SOML ~ If You Build Your Castle on Sand AND BOTB Results

I've not been "on the ball" with regard to getting my results tabulated and published for Battle of the Bands. Ah well. I think, in this particular case, I could see the vote sliding solidly towards Dylan and the battle lost all its fire. And I kinda lost interest. I suspect it's a bit like watching a horse race. When the horses are neck and neck, it's riveting. When one takes a solid lead and the other has no chance of catching up, well everyone makes a beeline for their car hoping to not get caught in the traffic. So, in the beginning it was a vote for Dylan and then a vote for Mann and then a vote for Dylan and then vote for Mann. It went on like that for the first ten comments. And then the votes for Dylan started piling up and up and up and up. I got in my car and left the lot. And there you go. hahahaha.

But, all and still, I think this was a good battle. The song was good. The variation was good. Participation was good. Comments were good. It was all good. The voting wasn't as close as I like, but you don't get everything you want!

In the end, the tally looked like this for You Angel You:

Bob Dylan: 17 votes (including mine)
Manfred Mann: 7

I realize I haven't done a soundtrack post in a while. I also realize I'm going to be packing up (literally this time) and leaving for camp soon. Last time I posted I was in NYC, but really close to packing that up in order to move to Savannah, Georgia, when J1 would be relocated to Fort Stewart, Georgia. That was 1992.

I realize now that I think about this entire time as a block of time (1992-1995)... the time when J1 and I lived together. So many things happened, but most of them were small things. Point of fact: I didn't understand most of what happened in this relationship until years and years and years after it ended. And I wonder, even as I try and consolidate it now if I my take on it will change at some point in the future? I know that I thought the reasons for it ending were different ten years ago than I think today, so who knows what I will think ten years from now? And isn't it odd that I can't think about the reality of the relationship without the ending of the relationship? I think that may be because I see now that it was always hanging by a thread or starving or one breath away from dying all along. I don't know. That doesn't mean we weren't happy. We were. Sometimes very much. But so are people who live paycheck to paycheck and don't know that the boss is discussing eliminating their position.

• We really liked doing many of the same things. We had fun together.
• J1 was a terrible communicator when he was upset about something. So, when he did let it out, it was like a volcano erupting. It was the current thing, plus the thing from last week, last month, and maybe even something from last year that you did that really pissed him off. All at once. With no opportunity to respond to any of them.
• J1 was a helpful person. He liked to help. He was good about helping in the kitchen cooking or wherever help was needed. 
• J1 was downright scary when he lost his temper. It didn't happen often, but people who lost control are frightening. He scared me sometimes. He never hurt me, but he scared me several times. I think he scared himself sometimes.
• In the move to Georgia, I really lost myself in terms of my "career." There is no publishing in Savannah. I didn't know what to do with myself. It didn't get better when we moved back to Michigan. He went back to school, but I was still feeling aimless. I got a job as a secretary, but it felt like a waste of my education. And I probably blamed J1 for my choice to leave NYC, which wasn't good for our relationship (or fair to boot, since it was my choice).

The end result was that he felt stressed at school, I felt stressed at work, and we both weren't very happy people. We were arguing a lot. I know I felt trapped. He sensed I was on the verge of running, and I think he actually wanted me to stay and work it out. And that is irony for you. Because most of our relationship was him running and me chasing after him. However, after we moved in together, it was like the sand kept shifting beneath our feet, and I never felt steady. Of course, the irony was that I pushed for this. I made this happen. Had I not called him in NYC on the floor of my kitchen he would've let it all go. OR he would've realized somewhere down the line that he messed up a good thing and done something to set it to right. But, what I now know was that there was always this whisper in the back of my mind (a knowing if you will) that I forced this into being. I forced something into being that wouldn't have been if not for my forcing it. He'd taken the out door years ago and I pulled him back in. And now that we were engaged (oh, did I leave that part out? Well, we got engaged in there, too.) But, now that we were engaged and on the threshold of forever, I didn't want to be with someone I had to yank into a relationship. And that feeling slowly ate away the ground beneath my feet until even I had to acknowledge I was standing on nothing.

And this might sound a bit crazy... more so if you've never lived anything like it, but I loved him at the end, and I didn't anymore. I loved him in the way a person always loves their first love. But I didn't love him in the way that I should've stopped loving him as soon as he told me that he didn't contact me after getting all of my letters because "he didn't want to hurt me anymore." It was like that statement finally caught up to me (even though I didn't yet know that was what caught up to me). My soul recognized that he didn't love me enough, even if he didn't know it yet. Not enough to get married.

Of course, at the time I didn't know any of that stuff. I just knew it wasn't working, and I didn't get it.

I never thought I could feel this way and I've got to say that I just don't get it
I don't know where we went wrong, but the feeling's gone and I just can't get it back

Battle of the Bands/SOML ~ I Could Not Ask For More

Once again, Battle of the Bands has collided with Soundtrack of My Life.

Let's begin with the story.

I'm going to tell this with nary a wisp of how it all turned out in the end. I mean, you guys know this relationship didn't last (for good reasons). You've seen that my decision-making about this relationship up to this point has been iffy at best. But, every relationship has its moments. The highs.

So, we're going to look at a high (for a pleasant change of view) and not speculate about the reasons it all went south.

Desert  Storm ended. J1 went back to Germany and was there for a while before that base closed. Maybe six months??? Maybe longer??? I don't remember now. What I do remember is the relief I felt when that conflict ended, and he made it through alive. He was given several weeks of leave. J1 came to NYC and spent several weeks with me, and then we went together to spend a week or so with his parents, which I was heartily looking forward to after so many months on the phone with his mom.

It was a really good time in my life. At that time, he and I were talking about him moving to NYC after his four years came up (we had no idea the base would close in Germany). So, J1 explored the city while I was at work. I'm not sure I can describe the feeling of what it was like to come home knowing he was safely ensconced in my apartment (after so many months of worry and uncertainty about his safety).

Life is made up of  moments. Sometimes they are bizarre in their inanity. J1 was talking with his mom on the phone (which was attached to a wall in the kitchen) while I sat on the couch pretending to read, but discreetly watching. He was wearing jeans and long sleeved red shirt. Nothing fancy. I remember thinking to myself, "I want to remember this forever. This moment. How I feel. All of it." And I still do.

In that moment I was happy, hopeful, content. I don't seem to inhabit those moments for great lengths of time, so I clearly recall it. If I could sell it, I'm sure I'd be rich!


Other bloggers participating in the Soundtrack of My Life:

StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Cherdo on the Flipside 

Holli's Hoots and Hollers 

THE DOGLADY'S DEN 

Mean Who You Are

Wrote By Rote


The song for this battle is I Could Not Ask For More. Both of these artists charted with this song. It's up to you to decide who did it better!

First is Edwin McCain:


Now Sara Evans:


Please vote for the version of this song you prefer. If you want to get into the Ins and Outs of why you like one better than the other... I LOVE long comments!

For more Battle of the Bands fun, check out the other BOTB bloggers to vote on their battles:

• Far Away Series 
• Stephen T. McCarthy's Battle of the Bands Blog
• Tossing it Out
• DiscConnected (temporarily disconnected from BoTB)
• Mike's Ramblings
• Curious as a Cathy 
• Book Lover
• The Sound of One Hand Typing
• dcrelief ~ Battle of the Bands 
• Cherdo on the Flipside 
• Angels Bark 
• THE DOGLADY'S DEN 
• Jingle Jangle Jungle 
• Janie Junebug Righting and Editing
• NovelBrews
• J.A. Scott
• Quiet Laughter
• Holli's Hoots and Hollers 
• beReInVintaged 

Battle of the Bands/Soundtrack ~ The Wild Side

Once again, Battle of the Bands has collided with Soundtrack of My Life.

Let's begin with the story.

I lived in NYC from 1990-1992 and worked in the Publicity Department at St. Martin's Press. That department was full of some fun characters. It was my first experience working with gay men, and I must say that was eye opening. I'd go into a meeting just hoping to get through it and, more than once, one of the fellas would come up to me after the meeting to tell me he had an excellent idea for how I should wear my hair, fashion accessories that I really should try, or just general clothing advice. Sadly, I needed all three, so those tips were always appreciated.

Notice the fancy haircut AND the manicured nails! Not to mention... the DRESS!

We had one guy in our department (also newly graduated from college) who was not gay. His name was Len. He and I became very good friends. I think it's because I was so welcoming on his first day. Or that first meeting. Not sure which came first. But, he walked in and there was an open seat next to me. He paused and I said, "Sit down. I don't bite." I probably should've added most of the time, but it worked. He sat, and we became friends.

I'd like to say I taught him all sorts of handy things. Sadly, I think the reverse was true. Through him, I learned a whole bunch about hockey I never knew. Did you know it is the sport with the longest season? I didn't know that. He also took me to a Rangers game (which was super fun). He worked the "free stuff exchange" like nobody's business. He gave me some of the cassettes (yeah, I said cassettes) and CDs he didn't want. I also learned a wee bit about what it was to be Jewish. In short, he was one of the coolest people I'd met in my life, and I felt really privileged he wanted to be MY friend. We even exchanged mix tapes (on cassette). If you want to know where you rate on my scale, only people I think of as the "best of the best" get a mix tape. Through that experience I learned the way to end a mix tape is with The Beatles montage of Golden Slumbers/Carry That Weight/The End. In point of fact, whenever I hear those songs I always think of  Len.


In 1992, St. Martin's published the book A Low Life In High Heels: The Holly Woodlawn Story. The entire department was invited to the book party at a place called The Limelight.

The Limelight

Do you see the resemblance to a castle? Perfect for Halloween or a dress up party, no? Well, this was a dress up party. Holly Woodlawn is the Holly from A Walk On The Wild Side by Lou Reed. "Holly came from Miami FLA..." Holly brought all of his his/her friends to this book party. (Pronouns still are confusing for me when it comes to cross dressing.) Fortunately, I'd already experienced this phenomena several times already, so I was now a pro at this sort of thing. A few days ago, I sent an email to Len asking if he remembered this party. HE DID. He said the thing that stuck with him was seeing the people shooting up in the bathroom (and feeling so tame in comparison). I'm so glad I didn't see that. What I remembered from this party was a dude dressed like a lady in western wear, including the holster and toy guns. I was standing next to Len when this "cowgirl" raised her gun and shot it at Len. He grabbed my arm and said, "See that guy in the cowboy outfit. He just fired his gun at me!" Once again, I was the bridesmaid and not the bride!

Here is a picture of Len and I from one of our many nights out after all the work was done (but not the night of The Limelight party):

Other bloggers participating in the Soundtrack of My Life:

StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Cherdo on the Flipside 

Holli's Hoots and Hollers 

THE DOGLADY'S DEN 

Mean Who You Are

Wrote By Rote


If you were paying attention during the story, you probably already guessed the song for this installment of Battle of the Bands. Walk On The Wild Side. Not including the Lou Reed version as it would run away with it, but I think I found two good covers.

The first is by a band called The Strokes.



The second is by Dave Stewart and Vanessa Paradis (don't watch if you are influenced by the video).


Please vote for the version of this song you prefer. If you want to get into the Ins and Outs of why you like one better than the other... I LOVE long comments!

For more Battle of the Bands fun, check out the other BOTB bloggers to vote on their battles:

• Far Away Series 
• Stephen T. McCarthy's Battle of the Bands Blog
• Tossing it Out
• DiscConnected (temporarily disconnected from BoTB)
• Mike's Ramblings
• Curious as a Cathy 
• Book Lover
• The Sound of One Hand Typing
• dcrelief ~ Battle of the Bands 
• Cherdo on the Flipside 
• Angels Bark 
• THE DOGLADY'S DEN 
• Jingle Jangle Jungle 
• Janie Junebug Righting and Editing
• NovelBrews
• J.A. Scott
• Quiet Laughter
• Holli's Hoots and Hollers 
• beReInVintaged 

BoTB Results and SOML ~ NYC For Dummies

In some ways, this last Battle of the Bands was my favorite in a while. It collided with my Soundtrack of My Life and Lost and Found. I'm still having difficulty managing my life (shocking) and my migraines, so I didn't get to as many of your posts as I'd like, but I'm still planning on visiting... soon.

As for the Battle... The song was Say Something. The contenders were Boyce Avenue and Pentatonix. I'm still undecided with my own vote, but you guys came out strongly in favor of Boyce Avenue. Pentatonix got votes (and strong ones when cast), but it really wasn't even close. Final tally:\

Boyce Avenue: 15

Pentatonix: 8

Let's continue on with my Soundtrack story.

The year was 1990. I just graduated college and moved to NYC to pursue a job in publishing. I found a job fairly quickly in the publicity department at St. Martin's Press. Turns out, there was a "hubaloo" in that department that resulted in almost everyone quitting and finding other jobs. I had NO IDEA of that when I went in to interview. I was the first person the new director hired. And I will write more on the job later...

But, I want to talk about "adjusting to life in NYC" in this soundtrack post.

Turns out that I was pretty naive about everything NYC, up to and including job hunting. My friend, Sag, graduated a year ahead of me and had a job in the City. We got an apartment in Queens, and she did her best to teach me the key to survival in this new place. There were a few important lessons I got right away. 1) Don't look around when you're walking in the City. That screams awestruck tourist. 2) Never greet anyone with a pleasant "good morning" or "how are you?" on the street. If you forget yourself and do this (I did), you will scare the crap out of any sane person (saw this firsthand). You will invite conversation from insane people (experienced this for myself), which will then scare the crap out of you. 3) Always zip your backpack from the bottom. If the zippers meet at the top, anyone can just unzip, stick their hand in, and walk away with your stuff. (Never experienced this, because I always remembered this rule!)

It was the stuff Sag didn't tell me that got me in trouble. For instance, while I was still job interviewing, I spent a day in the City. Had about three interviews that day. I was still green at navigating the subway, so I planned my route ahead of time for minimal opportunities of tragedy. Picture this: it was a sunny afternoon. My interviews were done. I was wearing a suit and heels and really just wanted to go home and collapse. A frantic woman approached me with a horrific story of being robbed and not able to get home. There were plenty of tears and she looked panicked sure enough. I felt terrible for her (easily imagining myself as her) and gave her all my money in my purse. That amounted to the trifling sum of $10. However, it wasn't until she walked away that it hit me: I gave her all the money in my purse. I needed that money to buy a subway token to get home. Instead, I walked about thirty blocks to Sag's workplace so she could pay for my subway token back to Queens. By the time I got there, my feet were leaden (and blister-ridden) and I was ready to beg money off a stranger with my own sob story. Sag and her co-worker nearly laughed themselves to death after hearing this tale of woe.

Apparently, there really is a sucker born every minute. That same sucker often becomes hardened and vows not to donate money to strangers ever again. Ergo, there is also a smarter, savvier person born the next minute.

I could tell you dozens of New York City stories. Because, let's face it, I'm one of those people who has to fall into every hole in order to accept there really is a hole there. I'm only giving you one more and then we're moving on in the next post. Jennifer the Second moved in with Sag and I. On the weekends, we'd often go out clubbing or drinking or something. Each one of these occasions always resulted in some sort of epic story. On this weekend night, we were trying hip new places. I think this was a one and done sort of experience. Turns out hip is another term for expensive. At our last stop for the night, the cover charge was something ridiculous, $10, which was a lot back then. The beer was something like $7 a bottle. I couldn't tell you what a mixed drink was, because I knew it was more than I wanted to pay. So, we're standing there trying to decide what to do in this uber-expensive place we paid to get into. Heck, I didn't even like the music. It was all very electronica and not all that danceable, to my way of thinking. So, we're just taking it all in when this guy in white lingerie (yes, women's lingerie) weaved through the crowd blowing a whistle. This happened quite a few times. We ended up not staying too long. We couldn't afford the drinks. We didn't like the music. While the guy with the whistle was mildly entertaining, after the third blow I was pretty well over it. We walked outside and Sag said something like, "Well that was something new and different."

And I said something like, "Yeah, the women were really tall."

She just looked at me and said something like, "You're an idiot."

To which I said, mildly offended, "What???"

"They were men, you dope."

And there you have it. I pretty well spent those two years with my mouth hanging open and chin scraping the sidewalk.




If you're enjoying these posts, feel free to share your own Soundtrack. This isn't a hop. No requirements at all, but a suggestion to do it one song at a time. (If you participated in the hop several years ago, you can still do this. Just post them one song at a time, with the freedom to add more songs if you'd like.) I'll link to all participants at the bottom of each of these posts:

StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Cherdo on the Flipside 

Holli's Hoots and Hollers 

THE DOGLADY'S DEN 

Mean Who You Are

A Three Way Crash: BOTB runs into SOML and Lost and Found

What we are seeing here today is a collision of epic proportions.

First, there was Battle of the Bands. List of participants at the end of this post.

Second, I started writing posts which I lovingly call The Soundtrack of My Life. A few others have joined in this endeavor. Who's participating in this one? These guys:

StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Cherdo on the Flipside 

Holli's Hoots and Hollers 

THE DOGLADY'S DEN 

Third, I joined the Lost and Found Bloghop. You can find the entire list of participants HERE. Who is hosting this event? These guys:

Arlee Bird at Tossing it Out http://tossingitout.blogspot.com/

Guilie Castilol-Oriard at A Quiet Laughter  http://guilie-castillo-oriard.blogspot.com/

Elizabeth Seckman http://www.eseckman.blogspot.com/

Yolanda Renee http://yolandarenee.blogspot.com/

Denise Covey http://dencovey.blogspot.com/

Alex J. Cavanaugh http://alexjcavanaugh.com/ 

For those of you new to this blog, I'm going through my entire life in song. Sounds tedious when I write it like that, but, surprisingly, not so much. We left off with me receiving a phone call from J1 (just as I was approaching college graduation) to say he'd decided to join the Army and requested a placement in Germany. We'd been on and off again (mostly off) for two years now, but I was still horribly in love with the guy.

In the face of this adversity, we decide to become "on" again. Makes sense, right? I'm headed for my first real job in NYC, and he's headed to boot camp. With promises of writing each other and a visit after boot camp, but before Germany... that's where we left it.

I made my move (lots more to tell there, but not in *this* post) and purchased enough stationery that I really should've bought stock in the stuff. And I wrote and wrote. (If you've read my rambling here, you have a fairly accurate idea about the sheer volume of words I'm attempting to describe). And I waited. Nothing came. Nada. Zip. Zero. Zilch. My mailbox remained perpetually empty.

Each day that passed with no word from J1, brought tears, anxiety, and too many meetings with Captain Morgan. My roommates got sick of listening to it. I got sick of listening to it. Why? Because I didn't understand it. I guess it should've been obvious after all the times he said he'd call, and didn't, in the two on/off years, but I really thought we'd turned a corner.

I daresay that the boot camp lasted six to eight weeks. So, it was in July when I knew he was outta there and sitting at home with his parents. I was sure he'd call. The plan was he'd visit me BEFORE Germany. So, a phone call was required, no?

That phone call did eventually happen. But he didn't initiate it. It was a Friday or Saturday night and I'd imbibed just enough Captain Morgan and Diet Coke that calling seemed like a reasonable, and right, thing to do. We had beautiful parquet flooring in that Queens apartment. I remember sitting on it (okay, sprawled on it) and drunk dialing him.

He told me that he got all my mail after boot camp was over. All of it. All at once. Turns out, he couldn't send or receive mail during his stint there. Ergo, as he read he saw I was spiraling out. I didn't call him names or anything, but there was a lot of "I don't know why you're doing this to me" sort of talk there at the end.

I could understand why he wasn't ready to pick up the phone and call someone who may or may not be riding the crazy train that first day. But, day two? Three? Two weeks later? What could possibly have kept him from calling me and putting me out of my (obvious) misery???

"He didn't want to hurt me anymore."

I was floored. Literally and figuratively. But, I eventually managed to wrap my head around this poor excuse and accept it. I suppose this is where the Lost and Found comes into play... because when someone tells you they are a jerk or don't have time for you or you're not the priority (and really he'd been telling me for YEARS) or he just doesn't want to hurt you anymore, you should say, "Well thank you for clearing that up. You're absolutely right. If we carry on down this path you will devastate me. This was good information to have." Instead, by accepting this lame rationale, I was signing up for more pain. My bad. I lost myself and found out just what it is to hurt. We think the pain is in the letting go. Often it's in the hanging on.

And that leads us to the Battle of the Bands/song portion of this event. This describes how I felt that entire six to eight weeks he was in boot camp. 

The song is Say Something. I'm pitting two covers against each other. Listen to them both and cast your vote in the comments. That simple! I recommend NOT watching either. I find both of these distracting, but I'm not the NSA and won't be monitoring you, so do what you like!

Here is Boyce Avenue featuring Carly Rose Sonenclar:



Here is Pentatonix:


Please vote for the version of this song you prefer. If you want to get into the Ins and Outs of why you like one better than the other... I LOVE long comments!

For more Battle of the Bands fun, check out the other BOTB bloggers to vote on their battles:

• Far Away Series 
• Stephen T. McCarthy's Battle of the Bands Blog
• Tossing it Out
• DiscConnected (temporarily disconnected from BoTB)
• Mike's Ramblings
• Curious as a Cathy 
• Book Lover
• The Sound of One Hand Typing
• dcrelief ~ Battle of the Bands 
• Cherdo on the Flipside 
• Angels Bark 
• THE DOGLADY'S DEN 
• Jingle Jangle Jungle 
• Janie Junebug Righting and Editing
• NovelBrews
• J.A. Scott
• Quiet Laughter
• Holli's Hoots and Hollers 
• beReInVintaged 

Soundtrack of My Life ~ The Knockout

Okay, we've established my senior year was really just one big party.

And still.. I made decent grades. Woohoo. I graduated with a degree in English and a loose plan for my future. When my friend Sag moved to Jersey after she graduated (one year before me) to work in The City, I started to think that sounded like a fine plan. I'd get a job in publishing and work in NYC. So, that was my plan.

A couple weeks before graduation, J1 called me on the phone. Yeah, I know you thought he was gone. Me too. And all the feelings I hoped were dead and buried, not so. They all came bubbling up to the surface, particularly when he told me his plan.

He joined the Army for a 4 year tour and put Germany as his first choice in placement. I really thought I'd just keel over and die on the spot. My mind was screaming things like, "What were you thinking?" I think I gurgled in response.

Sometimes you get crystal clear clarity when you realize you could lose someone. And that was how this decision felt to me. I realized I loved him. I didn't want him to do this thing, but it couldn't be undone. And I wouldn't love him less if I bowed out and he got himself killed. I'd just feel like I missed time. More time.

So, he and I crafted a plan for him to come to NYC (where I'd be at the end of his boot camp training) for part of his break before flying to Germany. Despite it being the worst of circumstances, we were finally both all in on this thing. At least, I thought we were all in...





If you're enjoying these posts, feel free to share your own Soundtrack. This isn't a hop. No requirements at all, but a suggestion to do it one song at a time. (If you participated in the hop several years ago, you can still do this. Just post them one song at a time, with the freedom to add more songs if you'd like.) I'll link to all participants at the bottom of each of these posts:

StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Cherdo on the Flipside 

Holli's Hoots and Hollers 

THE DOGLADY'S DEN 

Mean Who You Are

BoTB Results and SOML ~ Did Someone Say Party???

First, we're going to reveal the results from Battle of the Bands. Who won it? Daughtry or Corvyx? (Did you note the spelling Bryan? Not Cervix. Corvyx. hahahaha.) I really like both versions. I think Daughtry was grittier while Corvyx was smoother. I really like Daughtry and all his grittiness, so my vote lands there (but I think Corvyx did an excellent cover to this song!). What was the final tally with my vote included?

Daughtry: 13

Corvyx: 14

It doesn't get any closer than that, folks (unless it's a tie;). I confess that you guys upended my expectations for this battle. I really thought Daughtry would win it by a slim margin since the Corvyx cover is really good, but it is Daughtry's song. Once again, you've proven me WRONG.

I haven't done a Soundtrack post in a while. In fact, blogging has been a struggle. Migraines are roaring. It really hasn't been a great start to the new year. And still, I think 2016 is going to be better than 2015. But let's step back in time to 1989. Yeah, we're jumping in the Way Back Machine.

My senior year of college was largely uneventful. Frankly, it was a big party. Not saying I didn't study or go to class, but my focus was not in the places my parents would've preferred (or even adult me would've preferred). I was very involved with my sorority and parties and generalized drinking and parties... your average obnoxious college kid.

J1 was pretty well absent from my senior year. The last I saw of him was that surprise visit during the summer. He fell off my map. I didn't call him when he didn't call me. I did meet J3 (yes, he's a new one) over winter break at home. I'm not sure he's even worthy of being mentioned since it never really got serious. We dated when I was home, but I was still emotionally tangled up in J1... even if I wasn't actively doing anything about it.

So, for better or worse, my senior year can pretty well be summed up with one word: party. Frankly, I'm glad I lived through it. And, yes, that is a colander on my head. We were playing 3 Man. If you know the game, 'nuff said. If you don't... I repeat, so glad I didn't die.

Me and J3 Playing 3 Man

If you're enjoying these posts, feel free to share your own Soundtrack. This isn't a hop. No requirements at all, but a suggestion to do it one song at a time. (If you participated in the hop several years ago, you can still do this. Just post them one song at a time, with the freedom to add more songs if you'd like.) I'll link to all participants at the bottom of each of these posts:

StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Cherdo on the Flipside 

Holli's Hoots and Hollers 

THE DOGLADY'S DEN 

Mean Who You Are

Battle Results and SOML ~ Things We'll Never Understand

Well, this "battle" wasn't much of a battle. I actually think it may have been more interesting if I'd put Diamond Rio, Steve Wariner, and Lee Roy Parnell up against Merle Haggard. Believe it or not, I actually had a different guy up against these powerhouses and my mom said, "That guy is awful compared to the other group." So, I changed it. Turns out, Craig Wayne Boyd didn't fare so good against them either. Go figure.

Like the majority of you, my vote goes to the powerhouse "trio." As you can see with the final tally, I'm lucky this wasn't a shutout.

Diamond Rio, Steve Wariner, and Lee Roy Parnell: 20 votes (inc. mine)

Craig Wayne Boyd: 3

Once again, I realize I blithely skipped over something important from the spring of my junior year in the haste to talk about my horrible summer waitressing job. So, I'm gonna back up for a moment.

Remember when I said all of the women on my dad's side of the family are fairly psychic? No? Well, I've said it a couple of times. Sometimes that just means really good intuition. Other times it's crap like this:

For months, at night as I'd lie in bed (really wanting to sleep) I'd have this feeling.

It was flesh against metal and I'd taste blood in my mouth.

It was creepy. And terrifying. Really disturbing. It was also nearly every night.

It got to the point that I told my friends about it.

You see, I was fairly certain I was going to die.

Of course, the feeling never yielded anything more than what I just told you. I had no idea of any details.

My friends all yucked it up and thought it was silliness. I guess. I know they didn't take me seriously. And I can't say I blame them. It was all really vague.

Plus, they weren't the ones clenching the bed sheets with the bizarre sensation of metal against flesh (but no actual pain) and the taste of blood in their mouth. Nope. That was all me.

When I found out my cousin's daughter was killed by a car, I didn't make the connection at first.

Yeah, you read that right.

She was killed.

This was the same little girl I spent so much time with at Christmas. The one who didn't have any lines on her palms. She was seven. Her dad had been out of work (laid off), so he was taking her to the bus stop. This was his first day back to work. So, a neighbor who also had kids took her (and her two year old brother) to the stop. The stop was inconveniently placed on the other side of a hill. My little cousin ran out into the road just as a car was coming (way too fast) over that hill. The driver was a high school kid late for school.

The whole thing was horribly tragic. It's been over twenty years, and my cousin still misses her daughter.

For me, as soon as she died the nightly trauma stopped. Like that. No more lying in bed feeling metal on flesh with blood in my mouth. I told God I didn't want any more of that. If the information doesn't actually help someone or make someone happy then I don't want it. I've not experienced anything like that again (terrifying and vague).

Every now and then I pull out pictures from that time. I always wonder who she'd be today...





If you're enjoying these posts, feel free to share your own Soundtrack. This isn't a hop. No requirements at all, but a suggestion to do it one song at a time. (If you participated in the hop several years ago, you can still do this. Just post them one song at a time, with the freedom to add more songs if you'd like.) I'll link to all participants at the bottom of each of these posts:

StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Cherdo on the Flipside 

Holli's Hoots and Hollers 

THE DOGLADY'S DEN 

Mean Who You Are

Soundtrack of My Life ~ Look What July Blew In

The summer of 1989 pretty well flew by in a mist of misery. If you don't know what I'm talking about see the last post. My waitressing job darn near killed me.

The only other significant thing to happen that summer was that J1 just popped back up. Out of the blue. We hadn't spoken in months. It was a weekend, so I was in the midst of sleep deprivation and agonizing pain in my feet. I do believe it was a Saturday afternoon, and I was taking my nap in between getting off at the diner and having to be back at the bar that evening.

My roommate woke me up to tell me he was in the living room.

It was all very strange. I was happy to see him, but there was a part of me that knew he would be Gone Again the next time I turned around. I can't remember how long he stayed. Not long. Just long enough to make me wish things were different and decide that I wasn't gonna love anybody else.

You'd think the yardstick he'd set would be pretty easy to beat. After all, the guy couldn't STICK. But, you must remember this: If it doesn't hurt, it isn't love.

Yeah, that was MY yardstick for what love looked like. So, this MUST be love. After all, how could it hurt like this and not be?




If you're enjoying these posts, feel free to share your own Soundtrack. This isn't a hop. No requirements at all, but a suggestion to do it one song at a time. (If you participated in the hop several years ago, you can still do this. Just post them one song at a time, with the freedom to add more songs if you'd like.) I'll link to all participants at the bottom of each of these posts:

StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Cherdo on the Flipside 

Holli's Hoots and Hollers 

THE DOGLADY'S DEN 

Mean Who You Are

Wrote By Rote

Battle of the Bands ~ Workin' Man Blues

Battle of the Bands is, once again, colliding with my Soundtrack posts. Yep, I'm doing those again. Here is a quick list of other people participating in The Soundtrack Of My Life:

StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Cherdo on the Flipside 

Holli's Hoots and Hollers 

THE DOGLADY'S DEN 

Mean Who You Are

Wrote By Rote


If you decide, at any time, you want to start posting these on your blog, let me know, and I'll add you to the list.

First, the story.

If you will remember (really reach into those memory banks), the previous summer I sold books door-to-door in Colorado. Well, I knew I didn't want to do that again. But, I needed to make enough money over the summer to cover my school expenses (mostly) for the year. I also worked a very part-time during all four school years.

Anyway, one of my friends who was native to the area suggested I get work in Saugatuck. That was about a 40 minute drive for me, but it was a small "resortish" area on the lake. One of the restaurants was actually a three in one business. There was a really nice restaurant, a bar, and a diner that only served breakfast and lunch. Since I had zero waitstaff experience I ended up working in both the bar and the diner.

OMG.

I know that doesn't sound bad, but it was. On the weekends it was terrible. I'd work until close in the bar and then have to be there before open in the diner.

This girl needs her sleep. This girl also discovered that she didn't have a clue what it was like to be on her feet all night in a bar and then have to hoof it again all morning into mid-afternoon, go home a couple of hours, and then do it all again. Every weekend.

We lived off campus, and I moved three times in that house. That summer my room was in the basement. I remember one morning crawling up the stairs because my feet hurt so badly. Plus, I got to the point I was sleeping on the floor and putting my feet on my bed to elevate them.

Let's just say that a couple weeks into this job I was rethinking it. I really should've sold the books again door-to-door.

If the story tells you anything, be generous to your waitstaff the next time you eat out. That job is ROUGH.


Now, the song.

I really wanted a song about working. Well, there is no song that sings the blues of working like Workin' Man Blues. Of course, I wasn't drinking any beer in the tavern. All I was doing was serving it! There is no way I'm using the original by Merle Haggard. That wouldn't end well. So, I went looking on YouTube. Turns out several groups have done this song live as tribute to Merle. None of those were best in my opinion, though. Although there was one that cracked me up. For anyone who enjoys watching the audience, I can send it to you.

Feel free to watch the video in both of these. You can tell in both of them that they're really having fun. That makes them a joy to watch.

First up is a collaboration. Diamond Rio, Steve Warnier, and Lee Roy Parnell got together to pay tribute to Merle. Not sure what to call this... RioWP?



Next up is Craig Wayne Boyd:


Please vote for the version of this song you prefer. If you want to get into the Ins and Outs of why you like one better than the other... I LOVE long comments!

For more Battle of the Bands fun, check out the other BOTB bloggers to vote on their battles:

• Far Away Series 
• Stephen T. McCarthy's Battle of the Bands Blog
• Tossing it Out
• DiscConnected (temporarily disconnected from BoTB)
• This Belle Rocks
• Mike's Ramblings
• Curious as a Cathy 
• Book Lover
• The Sound of One Hand Typing
• dcrelief ~ Battle of the Bands 
• Cherdo on the Flipside 
• Angels Bark 
• THE DOGLADY'S DEN 
• Jingle Jangle Jungle 
• WOMEN: We Shall Overcome 
• NovelBrews
• J.A. Scott
• Quiet Laughter
• Holli's Hoots and Hollers 

Soundtrack of My Life ~ Why Don't You Like Me?

Many of you had LOTS to say about J1 in the last Battle/Soundtrack post. And you were all right. And all wrong. Dontcha hate it when that happens?!?!

You were right in the fact that I should've told him how I felt. If he didn't care, I should've told him adios and farewell. But, I didn't. And that is the part of the story we should all take away here. This is MY soundtrack. J1 is merely a supporting player.

Even though he "treated me mean and treated me cruel," I still loved him. And wanted to see him. And looked forward to the day when I'd see him again.

Those days didn't come as often as I wanted. I do remember him driving to see me after the Christmas break and once more a few months later.

The thing was it was always fantastic when he was there. It always felt horrible after he left. And worse yet when he stayed gone.

For anyone who's been in a relationship where you feel way more invested than the other person.... well, chances are you're way more invested than the other person.

I think J1 was completely overwhelmed by his life. His family. Trying to please his dad. And he cared about me, but not enough to really make me a priority. However, whenever he came around I dropped everything.

Yeah, it wasn't healthy.

There was never an official Break Up. But, after that second visit things changed. I got tired of the unreturned phone calls or the calls that were supposed to come that didn't. I got tired of always coming in last. So, we never officially said "this is it," but I stopped going out of my way to try and make him notice me. Not saying that it didn't hurt or that I stopped loving him (because that would've been way too healthy!), but I stopped initiating. And when that happened, he disappeared off my grid... until he didn't. But, that's another blog bit.




WHY DON'T YOU LIKE ME WITHOUT MAKING ME TRY?

I TRIED TO BE LIKE GRACE KELLY
BUT ALL HER LOOKS WERE TOO SAD
SO I TRY A LITTLE FREDDIE
I'VE GONE IDENTITY MAD!


I COULD BE BROWN
I COULD BE BLUE
I COULD BE VIOLET SKY
I COULD BE HURTFUL
I COULD BE PURPLE
I COULD BE ANYTHING YOU LIKE
 
WHY DON'T YOU LIKE LIKE ME?
WHY DON'T YOU WALK OUT THE DOOR!
 
WHY DON'T YOU LIKE ME?
WHY DON'T YOU LIKE ME?
WHY DON'T YOU LIKE YOURSELF?

BUT YOU ONLY WANT WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE SAYS YOU SHOULD WANT

HUMPHREY, WE'RE LEAVING!


If you're enjoying these posts, feel free to share your own Soundtrack. This isn't a hop. No requirements at all, but a suggestion to do it one song at a time. (If you participated in the hop several years ago, you can still do this. Just post them one song at a time, with the freedom to add more songs if you'd like.) I'll link to all participants at the bottom of each of these posts:

StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Cherdo on the Flipside 

Holli's Hoots and Hollers 

THE DOGLADY'S DEN 

Mean Who You Are

Wrote By Rote

Soundtrack of My Life ~ When It Stops Being Funny

Well, I've gotten lax with these posts. For a while there, I was really moving along. Now, it's more of a crawl. However, I was moving fast enough that I did forget to mention something at the beginning of junior year. So, we're backing up briefly.

If you recall, I came to college intending to major in music. That didn't turn out so well, and I spent my sophomore year taking Core classes (aka required classes) and hoping that I'd just fall into something that lit my fire. Turns out, that really didn't happen. But, you can't just wander aimlessly through the college experience forever without declaring a major. So, based solely on the fact that I liked to read I chose English. Yep. You read that right.

Now, that is a significant story right there. But, it's made worse by this one little thing.

When I was in high school, I found out that my mom dropped out of college after her sophomore year because she couldn't decide on a major. Well.... I thought that was hilarious. And I laughed in her face about it. A lot. I even told my friends. And laughed some more. Frankly, I was a bit of a brat about the whole thing. Who quits because they can't decide on a major???? hahahahaha.

Well, it was not nearly as funny when I was the one having difficulty deciding. When I got a call from someone in the admin department saying I couldn't go forward unless I decided... well, this sh#t got serious. And ironic. Very ironic.

I bet my mom had a good laugh. If she did, she was kinder about than I... because she never did it in my face, though I very much deserved it.





If you're enjoying these posts, feel free to share your own Soundtrack. This isn't a hop. No requirements at all, but a suggestion to do it one song at a time. (If you participated in the hop several years ago, you can still do this. Just post them one song at a time, with the freedom to add more songs if you'd like.) I'll link to all participants at the bottom of each of these posts:

StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Cherdo on the Flipside 

Holli's Hoots and Hollers 

THE DOGLADY'S DEN 

Mean Who You Are

Wrote By Rote

 

Battle of the Bands/Soundtrack ~ Chain of Fools

DID YOU SET YOUR CLOCK BACK?

If you have time to watch this fantastic trailer about the time change, do it. This may be the best thing I've ever seen on YouTube, and I've seen a lot of things...




Battle of the Bands is, once again, colliding with my Soundtrack posts. Yep, I'm doing those again. Here is a quick list of other people participating in The Soundtrack Of My Life:

StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Cherdo on the Flipside 

Holli's Hoots and Hollers 

THE DOGLADY'S DEN 

Mean Who You Are

Wrote By Rote


If you decide, at any time, you want to start posting these on your blog, let me know, and I'll add you to the list.

First, the story.

Where we left off: J1 decided to quit school (again). His parents lived approximately 30-45 minutes away from the college, so my first thought was that this wouldn't be that big of a deal. In other words, dating him was still doable. And to my credit (or codependency, whichever you prefer) I did give it my very best shot. However, J1 made it difficult. At least, it felt that way.

I remember spending a lot of time waiting on phone calls that didn't happen. Being disappointed by planned visits that suddenly became unplanned. However, I accepted all the excuses (shame on me!) and even justified the insanity to my friends.


Meanwhile, Christmas break came and I went home. This was a bizarre year home. It was the first Christmas with my parents actually divorced and living apart. Ironically, I don't have many memories of this Christmas. Did I block them? I don't know. I do remember visiting my relatives on both sides... just separately with one parent and then the other.

I didn't plan to include this... in fact, I only just remembered it now, but it was this Christmas visit when we spent more time than usual at my cousin's house. She had two young kids (a 7 year old and a 2 year old). The seven year old (girl) looked very much like my cousin and was a very happy kid. They'd had a big Christmas despite the fact her husband was out of work (so it was hard on them). All the women on my dad's side of the family are a bit psychic and interested in "odd" things. At that time, my cousin was big on palm reading. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but being one of those women (on my dad's side of the family), I found it intriguing. The lines on your hands tell several things, but my little second cousin didn't have a single line on either of her hands. I suppose that should have screamed something to me (and her mother!) but it didn't. It was just another odd thing. My hands said I'd go through two divorces (and I have)... my parents' divorce and my own. The line for my parents' divorce is much deeper than my own. I don't think it takes a rocket scientist to figure that one out. Anyway, there will be more to this story later.

Back to the J1 part of this story. So, we're at my nanny's house (dad's mom) and it was probably Christmas day late afternoon. The year was 1988. No cell phones and you still paid to call long distance. In point of fact, my family pretty much only called long distance in a state of emergency or for a two minute or less call. Why call when you could write a letter???? So, it was a fairly big deal to ask my nanny if I could use her phone LONG DISTANCE to call J1. I thought she might say no, but she agreed.

Turns out, I could've saved that dollar. I called and talked to him for about thirty seconds. He was watching a football game on TV and didn't want to talk to me. And he pretty much said it just like that. I mean he can talk to me any time, but how often is his favorite team (Minnesota) winning??? Merry Christmas!

Nanny was surprised to see me off the phone so quickly and said, "He wasn't home?"

I said, "No, he was. Just didn't want to talk. The football game was on."

She got what I think of as "the look." You know that look... like she bit into something rotten. Then she said tartly, "I hope you told him to sit on a tack."

Of course, the idea of me telling ANYONE to sit on a tack was absurd. (I didn't share the "saucy" aspect of the women on my dad's side of the family... unfortunately.)

But, I really really should have. I would've loved to see the look on his face when sweet little me said, "You and your football game can go sit on a tack!"

I'm sure I said something like, "Oh. Well, I don't want to interrupt you. Talk to you later. Bye." And then asked how high the next time he said, "Jump." Not pretty, but true.


Now, the song.

The song for today is Chain of Fools. It was originally a hit by Aretha Franklin, so we're not going to listen to that version today.

Had I been thinking harder (and longer) I might've included the movie The Commitments on my Top 25. I really liked the movie and loved the soundtrack. I might've loved the movie, but it's been a really long time since I've seen it, so maybe I loved it then but wouldn't like it so much now. I think the real point is I listened to the soundtrack much more often;)

Here is the version by The Commitments:



 Back in 2007, I discovered Eva Cassidy. Very talented lady who died much too soon. Here she is with her version of Chain of Fools:


I really like both versions of this song, so this one is going to be a tough vote for me. In fact, I'm still not sure where my vote will land. I'm curious to see what you guys think!


Please vote for the version of this song you prefer. If you want to get into the Ins and Outs of why you like one better than the other... I LOVE long comments!

For more Battle of the Bands fun, check out the other BOTB bloggers to vote on their battles:

• Far Away Series 
• Stephen T. McCarthy's Battle of the Bands Blog
• Tossing it Out
• DiscConnected (temporarily disconnected from BoTB)
• This Belle Rocks
• Mike's Ramblings
• Curious as a Cathy 
• Book Lover
• The Sound of One Hand Typing
• dcrelief ~ Battle of the Bands 
• Cherdo on the Flipside 
• Angels Bark 
• THE DOGLADY'S DEN 
• Jingle Jangle Jungle 
• WOMEN: We Shall Overcome 
• NovelBrews
• J.A. Scott
• Quiet Laughter
• Holli's Hoots and Hollers 

Battle of the Bands/Soundtrack ~ The Story

Battle of the Bands is, once again, colliding with my Soundtrack posts. Yep, I'm doing those again. Here is a quick list of other people participating in The Soundtrack Of My Life:

StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Cherdo on the Flipside 

Holli's Hoots and Hollers 

THE DOGLADY'S DEN 

Mean Who You Are

Wrote By Rote


If you decide, at any time, you want to start posting these on your blog, let me know, and I'll add you to the list.

First, the story.

The romance with J1 went really well for about a month. Yeah, a month. I can tell you WHAT happened, but I'm less clear on WHY it happened.

J1's sister became pregnant. Her boyfriend wanted to get married. Her parents, particularly her dad, weren't crazy about the idea. He really wanted her to finish school. It was a thing.

Why was this J1's problem? The answer: it wasn't. Not really. But, he and his sister were always close, and he said he needed to quit school to be there for her. Does this make sense? No. Because if dad was unhappy with the sister's situation, J1 quitting school only compounded the problem.

I, too, didn't want J1 to drop out (again). However, once he set his mind on something, let's just say this: hard head.

Do I think J1's quitting school had much to do with the sister? Not really. I think it gave him a reason to do what he already wanted to do, though I absolutely didn't think that back then. He still felt lost at school, with no clear idea of where he was going or what he wanted. Things were probably intense with me, and when the going gets scary, the scared get going.

Knowing what I now know about relationships, I'd say this was the first Red Flag. Serious Red Flag. This is the sort of flag that you don't ignore. Instead, you wish them well on their Life Journey. Alas, I didn't know anything about Red Flags. Plus, I loved him, so this is still just the beginning of a fairly long, and ultimately painful, story.

Now, the song.

I, like many many many people, first saw/heard this song on Grey's Anatomy during season seven. They did an episode musical style. It turned out better than you might think. There were a few misses, but many of those folks could actually sing. Hands down, though, the best singer of the bunch was Sara Ramirez. Before she contracted on Grey's Anatomy, she was on Broadway. She even won a Tony for Best Featured Actress in a Musical.

I'm going to introduce this song to you the same way I found it, with Sara Ramirez on Grey's Anatomy.





Well, that was so exciting that people all over the world blew up YouTube looking for this song. Turns out, that it was originally performed by Brandi Carlile (not to be confused with Belinda Carlisle of the 80s group, The Go-Gos). Now there is much discussion in the YouTube threads about who sings this song better. Ergo, I decided to settle that argument once and for all right here.



Please vote for the version of this song you prefer. If you want to get into the Ins and Outs of why you like one better than the other... I LOVE long comments!

For more Battle of the Bands fun, check out the other BOTB bloggers to vote on their battles:

• Far Away Series 
• Stephen T. McCarthy's Battle of the Bands Blog
• Tossing it Out
• DiscConnected (temporarily disconnected from BoTB)
• This Belle Rocks
• Mike's Ramblings
• Curious as a Cathy 
• Book Lover
• The Sound of One Hand Typing
• dcrelief ~ Battle of the Bands 
• Cherdo on the Flipside 
• Angels Bark 
• THE DOGLADY'S DEN 
• Jingle Jangle Jungle 
• WOMEN: We Shall Overcome 
• NovelBrews
• J.A. Scott
• Quiet Laughter
• Holli's Hoots and Hollers 

Battle of the Bands/Soundtrack ~ Maybe I'm Amazed

Battle of the Bands is, once again, colliding with my Soundtrack posts. Yep, I'm doing those again. Here is a quick list of other people participating in The Soundtrack Of My Life:

StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Cherdo on the Flipside 

Holli's Hoots and Hollers 

THE DOGLADY'S DEN 

Mean Who You Are

Wrote By Rote


If you decide, at any time, you want to start posting these on your blog, let me know, and I'll add you to the list.

Given how long it's been since I've done a Soundtrack post (7/15/15), I think I better do a very quick recap. We're in my junior year of college. J1 told me that kissing me would be like kissing his sister (ouch!), and then he changed his mind after giving it a whirl. Kissing me turned out to be nothing like kissing his sister.

Even though J2 was my first "real boyfriend," in some ways J1 felt more like my first real boyfriend. I was always on shaky ground in my own mind with J2. I suppose, given that very rocky beginning, I was on shaky ground with J1, too. But, it didn't feel that way after we finally surpassed that first hurdle... at least, it didn't until it did. However, we aren't there yet.

Those first months with J1 were truly a Grand Romance. The world felt right and good and made for me.

It was October (1988) and my sorority went on an annual hay ride Date Night. Of course, there was the hay ride. Cooking out round an open fire. Just a *bit* of drinking. And then a haunted house. All in all, pretty fabulous. This was also my first "date" with J1.

Here is a picture from the Hay Ride:

After the hay ride, J1 and went to the beach. My college was very close to Lake Michigan. It was a very beautiful at night. Almost magical. Okay, magical. It was there on that beach in that moonlight that J1 told me he loved me for the first time. I can honestly say that, even now, it felt like something out of a movie.

So, you've heard the story. Now, it's time for the song.

Maybe I'm Amazed by Paul McCartney and Wings. It's been covered many times. Honestly, narrowing down who to feature on this battle was tough. Only your votes will let me know if I decided well on this match up.

First up is Terry McDermott:



Next up is Carleen Anderson:


Please vote for the version of this song you prefer. If you want to get into the Ins and Outs of why you like one better than the other... I LOVE long comments!

For more Battle of the Bands fun, check out the other BOTB bloggers to vote on their battles:

• Far Away Series 
• Stephen T. McCarthy's Battle of the Bands Blog
• Tossing it Out
• DiscConnected (temporarily disconnected from BoTB)
• This Belle Rocks
• Mike's Ramblings
• Curious as a Cathy 
• Book Lover
• The Sound of One Hand Typing
• dcrelief ~ Battle of the Bands 
• Cherdo on the Flipside 
• Angels Bark 
• THE DOGLADY'S DEN 
• Jingle Jangle Jungle 
• WOMEN: We Shall Overcome 
• NovelBrews
• J.A. Scott
• Quiet Laughter
• Holli's Hoots and Hollers