Saturday, March 20, 2010


To catch you up on what has been going on here....this is my facebook blog for those of you wondering why you're getting another blog....

I missed you yesterday with the blog. You didn't notice? Darn. Yep. I was migraining in the morning. I spent my afternoon writing my novel. It is coming right along, by the way. I have no idea if it is total and complete crap or something publishable. I had a breakdown about it a couple of days ago at the kitchen table. I drove my mother nuts by telling her what to say to me. It went something like this....

Me: Tel me it doesn't matter if this book is the worst thing that has ever been written ~ ever.

Her: It doesn't matter.

Me: No. You have to say it word for word like I just said it.

Her: For crying out loud.

Me: It has to be like I just said it.

Her: Well, I've forgotten it now.

Me: It doesn't matter if this book is the worst thing that has ever been written ~ ever.

Her: It doesn't matter if this book is the worst thing that has ever been written ever.

Me: Say that even Janet Evanovich has novels stacked in her closet that didn't get published.

Her: Yeah, and they're publishing them now.

Me: No. you're supposed to tell me what I just said.

Her: But they are publishing them now.

Me: I know they are. But what I want you to say to me is that she has novels stacked in her closet.

Her: You need to get a grip.

Me: I know. That's why we're doing this!

It went on like that for another twenty minutes. She got better at repeating what I wanted to hear or we might still be sitting at the table. In the end, I felt my stomach muscles unknot and was able to start working on my novel again. I had met with some resistance and had stopped for a day. I say resistance. I think what I mean is panic. The talk helped. I'm writing again.

I've also changed my schedule around so that I watch TV at night. Since most everything I watch is now relegated to the DVR, that means I'm watching SoapNet at night. That's okay. General Hospital and I have had a long love affair. I will only admit to dalliance with All My Children and One Life To Live. Although, when they have a storyline that catches my interest, I will make a point of watching. As it is, right now there isn't anything on either of those shows that is particularly grabbing for me right now. That's okay. My goal is to WIND DOWN at night to sleep. Unfortunately, GH is last in the line-up and it is on fire right now. What happened to the days when it was just people sleeping with people they shouldn't and then lying about it?

Right now GH is hurting me in the heart. Yeah, soaps can do that. Any well written story can do that. Take a teenage girl who is dating a verbally abusive boyfriend who is pushing her to have sex. She does. You can see the violence slowly escalating. You know trouble is coming. You just don't know how bad it will get. Girl wants out. Girl develops crush on man much too old for her (in his 20s) and he his nice to her. She does things to get his attention that become destructive things. She shows up at the bar where he works dressed inappropriately (after cancelling her date with abusive boyfriend) and he realizes that she hacked his computer and cancelled his date for that evening (with a woman he was interested in). He gets angry with her in front of a lot of people. He grabs her wrist to throw her out because she is underage. He doesn't handle this well at all. She goes to another bar and runs into her big sister who takes her home, confesses most of what happened, and sister leaves her at home alone to go yell at the older man for grabbing her sister's wrist (it left a mark). Meanwhile the abusive boyfriend is hovering outside. He has overheard a lot and realizes that girl broke their date to be with older man. He knocks on door, bursts in, and beats the ever-loving crap out of girl. It was brutal. It was ugly. It was terrifying. Visually it was well done. It was this slow-mo thing. And you hear him saying, "Why are you making me do this?"

Cut to end of show and the petite actress who plays this girl. She comes on and gives the horrifying stats. 75% of teenagers in America are the victims of physical abuse or know someone who is being physically abused. And she gives the number for the hotline, etc. My mind is scrambling around and unable to fully process that information before another commercial has come on. I would have liked to be able to rewind that and watch it three or four times. Not the horrendous scene at the end of the show. I wanted the PSA. What was that percentage of teens again? Say what? 3 out of 4. That was a cold dose of reality where I like my fiction.

The mother on this show is a good mother. She's a lawyer. She's a SMART woman. This girl's father is a MOB KING PIN. No one in their right mind would pick this girl to beat up unless they were looking to die tomorrow. And I kinda think that was the point. Abuse often happens where you don't think to look. People who are being abused get really good at hiding it. Abusers are usually careful to hit in the places where it isn't going to show. And the people doing the abusing put the blame for it onto the person they are hurting: "Why are you making me do this?" And the person taking the hits takes the blame right along with it. That is how this happens.

If you haven't already, talk to your kids about abuse. What is physical abuse? What is verbal abuse? This one's tough. It is insidious. It starts by breaking down a person's self-esteem. If you don't know much about verbal abuse, look it up. Verbal abuse will often be the precursor to physical abuse, but not necessarily. Sometimes verbal abuse stands alone; all that is necessary is breaking a person's spirit. Make sure that they know it and can identify it, so that they never accept it.


  1. I worry a lot that you write for approval from others. You keep mentioning how many people follow your blog, and how you don't know if they do or don't read this.
    You tell your mother to repeat exactly what it is you need to hear, because you don't believe in yourself when you say it.
    Try this:
    Write this blog for YOU. Write your novel for YOU. Don't worry about whether or not it's publishable. You're not writing it to get it published right now. You're writing it for YOU.
    Change your mindset, relieve the pressure off yourself, and you might find life a little bit easier.
    You need to do all this stuff for YOU. Not any one else.

  2. I, too, worry about the level of abuse toward women today. It is a way (unfortunately) for the powerless to feel powerful. We have lost our way in this present culture on many levels. Believe in yourself, Robin. You are worthy.

    A completely unrelated aside: Have you ever tried peppermint oil (essential oil) to relieve your migraines? It is supposed to help when dabbed on the temples.

  3. I totally agree with Lira - do it for YOU...Get it all out of your system and enjoy the ride...

    But if it doesn't turn out the way you like, why not try becoming a director as you apparently have a natural talent for staging things. I think the discussion you staged with your mother is hilarious.

    Regarding abuse, I wonder why women allow themselves to be abused. While physical abuse is a definite warning for the woman to get out, verbal abuse is an especially tricky area as its extremely degrading and its hard to know when to draw the line as the only scars it leaves are those on the soul.

  4. Just a fairly brief comment today... I saw a statistic on the news that said 1 in 10 women had been raped, most of them by someone they knew/their partner at the time.

    That in itself is a shocking statistic... 1 in 10 women have been raped...

    But, that's not my take on that statistic... From women I've spoken to (friends, family and colleagues, etc.,) I would say it's closer to 1 in 2... Of course, most of those women think they did something to contribute to the rape, or that they weren't really 'raped' because they didn't put up a 'proper fight'... :o( I have to think about this dispassionately because if I really focused on it, I would be an absolute wreck...


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