M IS FOR MARSHALL MATHERS

I backed into Marshall Mathers, sort of like I have back-doored into most of the great blogs I found on blogger in the very beginning.  I used to think it was sheer luck that I found these excellent reads.  Then I decided that The Universe decided to look upon me favorably.  Then I decided that eventually every bird finds a worm.  So, there you go.  Let's circle back specifically to Marshall Mathers, shall we?

One of my new blog friends posted Marshall Mather's (aka Eminem) newest video, at that time, off of his Recovery album on HER blog.  The song was called Not Afraid.  I sat and looked at that YouTube footage- in horror- for probably two minutes.  I post a lot of YouTube footage, and really want people to take the time to actually WATCH it.  Ergo, I try to give others the same courtesy.  But rap, seriously?  I hate rap.  My hand hovered anxiously on my mouse.  I did not want to take this plunge.  Before I could go back, I clicked.

And I was astounded.  Amazed.  Mesmerized.  I watched it three times.  On her blog.  I dare you to watch it (only once)...

Then, I went to YouTube.  And that was when the confusion began.  There were videos like Not Afraid, but there were also these really angry songs that I didn't like at all.  Watching the video Superman made my stomach turn.  How was this the same guy?  And there were more of the same and worse.  So the quest began.  Who was Marshall Mathers?

I threw a Shout Out on my blog asking for help in explaining this mystery.  I got some excellent feedback from some amazing Blog Buddies (you know who you are) detailing that Marshall Mathers has *personas* that he raps as in each song.  Eminem, Slim Shady, and Marshall Mathers are all distinct characters in The Eminem Show.  They each have their own unique voice.  The fact that I hate the Slim Shady voice is just my own opinion.  Other people have reached out and embraced that hate speech, making Slim Shady very popular.  That is more a reflection on Public Opinion than anything else, folks.  Just sayin'.  (Yep, I am saying that the masses are a hateful bunch.  My opinion.)

Eminem's voice is still "street" but not so hard.  From The Man himself in his autobiography, he says that his song Lose Yourself, from the 8 Mile Soundtrack, is a good example of the Eminem voice.  When he raps as Marshall Mathers, he is actually himself.  He says that the song Mockingbird is one of those.  There are not that many songs coming from the Marshall voice, because he doesn't think people actually want to hear what Marshall has to say (according to him in his book).  I think he couldn't be more wrong about that.  Marshall is the only REAL person in the room, and everyone is very curious to know what Marshall has to say.  Again, that is just me. 

I think that there was a lot more Marshall in the Recovery album than in any of his previous work.  That is scary stuff.  When you are hiding behind a persona and everyone loves it, it is scary stuff to suddenly expose yourself.  And he went full throttle.  He told everyone about his addiction problem, his inability to cope with his best friend's murder, and the fact that he was an abusive husband to his former spouse.  In fact, I have never seen anyone be so honest about what abuse looks like in a relationship.  It often goes both ways.  The fact that one person is stronger than the other does not make the person being abused get out, stop it, or even curb things.  Please understand me... Not saying that they deserve anything that happens to them, but it is like an avalanche that everyone sees happening, except the two people at the bottom of the hill, about to be buried by it.  In their own ways, at different times, they are both certain they have got it under control.

Marshall Mathers taught me that I can respect someone for their honesty, without liking every minute thing about them.  The things that I don't like in him, he doesn't like in himself.  But he isn't lying anymore about them.  He isn't glossing them over.  I can respect that.   And I have to believe that when you know better, you do better.  That is what life lessons are all about.

As Marshall says, "I can't tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like."

Marshall Mathers: IDK yet.  He's been a Passion.  I thought he might be a Phase.  I certainly have learned some Life Lessons.

Had you seen either video before today?  Did it change the way you saw Eminem or Marshall Mathers?  Did I LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE feel like a sucker punch in the gut when you saw it?  Are there people whom you respect without liking every single part of them?  Are you able to accept people with their flaws and all?  If this was your first exposure and you are now intrigued, I recommend Lose Yourself, Beautiful, and Airplanes Part 2 as your next stops on the Eminem Tour.

A IS FOR ABUSE

I have found several new blogs the way that I usually do... completely by dumb luck and accident. One or more of the bloggers is doing this Alphabet thing. Since my brain is having technical difficulties, this has its appeal. There is no specific topic, per se, except that I have to run with a thought for the day that starts with first letter of the alphabet, and the next day move on to the next. In other words, it might help me narrow the field. That actually struck me as helpful at this point in my blogging "career."

That would make today "A," and as life would have it, Abuse has been on my mind for weeks. I have blogged about abuse before. Several times. For those of you have followed this blog for a long time, this is not new news. For my newer followers, this might be somewhat interesting. I think that the last time I really tackled this topic was when I LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE came out. I will likely throw that one up again before we leave today. However, I want to revisit some old and new thoughts.

I know that abuse seems like a really terrible idea for the holidays. Not very cheery. The thing is that abusers don't take holidays. They keep right on abusing all year long. They don't take note that it is November 21 and Thanksgiving is coming up; their families (aka victims) would really like a reprieve for the holidays, so they turn it off. In fact, it is likely to get worse since the alcohol tends to flow at higher rate of speed right up until the New Year is rung in. Cheers everyone!

I think that the time I posted about abuse that shocked me most was after General Hospital did a storyline on teen abuse and ran a PSA after announcing that 1 in 3 teens were being abused. I about had to peel myself off the ceiling. I posted something on this blog and got a meh response. I was shocked. I am not sure you fine people believed me. Or maybe people just don't read my blog. Yeah, that sounds about right. I even posted a video showing the prevalence of teen abuse. It only lasted a minute. I am going to throw it back up here again and add another one. This crap is real. This is what our youth is learning from watching their parents and grandparents. Abuse. Our society is becoming more and more abusive. We are not becoming kinder and gentler. These are not the traits that our children are learning. 1 in 3. The numbers are telling the tale.





Abuse is something that people don't understand unless they have lived there. You just don't get it. Abusers are good. Very rarely do physical abusers start out swinging. They just about always start out as emotional and verbal abusers. They have to break the spirit of the person that they are abusing before they physically work on them. Once they have broken their spirit, they own that person. That person can't go anywhere. In fact, they don't have to physically abuse them, because they are so broken that they usually won't leave anyway. Emotional and verbal abuse is so insidious that you often don't even know it is happening. It eats at the foundation of your soul. At first you think, "He didn't mean it like that." Or, "She didn't mean it like that." Then, you begin to doubt yourself. We all have a negative tape loop playing in our head and when our spouse/parent/significant other lets us know that we don't make the grade it rots our self esteem. And that is just what they are going for, because they want you to think that you are unlovable. Only they will love you. So you better not leave because you are essentially unlovable. And if they start hitting and kicking at that point... well, how can you leave?

The travesty here is that teens are experiencing abuse. Teens. That means a person's FIRST relationship is likely to be an abusive relationship. Let that sink in. First love is often the most true love you experience. It might not work out, but it is still the most unsullied, pure love you have. That first love has a place in your heart that can never be filled by another. What happens when your first love is an abusive love? What happens when first love equals abuse? What happens when true love means cruel love? What does it do to your psyche when it isn't love if it doesn't hurt? I was already walking down this path when I found that song YOU'RE THE STORM by The Cardigans, which I think is super amazing. I loved it so much that I started listening to their other songs on youtube. Well, that led me to this song. It answered all of my questions about what happens if your first love is abusive love. It gave me chills. It made me hurt. Damage. It causes damage.



"Then it hit like me never before that love is a powerful force.... Love you're news to me... Yes, it struck me that love is a sport so I pushed you a little bit more. Blue, blue, black black and blue. Red blood sticks like glue..... Oh you hit me, oh you hit me really hard. Man you hit me right in the hard. Lord, I've had my deal, but I never quite knew how it feels when love makes you wake up sore with fists that are ready for more. Then it hit me that love is game. Like a war no one can be blamed. Yes, it struck me that love is a sport, so I pushed you a little bit more....True love is cruel love....Baby you punched me right in the heart and then you kissed me. And then you hit me. And then you kissed me. And then you hit me."

Well, I picked through the lyrics, but you get the idea. I was amazed that some people thought that this song was not abuse in the comments on youtube. They said things like, "I think this is all metaphorical." Metaphorical for what? But I didn't go there. No point fighting a verbal war with someone who can't think.

Why do I keep posting about abuse? Because if 1 in 3 teens are being abused, you probably know one of them. Open your eyes. Pay attention. If you are around teenagers, look for the signs of abuse. You are probably not looking because you are not expecting to see it. I am sad to tell you that it is there. They have been watching the rest of the world go straight to hell in a handbasket, and decided to take the trip. I am going to repost Marshall Mather's most excellent video I LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE. It is so honest about abuse. It is not pretty. The lyrics are ugly. The situation is ugly. Abuse is hard to look at, but we all need to look at it. Look hard so that you recognize what you are looking at when you see it.



Here is another cold, hard fact. It takes, on average, a battered woman 7 attempts to leave her batterer. That means it takes some women more attempts and some women less. That is a lot of attempts. In other words, leaving is beyond HARD.


image found at www.weheartit.com

I LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE

I know this will come as a HUGE shock: I was up until 1am fiddling with my music player on here and then I blasted off onto YouTube. I had two things going on. One was a migraine that was making sleep difficult anyway. And the other was insanity. It was brought on by the migraine. My initial line of thinking was that I would go through my existing music, delete some, and then add some. The problem with that line of thinking is that I liked everything I put there in the first place. Duh. So, there was no deleting. There was just adding. I now have 125 songs on my player. I just discovered that only 100 will show up on here. I guess that means that my playlist randomly selects which 100 pop each time you folks drop in. Interesting.

If you will recall, today is supposed to be inspirational song Saturday. I have come to the conclusion that this is not going to work for me. I can go with music Saturday. Or sometimes inspirational song Saturday. Or inspirational to me song Saturday. Music is near and dear to my heart. I love it. I really can't imagine being deaf. I really don't know how Beethoven managed that one, and still managed to write not just music, but one of the most amazing pieces of music of his entire life. He never got to HEAR it. People can be freaking amazing. I am not putting the Hallelujah Chorus on here, although that is very inspirational. Maybe another day.

Last night, while I was scrolling through music on the playlist for my eclectic selection, I had to include Eminem. Those are five words I thought I would never type. I had to include Eminem. There, I typed them again. So, I put his name in the search, along with Not Afraid, and it came right up, and it got added. I also added Airplanes 2. I then added a WHOLE BUNCH of other stuff. I was winding down, and then for the heck of it, just put his name in to see what would come up. One of the songs that came up was with this one: I LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE feat. Rihanna. So, I pressed play to give it a listen and... I have no words, people. I listened to it again. I added it to my playlist and logged out. That was when I switched over to YouTube.

It turns out there is a video for this song. This has to be a new video because I was just on YouTube on Wednesday picking up footage for Bath (Not Afraid) for HERE'S TO YOU THURSDAY, and this song was not there. I would have noticed. With trepidation, and some excitement, I pressed play. I had to watch it again. After the third time, I was done. In some ways, the video is distracting. I was glad I listened to the song first, without all of that video action. However, before you watch the video, I want you to think about some very important things.

1) They hired big-shot actors and actresses for this thing. Megan Fox and Dominic Monaghan.


2) This is one of the flip sides of physical abuse that I haven't talked about (make that two): with some couples it goes both ways. The girl usually gets the worst end of the deal, but she gets her licks in, too. The second thing is that no matter what happens some people can't walk away no matter how ugly it gets. They just can't.

3) I love how honest Eminem is about the rage this guy is feeling. This song is about social activism. It is a wake up and smell the coffee song. I applaud him for being so damn honest. When he mans up, he means it.

Don't forget to shut off my music player at the bottom of the page.





Okay, I am going to assume that you watched the video. I have to say that the end with the fire business totally freaked me out. It was a little bit like watching my dreams come to life. Except not. Still, the first time I watched it, my eyes about bugged out of my head. It is still weird, but that is my personal weird and nothing to do with the video. So, getting back on track...

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer
I suffocate
And right before im about to drown
She resuscitates me
She fucking hates me
And I love it
Wait
Where you going
I'm leaving you
No you ain't
Come back
We're running right back
Here we go again
It's so insane
Cause when it's going good
It's going great
I'm Superman
With the wind in his bag
She's Lois Lane
But when it's bad
It's awful
I feel so ashamed
I snap
Who's that dude
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe
When you're with them
You meet
And neither one of you
Even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills
Used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick
Of looking at 'em
You swore you've never hit 'em
Never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face
Spewing venom
And these words
When you spit 'em
You push
Pull each other's hair
Scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down
Pin 'em
So lost in the moments
When you're in 'em
It's the rage that took over
It controls you both
So they say it's best
To go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today
That was yesterday
Yesterday is over
It's a different day
Sound like broken records
Playin' over
But you promised her
Next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave
Out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Now I know we said things
Did things
That we didn't mean
And we fall back
Into the same patterns
Same routine
But your temper's just as bad
As mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love
You're just as blinded
Baby please come back
It wasn't you
Baby it was me
Maybe our relationship
Isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens
When a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is
I love you too much
To walk away though
Come inside
Pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity
In my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed
I'll aim my fist
At the dry wall
Next time
There will be no next time
I apologize
Even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games
I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
I'mma tie her to the bed
And set the house on fire

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie



The lyrics are powerful, no? In the end, he says it best. I know I'm a liar. She does too. And still, at the end of the video, you see that they are still together. He says all of the classic abusive stuff. It was you. No, it was me. I apologize. I can't live without you. I am sincere. Then he threatens. Then he says the next time I get mad I will hit the wall. Then he says there will be no next time. Then he says that he knows he's a liar. And he tops it all of by saying if she ever tries to leave again he'll kill her. In other words, this crazy relationship has gotten so crazy, that he really has lost his mind.


Not all abusive relationships are women walking around on eggshells. Some are like what you saw right here. She is abusive, too. She is probably on drugs and is an alcoholic (not Megan Fox, but the woman in the video). She doesn't realize the fire she is playing with could get her killed. So, she fights with him, spits at him, slaps him, goes out and plays pool with other guys to either purposely (or not) make him jealous. Even though she gets the raw end of the deal each time they go round, she still goes. Eventually, he will go too far, and she will want to leave, and that is when there will be trouble. She's tried to leave twice in this video. Once out the window and once out the front door. She will very likely end up dead at this man's hands.

Do you feel less sorry for her because she fought back or egged him on (however you see it)? Let's say because the abuse ran both ways? The only difference is she was always in the weaker position. Does that make her more or less of a victim if she ends up in the burning bed? Or would it be more of a tragedy if she never fought back, didn't go to the bars, and just tried to escape and got caught? Is one situation more tragic than the other? Does one situation make him more guilty? Less guilty? Or does tying a woman to a bed and burning her alive just make you a monster no matter how many times she spit at you? The last question was rhetorical. I am not really looking for an answer on that one.

all images found www.photobucket.com