Friday, July 30, 2010


It is 6:30 and I am just starting my post. I thought about not posting at all today. Misery made a strong point about blogging every day interfering with the progress on my novel. However, I did make some headway on that yesterday. Today, I would like to blow some smoke about my time being spent on novel writing, but that would be a lie. It was actually spent on novel reading. Yep. I caved in to the lure of a novel calling my name. And it was soooo good for me. Actually, I have read more novels in the last two weeks than I have since I started my writing. I thought it would interfere with my "process," so I quit reading. I think ~ now ~ that was an idiotic decision. The best way to learn what makes a good novel is to read one. And not to read just for the pure deliciousness of the read, but mentally taking notes of why it is good. Why is it working? How is the writer achieving "goal" with the storytelling?

I swear sometimes that I think I am the most retarded person I know. That implies that I know myself in the third person or something. Whatever. There are some things that I know instinctively and other things that I seem to always discover the hard way. Or by luck. If you read Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series, I find good writing ideas the way she catches her FTAs. In other words, she gets there in the end, but my God, what a horror show.

Well, I only intended to blab on for a sentence or two about what I've been doing with my waking hours these last few days. It just got away from me. Shocking, I know.

What I meant to blog about was the kids. That would be C-Man and H-Girl. For those of you not up to speed, they are not my kids. They are my ex-husband's kids. However, they are as close to kids as I will ever get, so I do try and maintain some form of contact with them. Ironically, I talked to them more when I was in Florida than I do now. I think I spent more time with them then, too. They would come down for a week at a time on holidays and during the summer, etc. Since I have been back here, I have felt so lousy that I have barely seen them. We talk some. And that is where I was going with this post....

I thought of it when I read this post. It was a truly lovely post about mothers and daughters. Of course, in this case, all mothers and daughters are grown-ups, and in that stage where you are now able to be friends.

I called the kids' cell, which is primarily H-Girls, about a week ago. C-Man answered it and we had a really nice conversation. However, this is not unusual. C-Man has not been problematic. He and I talk easily. That boggles me a bit because when they were little it was the other way around. C-Man was the one who constantly gave me grief and H-Girl was the one who wanted to spend time with me. She was the one who was no trouble. Well.... we had been talking for quite a while, when H-Girl yells from her room that C-Man needs to get off the phone, b/c he is using up her minutes. I knew that they were at my former mother-in-law's house, and I would have called on her landline, except the last time I did that I was told to call on the cell, because I was in their Top 5Faves, so I didn't use their minutes. I asked C-Man to ask H-Girl if I was in the Top 5 Faves (of course, I can hear everything).

The answer: Not anymore. I was removed to make room for one of her friends. Uggghhh. So, I told C-Man that I would call him on the landline and hung up. I did and we talked some more. I then talked to H-Girl for about 5 minutes. She couldn't think of more than 5 minutes worth of talking points before handing me back to her brother. Again....UGGGGHHH.

This was a Saturday night and they do go to church in the morning. (This is to prepare you for what is about to happen, but what has not yet happened.) C-Man asks me if I remember this dream that I had about him back when we lived in the old house. I remember it vividly. I am surprised that he remembers it at all. However, C-Man surprised me then with the things that he was paying attention to that I said (when I thought he was totally ignoring me) and continues to surprise me now.

For some of you this dream is going to have you thinking that I have lost my mind. That is okay. I think so too, some days. But not because of this dream. Others of you are going to think that... You know what? Just go with it. Open your mind to the world of possibility and the fact that we don't know it all and go with it.

Now, there is what I know to be true and what I told to C-Man. Those are two different things. Sometimes you have to go with that, too.

What I know to be true:

I was astrally projecting. We do that quite frequently when we dream. I was on The Other Side. Also known as Heaven. We go there quite often because it is Home. I was in The Hall of Records. We go there quite frequently, too, to check out our life path and the life path of people in our lives. I was looking at C-Man's lifepath in the record book. I think it must have been the first time I had done this. His lifepath was Important. Big. I read it and felt this weight of responsibility. This kid had to be okay because what he was supposed to contribute to the world was Bigger.Than.All.Of.Us. When I woke up, I couldn't remember the details. I didn't know what IT was. I remembered standing in the Hall of Records. I could see myself turning the pages. I could even see finding his name. But the actual information that came after...gone. All I had was the knowing. The certainty. The feeling that I had when I read it.

What I Told Him Then:

I don't know. I probably stuck to the basics of the dream. Left out words like astrally projecting, Other Side, Hall of Records, but kept the rest in. I probably told him at a time when I felt like he needed to hear it.

What I Told Him Sat Night:

Pretty much the same thing leaving out the same words as before. We were halfway through it when his grandma started hollering that he needed to get off the phone NOW. (He had church in the morning and he needed to take a shower and get ready for bed, etc.) Of course, he needed to hear the rest, so I told it. He got in trouble (I'm sure) for it. If it were me, I'd take a scolding to know what was underneath my name in The Book if it says that I am going to do something so important that it changes the world for the better. Yep, scold away.


  1. Ah Robin, I love this post. And a couple of things came to mind when I read it. The first, about whether or not you should read other books while you're trying to write, made me think about "back burners and front burners" - you know sometimes the most creative thing you can do is to stick a pot on the back burner and let it slowly bubble and simmer while you do something else on the front burner.

    I think writing is like that - well actually, any creative process is. You have moments when the pot is just a bubbling away and everything is going like hot cakes. But then there are times when it seems you need to let your brain cool off and stick whatever you're working on to the back - onto a back burner. Somehow I think that doing this actually stirs up the creativity in your mind in a much greater way than if you tried to keep concentrating on it 100% of the time. Kind of like "sleeping on a problem" - your brain keeps working on a solution even though it's thinking of something totally different.

    So I'd say, go for it - read a novel, relax for a while. Keep yourself disciplined with a certain number of hours you want to work on your writing and then put it aside, leave it on the back burner, and let your brain do some chillaxin! :)

    As for the dream about C-Man. I think every child has the ability to turn the world around! And he needs to know that he has that kind of value. I don't know if you are his only "mother figure" but you are definitely one of them and I can't think of any more important message you can give him than to let him know he is significant! What a gift you have given him!

    Interesting thing about dreams - one interpretation is that everything that happens in the dream is about you - the world is your world, the characters are all parts of you, because it is all actually happening inside of your head. So, on one level, maybe the dream means that C-Man will always make a significant difference in your life - in your heart, and ultimately in the value you place upon your life. It reminds me of the scripture where Jesus said that how we treat the least of peoples, is how we are treating Him. So by treating C-Man with love and dignity, you are actually treating God that way too. How we treat children is so very important.

    And on another level, if everything in your dream is part of you - some aspect of your own being, then maybe in your dream C-Man represents a part of you that also is making a difference in this world. It is so difficult at times to see ourselves as valuable people of worth. Perhaps in your dream it was easier for your mind to project that onto an innocent child who so obviously has his whole life ahead of him, full of potential. And your motherly instincts towards him are perhaps easier for you to accept mentally than the fact that you, yourself, are also a person of value, an object of love.

    What I'm suggesting is that perhaps the message is for you as much as it is for C-Man. Could it be that you too are contributing something that is bigger than you are, bigger than all of us? Perhaps that dream came to you because you needed the assurance that your life path is one of significance and value.

  2. oy, it sounds like they don't the kids talking to you. And remember, that girl might not like talking to you, but she will remember the efforts you have made. Never waste a minute telling her positives. She is going to need them.
    I totally believe in this...
    But I don't think it's called astral projection.
    The Jews who study kabbalah believe that as we dream Our souls ascend to heaven to be spiritually replenished. I truly believe this.
    Our souls are renewed through the presence of God.
    I don't care if people think I am crazy.
    Good post Robin.

  3. That's crazy awesome!

  4. Awww... Sorry about H-Girl... I can remember when I was a youth, not having time for family as my friends were my number 1 priority... I guess I must have upset a few close (and not so close) family members by barely being able to speak a few words to them... :o(

    Interesting dream/experience... I've astrally projected once (as far as I am aware) but only got as far as the kitchen! :o(

  5. about 1st paragraph - yeah, that WAS idiotic decision haha :) No, sorry to put it that way, but it does sound good, doesn't it? :)

    And about H-girl...I'm not sure, maybe I mentioned this before, but if she's a teenager than it is SCIENTIFICALLY proved that her friends (that are her age, her social group, you know) are going to be more important for her than you, than family. There's just something about teenagers that makes them crave for being accepted by their social group at this age, even at the cost of hurting people from their family. SO I think you just need to wait through this phase.

  6. H-Girl is only 11 years old. I didn't expect to deal with this for another couple of years...

  7. This is sad about H-Girl - I am sure that even at 11 years old she is trying to be self-protective, but Cmoursler is right, she will remember you making an effort and not giving up. Besides, girls judge other females more harshly than guys do, so you don't know what your ex has told her about you that she's carrying around.

    I hope H-man ends up changing the world and telling everyone that you gave him the confidence to do it. Perhaps it's like a time loop; H-Man changes the world for the better because you had a dream that he would and therefore he started to believe in himself.

    Kids can be amazing when adults have faith in them.


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