Tuesday, March 16, 2010


I promised that today would be the big reveal. Oh, how to separate the fact from the fiction?????

1. When I lived in New York City, I used to get my hair done after hours for cheap at this fancy dancy hair salon. The trainees practiced on the poor folk like me. Anyway, while I was sitting there, I heard this voice next to me and realized that none other than Cher was in the chair next to mine. Who could mistake that voice? I almost fainted. I wanted to ask for an autograph but I knew my stylist would KILL me or hack my hair ~ whatever. I had to settle for stolen glances. It's my brush with fame story. THAT WAS A LIE.

The reason it sounded like it could be true was that I did live in New York for a spell and I did get my hair done for cheap after hours at a swank hair salon by having the trainees work on me. In point of fact, I had one really mean guy tell me that my hair "was a really ugly mousy brown color and I really needed to highlight it or something." I bet he's really famous now and works on all the models and superstars. They love that stuff. He about had me in tears. Moving on... When I was a kid, I adored Cher. I wanted to be Cher. I had Cher's Greatest Hits, and
spent lots of time staring at the cover. I'm not sure what I was thinking, but I really think that there was a part of me that thought if I looked long enough I would transform from a pale, light brown, wavy haired girl into an exotic, olive skinned, black straight haired woman. A woman with very long black straight hair and a husky voice to match. The closest I ever got was a towel wrapped turban style around my head and it was orange. But I'd prance around the bathroom in it anyway. Give me a break, I was like seven. I just blended a little fantasy into my reality.

2. On my first date with my first college boyfriend, I was so nervous that I drank way too much alcohol and I ended up puking all over him and the interior of his car. He still went out with me after that. Can you believe it? THAT WAS A LIE. My first date with college boyfriend started at noon. His hometown was about 40 minutes from school. We went over to one of his friend's house on a Saturday to hang out. To me, that means talk, maybe play some cards, a party game. This guy had a volleyball net in his backyard. I did mention falling off the curb, right? I don't do sports well. I was not happy to see that net. Of course, everyone wanted to play volleyball. One of two things happens when I play volleyball. I fall down or I stove my thumb. I stoved my thumb. I followed that up with drinking. I spread it out through the day and we ate. I didn't get drunk. The kicker was this party that I wanted to go to ~ THE WILD IRISH ROSE ~ that night back at school. I had just pledged a sorority and all of my "sisters" were going. It was a BIG DEAL. This date started at noon. By eleven that night I am antsy. We don't get there until 1am. The punch they serve is toxic. There is hardly anyone there. Usually at 1am, a party is still going. There were people passed out on the floor and there were some really drunk people but that was it. I had to have some of the toxic punch. If I hadn't been drinking all day long, one glass of the toxic punch probably would have been okay. Probably. That stuff is lethal and my threshold is low. We didn't stay long because there was no one to talk to, and not much to see. I was really disappointed. And I had a stoved thumb. It wasn't a raving success in terms of a first date. However it was a nice night. We were hanging out on his front porch. He went inside to get something and I realized that toxic punch was making a return trip. He came back outside just to catch the end of me vomiting up the day in his bushes. Had he been five seconds later, he'd have missed the whole thing. We did still go out. But I don't think we kissed after that. We kissed ~ I just mean, not that night. Moving on....

3. My favorite thing to do every summer was to go to camp. My favorite activity was
riflery. By the time I graduated high school I was a sharpshooter. Bang! TRUE! I also shot archery, but I wasn't as good at that.

4. In high school I was the most popular girl in school. Not only was I voted "Most Popular" in the yearbook, I was head cheerleader, Homecoming Queen, and my boyfriend was the quarterback of the football team. Go Wildcats! THAT WAS A LIE. In high school, I lived in the theatre and music departments in terms of extracurriculars. That doesn't land you in the Most Popular category. However, I loved it and I wouldn't do it differently!

5. I have been to every state in the US except Hawaii, Alaska, and Washington State.
THAT IS A LIE. I have traveled fairly widely across the eastern and southern US. I haven't been any further north than NY on the eastern seaboard. Colorado is as far west (by car) as I have been. I did make a jaunt to Las Vegas (by plane) a year and a half a go. Minnesota is as far northwest. I would love to travel the US sometime.

6. I love shoes. I really love high heeled shoes. The higher the heel, the more I love the shoes. I like feeling TALL. THAT IS A LIE. Someone as uncoordinated as I am is risking life and limb by wearing high heels. I fall off of curbs wearing sneakers. I know that Clinton and Stacy from WHAT NOT TO WEAR will preach about how important it is to wear a heel for the sake of a dress, yada yada, but that theory goes out the window if all you are showing off is your skinned knees.

7. I have had seven fender benders in my driving career. THAT IS A LIE. I rear ended a woman at about 3mph when she decided not to merge with traffic at the last minute. My foot wasn't even on the gas. It just wasn't on the brake. It took a 2x2 paint chip off of her bumper. It didn't even dent her bumper. We didn't call the police. I didn't notify my insurance. Just paid for her bumper. You wouldn't believe how much money it cost to repair the damage. They had to replace her bumper, of course.

I know that was more than you wanted. I can't help it. Now, I have to actually write ANOTHER BLOG. I have to do something for facebook. You might as well get to read it, too.


  1. I would never have guessed this one! Something about being a woman sharpshooter makes me feel your power. I like this fact about you.

  2. I wouldn't have guessed it either! But then again, I hear there's a lot of that going on in the US ;-)


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