Monday, December 13, 2010


Yeah, this is me. What? Back so soon? I know. Gone for weeks and then I am here all the time. Well, I am trying to get a handle on my hate issues. Hate issues? What hate issues? You need to step off this blog and read the last one to catch up. I'll wait for you. That would be "And this will make me happy... thanks Christine." I wrote two ~ count them two ~ blogs yesterday after getting worked up after reading Christine's blogs by the same name. I was going to comment on ya'lls comments when my comment got eaten by the black hole that is Blogger, or so I thought. I shrieked. Read the whole mess to my mother. Got up took a shower. Ate lunch. Tried to work out if I was still really pissed. I was. Am. And we are off again. Are you still with me? Good.

You all leave the same loving comments that I like to leave on people's blogs when they are on the verge of losing it, and need a reality check. That is so sweet. Truly. I know that you spend some time really pondering what to say, and trying to find something meaningful that will provide relief for someone in pain. That is awesome. The thing is that I would enjoy throwing rotten tomatoes at Flash's house because he is scum of the earth and I still have migraines. Mostly it is just me beating the drum of life being fair vs unfair. In about 12 hours, I would be over it because no one ever promised us fair. If life were fair, bad things wouldn't happen to good people. Doesn't work like that. Instead, people like my ex-husband are the luckiest bastards alive. I know that if he ever played the lottery he'd win. He is luckier than anyone I know. It isn't "right," but that is just how it is. If I thought he'd spend the money on his kids, I'd encourage him to play. Since I know he'd just spend it on himself, I don't.

I forgave Flash a long time ago. He was just the teacher. Am I a human being who doesn't enjoy just the tiniest bit the idea of Flash getting his comeuppance? Well hell. I admit it. I do. Should the day come that Flash pay for any of his crimes, I can't say that I would shed a tear, and I have to admit that I would probably be doing an internal happy dance. Does that make me a bad person? I don't know. Maybe. It makes me a human being. Certainly.

Christine nailed the point of my blog with her comment. It wasn't about Flash. The whole blog wasn't about Flash. He was superfluous. It was HER. The other woman. This person who had become my friend in the most bizarre situation known to man. She forgets my name and asks Flash so that she contact me. It galled me. I didn't say that she and Flash had communicated by email numerous times exchanging "hellos," but she did add that tidbit in her email to me. How in the hell did she reach a place where they could be that friendly after she was ready to MURDER him? Oh yeah. They verbally kicked it around afterwards in a very ugly way. Same goes for email. Her husband got in on that action. It was all of that hatefulness that led to her and I not being able to maintain any sort of a friendship.

Basically, everyone was throwing around hate and I was determined to be the peaceful port in the storm. Flash even convinced me to forgive him and try again. Well, I did forgive and we did try. That never really worked. I learned that I can forgive but I just don't trust again. Ah. The things we learn about ourselves. So, I did forgive him, but I never loved him again. Let's face it. He had already done some pretty reprehensible things by that point, so there really wasn't much to salvage. My problem was his unwillingness to let go. He was very much like my ex-husband. He just kept at you. Call. Call. Call. Show up. Pretty much "no" is not an answer. Hammer and nail mentality. As I said, in a previous blog, I am forever thankful to the pastor at the church who intervened. He got to take Flash's calls and I stopped opening emails, etc.

However, this is not about Flash. It's about HER. It bugs me that she is friendly with Flash. One email to get my name might have been okay. Did she need to tell me that they were exchanging hellos? She and her husband pulled their marriage out of the fire. Apparently way out of the fire. In a very short period of time they have a very successful business, have moved, and have built a brand new house. It looks very expensive. If I had to guess... at least $250,000. Probably more. She has gone from alcoholic, abusive husband, and a marriage that was on the skids because of her infidelity to Graceland. And she is exchanging hello emails with Flash. And she forgot my name, but she wants to know how I am doing.



I would say that the song in its entirety sums up my mood, but that lyric says it best.

People in real life, and on here, tell me all the time how nice I am. You know what? Being nice isn't always such a great thing. Sometimes being nice means taking too little through the middle finger. Sometimes being nice means putting other people so much in front of you, and your needs, that it is migraine-inducing. It is not healthy. There is a point when the healthy thing is to tell someone to fuck off. You have caused enough carnage here. Go do damage somewhere else. That is actually healthy. It may not be nice, but it is healthy. You gotta love it when you can use the fuck word and it is totally the right thing to do. So open your ears kids, sometimes saying fuck is just what the doctor ordered. Screw your parents and their rules about cursing. If you don't believe me or Eminem, pull out one of my old 80s favorites, The Violent Femmes, and spin KISS OFF. That should set you straight. It didn't work for me, but you have this blog, plus Eminem working for you. And this bit of wisdom from Christine on how to handle HER:

Sometimes we are too precious for our own good.
this chick and you had one thing in common. You both slept with the same dude..and whether she owed you anything or not, she still messed around with a dude in a relationship. Then she screwed around on her husband. she doesn't sound like good friend material, relationship material or quite frankly, good people material.
serial skank would be a more apt description. It's best to leave said skank in the dustbin of history. Come up with a good know like the fact that you have serial migraines and are trying to get an important project off the ground and just don't have time to scrape your brain free from crud every two or three weeks...but thanks for thinking of you. lol.
Robin whatevermylastnameisyoustupidskank

Thank you, Christine, Eminem, The Violent Femmes, and my own middle finger which I have been road testing for the last ten minutes. I do believe that I have a handle on this situation now.

image found here


  1. Sometimes there's just so much chaos swirling that the path is unclear. But your path is becoming clearer, and you're becoming stronger (in addition to being nice!), and you will conquer ....

  2. Robin: I am never on the train to Niceville. If I say something nice, I believe it to be true. If I think someone is a jerk, he or she will be the first to know. However, as for this post, hatred and anger never work. Old Chinese saying: Control your anger, or it will control you. Be well.

  3. anger is helpful if it moves you past your victim status...and moves you out of inertia and depression...then you get to a place where you say 'This is what I want." "these are the people I want to be friends with." This is what I will and won't allow in my life." Then the anger leaves and the feeling of power stays. soul suckers should be's that simple. good, kind people should be encouraged. So
    ROBIN RICHARDS.... hang on to the good people and ditch the crap know who they are...if they take more than five minutes of rationalization just to speak to them...not a good choice. It seems like karma ought to have bit her in the rear...and it sounds like there is anger that is simmering in there that needs to be lanced and dealt with. I know thinkers. YOu have thought your way into rationalizing a lot of poor behavior on many peoples parts. So you have to close the door on this once and for all. On your past. Keep the lessons....leach the anger and the pain...and that will help with the headaches and the healing. I get pissed.
    Trust me.

  4. Robin- This is so reminiscent of me and my habit of befriending every friggin' bi-polar wack job I can possibly lay eyes or ears on... My issue turned out to be that I somehow thought I could make up for the fact that I totally blew it with my own mother by NEVER setting boundaries. I guess I thought that if I showed the world how good I could be at setting boundaries with other mentally ill people, it would make up for the fact that I most likely will never have a decent relationship with Mom. Sometimes we are a glutton for punishment and we have to keep learning the same thing until we truly get it. Me, I don't do mentally ill people who don't stick with treatment, anymore. If that makes me weak, so be it. I have the right to a peaceful life with as little drama as I can possibly muster. Yeah, I sometimes get mad at the crap I have been put through. And I sometimes get madder at the fact that I allowed myself to be put through it...

  5. So very well said. All of it. I agree with Christine (and others) that this chick is a total skank and you're better off not having anything to do with her. WTF? Where does she get off thinking that it's OK to even tell you how and why she was able to contact you? Especially when she has to know that bringing up Flash in any way is going to make you "go there" when you should have been allowed to let go, in peace and without guilt, a long time ago. Who does that? Really. Who fucking does that?

    Well, anyway... I'm jazzed that the killer migraine from hell is gone, but I so wish the "regular" one would go away too. It hurts my head (and my heart - for realz) thinking about what you live with every day. I know I have pain too, but at least the meds I take do help to take the edge off. You are in my prayers always, my friend.

    If I don't get the chance to chat with you or if something more happens with our damned computers (can't believe I even put that one out into the universe) I just want to wish you a Very Merry Christmas and let you know that I feel truly blessed to know you and call you friend. Keep hangin' in there, girl. (I've hesitaed to call because I haven't wanted to wake you if you were sleeping, but I'm here if you want to call and verbally vomit or just shoot the shit)


  6. well if you are still not too angry, hop over to my blog, i may have given you some blog lovin today!

  7. Hey Robin . . . good advice "leave said skank in the dustbin of history" . . . don't let her darken the door of the quality of your life.

    Sometimes you just have to road test your middle finger and keep it waving . . .

    Thanks for visiting and commenting on my blog!

    L is for liberation . . . hope that is how you are feeling today . . . liberated and empowered!

    . . . and many more blogs!


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