Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Are Ya'll Ready For This?

Yesterday I had my "mental" appt. There were plenty of reasons to get anxious about the appt itself. My parents are out of town. That alone is cause for a meltdown. A friend of mine drove in to drive me to the appt since my parents were gone, and my aunt and uncle had a dental appt. Life is nuts. Yeah, I just wrote that. I am talking about crazy doctors and I said that. Anyway, I talked to one of you about this appt and it really helped (you know who you are). I took your advice and went in there and was me. That meant I only melted down in crying jags three times. I suppose that means the appt went well. You said to be honest and tell them how I feel when they asked the questions. Well, when they start asking about my pain, quality of life, and other stuff like that... I feel pretty good that I only broke down three times in retrospect. It helped that the main person asking the questions is a migraine sufferer. No one understands migraine pain like another person who has migraine pain. Her parting words to me were that I should be on SSDI with the severity of my migraines and bonanza of other problems. She also encouraged me to not give up if they deny me on this first rodeo. So, it was as good a first appt as I was gonna get. I prayed that God let the doctors see my situation as it really was and I feel like that happened. I can't ask for any more than that.

My appt with the regular doctor is after my parents get back in December. I will let you know how that one goes when it happens. I am going to do my best not to worry about it and pray the same way about it. I just want the doctors to see this whole mess as it really is. I don't want a hand out. I want some help up. And, eventually, I want to clean house. But it is all one day at a time.

Speaking of house cleaning... I spent some quality time with customer service on the phone. That would be the hosting service for my website. The fellow understood how ill-equipped I was to fix this problem, so he put up a page indicating my page was Under Construction. It also has my new email address on it. Now, I just need to find someone interested in my project and my site to design it. I am actively praying about that starting now. This thing needs to be a database with code to run a zip code search. That will likely be the most difficult part of the whole deal. The rest of it is just the pretty. There will be other pages that I will want to look nice. There will need to be links and all that jazz. But, the database deal is probably the toughest thing because it is specific and that code for the zip code thing is specific. Of course, lots of sites have it, so it isn't a big mystery; it is just specific. Yeah, if I use that word one more time, even I will puke. Done with it.

Anyway, there is a lot to be thankful for here, in spite of this mind splitting migraine that just won't get lost. Yeah, it is still lingering like a stalker boyfriend. Speaking of which, remember Flash? Well, check this! I don't think I ever gave you guys the full scoop on Flash. If you're confused right now, he is the last boyfriend... the cheater and the one who stole my medication. He was really bad news. I could get into even more bad stuff that he did, but I really want to move along in this story. Anyway, after I broke things off with him, and he swore he would never date again, because I was his one true love, he met someone inside of a week, and there were kissing pictures on his myspace inside of ten days. Yeah, some people move on faster than they think they will. Besides that, he was a cheater, he probably had a little something something going on the side already anyway. Moving on...

He convinced THAT GIRL to marry him. I about fell out when I saw that come through on his announcements on myspace. That happened (also) very fast. I suppose he wanted to seal the deal quick. You know, before she figured out who he REALLY was. You stick with someone long enough and you're bound to see beyond the flash and dazzle and all that. All that glitters isn't gold. This guy glittered. Man he knew how to put the shine on... I do remember it well. *sigh* Underneath all that shine is a big ole pile of crap.

Anyway, I logged into myspace a couple of days ago after not going there in forever, and saw that there was a message from Flash. Honestly, I was shocked. After we split, I didn't read his email. But we had been apart so long that I felt like this one was safe. Turns out that it was not from Flash at all; it was from Flash's wife. She must have sent it out to all of the women on Flash's myspace. It was a general announcement letting all of the girls know that she and Flash were through. Kaput. Getting a divorce. She was not so subtly making a grand announcement that he was back on the market. She didn't exactly say, "And let the bidding begin..." but she might as well have. It made me think of that old Shania Twain song WHOSE BED HAVE YOUR BOOTS BEEN UNDER. Oh, Flash, it looks like you did it again. Swing, batter, batter, batter, Swing, batter, batter, batter, Swing! I am just glad that I moved and he doesn't know where I live. I feel very thankful. Life is good.

This song goes out to Flash's wife. I would have told you what kind of man he was, but you wouldn't have believed me. I am sorry you had to experience that. You will know better next time. You got some painful schooling. I know. Been there. Done that. He teaches a tough curriculum.

image found at www.weheartit.com


  1. Robin: You are absolutely wonderful! Blogging with you is a trip. I'm glad you're feeling a little better.

    You know what I love about the past? We need not destroy it. It is already gone.

    Happy Thanksgiving!!!

  2. Hey Robin,

    Living with chronic pain is ....well, you know. Sometimes I feel like it has taught me so much, other times I am just mad about it. Just hang in there girl...kinda like your dog in the tree...when you've come to the end of your rope..Tie a Knot and Hang On. Things will get better...3 meltdowns really isn't that bad considering how you've been feeling. I do the same thing...meltdown then feel silly for doing it. Oh well, better than being cold and unfeeling.

    See God does have a sense of humor...about Flash I mean..

    We live we learn. When we know better, we do better.

    Carol-the gardener

  3. Wow... on so many accounts!!! First of all, I am pleased that you feel you are making some headway with your medical issues... bless your heart.

    Secondly, the cheater boyfriend... as you said, some people never change... kinda like a leopard never changes his spots...

    Be glad that wasn't you...

    You are going to be fine, dear...

    Happy Thanksgiving to you...


  4. Robin:
    I love your honesty. There are so many of us that can't do much due to our constant pain, I can only empathize with you and send you hugs. Everyday I get up in tears, I go to bed in tears, I roll over in tears...pain from my Fibromyalgia is real and I understand yours! Keep sharing!

  5. yeah...if it looks like a pig, walks like a pig...talks like a pig..it's a pig.

    you always got the distinction of having got rid of him first. lol.

  6. Rhut rho... another pig reference... :oD


  7. Poor girl... Once a cheater always a cheater. Serious.

    Hope you're all right Robin.

  8. I'm glad your first appointment went so well - I know that it's tempting (just like in a new relationship) to want go in and be the best version of of ourselves and act like everything is fine. But there's something nice about being able to just truly be ourselves, hot mess and all, because we actually need help. It's cathartic.

    I am pure stupid when it comes to technology, so I am high fiving you for delegating all the website stuff over to someone else. I think it would just give you a bigger headache and add more stress. Remember - we aren't the center of the universe, right? We don't have to do everything ourselves.

    (Thank God.)

    And yes, once a cheater, always a cheater. Girls always learn that the hard way... particularly if a guy cheated on another girl to be with them. I always ask the girl who broke up the relationship before her: "Didn't you realize he was just going to turn around do the same thing to you?" You'd be amazed at how many girls date cheaters and think they will never be cheated on... so I'm glad you got out of there quick and kicked that guy to the curb!

    I hope you have a lovely Thanksgiving, Robin... and thanks, as always, for your awesome comments. :)

  9. Wow, Robin! Lots of karma going around. You deserve a few more steps forward without so many back. Have a great Thanksgiving!

  10. Sadly, most of us need to learn our own lessons; had you told her what he was like, she would have thought you were jealous and manipulative. May we all be thankful today to NOT have a guy like Flash in our lives ... :) And I'm so glad your appointment went well -- someone listened, someone understood, someone cared. In the medical profession, no less!!!

  11. Rob,

    Really glad the appointment went so well. I knew it would. Like Phoenix said, it isn't a bad thing to just be the hot mess that we really are, because there are certain people who really need to become aquainted with that part of us specifically. Three meltdowns seems perfectly appropriate. How serendipitous that she was a fellow migraine sufferer, no? (well, not for her, but you know what I mean...) She all but told you that you have the SSDI in the bag. SS relies heavily on the practitioners that they send you to. Very heavily.

    I just loved your baseball reference regarding that ass hat Flash. You possess this gift for words that I envy in people who have it. That's why I love reading your blog so much. I seriously felt like I knew you from the first day that I started reading here. That my dear, is a major skill to have when you are pursuing the things that you are. It's a big part of what will get you that dream of yours, ya know.

    Good lookin' out, as they say. Hope your next appointment goes as well or better. I've got your back, girl. Every time.



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