You have no idea how many ways I could go with this post. I could ramble on about my love for Bonnie Tyler and the song. I could tell you how awesome said song was in the movie Footloose, and how I can still picture in my mind's eye Kevin Bacon, as Ren McCormick, on that tractor with his shoelace caught in the pedal in a very scary game of Tractor Chicken. All the while, this song was blaring in the background. Man, I loved the Footloose soundtrack. Heck, I loved the movie. Knew I would love it as soon as the shoes went tapping across the screen at the movie theatre.
Or, I could
relate an obsession with superheroes that started when I was just a kid. Show me a cartoon and it better have a
superhero in it. The Justice League was
my favorite. And I thought I would die
when Lynda Carter played Wonder Woman in the 70s. Die of spinning in circles, that is. I really thought I might turn into Supergirl
if I spun around long enough, despite the fact that I wasn't an Amazon, and
didn't grow up on Island full of women with special powers. Go figure.
The thing is
that all of these things did influence my way of thinking. I bought into the Idea of All of it. Even though in my world NONE of it was
true. I didn't actually have any good
role models to base relationships. My
grandparents had been married forever, but my grandfather treated my
grandmother horribly. He was a verbal
and emotional abuser to everyone in the family.
My other grandmother was divorced five times (as was her mother before
her). That was practically unheard of in
those days!!! My father's side of the
family seemed to be looking to set some sort of record. Not really sure. They were the "we aren't taking any crap
here crowd." While my mom's side
took nothing but crap. And my parents
rarely spoke to one another. It was all
very civil. There were weeks that they
could speak to one another and say nothing more other than, "What's for
dinner?" or "Pass the salt."
And I am not joking. So, I had
abuse on one side. We don't take no crap,
we just divorce your ass on the other (pardon my language, but it does get that
way sometimes here). And the happy
medium was total shutdown: the way to get along is not speaking. Total non-communication. And just for kicks and giggles, my dad was a social
worker. He helped OTHER PEOPLE sort
through their problems. I never got that
one since my parents' solution was NOT talking.
So... it
isn't surprising that my first boyfriend had verbally abusive tendencies. Before that, he inflicted other sorts of pain
that I just kept coming back for... don't ask me why. However, the first always explains the
latter. It took me seven years to leave
that relationship. Yeah, that is a head
scratcher. Then, it was almost seven
years of what I call "Seinfeld dating." Those dates were virtually one or two time
dates. Why? Because the guy did something that annoyed me
like eating his peas one at a time at dinner.
Yeah, like that. Seinfeld
dates. I would just sit there thinking,
"Can I spend the rest of my life like this watching this bonehead eating
his peas one at time? This is driving me
bananas." So, the answer was
clearly no. Did I ever explain why there
was no second date? No. Just moved on...
And then I
realized I was in my mid-30s and Robert Downey, Jr. got thrown into jail over
drugs. That caused the Ally and Larry
relationship on Ally McBeal to go off the rails, and Ally never recovered. Ally spun out completely, and so did I. I know that sounds insane, but that is how
that went down. And the next yo-yo that
asked me out and drove me insane with all his junkola... I continued to go out
with him. Previously, I would have ended
it. It made me Crazy. I knew that he had more going on in the Minus
Column than in the Positive Column, but I was 32. 30 freaking 2. I wanted KIDS. My.Clock.Is.Ticking.Like.This.
And all of
that Holding Out For A Hero that I had been doing went right out Window. Instead, I married my Grandfather. Obviously, not my actual Grandfather, but
someone just like him. A verbal and
emotional abuser. Oh, the damage we
weave when first we settle. Yeah, I know
I changed the saying.
Did I know
that he was going to be as bad as turned out to be? No.
Did I think I could handle the situation? Maybe even change him? Yes.
Most importantly, were their signs as to the content of his character
before the marriage? Yes. I would say more so after the engagement than
when we were dating. But, there was time
to call it off. I had alarm bells
ringing in my head for months. You can
call those alarm bells, or that Inner Voice, or Your Gut, whatever you want. Personally, I think it is God. I believe that God talks to us every day if
we only open our ears and listen. And
God tried for months before I said I DO to get me to rethink that position and
say I DON'T.
However, I
was determined to take the class. And my
ex-husband was a very hard teacher. It's
just a shame I didn't get the entire lesson plan, because I had to take the
class AGAIN with another teacher. You
will hear more about that when we get to the letter "W." Life lessons are really hard (which is why
they are called lessons and not good times).
Listen to
your Inner Voice. Being alone with
someone else is worse than being alone by yourself. If you are in an abusive situation, get out
now. I eventually learned the power of
"No." That one took a long
time. Taking back your Personal Power is
one of longest roads a person who has been abused (verbally, emotionally,
and/or physically) will have to walk to get back to themselves. However, it feels incredible. And now, I truly am...
image found on facebook... naturally.
Did you have good role models in your family to form healthy relationships? Have you ever been in an abusive relationship of any kind? If so, what did that relationship teach you about yourself? Have you forgiven yourself for allowing yourself to go down that road? Have you ever identified or even over-identified with a character on TV or in a movie? Did your dating years ever feel like a TV show? Did you ever settle for a wrong relationship simply because you were tired of looking? Have you learned to listen to your Inner Voice? Have you ever gone through a process of taking back your Personal Power? How did that feel?
