Tuesday, March 23, 2010


I have this really superb choral singing voice. I'm an alto, if you wanted to know. When I say choral singing voice, what I mean is that I am an excellent singer for a choir. I can harmonize and I blend. My voice doesn't have vibrato in it so that I stand out. This is wonderful news for a choir. Remember when I mentioned all that about wanting to major in music in college? Well, I still had these visions of me being Cher. That just wasn't going to happen. Cher stands out. Cher is a soloist. I can hold my own in a karaoke joint, which means people aren't going to throw things or run for the door like the place is on fire, but I'm not ever going to be Cher. I bet you're thinking that we covered this blog already with the hairbrush and curling iron. The thing is, I left out this cool graphic. See below. Isn't that awesome? I just wanted you know I always wanted to be a rockstar. Now we can move on.

I've also been thinking about what I wrote about my book writing a few days ago. Yeah, that conversation with my mom happened pretty much like I described it. But, here's the deal. Ever since my fingers started tapping on the keys, the book has been for me and no one else. What happened when mom and I had that conversation was this: pretty much everything in my life was derailing and I was having an anxiety attack. Have you ever had one of those? They don't happen unless pretty much everything blows up all at once. Well, they can happen to me if I'm having a bad migraine and am hit with a load of crap, but that wasn't the case. In this case, it was everything blowing up all at once. So, what I needed to do was start nailing things down one at a time. Basically, what that meant was gaining control over the stuff in my life one thing at a time. I started with my book. Yeah, I sounded nuts. And, I probably was a little nuts, but it was because it was the first thing I nailed down. Once I got that in place, it made it possible to start dealing with everything else. Unfortunately, some of the stuff was kinda out of my control. I just had to stop reacting to it. That is a toughie all by itself. Just stopping. Then I became proactive. I tell you what, though, it feels so much better to be proactive than reactive.

The other thing about me that is tough for people is this: the migraine. If you've never had one, you don't get it. Just like I don't get a lot of chronic pain that other people have. Or the weight loss journey that some of my fellow bloggers are on. I am encouraging them like crazy, but I don't get it like the other people who are also sharing that journey. The thing about my current migraine is this: it started in July 2009 and I don't know when it will end. I am living on pain pills. When I tell you that I keep track of pain pills on a notepad so that I don't OD, I am not joshing you. Imitrex, and drugs like that, only work at the start of a migraine, and mine started almost a year ago. There is not a chance of those drugs stopping it now. The last time I went through this, my migraine last four years. Four years. I want you to think about that and let it resonate in your head. It stopped when I moved to Florida and got on a drug and vitamin protocol and out of a stressful situation.

I know what you're thinking. Why aren't you back on the drug and vitamin protocol? I am. I am as destressed as I can be. It doesn't matter. The overwhelming allergic reaction that I had to the mattress/box spring nuked my immune system. I'm not whining and complaining and saying woe is me. I'm still hopeful. However, I think that the answer is time. My body needs me to keep doing what I'm doing and give it time to repair itself. In the meantime, I have a migraine all of the time and I deal. And I write. Sometimes I sing. I'm so glad I'm not a rockstar. It's so loud. I can't imagine what that would do to my migraine!


  1. ack, a migraine for a YEAR. how do you even function.
    light is supposed to be killer.
    As for anxiety attack.
    i had one...recently.
    IT was probably the most humiliating moment on the long record which is my life...mostly cause it happened in public.
    I am trying to take care of that now by taking a self defense course, long story.
    I hope your migraine goes away.

  2. It sounds so awful and painful...if drugs aren't working, why don't you start alternative therapy or tai chi or yoga or anything else that might help. I really really hope you can find a solution to this soon. What do the doctors say?

  3. I'm so sorry about migraine... I can't begin to imagine being in constant need of pain-relieving medication... When I had the spinal fluid leak after giving birth, the consultant told me the unbelievable headaches/sickness I was suffering from when I sat up was the same as having a migraine... My heart goes out to you because I could barely cope with them for the short time I had them...

  4. I have never had a migraine and based off people's descriptions, I never, ever want to have one. Sounds like pure hell.

    I have an okay singing voice...never trained it but I like to think if I got with a vocal coach one day I'd be okay. It doesn't keep me from belting out "Don't Stop Believin'" in the car.

    I'm glad you are moving towards a place where you are writing only for yourself...I had to do that with my blog at one point because every comment or follower would make or break my day and I finally had to say, "Enough. I am writing this for the people I love and nobody else. And that includes me, first and foremost!"



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