YOUR DAILY DOSE: Say Something

Monday, February 1, 2016

A Three Way Crash: BOTB runs into SOML and Lost and Found

What we are seeing here today is a collision of epic proportions.

First, there was Battle of the Bands. List of participants at the end of this post.

Second, I started writing posts which I lovingly call The Soundtrack of My Life. A few others have joined in this endeavor. Who's participating in this one? These guys:

StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Cherdo on the Flipside

Holli's Hoots and Hollers

THE DOGLADY'S DEN

Third, I joined the Lost and Found Bloghop. You can find the entire list of participants HERE. Who is hosting this event? These guys:

Arlee Bird at Tossing it Out http://tossingitout.blogspot.com/

Guilie Castilol-Oriard at A Quiet Laughter http://guilie-castillo-oriard.blogspot.com/

Elizabeth Seckman http://www.eseckman.blogspot.com/

Yolanda Renee http://yolandarenee.blogspot.com/

Denise Covey http://dencovey.blogspot.com/

Alex J. Cavanaugh http://alexjcavanaugh.com/

For those of you new to this blog, I'm going through my entire life in song. Sounds tedious when I write it like that, but, surprisingly, not so much. We left off with me receiving a phone call from J1 (just as I was approaching college graduation) to say he'd decided to join the Army and requested a placement in Germany. We'd been on and off again (mostly off) for two years now, but I was still horribly in love with the guy.

In the face of this adversity, we decide to become "on" again. Makes sense, right? I'm headed for my first real job in NYC, and he's headed to boot camp. With promises of writing each other and a visit after boot camp, but before Germany... that's where we left it.

I made my move (lots more to tell there, but not in *this* post) and purchased enough stationery that I really should've bought stock in the stuff. And I wrote and wrote. (If you've read my rambling here, you have a fairly accurate idea about the sheer volume of words I'm attempting to describe). And I waited. Nothing came. Nada. Zip. Zero. Zilch. My mailbox remained perpetually empty.

Each day that passed with no word from J1, brought tears, anxiety, and too many meetings with Captain Morgan. My roommates got sick of listening to it. I got sick of listening to it. Why? Because I didn't understand it. I guess it should've been obvious after all the times he said he'd call, and didn't, in the two on/off years, but I really thought we'd turned a corner.

I daresay that the boot camp lasted six to eight weeks. So, it was in July when I knew he was outta there and sitting at home with his parents. I was sure he'd call. The plan was he'd visit me BEFORE Germany. So, a phone call was required, no?

That phone call did eventually happen. But he didn't initiate it. It was a Friday or Saturday night and I'd imbibed just enough Captain Morgan and Diet Coke that calling seemed like a reasonable, and right, thing to do. We had beautiful parquet flooring in that Queens apartment. I remember sitting on it (okay, sprawled on it) and drunk dialing him.

He told me that he got all my mail after boot camp was over. All of it. All at once. Turns out, he couldn't send or receive mail during his stint there. Ergo, as he read he saw I was spiraling out. I didn't call him names or anything, but there was a lot of "I don't know why you're doing this to me" sort of talk there at the end.

I could understand why he wasn't ready to pick up the phone and call someone who may or may not be riding the crazy train that first day. But, day two? Three? Two weeks later? What could possibly have kept him from calling me and putting me out of my (obvious) misery???

"He didn't want to hurt me anymore."

I was floored. Literally and figuratively. But, I eventually managed to wrap my head around this poor excuse and accept it. I suppose this is where the Lost and Found comes into play... because when someone tells you they are a jerk or don't have time for you or you're not the priority (and really he'd been telling me for YEARS) or he just doesn't want to hurt you anymore, you should say, "Well thank you for clearing that up. You're absolutely right. If we carry on down this path you will devastate me. This was good information to have." Instead, by accepting this lame rationale, I was signing up for more pain. My bad. I lost myself and found out just what it is to hurt. We think the pain is in the letting go. Often it's in the hanging on.

And that leads us to the Battle of the Bands/song portion of this event. This describes how I felt that entire six to eight weeks he was in boot camp.

The song is Say Something. I'm pitting two covers against each other. Listen to them both and cast your vote in the comments. That simple! I recommend NOT watching either. I find both of these distracting, but I'm not the NSA and won't be monitoring you, so do what you like!

Here is Boyce Avenue featuring Carly Rose Sonenclar:

Here is Pentatonix:

Please vote for the version of this song you prefer. If you want to get into the Ins and Outs of why you like one better than the other... I LOVE long comments!

For more Battle of the Bands fun, check out the other BOTB bloggers to vote on their battles: