to grab hold of everything beautiful heading your way.

Naturally, I am open to your interpretation of my dream. Or just your thoughts on whatever. I love your comments.

images found at

Sunday, September 26, 2010


"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Today's letter is for the person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain. Oh boy. Brad Paisley had a cutesy song out a few years ago with this same sort of theme. Somehow, I just don't see this letter working out like that. If you didn't see where this letter was going before, I bet you can see where this is going now...

Dear Me,

You have always been ambivalent about that Eleanor Roosevelt quote, haven't you? Why? Because you have felt its truth since the seventh grade. Wouldn't you love to say that the person who caused you the most pain in junior high school was your bully? Yes, I would love to say that. Now you know that all it would have taken is laughing in her face one time and your pain would have ended; you could have taken back your power at any time. That hurts doesn't it. Like a snake bite. Yes, it hurts. And those people in gym who knocked you down going for the ball. You could have been prepared and purposely ran into them instead. Gone offensive instead of playing defensive. You allowed them to make you feel inferior. That stings doesn't it? Like the bites of a hundred bees... all at once. It set you on this course of reactive behavior instead of proactive behavior. Has that been helpful to you? No, it has really sucked. How bad? Like a bottle of tequila with lemons. And all of the puking that comes after. It's terrible going down and disgusting on the return trip. Yeah, that is pretty bad. It's even worse if it's on the floor of a dirty bathroom that isn't yours into a toilet that hasn't been cleaned in... shall we say, too long. I remember. How can you forget? It's burned into your brain like a brand. Okay, got it.

How has this worked out for you in your relationships? Well, that is how the tequila came into play. Right. Alcoholic therapy for bad relationship mistakes. And there were lots of these? Oh yeah. A lot of them with the same person. Over and over. And why did you do this? Because you loved him. And he kept coming and going. There was a lot of going, which led to a lot of drinking. And then there was just the incidental drinking with friends. Can't blame it all on the boyfriends. So, we are now in a pattern of thinking that love = leaving. That is not very healthy, Robin. No, but it is the only love I have known. You do know that you must break this pattern. I think that I have finally done that. It has taken an excessively long amount of time to convince my brain that love does not in fact = leaving. But, I think I am there. I think that is why Mr. Electric came along. I really loved him and he emotionally left four years ago. It took me four years to finally convince myself that he really does not love me, and that love did not = leaving. And I let him go. Leaving is, in fact, leaving. I know four years is a long time, but reality has set in. I am not waiting for him to call anymore.

Well, Mr. Electric is the tip of your relationship iceberg mistakes. *sigh* I have spent years some time thinking about The Operator and Flash and where I went wrong. I think I have narrowed it down to the most important points. Both of these men were good talkers. In fact, I think that they have sold themselves a false bill of goods on some of their own baggage, because they are convincing. I know that everyone puts their best foot forward when they meet someone for the first time. No one is going to meet someone and open with their worst stuff, but eventually you have to share the *not so great stuff about you* and hope that the other stuff compensates. These guys both presented a facade that simply wasn't true, but was very attractive. Each time the facade cracked and the "real" person showed through, it left me scratching my head. They quickly realized what they had done and did damage control. However, I was soon asking myself the Million Dollar Question. Is the real guy behind Door #1 or Door #2? You want the real guy to be the one you are falling in love with, the good guy, the one behind Door #1, so you sell yourself a false bill of goods.

When you learned that the guy was behind Door #2 it took you way too long to leave in both instances. You cannot afford to sell yourself on Door #2 ever again. The longer you stay, the worse it gets. I hope you learned this lesson, because I am not sure you can stand another round: your feelings are important. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated into staying in a relationship that you know is bad for you, because someone else says that they want or need you. Do not listen if they say that you are responsible for their future actions if you leave. You are not. That is wrong. The only person you are responsible to take care of is you. Someone who would say that to you is deceitful and doesn't really care about you. Run, do not walk away from this relationship.

Robin, every person who has done you damage has been able to do it because you didn't pay attention to your gut. Your brain was screaming *danger* and you just kept walking into the fire. You have amazing intuition and you didn't listen to it. If you are in a relationship with a friend, or with someone that you hope turns into something more, listen to your instincts. They won't steer you wrong.

When you do find people who give as much as you do into a relationship, be it a friendship, or the "other" kind, do not be afraid to love with an open hand and heart. Those are the people who are worth your time and your effort. Don't allow the pain of past relationships to destroy the relationships you have yet to build. People who care and give as much as you do are worth it. Don't forget that.


image filched from Miss Angie at My So-Called Chaos

Saturday, September 25, 2010


For those of you keeping up with this blog, this has been a stressful week here at Your Daily Dose. Well, that would actually be me. Stress and migraines do not work and play nice with one another. So.... I have been eating pain pills like candy and still been pretty much feeling like crap. Yeah, we are talking those kind of migraines. It's just been fun fun fun. So, Inspirational Song Saturday is something I have looked forward to pretty much all week. It is the easy blog to write. I don't have to dig deep and do any house cleaning for my mental health. I can just kick back and listen to some tunes. I also get to play around on youtube, yahoo video, and even myspace video (if it comes to that), in an effort to find the videos I am looking for to spotlight an 80s singer or band. Then I begin thinking about what is speaking to me today.

This week I didn't actively start looking for footage for my 80s singer until yesterday, or last night, if we are going to be precise. I had someone in mind and didn't think it would be that hard. Boy was I wrong. The irony here is that this singer had a lot of videos on MTV back in the day. I do not know what happened, but those videos are not anywhere in their original form. That isn't the case for the ALL of the songs, just MOST of the songs. I am not going to tell you who it is, because I am hoping that eventually they will make their way out of the archives and onto youtube. However, I was shocked, and that was immediately followed by scrambling around for someone else to highlight for today. I will get into that story when I get there.

For now, let's start with the video that is inspirational to me. I might as well try to stick to some sort of format. I am sure it won't surprise you when I tell you that I still didn't have a clue what MY Inspirational song was going to be when I woke up this morning. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed by a lot of things. At times like that, it is time to put on an upbeat record and dance it out and sing it out. (By the way, I did neither. My voice is froggy and all of my joints hurt. But the thought is nice:-) I had two songs in mind that fit the bill for that, but I don't like the original vids for them. So, I thought about trying to find a video using their music, but clips from something else. That didn't make me happy, either. Are you feeling a theme here? It was at that point that inspiration struck, and I knew the perfect song. I love the song and the video and it couldn't be more on target; it hits me right where I am living now. Maybe it will hit you where you are living, too.

Don't forget to turn off my music player at the bottom of the screen. If you want the video to fill the screen, click the square in the corner. Hit the escape to make it small again.

Build it anyway. Dream it anyway. Believe it anyway. Love them anyway. Sing it anyway. God is great, but life ain't always good. When I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should, but I do it anyway. Build. Dream. Believe. Love. Sing. Pray. Do. Anyway.

The person we are going to look at for the 80s is Bonnie Tyler. I don't recall her having that many hit songs. I didn't search her on wikipedia to find out either. There were not that many choices on youtube; however, I am learning that it isn't always that reliable a source after it let me down on first pick for today. Bonnie Tyler has this gravelly voice that just works on some songs. Rod Stewart has one, too, and he is uber-successful. Hold on a second. I need to write his name down on my 80s list. Okay, done. I plucked out two videos for Bonnie Tyler, and being totally honest, I don't recall ever seeing either one on MTV. However, she is a girl and I was all about Duran Duran at the time, so... who knows?

The first one, in my opinion, is the better video. I love both of the songs. In fact, I think I had the 45 for this song, TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART, back in the day. If you don't know what that is I might have to hit my head against the wall. I know that some of you 20somethings don't know what that is. *sigh* It is a single song on a record. The "A" side of the record was the popular song getting radio play, and the "B" side was a song they never intended to release that was pulled off the record, and put on the other side. However, sometimes the "B" song was so good it would entice you to buy the entire record. That was the strategy I am thinking. I didn't think that far ahead back then. I was a kid. The 45s were cheap and kids didn't have a lot of money, so there was definitely a market there. Moving on... here is the vid for song number one:

Bonnie Tyler's other big song that I remember is HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO. I had this one on a record, too. However, it was on the soundtrack for the movie FOOTLOOSE. I loved that soundtrack (and this song). Heck, I loved that movie. We, and by we I mean me, are being honest. My friend Shelle C said it best (she saw the movie before I did, so I got her review), "I knew I was going to love it when it started by panning across all of the feet in various shoes dancing in place." She didn't say it quite like that, but she was impressed with the unusual opening with the shoes. She was right; it was cool.

Anyway, my point is that whenever I think of this Bonnie Tyler song, I think about the movie FOOTLOOSE. I even think about the specific scene in the movie where this song was playing. Eventually, singers/bands who created songs for soundtracks used movie footage in their video, because people wanted to see both the band and the movie. All I can think here is that the song must have already come out, and the video already been made, OR Bonnie Tyler had a screw loose, because this has to be one of the worst videos I have ever seen. I am tempted, even now, to look and see if she made a follow-up after the movie came out with movie footage, and a totally different theme. I was trying to stick strictly with the original videos, but this is so terrible that I will post this and then take a quick look. You have to look for yourself and weigh in. Am I right that it is awful, or do you think it is the best thing since sliced bread? Or just a medium amount of bad? Where does it factor in for you on a scale of 1 -10, with 1 being The Worst, and 10 being The Best? You can use this same scale to rate the above video, too. Let's take it one step further. Rate the song. The song and the video together. The video alone. For both of them. I am curious to get your feedback.

As I expected, there was zippo on a video remake from Bonnie Tyler, which is a crying shame. Unfortunately, she probably made that disaster after the movie came out. Please keep in mind that it is only my opinion. However, I did find the clip from the movie that I referred to above where the song plays. It is still just as awesome today as it was 20+ years ago.

What did you think of the movie scene? You have to rate it in context; that means you have to share whether or not you have seen the whole movie or not when you comment on it. You can just thumbs up or thumbs down. Or you can say thumbs up to this scene, but... if you saw the whole movie. You get where I am going. I want an actual opinion based on *something.*

image found at

Friday, September 24, 2010


Dear Grandma,

I have been thinking about this letter for three days. Not so long ago, it would have been a whole different letter. It would have been more like this: since you are on The Other Side, how about you send me down some enlightenment about my life? Everything is sucking and I really need to change this mess. Well, I don't need to write that sort of letter anymore. I am happy to tell you that I figured that one out all by myself. Since you are on The Other Side I know that you are keeping tabs on me and are aware of what is going on here. You also know the direction my life is supposed to take, and are rooting for me to have my head in the right place, so that it goes as planned. I am focusing on that really hard. It feels good to direct my energy forward in a positive way.

I know that you know this, but on Wednesday, I went to court to file my bankruptcy. It went really well, if a person can consider filing bankruptcy to be doing well. Anywhoozle. It occurred to me before and after the event, this was just another stone in my road. In other words, this bankruptcy is likely going to make getting my non-profit off the ground a bit harder. I imagine it would be easier to launch if I didn't have a bankruptcy hanging over my head. On the other hand, that is sort of the point. People who fall through the floor usually end up filing bankruptcy. In order for me to be "right there" with the people I am helping, I have to have walked the same walk. A high percentage of them will have filed bankruptcy. It is all part of it. You lose your health, you lose your job, you lose your health insurance, you lose your house, you lose it all. You fall through the floor. Hello bankruptcy court.

Now that we are caught up on current events, let's talk about what I really wanted to talk to you about. Time. There are so many things that we get another shot at. Time is not one of them. It steadily marches on. I never got enough time with you when you were alive. Worse yet, I didn't fully appreciate the time that I got. When we moved back to Ohio, we saw you more often, because you were only a couple of hours away. That meant we saw you several times a year vs one week a year. You and mom would sit in the living room and talk and laugh. You had so many stories in you and you told them so well. No one crafted a story on the fly better than you. However, I would get tired of listening, because they were mostly about people I didn't know. You had six aunts that I rarely saw, but my mom knew them all very well, and their families, so she could really appreciate the significance of the punch lines. Then there were work stories. My mom had heard about these people for years, and met many of them, so they were also like old friends. They were just a bunch of names to me. After an hour or so, my brain got tired. Besides, I always brought four or five books with me, and one was usually calling my name. I never could resist that siren call.

As I got older, I started bringing homework with me on these trips. It was unbelievable but my teachers would assign homework over the Christmas break. Jerks. So, if it wasn't a book of one kind, it was a book of another taunting me, and taking me away from the laughter in the living room. The sad part was that I didn't really mind. I was on a mission at this point. I was determined to graduate high school with a 4.0 GPA (and I did) because I was going to college as a rockstar. Missing out on some living room talk ~ no big deal.

Except it was. I just didn't know it then. In college, I was better about hanging out with the adults in the living room at Christmas. It was only then that I truly appreciated your ability to weave a story. I thought of all the times I could have been in here listening, but I had chosen to go upstairs and read a book instead. Those four years went so fast. And then my trips home got shorter and shorter. Well, until they got really long for that one year. And then mom and I moved south to Georgia, grandpa died, and you lost your grip on what was real. It didn't take long before you didn't recognize your family, and you created your own language. Amazingly, you were physically in great shape. Your mind was gone, but you lived a long time. How terrifying to wake up every day among people who spoke a language you didn't understand, and see no one you recognized. It was the saddest day when you passed, but it must have been a relief for you.

Back to what I was saying about time. I know that you know I loved you and vice versa. What I didn't get to fully appreciate was you. I am a person who loves stories. I love writing stories, reading stories, and telling stories. Why did it take me so long to appreciate what was right in front of me? You were a natural born storyteller. Not everyone has the gift of timing a funny story just right so that the punchline lands as it should. You did. I was this stupid tween turned teenage girl who would rather read a book upstairs, not understanding that the book would still be there next week or the week after. You would not. We would be at our home and you would be at your home. Soon a day would come when I wouldn't see you but occasionally, because of jobs and time. And then the day would come when you wouldn't know me, or remember your own stories. In fact, you wouldn't remember the language. Time. It isn't never-ending. It ends.

I know that you didn't set out to teach me that lesson, but I got it anyway. As much as I love to read, listen to music, and write, I won't let it take me away from the things that are more important, like spending time with the people that I love and care about while they are here. I have modeled after you in some very unhealthy ways. Grandpa was a verbally abusive man and I married someone just like him. I will never forget that day that I looked in the mirror and I saw you looking back at me. However, I want you to know that isn't the only thing I got from you. We both love to laugh, have big hearts, the same hands, care about other people (perhaps a bit too much), love dogs and kids, and know how to finish with a *bang.*

Your Lil Gee

Do you have letters that you want to write? Click here to participate in the 30 Day Letters.

image captured from Miss Angie at My So-Called Chaos

Thursday, September 23, 2010


Before we actually begin today's REAL post, I wanted to give you a quick update. I am sure you noticed that I didn't blog yesterday. What? You didn't notice that I didn't blog yesterday. That is really disappointing. The reason for that is that I had my bankruptcy hearing and then went to the movies with a good friend. We saw THE EASY A. It was funny and just the ticket to unwind. As for the hearing, it went so well that it is hard to believe. If you are dying for the details on this you can email me, but it appears that my uncle will not get the van taken away from him, which is as it should be. He was the lienholder on the vehicle and he took it back at a loss. So, it appears that justice did actually prevail. Who knew?

It is that day again. What day is that you ask? How can you have forgotten? Drum roll please. It is HERE'S TO YOU THURSDAY, of course! The very best day of the blogging week. It is the precursor to the best day of the work week.

I notice that I actually have some newbies for this event. How exciting! Well, here is what is going down. This is a weekly event. The best (or worst) part is that I am not going to explain why I chose "whatever" footage for each of you. If, you watch your footage and are scratching your head at the end, well that means I didn't do a very good job. However, all is not lost. You can email me at and ask me what I was thinking when I chose that particular piece of footage off of youtube and connected it to you. And then I will tell you. Then I will start sending up prayers that I haven't offended the crap out of whoever is on the receiving end of that Because, honestly, I will tell you right now... I admire all of you enormously so I really hope that doesn't happen.

Also, this is not an exclusive venture by any means. I hope that you will take the time to watch ALL of the footage because I don't pick bad footage:-) I also hope that you might check out the blog of the person I dedicated the footage to because they are pretty darn awesome. If you haven't figured this out yet... I pick the footage based on something that you've written or something that I've gleaned from your personality. Think on that for a while... If you are having trouble watching the entire video (meaning it is being cut off on one side), click on it a couple of times and it will take you straight over to youtube. If you click on the four squares at the bottom corner of the video, it will enlarge it to fill your screen. The escape key will bring it back to normal size. The back arrow will bring you back to my page. Of course, you will have to deal with this all over again: Lastly, don't forget to turn off my music player at the bottom of the page. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Now, let's get this PARTY STARTED!!!!

This one is for everyone (I know this looks long. 8 whole minutes. It is hilarious. I have watched it three times. So, that means I have watched it for nearly a half hour. However, if you are a couple minutes in and don't find it funny, there is a stop button.):

This one is for Chris at A Deliberate Life:

This one is for KyAnn at Sanity is Overrated:

This one is for Yenta Mary the Food Floozie:

This one is for Shoes at Red Shoe's Chronicles:

This one is for Bathwater at memento mori:

This one is for Gabriela at enjoy the silence:

This one is for Kate at The Cow Jumped Over The Moon:

This one is for Coffee Junkie at Coffee & Reflection:

Click here to watch the video. It won't embed.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010


Dear Flora,

I am sending you this letter because today's letter topic is "someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like to," and you were the first person who came to mind.

I find it ironic that I talked to you more when I lived in Florida than I do now, when you live thirty minutes away. When I was in Florida, we emailed frequently. As you know, I don't know how to do a short email. I always have all of these ideas swirling around in my mind and they must come out! Of course, that made for a great deal of conversation. Email conversation and sometimes phone conversation. Every now and then the subject matter became so insane that one of us would pick up the telephone and make the call. We usually talked until one of our batteries died. I remember that my phone was usually so hot that it hurt to the touch after a while. That is what I call burning up the phone line!

I appreciate how you opened up your home to me all of the times I came to visit during the years I was living in FL, but my doctor was still here. I always stayed a few extra days so I could visit with you, C-Man and H-Girl, my aunt and uncle, and any other friends who were available. We had some really fun times during those visits. We also had some serious drama during those visits. Not you and me drama, but other drama. I am really glad you aren't seeing the guy you were dating back then anymore. He was nothing but drama. I am also really happy that you have found someone better for you since. I always knew that you would.

I only wish that we saw each other more and talked more. It is like since I live here we can see each other anytime and the pressure is off. The thing is this: we never see each other. I have seen you once at a planned group event, and once by accident when I was out with another friend. We have talked a couple of times on the phone when I have called you. Each time I suggest we get together and you say that you'll call me next week and plan something and... nothing. I have sent you email follow-ups and... nothing. I know that you are busy watching your grandkids, so I don't want to pressure you, so I don't. I know that a big part of the problem in this scenario is that I don't drive at night anymore. My memory is too messed up for me risk it. Getting lost in the daytime is one thing. Getting lost at night is a whole different thing.

Anyway, I know that you are busy. You have tons of things on your plate. I just wanted you to know that I missed you. I really wish that I saw you and talked to you more than I do.


image purloined from Miss Angie at My So-Called Chaos

Monday, September 20, 2010


Dear Program Director at HGTV,

I hope that I am sending this letter to the right person. If not, would you please arrange a meeting between me, and whoever makes the decisions about programming at HGTV. That is the person that I would like to meet, and have a very important conversation with about a new show for your station. As it stands, I am going to go with my gut and believe that person is you.

It hasn't happened yet, but in the not-so-distant future, I am going to have a website that exists for the sole purpose of helping people all over this country find doctors who 1) listen, 2) don't just treat symptoms, but get to the root of the problem, and 3) think outside the box. Once this site becomes extensive enough, meaning we have found doctors all over the US in every specialty imaginable, we are going to be ready to take it to the next level, and that is when I am going to be ringing your phone. Of course, before that I am going be doing extensive praying, and sending up a rocket of desire into the universe that you will simply take my call. I think you will.

The website is amazing and it will help so many people. I know you will be impressed when you see it. There will all kinds of letters from people who have been helped. However, it isn't enough. We have to do more. When people hit the bottom, they fall through the floor. I was lucky when I fell through the floor, because I had parents who caught me. Not everyone has that. Those people become homeless. Very sick and homeless. We have to do more. And that is why I am calling you. You have shows about helping people fix their houses, decorate their houses, and generate income by making portions of their houses into rental properties. Let's build houses for people who have fallen through the floor. It's time to start really making a difference, but I need your help.

You see I have this plan to build houses all over the country for people who have fallen through the floor. And I know that you will like this idea, because it will be like nothing you've ever done. I will do my part to help you in this endeavor. I know this means that I am going to end up fundraising like crazy. That is okay. I have faith that it will work out. People who have been helped will hold out their hand, offer help in return, and the money will come in. If I can help with the money to buy the land, can you do the rest? I am willing to work with you on this to make it a show that people will watch. Once we get these houses up and running, we will have to hire people to work round the clock. We will have to pay for maid service and we will need to pay someone to drive these people to all of their doctor appointments. There will be monthly utility bills for each house every month. There will be repairs. The expense will be ongoing and I plan to build houses all over. Some states may have as many as 30 houses in them before this is done, depending on the size of the state, and the need that exists there. And I want to do all of this with you.

So, I am willing to listen to whatever ideas you have on making this show of ours a success, because it is all about the people. I imagine that you have figured out that I really don't think small. It is all or nothing with me. If you're going to help, then you might as well go the distance, and help as many people as you possibly can. I think that after our first season, we could make the show an hour, instead of a half hour, and use the last twenty minutes to revisit the houses we put up first season. That way the people could meet the people who live there, work there, and see exactly how the houses work. The idea is to take sick people, get them well, help them to save money (because they should be on SSD if they are that sick), help them find work, and then help them get an apartment or a house. Get them well and get them working. In the third season, we could even check on some people who have actually gotten that far. We could run footage from when they were sick, and then show them at work. If people aren't crying at the end of every single one of our shows, we aren't doing it right. I feel myself getting teary just thinking about it.

I hope that you are now as excited about this show as I am. I hope that you are even more excited about all of the good that we are going to do. It is because of that feeling in your heart that you will say "yes" to my proposal, even if other folks at the network think it's a lousy idea. We will prove them wrong. Before the first season is even over, we will be the top-rated show on your network. It's a beautiful day when love and compassion come out on top.

I look forward to working with you.

All Best,

image pilfered from Miss Angie at My So-Called Chaos

Sunday, September 19, 2010


Dear Internet Friends,

I am writing this to all of you because I can't pick out just one of you. I suppose I will start with those of you who have been with me since the beginning.

Becky at Farmgirl Paints, I thank you for spending some time emailing me about how to set my blog up so that it looked halfway decent. Blogger is a mystery to me. I say that present tense because it is still a mystery to me. I would like to have tabs at the top of my page, but I can't figure out how to do it, and have finally give up. I have gotten along fine without, so I guess it's okay.

Tracy at Res Ipsa Loquitur, thank you for more page help. However, that has been minor compared to the wonderful comments you leave. You have always been very supportive. I, too, think we would make great friends if we lived closer. I want to take another moment to encourage you to pursue your acting career full tilt. If I said I have this feeling that things are about to click into place for you.... I just feel good things happening for you. I also want to let you know that I have been thinking about your comment on Muslims and the Qur'an. I can see that if I had been born Muslim, and gotten an opportunity to emigrate to Western Civilization, I would take it. Muslims do not treat their women well. I know me and I know that I would leave at the first opportunity, because I mentally couldn't embrace all of the violent passages of the Qur'an. However, after getting where you are going, you are free. It is very difficult to just shrug off the religion you were born into, so you take what you like and leave the rest. However, I stand behind that video in terms of understanding Muslims who do hold with the Qur'an in its entirety. They are the people strapping bombs to themselves, determined to make every country Muslim, and hide behind the people who escaped a country, and belief system that they felt was toxic. One of the things I appreciate most about our friendship is that we can talk about these kinds of things without getting angry with one another.

Purple Cow at Australian in Athens, you are such a deep thinker that sometimes you make my head hurt. I know that you write like you do because you don't want to talk about the stuff that really bothers you. I am smarter than you think I am. Every now and then it gangs up on you, overwhelms you, and comes out, even though you'd rather it not, and I end up crying my eyes out, because you blasted me unexpectedly by showing me your heart instead of your smart. For a couple of days I was really angry with you. It was right after you posted that blog about ending your blog on your first anniversary. Lucy March posted in her blog that, "Anger is what happens when our reality differs from our expectations." That pretty much nailed it. I know that we are friends on facebook, but it isn't the same. I don't know anything about you by looking at your facebook page and you know less about me. I rarely post a status. Right now, we know each other better than most of the people we see daily. Trying to know what you are thinking via facebook will be like standing outside your house, and looking through the keyhole of your front door. So, I was angry. Now, I am resigned. I don't know why I thought bloggers would blog forever. That was really stupid. People leave. Of course they do. Just know that when the day comes, you will be missed.

Chris over at A Deliberate Life, thank you for commenting on just about everything with something insightful. I admire your dedication, resolve, and all of the ways that you are inspirational with your writing. I like how you say the same thing in several different ways over the course of a week or a month so that different people will finally "get it." Even though I am not on a weight loss journey, I learn something reading your blog every day. I get inspiration there each time you write something. You are doing something important just by posting. You always have a boatload of comments indicating that very thing. You keep writing and I will keep reading. Robin Out.

Linda at Bar Mitzvahzilla, thank you for writing the funniest blogs. I suppose the source of the hilarity is you, your family, and the way you weave the story. Whenever you post something I look forward to reading it, because everyone needs a good laugh. As an aside, that isn't to say that you haven't tricked me sometimes and hit me with a serious and made me cry. Of course, that was raw, real, as honest as it comes, and I loved it. So, I am registering no complaints.

Liza over at Middle Passages, thank you for letting me bathe in your words when I visit your blog. You pick the juiciest words to flavor your narratives. Your posts are never too sweet or too salty. We have traveled the city and the countryside. Once we got lazy and took a nap in your driveway and nearly scared your neighbor to death. I say we, because I always feel like I am right there with you on each of your tales. Thank you for allowing me to tag along. It has been so much fun.

Kate over at The Cow Jumped Over The Moon, thank you for the encouragement and lovely compliments. Thanks to you, I have seen some very interesting photos, discovered some equally interesting words for some of the items in said photos, and have seen many interesting Boston landmarks. In addition, I know more about Boston sports than I ever thought I would, as well as the Boston sports enthusiast. They are a rare breed. They = You in this scenario, I think. Hmmmm. I also want to give you a bit of encouragement about... well, everything... your painting will get done, your personal life will get better, your career will click. All of these things just need time to fall into place. But they will happen. Of course, they all require some doing on your part, but they will happen. It all seems so overwhelming and huge right now, but it won't always be that way. I promise.

Bath over at memento mori, thank you for being you. I know that life feels like it has nothing good left in it for you. You feel sometimes like it has sucked you dry and all the good is gone. It isn't true, but it feels that way a lot. Too much. There are people who appreciate you, but they have their own lives, and you want someone in your life as a partner, and not just a friend. I wish I could tell you that it will happen, but I can't predict the future. I can tell you that you have a better chance of it happening if you can start visualizing it. I know you. You just turned off. Try this. Just think about all of the qualities of the person you would like to have in your life. Write them down. Focus on that. Knowing who you want makes it easier for you to know her when you see her. I want you to have someone who is a good fit for you. I really want to see you happy.

Gabriela at enjoy the silence, thank you for calling me brilliant. I am not, by the way, but it is always nice to hear. You have so much potential inside of you. It is all just buzzing around inside of you wanting to get out. It is just waiting for you to decide what you really want to do with yourself, and then all of that creative energy is going to explode out of you. I think that when you let it out, you will be so happy working in a field that you love. As for right now, I can see such a difference in the you that I first met and the you that you are now. You are thisclose to believing in yourself. When you believe in yourself even a quarter as much as I believe in you, your life is going to become so good. Believe that!!!

Ro Magnolia at Soft Winds and Roses, thank you for the uplifting comments at just the right times. I know that you have had so much going on at home with your feline brood. I hope and pray that everything will get back onto a more peaceful track for you soon. We miss you here in the blogosphere.

Mitzi at Southern Style, thank you for being a friend. That sounds like the lead-in to The Golden Girls. You have always left thoughtful comments and even tagged me once with a thoughtful video. I know that your life is in a bit of chaos right now. You might not even read this because you are taking some time to listen to your heart and be quiet in the stillness. I just want you to know that your blogs always embrace topic matter that makes a person search their heart and mind in order to find where they stand. I love how big your heart is and how much you care about this world. I know that when you are ready, you will be back, and you will share all that you learned while you were on "sabbatical."

Carol the Gardener, thank you for all of the kindness that you have shown me. You are new to my blog and already I am blown away by your generosity of spirit. I know that you have medical issues of your own, so that makes you more empathetic to mine. You don't know this but a while back I posted a blog called Compassion Vs. Empathy, and you are proof (sort of) that people who understand pain, because they live with it, are empathetic to other people in pain. They automatically reach out a hand, and want to help, because they know what suffering is, because they live with it. Of course, there is the other possibility that you could have been just as kind without the pain. I think you would have had compassion, but not the level of understanding that you have. As it is, this will be your gift. You will always have a bigger heart, a more generous spirit, a willingness to help when others when others wouldn't think to help. It may not seem like much, but to the people on the receiving end it, it is Everything.

Shoes at Red Shoes Chronicles, thank you for sharing your story and all of the comments since. You are a good person with a kind spirit, and if you are still holding on to any part of the past, you need to let it go. I am saying forgive yourself, if you haven't already. You did the best you could at the time. As for now, we all have our good points and our bad ones. Focus on your good ones. Decide that you want to let the bad ones go. Don't give them any more of your attention. Our mind is an amazing thing. You have had enough of the bad in this life. It is time to invite the good in. Open the door and allow it to come in. I am rooting for you on this. I know you can do it. In fact, I think you might already be there. If so, love with an open hand and heart.

Kim at Saving My Life, honey your life is crazy right now. Just know that I am rooting for you and your happiness, whatever that is. You are making big decisions right now. It is not just a heart decision; it is a head decision. What is the smart thing to do? What is best for me? What is best for my children? You have a bunch of people supporting you no matter what you decide. That is a lot of love.

Yenta Mary the Food Floozie... you know I don't cook much anymore, but you keep me on anyway. You give great comment and you even email me sometimes if you think I need it. And I do need it occasionally! I read your blogs even though I don't cook, because occasionally you throw in some non-cooking narrative that tickles my funny bone or is just plain interesting. Plus, we do have some things in common. Well, you're Jewish and I'm not. You have a son and I don't have any kids (biologically, that is). You're seriously dating someone and I'm not. You're a chef and I don't really cook. Oh yeah, we're both divorced. I knew I'd find something in there. And they were both verbal abusers. Now we're on a roll. Whew. Anyway, thanks for being such a wonderful person and friend.

Miss Angie at My So-Called Chaos, thank you for introducing me to this letter thing. I was on a blogtheraphy mission that had started a couple of weeks prior and this fit into my plan. It has been excellent therapy. I have cried through several of these letters. That has literally meant hours of crying, which hasn't been so great for my migraines, but has been spectacular for my therapy. It has been like my post yesterday on Tears for Fears with the song SHOUT. It has kinda been like that. " Shout, shout, let it all out, These are the things I can do without, Come on, I'm talking to you, Come on." I have enjoyed reading your letters and stealing all of your graphics for my letters. I am confessing to laziness. So, thank you for the idea and the pictures. I've also enjoyed getting to know you a bit better.


P.S. Okay, well I am sure that I have forgotten someone important. However, I am exhausted. My fingers hurt from typing. The thing is this: if I follow you, I appreciate you. If I am leaving you comments, I am reading your blog. So, keep doing what you're doing. You not getting a paragraph here only means that my migraine is kicking up (it is) and my memory is starting to go in and out (that is one of the crimes of the migraine). It also means I really want to turn off the light and lie down. So.... I need to spell check and upload my graphic and then I am outta here for a while.

P.P.S. Oh, Lira, I realize I forgot you. Thanks for the supportive comments, picking me to guest blog, and giving me a kick in the ass early on when I was worried about followers. I was still under the illusion at the time that an agent was going to find me and my writing. I was clearly delusional. Thanks for the knock on the head that was partially responsible for bringing me back down to earth. I am not giving you all of the glory, because the rest goes to the REALLY AWESOME writers I found who are still non-published. That was like Icarus flying too close to the sun. It was a crash and burn. It turns out that it didn't hurt nearly as much as I thought it would. Having a bunch of really awesome blog buddies made that fall much softer.

image hijacked from Miss Angie at My So-Called Chaos

Saturday, September 18, 2010


Well, it is Saturday, and that means on this blog that we get to have a music appreciation day. Once again, the 80s pick wasn't all that difficult. It seems like my own inspirational choice of the day seems to be the toughie. However, once I do find the right thing, there is a click of satisfaction, and all is well.

I think that I kept getting hung up, because I really wanted to pick a George Strait song for this day. For those of you who follow country music at all, George Strait is the icing on the cake. He has a voice that I call a "cool drink of water." It is just smooth as can be. I suppose if I were actually drinking it would be the finest whiskey money could buy. In other terms, George crossed the Great Divide. He started singing in the 70s, when artists like George Jones were still the Big Names in country, and survived what I call the Great Shift in country. All of the old greats went down and the new kids took over. George Strait didn't go down; he survived the Shift. He survived and is still at the top of his game. The other thing that fascinates me about George Strait is this: he won't tour above the Mason Dixon line. Well, that bit of news was terrible when I was living in Ohio and Michigan. When I moved to Georgia, it got a lot better.

He's a family man. His family comes first, and they live in Texas, and he never wants to be too far from them, so that he can't get back if needs to, in case of emergency. He also wanted to be there for his son's life growing up. He is that guy who managed to have a career as a country singer, made a movie, has I don't know how many #1 hits, and still managed to be there for the big events, and some less big events, in his son's life. He and his wife are still happily married. He arranged his life so that he managed to have it all. He wouldn't tour anywhere north of the Mason Dixon line and he still is considered one of the best in country music. He never caved on that, not even when he was just starting out. When it is important, you make a stand and stick. I guess you can tell that I admire not just the songs, but the man. It was an honor just to see him and hear him sing. However, George is not big on making videos. I guess it is just not his thing. He has some, but not for my favorite songs. So...

Let's talk about Reba. Reba understands the power of the video. Actually, country singers still have their version of MTV, by way of CMT and AMC. Those are two country music video channels that mostly play country music video like MTV did back in the 80s. So, it is in the best interests of today's country music stars to make good videos and THEY ARE. Actually, CMT has been around for quite a while. I know this because my dad and I got pulled into its lure back in the mid 90s when I was living with him. At night we would watch it, and it would get later and later, and we would both say, alternately, "Just one more and then we're going to bed," or "This is the last one and then we're calling it a night." It really got to be ridiculous. That made me smile. Silly great memories of my dad.

Anyway, Reba knows how to rock a video. I was so impressed with her in concert. She has a full voice. Powerful. I felt the same way about Natalie Merchant when I saw her in concert. What a powerful voice. You just know that in a smaller forum (like a bar) they would blow it out because they wouldn't hardly need a microphone. Reba has also been around for a long time in country music. She may have been around as long as George Strait. There are so few that crossed the bridge of the 70s to the 80s. Or she may have arrived in the early 80s. I don't know. I wasn't a big fan then. Anyway, she has so many hits now that there is no way to get them all into a concert. However, this was her encore performance, and I think it might have been the song that rocketed her into superstardom. Don't quote me on that because it is me speculating.

Don't forget to turn off my music player at the bottom of the page.

Why is that inspirational? I think it's inspirational, because it is saying that you can take a bad situation and turn it around. If you're smart, you can move beyond where you started and into another, better place. That is what she did. She then came back to turn that property into something that could help other people ~ in this case runaways. Life is what you make it.

Okay, let's move on to the 80s, and our ongoing look at artists in that time period. I have been focusing on those who had two things: successful songs and interesting videos to go with them. I am trying to keep boring concert vids out, because all that does is shine a light on singers or bands that didn't really know how to work MTV. Although, there might be a lesson there. The better the video was, the higher it rose in the ratings on the radio. The two walked hand in hand with each other. It is a shame that it took so many artists so long to figure that one out.

Today we are looking at Tears For Fears. They actually had quite a few videos to choose from, so it was difficult to narrow the field on this one. I didn't come across any footage that was strictly concert footage. They did like to mix it up a bit. Just listening to their songs was a very pleasant step back in time for me. Same goes with the video footage. I confess I was watching some of it thinking I was going to know what would happen next, and I would get a surprise. Yeah, after twenty years, a person forgets stuff. Who knew? I am going to post several of their videos and you let me know which one YOU think is best. I just can't decide!

Everybody Wants To Rule The World @ Yahoo! Video

Head Over Heels @ Yahoo! Video

Mad World @ Yahoo! Video

Do you see my problem now? I couldn't decide AT ALL. So, what do you think? Which one is the best?

image found at

Friday, September 17, 2010


Dear Operator,

I can't believe that I am writing this, but if you actually show some follow-through on what we were talking about last night, I am going to have to change your name on here. I questioned my judgment for the last two days on agreeing to be your "date" to the George Strait, Reba, LeeAnn Womack concert in Columbia last night. However, you had really good seats and it was George Strait and Reba and I fell prey to their siren call. Seriously, when am I going to get that chance again? George Strait and Reba???? Granted this bit of good fortune only dropped into my lap because your girlfriend was all xoxoxo one day and I want my space the next. And she went from taking a break to a break-up. I even took the high road when you first suggested that I go and said you should take Pete, but he was already going. So... I caved.

Do you remember when I tried the explanation on the phone, prior to the show, of what I think happened? I told you that I think she was upset about one or more things that you were doing or not doing, so she dropped small opportunities for you to change your ways... and you didn't. Each time that you didn't, she decided that you couldn't change. So she decided for you that it was impossible for you to change and made the decision that it was over. And now she isn't telling you what those things are because she doesn't want to argue about them. If she doesn't tell you, then there is nothing on the table to discuss (argue about). It is actually very smart. I wish I had employed that technique with you when we were married. Well, maybe not. It is one thing to be married to someone and another thing to be dating someone.

Here is the thing that you said that still has my ears ringing today: "Her mom said when we started dating that we were both carrying around a lot of relationship garbage. She said that we should both see a therapist separately to work out our issues if we wanted this relationship to last. I wish that we had listened to her." You could have hit me upside the head with a 2x4. I had to drag your butt to therapy, and when I got you there, you never could admit that anything that happened was your fault. I am thinking of calling this girl The Genie because she seems to be magical. Or her mother is. Whatever.

I said, "Well, Operator, it isn't too late to go to therapy. You are wishing you had done it because you think it might have made the difference in that relationship. Maybe it would have. Well.... you blew it. You didn't do it. You can either go now and save your next relationship or you can not go and blow that one, too. Who knows? Maybe The Genie will decide that she misses you and will check on you and you will be able to tell her that YOU are in therapy. Maybe it will inspire her to do the same. Maybe it won't. Therapy is all about making you a better person. You can't do it for her. You have to do it for you." I am saying this again because I don't think you memorized it in the car. We were in the parking garage and you were looking for a parking space. In other words, you were distracted and I thought my wisdom was fairly top-notch.

There are too many reasons to name that our marriage fell apart. One of them was that you were all talk and no action. You excelled at telling me what I wanted to hear, but there was zero follow-through. Another one was that so much of your talk was very hurtful and mean. It is painful to go through therapy. You have look at all of the stuff that you have done to others that wasn't nice. You will oftentimes find the root of that in stuff that was done to you that wasn't nice. None of it is pleasant. It all hurts like being stung over and over by bees. It takes a lot of courage to walk into that room, week after week, and be willing to look inside at all of the stuff we'd rather just bury and forget. However, if you can do it, you will be a better Everything to all of the people in your life. I hope you can do it.

I sure am tired of calling you The Operator.

Throwing Out Hope,

Dear Mr. Electric,

I rarely think of you anymore. When I first moved back here, I thought of you all of the time. Hoping, and wishing, and dreaming that you would decide that you loved me, too, and you would reappear into my life. Well, that didn't happen. You are still in the wind. Boy, that really hurt. Really bad for about six months. Maybe more. I decided that I could sit and let that pain be my home or I could make a decision to let it go. It turns out that letting go of people works just the same as forgiveness. You just have to focus on the desire to let go. So, that is what I did. For the first few days, I focused on that really intensely. And then I stopped putting any energy into it at all.

I used to check MySpace almost daily, just to see if you maybe sent me a message, or if I could tell what you were doing by your page. After I did my focus of desire business, the next time I logged onto MySpace I think I grabbed a picture out of my photos and logged off. I totally forgot to check on you. Then I decided I wanted to change my profile video. I hadn't done that in such a long time that they changed it, and I couldn't figure out how to do it. So, I just deleted my current one, and left it blank. I also left MySpace mad. It was only after I logged out, I realized that, once again, I forgot to check on you. The next time I logged in it was to find Eminem's page. Turns out all of his songs from the Recovery album are on his player. Do you know that? Do you even like Eminem? I don't know if you do. And I forgot to check your page, but I did friendship request Eminem and we are now buds. Sadly, I think it is set to auto respond to anyone. But, still...

Anyway, it looks like my focus of desire to get over you worked. I hope that this life brings you everything you want.

Peace Out,

Dear Flash,

It turns out that I have even forgiven you. I can say your name and it isn't through gritted teeth. I know from Divorce Recovery Group that if you say an ex's name through gritted teeth and your muscles tense up, chances are pretty darn good that you are not living in a place of forgiveness with that person. You are someone else that I rarely think about. In fact, when I do think about you now, it is in the context of a teacher. I signed up for the lesson and you were the teacher that life sent my way. By the way, you were very good at what you do. I give you high marks at all of your skills.

Honestly, I don't know what to say to you. I guess I will just thank you for all of the things that you taught me. Because of you I am now wary of anyone who will make big promises to take care of me, be there for me, etc. but lives with his mother and doesn't have a job. Even though mom is sick (an excellent reason for being there), and he just moved (a good reason for not working yet), my antennae will start to really work when this is still the case several months later.

Because of you I will now get out the first time I catch a boyfriend in a significant lie. I am not talking about a list of all the errands the sweetie went on, and he forgot that he put gas in the car kind of lie. I am talking about that little stint in jail that I did kind of lie. Yeah, that kind of lie. Oh, and the part about that I am still facing charges in a different state kind of lie. Yeah those kinds of lies.

Because of you I will immediately kick to the curb anyone who steals my migraine medication. I needs my meds, dude. You took my medication knowing that I wouldn't have enough at the end of the month. So, when I got down to empty the last week, you got to watch me suffer. And then you lied about taking the medication until I flat told you I didn't believe you. How did you solve this problem? You stole medication from your mother, which was similar, and you said she didn't need it. I don't know what you did when she ran out at the end of the month, and I didn't ask. She is your mother and your problem.

Because of you I learned that I just can't forgive a cheater. Before you, I didn't know what it was like to be cheated on, so that was a new and different experience. In the spirit of being a "bigger" person, I tried to be forgiving about the whole thing. It turns out that I just don't have that in me. I can forgive, I just can't forget. And I can't continue to be with someone who I know cheated on me. Well, maybe it was also the lying about the cheating. Maybe it was just that I couldn't stand to be with a liar. A liar and a cheater. A liar, a cheater, a thief, a criminal, and in the end a manipulator of the highest order.

I do believe I think I covered everything. Well, there is one more thing. I stayed with you far too long. I am a good person, a kind person, and I deserve someone much better than you. Thank you for helping me to see that in myself. I will never settle again.


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image heisted from Miss Angie at My So-Called Chaos