I am just going to spit this out so that I don't choke on it: I don't have a Thursday post for today. Whew. That was terrible. I have been doing some blog reading and commenting, but not enough to put together a Thursday post. *So sorry.* I have already explained that in cases like this we BLAME THE MIGRAINE. It turns out that since I have ongoing migraines, and they have been bad this week... it is completely legitimate. I have made myself write some blog posts. Kudos for me. But, mostly I have studied the inside of my eyelids and contemplated ripping off my head with my bare hands. Not doable, by the way. However, I am prepared to throw out more junk for your reading pleasure in lieu of a Thursday post. Yeah, the storm doesn't stop here even while my migraines rage. So, here's the junk (in bullets, just because it is more fun):
*Flash sent me a Friend Request on Facebook. *You don't remember him? Or you are new? He's the ex-boyfriend who cheated on me and stole my pain medication. Yeah, he's a prize. (she says with disdain) *He also sent me a quippy email about wanting to be friends and signed off with my ex-husband's name. *Then he LOL'd and signed his own name. *I think he thought he was being cute. *OMG. This "man" is in his forties but has the maturity level of someone who is ten. *I showed it to my stepdad and he says to me, "Are you going to accept it?" *Is hell freezing over tomorrow? *Does everyone think I am seriously stupid???? As in permanently, irrevocably stupid? As in cannot be fixed stupid? As in a glutton for punishment stupid? *The more I thought about Flash signing the ex's name to the email, the more I remembered the one thing that they both said to me. And that was this gem: "No one will ever love you the way that I loved you." *Both times, I thought to myself, "Thank God. I couldn't take it again. I barely lived through it this time." *And I know that they both thought when they said it "as much as" instead of "the way that" because they considered their love to be wonderful. They both employed the same approach. *Let me share: while you are doing something unloving to someone, you tell them that you love them. Over and over. In fact, you tell them how wonderful they are. It validates the awful thing you are doing as you are doing it. It somehow makes it a loving thing. The idea is for you to start thinking of hurtful things as loving things. It starts out small and just gets bigger. As in more vicious. *They were both right. "No one else will ever love me the way that they loved me." Thank God. *I got an email from the ex-husband after the bowling party. He was concerned that I was angry with him because he made a parting comment about a goody bag when we were leaving. He suggested I take one because they contained candy and I could stand to gain some weight. *I didn't take said goody bag, and I forgot about his comment about three seconds after it left his mouth. *Apparently, he stewed over it a day or two before sending the email. *I wanted to say that after all of the things he said and did during our marriage and after our divorce, that comment on the goody bag just didn't even register on my meter, which is the total truth. *Instead, I just said I wasn't mad. Also the total truth. *My father checked himself into the hospital this morning. He has been having gastro-intestinal issues for quite a while. They are running tests. *My poor brother is just loaded with sick relatives. His MIL is in a nursing home. His FIL has been living with him and his wife and that has been really hard on them. He is not in the best of health and is also in the hospital right now. Apparently, his catheter became infected and they determined that he also needs a pacemaker. *My brother is working 12 hour days at his job and is feeling really overwhelmed. *As for me: I am just worried about my dad. I have this bad feeling I might be spending some time up north. *Our own version of Dumb and Dumber. Sick and Sicker. *Blah. *I will make a better effort to get out the usual Thursday post next week. I just read this over and this is sucky in comparison. *Oh, and one last thing about the Grammy Awards show post. Miss Angie misunderstood one of my comments. They don't base who gets the awards on who shows up. The base what awards get presented on who shows up. In other words, if someone wins, but they are a no-show, that award doesn't get presented. That is why so much of the awards show is filler (aka performances) as opposed to people actually being presented with awards. *Okay, I think I have barfed up every thought that I have on just about everything. *Well, not really, I have other stuff rolling around up here, but it is unrelated to everything else that I have said. I probably should save it for a future post. *Okay, can't save this. I loved your comment, Phoenix, about I LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE, PART 2. Me too. I find the whole thing very enlightening. Moving sideways... what was up with Marshall's pants at the Grammys? The man has a fine behind, but refuses to wear a pair of pants that do him justice. It is just one more thing that makes me want to cry. Seriously. Real tears. *Marshall, I know most women are dying to rip your pants off. Honey, I just want to get you in a pair that fit. *He and I are just about the same age, but now I sound like his mother. *This has to be a good place to stop. *Probably about twenty minutes ago would have been a good place to stop. *Stopping. *Not another word.
I can't believe that I am writing this, but if you actually show some follow-through on what we were talking about last night, I am going to have to change your name on here. I questioned my judgment for the last two days on agreeing to be your "date" to the George Strait, Reba, LeeAnn Womack concert in Columbia last night. However, you had really good seats and it was George Strait and Reba and I fell prey to their siren call. Seriously, when am I going to get that chance again? George Strait and Reba???? Granted this bit of good fortune only dropped into my lap because your girlfriend was all xoxoxo one day and I want my space the next. And she went from taking a break to a break-up. I even took the high road when you first suggested that I go and said you should take Pete, but he was already going. So... I caved.
Do you remember when I tried the explanation on the phone, prior to the show, of what I think happened? I told you that I think she was upset about one or more things that you were doing or not doing, so she dropped small opportunities for you to change your ways... and you didn't. Each time that you didn't, she decided that you couldn't change. So she decided for you that it was impossible for you to change and made the decision that it was over. And now she isn't telling you what those things are because she doesn't want to argue about them. If she doesn't tell you, then there is nothing on the table to discuss (argue about). It is actually very smart. I wish I had employed that technique with you when we were married. Well, maybe not. It is one thing to be married to someone and another thing to be dating someone.
Here is the thing that you said that still has my ears ringing today: "Her mom said when we started dating that we were both carrying around a lot of relationship garbage. She said that we should both see a therapist separately to work out our issues if we wanted this relationship to last. I wish that we had listened to her." You could have hit me upside the head with a 2x4. I had to drag your butt to therapy, and when I got you there, you never could admit that anything that happened was your fault. I am thinking of calling this girl The Genie because she seems to be magical. Or her mother is. Whatever.
I said, "Well, Operator, it isn't too late to go to therapy. You are wishing you had done it because you think it might have made the difference in that relationship. Maybe it would have. Well.... you blew it. You didn't do it. You can either go now and save your next relationship or you can not go and blow that one, too. Who knows? Maybe The Genie will decide that she misses you and will check on you and you will be able to tell her that YOU are in therapy. Maybe it will inspire her to do the same. Maybe it won't. Therapy is all about making you a better person. You can't do it for her. You have to do it for you." I am saying this again because I don't think you memorized it in the car. We were in the parking garage and you were looking for a parking space. In other words, you were distracted and I thought my wisdom was fairly top-notch.
There are too many reasons to name that our marriage fell apart. One of them was that you were all talk and no action. You excelled at telling me what I wanted to hear, but there was zero follow-through. Another one was that so much of your talk was very hurtful and mean. It is painful to go through therapy. You have look at all of the stuff that you have done to others that wasn't nice. You will oftentimes find the root of that in stuff that was done to you that wasn't nice. None of it is pleasant. It all hurts like being stung over and over by bees. It takes a lot of courage to walk into that room, week after week, and be willing to look inside at all of the stuff we'd rather just bury and forget. However, if you can do it, you will be a better Everything to all of the people in your life. I hope you can do it.
I sure am tired of calling you The Operator.
Throwing Out Hope, Robin
Dear Mr. Electric,
I rarely think of you anymore. When I first moved back here, I thought of you all of the time. Hoping, and wishing, and dreaming that you would decide that you loved me, too, and you would reappear into my life. Well, that didn't happen. You are still in the wind. Boy, that really hurt. Really bad for about six months. Maybe more. I decided that I could sit and let that pain be my home or I could make a decision to let it go. It turns out that letting go of people works just the same as forgiveness. You just have to focus on the desire to let go. So, that is what I did. For the first few days, I focused on that really intensely. And then I stopped putting any energy into it at all.
I used to check MySpace almost daily, just to see if you maybe sent me a message, or if I could tell what you were doing by your page. After I did my focus of desire business, the next time I logged onto MySpace I think I grabbed a picture out of my photos and logged off. I totally forgot to check on you. Then I decided I wanted to change my profile video. I hadn't done that in such a long time that they changed it, and I couldn't figure out how to do it. So, I just deleted my current one, and left it blank. I also left MySpace mad. It was only after I logged out, I realized that, once again, I forgot to check on you. The next time I logged in it was to find Eminem's page. Turns out all of his songs from the Recovery album are on his player. Do you know that? Do you even like Eminem? I don't know if you do. And I forgot to check your page, but I did friendship request Eminem and we are now buds. Sadly, I think it is set to auto respond to anyone. But, still...
Anyway, it looks like my focus of desire to get over you worked. I hope that this life brings you everything you want.
Peace Out, Robin
Dear Flash,
It turns out that I have even forgiven you. I can say your name and it isn't through gritted teeth. I know from Divorce Recovery Group that if you say an ex's name through gritted teeth and your muscles tense up, chances are pretty darn good that you are not living in a place of forgiveness with that person. You are someone else that I rarely think about. In fact, when I do think about you now, it is in the context of a teacher. I signed up for the lesson and you were the teacher that life sent my way. By the way, you were very good at what you do. I give you high marks at all of your skills.
Honestly, I don't know what to say to you. I guess I will just thank you for all of the things that you taught me. Because of you I am now wary of anyone who will make big promises to take care of me, be there for me, etc. but lives with his mother and doesn't have a job. Even though mom is sick (an excellent reason for being there), and he just moved (a good reason for not working yet), my antennae will start to really work when this is still the case several months later.
Because of you I will now get out the first time I catch a boyfriend in a significant lie. I am not talking about a list of all the errands the sweetie went on, and he forgot that he put gas in the car kind of lie. I am talking about that little stint in jail that I did kind of lie. Yeah, that kind of lie. Oh, and the part about that I am still facing charges in a different state kind of lie. Yeah those kinds of lies.
Because of you I will immediately kick to the curb anyone who steals my migraine medication. I needs my meds, dude. You took my medication knowing that I wouldn't have enough at the end of the month. So, when I got down to empty the last week, you got to watch me suffer. And then you lied about taking the medication until I flat told you I didn't believe you. How did you solve this problem? You stole medication from your mother, which was similar, and you said she didn't need it. I don't know what you did when she ran out at the end of the month, and I didn't ask. She is your mother and your problem.
Because of you I learned that I just can't forgive a cheater. Before you, I didn't know what it was like to be cheated on, so that was a new and different experience. In the spirit of being a "bigger" person, I tried to be forgiving about the whole thing. It turns out that I just don't have that in me. I can forgive, I just can't forget. And I can't continue to be with someone who I know cheated on me. Well, maybe it was also the lying about the cheating. Maybe it was just that I couldn't stand to be with a liar. A liar and a cheater. A liar, a cheater, a thief, a criminal, and in the end a manipulator of the highest order.
I do believe I think I covered everything. Well, there is one more thing. I stayed with you far too long. I am a good person, a kind person, and I deserve someone much better than you. Thank you for helping me to see that in myself. I will never settle again.
Go down to the bottom of my page and cut the sound on my music player and then turn up the volume to listen to the video. Sorry for the inconvenience. This looks like a "video," but it is actually just a song. There is no video footage.
Bathwater is so honest about the trials and tribulations in his relationships. The ones that aren't working. The ones he can't get past. The dates he goes on that end in *whatever.* The point is that he's sharing and hoping and wishing and trying. I have lots of reasons for not dating right now, chief among them being that I have horrible migraines, so I don't have a whole lot to bring to the "table."
That said, four years ago, my migraines were really bad, too, and I reconnected with someone who used to be a customer (but, at that time, wasn't). I was a year out of my divorce. It started off with a lot of email and it kicked off again, in person, with a lunch. This isn't going to be exactly right in terms of anything. My memory is terrible. That lunch lasted three hours. I wanted it to last the rest of my life. He was wearing a long sleeve navy blue shirt that zipped at the neck. To this day, I can't look at shirts that zip at the neck without losing my breath for just a second. If they are navy blue, make that a couple of seconds. I wish I could tell you what we talked about, but it was mostly catch up on the last few years. It was more about a feeling. When I broke up with my first boyfriend in 1995 (yeah, you read that year right), something died inside of me. I dated and I even got married, but something died. And it woke up that day. That day was December 27, 2005. I was alive again. So, I don't remember what was said.
What I do remember was that my ex-husband wanted me to babysit his kids that afternoon, so that he could go run some errand. So, after I floated out of that restaurant, I drove over to his apartment and he was PISSED. We hadn't set a specific time, but apparently it was too late for whatever he had to do, and when he gleaned that I was late because I was on a DATE he went through the roof. I really should have known that was the beginning of the end. This relationship just went from possibilities to pissabilities; I just didn't know it yet. However, it all started right then.
First real date New Years Eve: Location clubhouse of a friend, party with friends from Divorce Recovery Group Profile Picture: taken by him from that night First kiss at midnight (promising, but we would later turn this into an art form)
Me: Do you want to dance?
Him: I have never danced before.
Me: Seriously? Well, then we have to dance now.
Him: But I won't know what to do.
Me: It's easy. And, besides, how many virgin experiences do you get? (we danced)
~~~ My house is a disaster. This is from too many migraines. This actually precedes the date. My mom is there helping me straighten things up. He comes over to help. I can't describe the nightmare. But he was awesome about the whole thing. I really expected him to run screaming out the front door. Instead he used my Rainbow to clean my ceiling fans and any other task mom assigned. He accidentally broke my thermostat doing something. We went to Home Depot.
Me: I will buy the thermostat.
Him: No, I broke it. I will buy the thermostat.
Me; But you were helping me, so I buy the thermostat.
Him: I am not letting you buy the thermostat. Which one do you want?
Me: I don't know anything about thermostats.
Him: And this is why you aren't buying the thermostat. (He picks out the thermostat and heads for the counter. I follow.)
Me: I can still pay for it even if I don't know which one to choose.
Him: I already have the thermostat. Possession and all that. (He buys the thermostat. He installs the thermostat. He teaches me how to use the thermostat. I sit and try not to drool as he puts it in. It was really hard paying attention to the directions on operating the thermostat.) ~~~~ He spends nearly every day at my house after first date. Several things become apparent quickly. 1) My house is a disaster (still) and needs stuff to be boxed and taken away. Some to storage and some to goodwill and some to trash. 2) My ex calls daily about the kids. He is not a planner and always needs something. Sometimes it is for me to drop what I am doing and ferry them somewhere or pick them up at school. Or he needs advice about something. It is always something. 3) Because of my migraines I am not working regularly so my income is not good. At the time, it seemed like a good idea to do laundry for my ex in exchange for him to pay my water bill. The initial deal was to wash the clothes for the kids. It turned into washing all of their clothes. Laundry became a full-time occupation. 4) Right Guy can see this whole situation with a clarity that I cannot. ~~~~ He comes over and walks into my house and hears the washer and dryer going. I am sitting on the couch. He walks over to the laundry room, stands there and looks at it, and shakes his head. He walks over to me.
Him: How long are you going to keep doing this?
Me: What?
Him: Everyone's laundry.
Me: He pays my water bill.
Him: You should have a drop off window.
Me: It isn't that bad.
Him: It is exactly that bad.
Me: Really?
Him: Can't you see it?
Me: (thinking hard) So, you are saying that I should tell him that I shouldn't do the laundry anymore?
Him: Among other things.
Me: What other things?
Him: He calls you every day, sometimes two or three times. I have yet to be here that he hasn't called at least once. It is like you are still married to the guy.
Me: I am NOT married to that man.
Him: Are you sure?
Me: Very sure.
Him: Well, he seems to be unclear about it.
Me: So, what am I doing wrong here?
Him: Stop taking his calls all the time.
Me: (doubtful) I don't think that will go over very well.
Him: So, you are worried about his feelings?
Me: It isn't so much that. I just know the guy. He has this hammer/nail mentality.
Him: And?
Me: Well, he will just keep calling.
Him: So, take that one call and tell him that you won't be taking future calls.
Me: His problem is that he isn't a good planner in terms of the kids.
Him: Force him to be a good planner. And if he isn't, force him to find someone other than you to pick up his slack.
Me: (he's right) So, you're saying to tell him to call me on the weekend and give me the schedule and then not call me the rest of the week except for an emergency. And that means a real emergency. Say a kid is sick or going to the hospital... something like that.
Him: Yeah. Anything else he can send to you in email.
Me: You're pretty smart.
Him: No. I've just dealt with manipulative people before and you are too nice.
~~~ Him: How is it that you didn't get married a long time ago and don't have a bunch of kids of your own?
Me: I don't know. I always wanted kids of my own. It just never happened. I thought it would. It didn't.
Him: Yeah.
Me: You know how you meet a handful of people in your life and there is just this instant connection. The first time that happened for me was in the seventh grade. It was with my best friend. It didn't happen again until college, and then it happened three times. It hasn't happened again until now. I call it "the click." You can't explain it. It just feels like you've known someone your whole life.
Him: I guess I know what you mean. When I first met you back when I was working at the golf course, you were about the only person I could talk to about what was going on with me. That was strange. You were this random salesperson and I didn't even know you and I was telling you all of my personal stuff. And you sat there and listened to it.
Me: I remember.
Him: That was a bad time for me.
Me: I know.
Him: I really liked you.
Me: Yeah.
Him: I kinda had a crush on you.
Me: Oh. (I should have said that I really liked you, too, but I didn't. Because then I would have to follow it up with my policy about not dating customers and then it would have been followed up with I had a boyfriend at the time. And then it would have been followed up with, I would have scratched the policy, ditched the boyfriend, and gone against my better judgement and thrown caution to the wind, and it probably would have ended in disaster. So, I think blogged later about how silly crushes were ~ totally forgetting about this statement because everyone on myspace was quizzing about crushes ~ and said that I had a crush on Ranger from the Stephanie Plum Series. I am an idiot. I totally hurt his feelings and I wasn't truthful, to boot. I swear I was on board the Titanic and didn't know it. In fact, I was the dumbass steering the boat.) ~~~ One of the first times he is over at my house. I made dinner and drank too much beer. Of course, that doesn't mean a whole lot. Five beers and I am puking. Four beers is my absolute limit. Two would be better. Music is playing. We are in the living room.
Me: You want to dance?
Him: Sure. (he is now a pro)
Me: (singing along because I am definitely tipsy ~ the song is Kendall Payne's Scratch) I'd like to know if you'd be open to starting over from scratch...
Him: (looking me dead in the eye) Yes
(I think of that moment now and all I can think of is Rascal Flatt's song "What Hurts The Most") ~~~ Right Guy has personal crisis of his own and drops off radar for a while. We are talking on myspace and then weird stuff starts happening on myspace. My comments that I leave for him start getting deleted. That hurts my feelings. I stop calling him on the phone. He stops calling me. We stop talking. I am in my email account when I actually see my messages being deleted by someone other than me. In other words, someone else is in my email at the same time I am. The kicker is that I can see just before it gets deleted that Right Guy had sent me a message on myspace that I never got. "Someone" was in myspace as me deleting my messages and generally screwing with my account.
NEWSFLASH: I was the biggest dumbass ever. Migraines screw with you. They make you forget stuff. I knew that my ex-husband had access to that email account because I had set him up a year ago. I had read an email from someone that I knew he didn't want me to see. It was in the middle of our divorce. He was threatening me and it was ugly. I had a feeling he was in my email then, so I marked it "unread" just to see if it would disappear and it did. I tried everything to get him out of my account. I changed my password repeatedly, but I couldn't shake him. However, it was the only email account I had at the time, and I didn't think he cared anymore about my life and what I was doing. I certainly didn't think he cared enough to sabotage my relationship. He was in a serious dating relationship of his own at that time.
When I saw that message get deleted, it all made sense. My comments being deleted and Right Guy's emails being deleted. We were not speaking to each other out of hurt feelings that were created because of my ex. To this day, my ex denies doing any of these things. I don't fight about it with him anymore. I know what I know.
I delete my ex from my myspace because of this mess. My phone rings and it is Right Guy.
Him: I can't believe it. You deleted him.
Me: Yes. He had hacked my email and myspace. (I explain entire situation)
Him: @#*&@#
Me: I know. I feel the same way. (My cell starts ringing. It is the ex.)
Him: I hear your cell. It's him, isn't it?
Me: Yes.
Him: I bet he calls back.
Me. I know. (He does.)
Him: I am so proud of you.
Me: On the one hand, so am I. On the other hand, I feel really stupid.
Him: I hear your phone again.
Me: It's him again.
Him: This is going to go on all night.
Me: I know.
Him: He is crazy.
Me: Clearly.
Him: Well, you've made your stand.
Me: It feels good. (Phone rings again. I check it. Not the ex, but his girlfriend.) Hold on. This time it is his girlfriend.
Her: He is on his way to your house.
Me: You have got to be kidding me.
Her: I tried to talk him out of it.
Me: Call him and tell him that I am on my other line and he should go home. He is not the center of my universe.
Her: I don't think he will listen to me, but I will try.
Me: He is on the way to my house.
Him: @%^#$%% What are you going to do?
Me: I asked his girlfriend to call him and tell him to turn around. In the meantime, I am turning off my lights and not answering my door.
Him: Do you think that will work?
Me: Not really.
Him: I really hate this guy.
Me: He is not at the top of my list right now, either. Crap, he has just pulled up outside of my house. (Doorbell rings repeatedly. Dogs barking like crazy. Banging on door.)
Ex: I know you're in there. Come out and talk to me.
Me: He can forget that (into phone). (I call girlfriend on cell.)
Me: He's here. Please call him and tell him that if he doesn't leave I will call the police. I don't want to do it, but I will.
Her: Okay.
I hear his cell ring.
Me: Well, she called him. Hopefully she will talk some sense into that hard head. (They have long conversation by the road. He gets into his vehicle and leaves.) He just pulled away.
Him: Thank God. I am turning around.
Me: Where are you?
Him: On the interstate. I am halfway to your house. Although I realize I am wearing nothing but my underwear. And I have a bat. It is a really good thing that he left.
I breathe big sigh of relief. Like the idea of seeing Right Guy in his underwear. However, the picture of Right Guy beating the crap out of my ex with a bat is not appealing at all. I can understand how my ex drives a person to that sort of extreme, but still.... big sigh of relief. ~~~ When the floor fell in on my finances, meaning I had to sell my house, it was a blow. Honestly, there were only three things holding me to Augusta: 1) my job, 2) the kids, and 3) Right Guy. That was it. And because of my ex #2 and #3 were in conflict with one another. It didn't have to be that way. My ex was forcing it to be that way. I wasn't strong enough, or didn't have enough clarity yet, to step back and call him on his bluff. That would be to say, "Take the kids and you do the explaining." When you are locked into a dance for so long, it is hard to break free. I was used to him pulling my strings. It took years of being away from that to see it. Now, that I am back, he doesn't pull my strings anymore. We dance to my tune now. However, I lost #1 and #3 and my relationship with the kids is irrevocably altered. ~~~ Before I sold my house and moved to Florida.
Him: Why don't you move in with me?
Me: (want that more than anything) Have you thought about this or did it just come to you on a whim?
Him: Well, I just thought of it.
Me: I can't. (His last relationship was a disaster because he tried to rescue someone who needed a place to live. He hated her. I wouldn't become her.)
Him: Oh.
Me: We can work something out. (I had a plan. I was going to keep my job and work one week of the month in Augusta. I wanted that week to be spent with him. It would give us a chance to see how things went. That plan never came to fruition.) ~~~ Some of our best conversations were on the phone.
Me: If I had to move to Florida, would you miss me? (I say this because it is a possibility. My finances are terrible, but I hope it won't happen.)
Him: I would miss you like I would miss the sun. ~~~ You are thinking... another video? Egads. This has already been so long. I have so many blogs to read and SERIOUSLY? Well, this one encapsulates everything I feel. It is one episode of Grey's Anatomy that runs start finish pretty well what happened in the episode. I think it was really well done. Best of all, it captured the FEELING of how I feel about this experience and how it has affected my life. It was called IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT. Oh yeah, it got the feeling.
The only thing I would have done differently is kept the sound on Meredith's voice when Hannah pulled her hand out of that guy's chest (and off of the bomb, which was stabilizing it and keeping it from detonating) and Meredith stuck her hand in. You saw her saying *something* over and over, but you can't hear it in this video. She's saying, "What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do?" I have been saying that for four years. Only it hasn't been out loud. But I know the panic. I put my finger on the trigger. What did I do? What did I do? What did I do?
I am right there with Meredith on the end. I have spent years trying to remember that last kiss, and I can't for the life of me. If you know something is going to end, you prepare better. You note each thing as it happens, and mark it as the last word, the last dance, the last dinner, the last touch, so that nothing is missed. I don't remember the last time I even saw him, much less kissed him, because I didn't know it would be the last time. And he isn't talking.
