Saturday, March 13, 2010


This really crazy thing happened on facebook yesterday after I posted my Easter Sunrise Sermon/Outsiders story, and how it all sort of related to my crying jag over Tuesday night's episode of LOST. I love comments. I don't know a writer who doesn't love comments. We live for comments. Comments are like air. These comments were odd. People focused on the strangest things and then got stuck there. Then it became this snowball gaining momentum going down a mountain. Each time one would come in, I would post something else re-explaining myself, and they kept on coming. It was sorta funny. One of my friends tried to help me with a stop-gap measure by making a suggestion that today's blog be the actual sermon I gave on THE OUTSIDERS that fateful Sunday morning. It was a good thing I no longer had that sermon because I have no doubt that it would have gone over like the proverbial fart in church. It wouldn't matter how many times I said, "Now remember I wrote this when I was in the 8th grade." Ah well.

For those of who read my blog yesterday, and are now wondering what got so many people knotted up, I said, "I think suicidal thoughts." That was the first thing that had people really upset. Some of them were upset for me, which was really sweet, and I accepted that with the grace, love, and spirit in which it was intended. Other people seemed to have a really hard time finding the distinction between thinking and doing. I don't know how many times I said in my own comments that there is a huge difference between thinking something and acting on it. Start making a list of all the things that you've thought about doing but never done. I think you see where I'm going with this.

If you need to be reassured that I really am in a better mental place, click here. That isn't to say that I don't have anxiety attacks, still get migraines, and am downright cranky on a daily basis. In other words, I'm still me and NEED to go on Social Security Disability because even a part-time job would land me in the psych ward, no doubt. But, I am BETTER.

The other thing that grabbed hold of people was the issue of forgiveness. I get that. Forgiveness is a very big deal. I believe that I said it was VERY important to me. If I recall, I said that I was surprised that I hadn't blogged about it at least three to four times already. I wrapped up my blog with a short little cap because it was already really long, but I was leaving a door open for the reader, letting everyone know that this was a subject that I would be getting back to sooner or later.... because it was IMPORTANT to me, and I had A LOT to still say about it. Now, that doesn't mean I don't want other people's input on stuff. I was just a little surprised at how LITTLE people seemed to think I understood about this very important concept.

Stop here and take a deep, cleansing breath. Okay, go on.

Everything I am saying, I am saying with love. I am not verbally spanking anyone. I believe that everyone commented on my blog with love, even though it didn't FEEL like that. And I want to let you know WHY it didn't feel like that because it's important. The reason it's important is because someday there might be somebody who isn't just THINKING suicidal thoughts, and who hasn't grappled with forgiveness like I have. I understood everything that was said to me because I have read The Bible front to back, cover to cover, the whole thing. I grew up in the church. I gave the Sunrise Sermon twice. Granted, the second time it wasn't a resounding success. I believe in God and Jesus and Heaven, and when I die I know that 's where I'm going. I'm not second guessing it. I'm not worried about it. I also believe in more. Living this life has convinced me of that. However, I'm not going to explain it, because I don't have the space here, or the time, and I don't like to fight about religion and politics. They are unwinnable. Besides, it isn't the important part of this blog. This is...

Here's the important part: I've read the comments over and over and over again. Had I truly been suicidal, knowing that Jesus loved me wouldn't have been enough not to stop me from taking a bottle of pills. Reading a bunch of scripture wouldn't have been enough to stop me, either. All of that scripture is getting in between you and that person you are trying to save. IF they are truly on the edge, they need to know that that a real, live person, in other words ~ you ~ thinks that they have value and gifts and something to offer this world. You can get around to Jesus after you've talked them down. When a person is on the ledge, and someone's just talking about Jesus... well all it takes is one step and, in their crazy, confused mind, they step off and they get to SEE Jesus TODAY. I guess what I am saying is that when you're "in the trenches" with someone they don't need Jesus, they just need YOU.

If you want to see a really cool song (which wasn't the one that was I was looking for) but still speaks to people, all the different needs we have, and the ~ unspoken ~ message that we can help one another click here. If you want to make a difference in someone's life, you have to hit them where they live... not where you live. God bless you one and all. I love you all for having such big hearts and wanting to make a difference in MY life. I hope I made a difference in YOURS. This whole thing is a back and forth and deal. That's just how it works.


  1. Suicidal? You? Nah! You are far too communicative for that. As for suicidal thoughts? Is there a person who has never even ONCE wondered if their life is ultimately futile? Perhaps its a place you need to go to in order to fully fathom the meaning and beauty of life. It's a dangerous place, but sometimes we need to go there (philosophically speaking) so that we can truly appreciate life in a real and not superficial way...

    I, too, wish you had that uncensored sermon!

  2. By sharing the depth of your experiences, those whom you are able to truly touch feel the resonance in their own journey. There is comfort in that awareness.


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