Monday, July 26, 2010


Before we actually get to today's post, I want to just touch on a couple of things.

1) Thank you for all of the really awesome comments from everyone who commented. You know who you are. Bath, your comment accidentally got eaten by Blogger. I saw it happening and could do nothing to stop it. I also didn't get to read it. Blogger is mean sometimes. Try again, please.

2) Today, I woke up feeling so much lighter than yesterday. Apparently, this BlogTherapy actually does work if you go all the way with it. You can't just stop when you're all opened up and bleeding. I did that and I felt lousy. It was only when I kept going and figured out my patterns in my choices that it made sense. It made it possible to take my control back. That doesn't change my past, but I can let go of it now, and it will change my future. It feels amazing to drop something so heavy and painful, and to know that my future just pivoted in a new direction, because something clicked in my head. (A better direction)

3) I recently found a very cool blog, I don't remember how, but I am sure it was by accident, and I realize that I jumped into an ongoing story on this blog. So, I decided to go back to the start and figure it out. Today was day one and I am going to read a little at a time. As it turns out, the last blog I read today was on letting people go who suck your energy. I linked to it because I think it is worth taking the time to read. You can judge that for yourself.

So what am I going to blog about today? Well, I wasn't really sure until I read Simon's blog over at Constant Revision. His posting was about how as writers we need to grab the reader in the first couple pages of our novel. He illustrated that point by using a song from a Nickelback CD. You might be wondering what one has to do with the other. The song was the first song on the CD. I think it was their first CD. So, it was important. It was likely the first song someone who bought the CD was going to hear, aside from what they'd heard on the radio. It was going to say this band is kickass, or it was going to scream one-hit wonder. Nickelback is still here and that song never got radio play. So, what was this kickass song that grabbed everyone who bought the CD, and made everyone hold their breath? Well, you have to listen to it. Don't sigh at me. Just turn off my idiot box music player at the bottom of this page and roll with this blog. I would do it for you.

Physical Abuse. We all get it. We see it. No one disputes it. No one would have the nerve to say, "Well she obviously deserved it. She pissed him off. She got what was coming to her. She probably didn't cook his dinner right. She knows he likes his steak medium rare and she made it medium. That deserves a fist to the face." Furthermore, it is tough to hide physical abuse. You get too many broken bones and it shows up on x-rays at the hospital. Even if you go to different hospitals each time, the evidence is there. Physical Abuse. No.One.Argues.If.It.Is.Real.Deserved.Or.Justified. Except the one doing the abusing.

Verbal and Emotional Abuse is a totally different story. There are no scars. Bruises. Broken bones. In the end, what you have is a broken spirit. Most of the time, physical abusers start with verbal and emotional abuse until they get to the broken spirit. Once they get to that point, they know that they have you, and that is when the other abuse begins. Someone with a broken spirit isn't going to leave no matter what. And that is why people stay. If you ever wanted to know. If the question ever crossed your mind when you looked at people all beaten and bruised by a "loved" one. That's your answer.

And that is why we are here again. Verbal and emotional abuse. It's important to know what the signs are so that you know what you are looking at when you see it.
*Being called names by your spouse
*Using words to shame
*Yelling, swearing, and screaming
*Using threats to intimidate
*Blaming the victim
*Your feelings are dismissed
If you want more information on any of these go to this site.

I wrote a blog months ago because I was watching my soap opera (yeah, I do that) and they had a storyline on there about a teenager who was being verbally abused by her boyfriend. It eventually escalated to physical abuse. It was horrifying to watch. What was even more distressing was the PSA that came on after the show went off the air. It said that ONE in THREE teenagers were being abused or knew other teens who were. My brain exploded on the spot. WTF??? I posted a blog about this and got a meh response to it. The only thing I could think of was that you dear sweet folks didn't believe the PSA. While I was scrolling for my Thursday footage recently, I put in verbal abuse, teen abuse, etc. to see what I would get. My mind boggled. The following is a 1+ minute clip that does not embed. Please take the one plus minute to watch it.

It's the choices we make today that just might save a life.

Someone said something recently that reminded me that verbal and emotional abuse in marital relationships is usually the man abusing the woman, but not always. When the abuse is verbal and emotional it can go the other way. If there are children involved it can be the mother inflicting verbal, emotional, and even physical abuse on them. It is all about breaking people down. This is a simple task with a child. They are already small, trusting, and easy prey.

You may be asking yourself,"Who is her audience for this blog?" My answer is EVERYONE. I want you to have an idea what abuse looks like, so that your internal alarm starts to go off when you see it. There is help out there for people in trouble. Websites are one click away with information on where to go, what to do, and how to start again. There are organizations in your community for exactly this sort of thing. Where will you see abuse? I have no idea. But it is out there. It is even prevalent. It might be happening to one your children's friends. One of your friends. Someone in your family. It might be happening to you.

all images found at


  1. So...this post...I read it but I have no idea what to write...I mean, I really get it, I've been there, I've lived it for years. My mother never had the guts to leave my father. This is my life. And I know I've written this before but this can never be repeated enough: staying together for the kids is not always the best way. Sometimes it's the worst.

    It's really great that you're writing about this kind of things - if there's even one person who will read it and make some life-changing choices than it's like you made a miracle, you know?

  2. WOW!!! What a powerful blog you have written for a Monday! That should get people to think. Abuse definitely knows no color or gender. And it always has a trickle down affect!!! A spouse who is abusing the other is not only affecting the abuse e but also the children if there are any in the household. These images or words children carry with them like battle scars...they tear apart at their innocence.

  3. Disturbing. Oh. So. Disturbing. Ugh, thank you.

  4. I am sending this to my friend who really needs to read this. Really needs to read this.

    Big hugs to you sweet friend.

  5. I agree with everyone else. This is a very important post and I intend to read it again later.

    Congratulations for having the guts to address something to painful.

    Take care!


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