ARE YA'LL READY FOR THIS (PART 3, BUT REALLY SHOULD BE PART 4)

I can hear you thinking two things already. 1) Why has she not blogged in such a long time? 2) She really should pay Bryan to cartoon her blog on a regular basis, because this is B-o-r-i-n-g.

Before I get down to it in this post, I want to tell you our trio sang again in church. I have it recorded on my phone, with a fairly funny ending (the person recording forget to hit the Stop button). I will post it here shortly. Our church choir is singing an Easter cantata this Sunday. In which, I have a SOLO. So, I will try to find someone to record it for all of you many readers who've requested the long-anticipated solo. The sad fact is it's bound to be disappointing with this long of a build-up.

Now, let's get down to what is actually on my poor brain today. My crazy ass dating life. The universe keeps throwing me these men with very real problems/issues. For the record, I think this will continue to happen until I get VERY CLEAR on my own boundaries and am able to say to them (in the face of hurting their feelings) that this will, in fact, NOT blossom into a "relationship."

Cue the traveling music:

I think we all recall my first (recent) dating experience. I wrote about it HERE. To help refresh your mind, it was the Alcoholic Guy. Funny story. Terrible experience.

My second dating (recent) dating experience I wrote about HERE. Yep, it was another alcoholic. Funny how THAT works. This time a much nicer sweeter alcoholic, but still an alcoholic.

My third (can I call this dating?) experience was the Tree Guy. I wrote about him several times. Here. Here. Well, after date number two (dinner, movie) I was very disturbed. Took me about ten minutes of reflection once I got home and could THINK about it. I knew this guy was dating someone else (fine by me), but she didn't know he was dating me (not fine by me). In fact, I felt like the Other Woman, even though they hadn't been dating long and weren't married. Not the point. I really disliked his dishonesty. If I were dating someone and I erroneously thought "exclusively," which is what I thought she believed based on what he said, I'd be mad when I found out I'd been lied to... even if it was a lie of omission. "I know you thought we were exclusive, but I was actually dating around." And we all know if a guy will do it to one woman, they will do it to YOU. So, I was going to tell the Tree Guy I wasn't interested only he didn't ask me out again. Way to burst my bubble. I hope that he felt guilty about what he was doing.

Which leads me to the current prospect (number four). I met this guy in a game room (yeah, I'm talking about gambling). I know I should've expected to meet a gambling addict in there. But, I'm not a gambling addict... and you see where this line of thought is going. But, really, it's like going to a bar. Bound to be some alcoholics there. The thing that's rare in a game room is meeting anyone even close to my age (or that I'd even consider dating.) So, I met this guy and something he said made me think, "I wonder if he's a gambling addict?" I left. Saw him the next night and he was really sweet. So, I set the first thought aside (but didn't forget it, obviously). I gave him my number. And then we talked, and I found out he was 17 years younger than I am. Holy cow. I about fainted. If I were him, I'd have been OUT. In fact, I almost dated someone with that sort of age gap when I was 30 (really super nice guy), but it was just too much of an age difference.

He tells me has a Facebook. I look at it. Holy carp (yeah, I meant to say carp!). About two years ago there were two really long threads about his gambling addiction. Other people saying he had a problem and him in denial. Well, safe to say that he's still in denial since I met him in a game room. So I KNOW that this isn't going to be a "relationship."

And I INTENDED to tell  him that and pretty much cut ties. I didn't want it to be ugly because I'm sure I'll run into him, but... Well, me being me, I suggested we be friends because I can't date someone with an addiction. And he agreed to the Friends, but not to the addiction.

But, this feels very much like dating story #2. His idea of friends and mine are different methinks. Now I'm just going to have to drop the bomb again... only harder.

And this, my friends, has kept my migraine in full blown pounding. My spirit knows when I'm making a wrong choice and it doesn't fail to alert me by threatening to twist my head off my shoulders.

The irony is that the more I talk to this guy, the more I fully understand that he has trouble with boundaries, too. People who don't want to hurt others, want to help, etc. often end up taking a beating (or sorts) for their well-intentioned choices. This guy has enormous debt (because of his gambling), but couldn't say to no to a co-worker who asked to "borrow" $60. He didn't have that money to give, but did it anyway. He's got another friend who's going through a "crisis" and doesn't have a place to live. He doesn't want him living with him, but allowed him to crash for a night in his guest BR. Now he's feeling guilty about not wanting him to live with him (but he doesn't trust the guy).

Oddly enough, listening to his story about the friend needing a place to stay provided me with some inspiration. When I tell him firmly and definitively (again) that we won't be dating, I can remind him of that friend he didn't want in his house. Not because he didn't like him. Because he knew that was a bad choice for him. I don't want to date him. Not because I don't like him. I know he's a bad choice for me. The end.

Saying what you feel/know to be true even when it hurts the feelings of another is one of the hardest things we do in life. However, we must do it for our own mental health.

Sadly, because I couldn't drop the bomb immediately on this guy, I know there's another one waiting around the corner. The universe is patient. It will keep handing you variations on the same story until you manage to get it done. I wish I were a faster learner...

I saw this graphic on Facebook the other day and thought, "Oh my. This is the story of my life."

With that in mind, I encourage you to think about what vibrational attitude you're putting out there and what you've got in your life. Can you see the correlation in your own life between your vibrational attitude and what is manifesting in your life?

M IS FOR MARSHALL MATHERS

I backed into Marshall Mathers, sort of like I have back-doored into most of the great blogs I found on blogger in the very beginning.  I used to think it was sheer luck that I found these excellent reads.  Then I decided that The Universe decided to look upon me favorably.  Then I decided that eventually every bird finds a worm.  So, there you go.  Let's circle back specifically to Marshall Mathers, shall we?

One of my new blog friends posted Marshall Mather's (aka Eminem) newest video, at that time, off of his Recovery album on HER blog.  The song was called Not Afraid.  I sat and looked at that YouTube footage- in horror- for probably two minutes.  I post a lot of YouTube footage, and really want people to take the time to actually WATCH it.  Ergo, I try to give others the same courtesy.  But rap, seriously?  I hate rap.  My hand hovered anxiously on my mouse.  I did not want to take this plunge.  Before I could go back, I clicked.

And I was astounded.  Amazed.  Mesmerized.  I watched it three times.  On her blog.  I dare you to watch it (only once)...

Then, I went to YouTube.  And that was when the confusion began.  There were videos like Not Afraid, but there were also these really angry songs that I didn't like at all.  Watching the video Superman made my stomach turn.  How was this the same guy?  And there were more of the same and worse.  So the quest began.  Who was Marshall Mathers?

I threw a Shout Out on my blog asking for help in explaining this mystery.  I got some excellent feedback from some amazing Blog Buddies (you know who you are) detailing that Marshall Mathers has *personas* that he raps as in each song.  Eminem, Slim Shady, and Marshall Mathers are all distinct characters in The Eminem Show.  They each have their own unique voice.  The fact that I hate the Slim Shady voice is just my own opinion.  Other people have reached out and embraced that hate speech, making Slim Shady very popular.  That is more a reflection on Public Opinion than anything else, folks.  Just sayin'.  (Yep, I am saying that the masses are a hateful bunch.  My opinion.)

Eminem's voice is still "street" but not so hard.  From The Man himself in his autobiography, he says that his song Lose Yourself, from the 8 Mile Soundtrack, is a good example of the Eminem voice.  When he raps as Marshall Mathers, he is actually himself.  He says that the song Mockingbird is one of those.  There are not that many songs coming from the Marshall voice, because he doesn't think people actually want to hear what Marshall has to say (according to him in his book).  I think he couldn't be more wrong about that.  Marshall is the only REAL person in the room, and everyone is very curious to know what Marshall has to say.  Again, that is just me. 

I think that there was a lot more Marshall in the Recovery album than in any of his previous work.  That is scary stuff.  When you are hiding behind a persona and everyone loves it, it is scary stuff to suddenly expose yourself.  And he went full throttle.  He told everyone about his addiction problem, his inability to cope with his best friend's murder, and the fact that he was an abusive husband to his former spouse.  In fact, I have never seen anyone be so honest about what abuse looks like in a relationship.  It often goes both ways.  The fact that one person is stronger than the other does not make the person being abused get out, stop it, or even curb things.  Please understand me... Not saying that they deserve anything that happens to them, but it is like an avalanche that everyone sees happening, except the two people at the bottom of the hill, about to be buried by it.  In their own ways, at different times, they are both certain they have got it under control.

Marshall Mathers taught me that I can respect someone for their honesty, without liking every minute thing about them.  The things that I don't like in him, he doesn't like in himself.  But he isn't lying anymore about them.  He isn't glossing them over.  I can respect that.   And I have to believe that when you know better, you do better.  That is what life lessons are all about.

As Marshall says, "I can't tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like."

Marshall Mathers: IDK yet.  He's been a Passion.  I thought he might be a Phase.  I certainly have learned some Life Lessons.

Had you seen either video before today?  Did it change the way you saw Eminem or Marshall Mathers?  Did I LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE feel like a sucker punch in the gut when you saw it?  Are there people whom you respect without liking every single part of them?  Are you able to accept people with their flaws and all?  If this was your first exposure and you are now intrigued, I recommend Lose Yourself, Beautiful, and Airplanes Part 2 as your next stops on the Eminem Tour.