M IS FOR MARSHALL MATHERS

I backed into Marshall Mathers, sort of like I have back-doored into most of the great blogs I found on blogger in the very beginning.  I used to think it was sheer luck that I found these excellent reads.  Then I decided that The Universe decided to look upon me favorably.  Then I decided that eventually every bird finds a worm.  So, there you go.  Let's circle back specifically to Marshall Mathers, shall we?

One of my new blog friends posted Marshall Mather's (aka Eminem) newest video, at that time, off of his Recovery album on HER blog.  The song was called Not Afraid.  I sat and looked at that YouTube footage- in horror- for probably two minutes.  I post a lot of YouTube footage, and really want people to take the time to actually WATCH it.  Ergo, I try to give others the same courtesy.  But rap, seriously?  I hate rap.  My hand hovered anxiously on my mouse.  I did not want to take this plunge.  Before I could go back, I clicked.

And I was astounded.  Amazed.  Mesmerized.  I watched it three times.  On her blog.  I dare you to watch it (only once)...

Then, I went to YouTube.  And that was when the confusion began.  There were videos like Not Afraid, but there were also these really angry songs that I didn't like at all.  Watching the video Superman made my stomach turn.  How was this the same guy?  And there were more of the same and worse.  So the quest began.  Who was Marshall Mathers?

I threw a Shout Out on my blog asking for help in explaining this mystery.  I got some excellent feedback from some amazing Blog Buddies (you know who you are) detailing that Marshall Mathers has *personas* that he raps as in each song.  Eminem, Slim Shady, and Marshall Mathers are all distinct characters in The Eminem Show.  They each have their own unique voice.  The fact that I hate the Slim Shady voice is just my own opinion.  Other people have reached out and embraced that hate speech, making Slim Shady very popular.  That is more a reflection on Public Opinion than anything else, folks.  Just sayin'.  (Yep, I am saying that the masses are a hateful bunch.  My opinion.)

Eminem's voice is still "street" but not so hard.  From The Man himself in his autobiography, he says that his song Lose Yourself, from the 8 Mile Soundtrack, is a good example of the Eminem voice.  When he raps as Marshall Mathers, he is actually himself.  He says that the song Mockingbird is one of those.  There are not that many songs coming from the Marshall voice, because he doesn't think people actually want to hear what Marshall has to say (according to him in his book).  I think he couldn't be more wrong about that.  Marshall is the only REAL person in the room, and everyone is very curious to know what Marshall has to say.  Again, that is just me. 

I think that there was a lot more Marshall in the Recovery album than in any of his previous work.  That is scary stuff.  When you are hiding behind a persona and everyone loves it, it is scary stuff to suddenly expose yourself.  And he went full throttle.  He told everyone about his addiction problem, his inability to cope with his best friend's murder, and the fact that he was an abusive husband to his former spouse.  In fact, I have never seen anyone be so honest about what abuse looks like in a relationship.  It often goes both ways.  The fact that one person is stronger than the other does not make the person being abused get out, stop it, or even curb things.  Please understand me... Not saying that they deserve anything that happens to them, but it is like an avalanche that everyone sees happening, except the two people at the bottom of the hill, about to be buried by it.  In their own ways, at different times, they are both certain they have got it under control.

Marshall Mathers taught me that I can respect someone for their honesty, without liking every minute thing about them.  The things that I don't like in him, he doesn't like in himself.  But he isn't lying anymore about them.  He isn't glossing them over.  I can respect that.   And I have to believe that when you know better, you do better.  That is what life lessons are all about.

As Marshall says, "I can't tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like."

Marshall Mathers: IDK yet.  He's been a Passion.  I thought he might be a Phase.  I certainly have learned some Life Lessons.

Had you seen either video before today?  Did it change the way you saw Eminem or Marshall Mathers?  Did I LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE feel like a sucker punch in the gut when you saw it?  Are there people whom you respect without liking every single part of them?  Are you able to accept people with their flaws and all?  If this was your first exposure and you are now intrigued, I recommend Lose Yourself, Beautiful, and Airplanes Part 2 as your next stops on the Eminem Tour.

FEELING WICKED

This is going to be one of my last posts for a while that is me choosing the subject matter. Of course, I do have this knack of inserting my variation of what is on my mind into themed subject matter. Ah well. I suppose we all have our vices. Ironically, today I really don't have any one thing that is scratching around in my mind desperate to get out. I will admit that I have gotten lax about reading my Lucy March posts daily like I was. For those of you wondering about that one, I found Lucy March's website and was going to treat it like all new websites I find. Start where you are. Turns out that was impossible. So... I had to go back to the beginning of when she started blogging (turns out it was Jan. 2010) and began reading about four posts at a time. That was all my mind could take in at one sitting. It inspired me to do some internal cleansing of my own. Cleaning your emotional or mental house, I suppose. I am still not done. I have a feeling that this 30 day letter thing will unearth some more of that. It is why I took it on.

If you are scratching your head on the 30 day letter thing, I will post links on all of this stuff. I forget that I am constantly getting new people or old readers who have lives and don't read my blog daily. What? You don't find me fascinating and hang on my every word? Well, the world just stopped spinning. I can definitely see the need for those links.


Lucy (yes, Lucy March)... I hope that you are back for this Purple Cow... she isn't a big Lucy March fan. I think she's jealous. Anywhoozle. Nah, can't leave it there. Seriously, Purple Cow, if you would read her blog, I think you would like her. To be fair, I think all of my followers should read Purple Cow's blog, too. She is on vacation right now (or was), but she is a fairly regular blogger. She is very smart. That scares some people. I just tell her I don't know what in the crap she is talking about. But then she says that about my writing, too. But she keeps reading it. So, there you go. I'll post a link to both blogs. Problem solved.

Back to Lucy (my mind is so easily diverted that it is scary)... she made this list of 50 things that she liked. I can't remember why she did it. I know it was because someone that she admired did it. At the time, I was thinking "50 Things, Holy Crap, I could never think of 50 things. I have a hard time coming up with ten." And that is exactly why I need to think of 50 things. 50 things are really not that many things. I am a huge believer of positive thoughts building on positive thoughts, and negative thoughts building on negative thoughts.

In fact, one of the blogs that I just started following, Destination Unknown, written by Nicole, dedicated an entire post to visualization. That is something that I believe in with my whole heart and soul. Have I written a post on visualization? No. Why not? I don't know. But you believe in it with your whole heart and soul. I know, I just said that. Then why isn't there a post about it? I DON'T FREAKING KNOW. Have I ever mentioned that I talk to myself? The conversations go a lot like that. I will post a link to her blog, too, on visualization.


One of the ways to build on positive thoughts is to focus on the things that you like. The more you focus on the things that you like, the more that other things that you like will come to you, and it builds on top of itself. The same holds true for negative thoughts. However, before we start this list, I have to share this with you because it is so funny. Have you noticed the stats link on your dashboard? It is riveting with all of the information it provides. However, none of it is more hilarious than the keywords people have entered into a search engine to find your blog. Here are the funniest words people have entered into search engines to find mine:

beanie baby collecting freak

had sex in the car wash

here's to you, for grammar

blogspot your daily gay dose

dream meaning-i was on fire had to stop drop and roll

ill have a vodka, valium, saying

marshall mathers overdose

password for your southern belle

carlos ricardo manoso aka ranger

daily hot word

i am not afraid

breaking up love

catching cab in st. maarten



Doesn't that make you think and rethink what you put in your tag line at the bottom of your post? It makes me think I want to get really creative with it now. Who knows what might show up in my stats if I go for it with gusto? I haven't really been trying before now. Who knows what would happen if I gave it my full creative attention? I am feeling just a little bit wicked. That would be a great word for the tag. Wicked. I am writing it right now. It made me happy.

Okay, now moving on to 50 things I like:

1. Apparently feeling wicked.


2. A soft mattress and clean sheets.

3. Really great sex. Hey, I am being honest. That means multiple O's for those of who don't know what really great sex is. Oh, and a guy who knows how to kiss. Man, there is nothing better than a great kisser. If he can't kiss, there are no great O's in my future.

4. Sandals.

5. A really good book, TV show, or movie. Something with a great story It can be happy, sad, or both. It just has to be written well.

6. A fantastic haircut.

7. Clothes that you know you look hot in.

8. Singing a song at the karaoke bar and nailing it.

9. Theatre: feeling the character in the audition, becoming the character during the rehearsal, being the character during the performances. In live theatre, you know when you have them and when you don't. There is nothing more gratifying then knowing subliminally they are yours. And you are the character. Robin is gone and Whoever has taken her place and you really are that person.


10. My dog. She is always honest. Dogs just love you. They don't have to think about it or put conditions on it. They just love you. So refreshing. (Note: this is not me or my dog.)

11. Paying your bills online.

12. Television on DVD.

13. Cell phones.

14. Youtube.

15. Facebook.

16. The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton.

17. The Breakfast Club (that would be a movie ::she shudders::).

18. Camp Cherith.

19. Robin, my next door neighbor growing up.

20. My current doctors.

21. C-Man and H-Girl.

22. Watching the ocean.

23. Pink and Purple. Together or Separately.

24. Music.

25. Painting. Not the arty kind, but painting rooms in a house. But I've only done it in MY house. So, I am not sure that it extends to general painting or just the satisfaction of painting my own home.

26. Writing. This blog and my novel. Though my novel is riding in the backseat right now.

27. Playing board and card games.

28. Fall and Winter in the south.


29. Leaves when they change colors (I know that sounds like 28, but leaves change color in the north, too.)

30. Christmas.

31. Corduroy. I have a jacket that I love in brown that I have almost lost too many times. And a pair of maroon pants that probably don't fit anymore since I have lost all this weight. (all this weight being like 10 lbs. That would be a pants size, folks)

32. Pictures. I love looking at pictures dating back to when my grandparents were kids.

33. Air conditioning. I hate being hot.

34. Hot tub. I would love to have one in my house. (I know this sounds off after the hating to be hot statement. But, it soothes my aching muscles and joints caused by the fibromyalgia pain. After I get out, I lie underneath a ceiling fan. It works for me.)

35. Fleecy blankets.

36. The smell of vanilla.

37. The smell of puppy breath.

38. The salmon salad at Longhorn Steakhouse. Yum.

39. TLC's show WHAT NOT TO WEAR. Man, that has been a learning experience.

40. People who are honest without being mean.

41. Moisturizer.

42. Illusions by Richard Bach.

43. Michael J. Fox for not allowing his disease to define him, but boldly stepping into the spotlight to show people how far we still have to go in order to really help people. You are inspirational.

44. All of the amazing comments I get from YOU each day. Sometimes those comments are the BEST part of my day. Other times they are just icing on the cake. Either way, you took time out of your day to read what I had to say and then more time to formulate a thoughtful comment. It means a lot. A lot isn't strong enough. If no one has told you today that you are amazing, I am telling you now. You are amazing.


45. I like shoes. I have lots of shoes. I need to get rid of some shoes. I am surrounded by shoes. Nuff said.

46. In the same vein, I have clothes. I need to get rid of some clothes. The problem with this is that I don't know what size I will be wearing next month. Or the month after that. So, I guess that means I need to box clothes into crates by size and season. And just get rid of the stuff I just don't wear. I have this Halloween shirt that I like that says "Spooky" on it. I like it. I know it really isn't "my color." It's in an olive green. My mother took one look at me in that shirt the other day and said, "That color looks terrible on you." Hmmmm. I suppose that it should be put in the To Go pile. I knew it wasn't my best color. But I already ditched my favorite Halloween shirt because I thought I would never be a small again. Guess who will be at Target looking for new Halloween shirts? We pronounce that Tarshay around here to class it up a bit.

47. I like cutesy underwear. I still prefer cotton because it breathes. But the plain colors bore me. Give me something with a pattern, if you please. Oh, and those Hanes no ride-up underwear really don't ride up, if you wanted to know. Was that TMI? I am down to the nitty gritty here....

48. I like my soaps. I always have. I am an addict. I think the appeal is in the longevity of the show. Well, that is the appeal now. When you have been watching something for 20 years you are invested. You may find this hard to believe, but I learned a lot of valuable lessons from soaps. Don't lie. (It always comes back around to bite you in the end.) Don't cheat. (It always comes back around to bite you in the end.) He who lives by the sword will die by the sword. (If you live dangerously, chances are good your life will end bloody.) Time is too short to waste on being angry with someone you truly love. (Things happen and people die and you might not get to tell them how you actually feel. That is a hard pill to swallow.) See what I mean? In between everything else, there are some good lessons.

49. I like people who have nice teeth and who don't touch their face all of the time. I know that is odd. I don't know what to say about the whole thing with the teeth. I just know it is true. In truth, when someone is touching the face all of the time, it is likely a nervous habit, but it makes me crazy. I just want to grab their hand or hands and hold them in place.

50. I like people who go against the grain. What does that mean? I am so glad you asked. Turn off your music player at the bottom of the page. This little recording takes two minutes to explain it better than I ever could.




51. This isn't a like, but more of a wish. I wish that Marshall Mathers smiled more. I am one of the recently converted and I am really impressed with all that he went through in his life. He has this strong inner core. Most people wouldn't have made it; he did. I know that a lot of crap has blown his way in his personal life. A lot of crap has blown his way professionally, too. But, he still is shining. Despite all of it, he is still shining, so I wished that all of that inner sunshine came through just a little bit more on the outside. I know that you're a rapper. You have an image. You're also a human being and smiling makes a person feel better. Try it out. You just might like it. I mean all rough and tough is sexy. I grant you that much. But smiling is sexy, too. You just gotta trust me on that one.

See, we got the message and it has stuck. Now, you can smile to show that you came out on the other side. Unless your teeth are nasty. Then, it would be best to keep your mouth closed until you spent that hard earned money on a good orthodontist. Then you could smile. That would be so hot.

all images found at www.weheartit.com

COULD YOU BE THAT HONEST?

I had a plan for the next few days. I was going to do my one word and fifteen minutes writing exercise so that I could really put the hammer down on my book. I have been reading instead of writing and it actually worked. On my way to the library yesterday, the light bulb came on. I love those moments. REVELATION. Of course, that also meant I figured out how/where I screwed up again and I am going to have to go back and fix that shit. But, it makes it possible for me to motor through it. Sometimes it truly does work to let something sit on the backburner and let your subconscious work on it. It isn't being lazy. It is working by not working. Or working on something else. I don't know, but it worked. That doesn't mean I haven't worked on the novel at all. I have, but it has been frustrating going because I knew something was off. Now, it will be easier.


Several things have jettisoned my plan. One was Misery's comment on my blog from yesterday. She, too, wrote about Eminem's new video. I suppose that is great minds thinking alike. Except that we didn't actually share the same opinion about it...exactly. I am a very new Eminem convert and am not at all familiar with the old stuff. She said I needed to have a listen to his song KIM and that might make me feel differently about him. I went to my music player. I decided video would be too distracting and had a listen. It was a horrible song. Abuse at its worst. Kim was his wife, the baby was crying, and, in the end, there was the distinct implication that he killed her. She was crying and pleading (or some woman was, probably not the actual Kim), and he was vicious. So, then I went to Wikipedia and read all I could. His whole bio. It broke down each of his albums, what songs were on them, and what the general concept was for the album. Amazingly enough, each album did have a concept. Eminem writes his own music and the album reflects his life... whatever it is at that moment in time. It also broke down his personal life so you could compare and contrast the two.

Well, that is something to think about right there. I am not sure that I could be that honest if I was as popular an artist as he was, and my life was what his life was. In other words, if I was abusing the shit out of my spouse, I don't think I could write about it, then put it on my CD. I am pretty sure this song was written in between their marriages. Stop and think about that one. They married two times. He wrote this horrible song about her and then she married him again.


Back to the writing what he's living.... every single important thing that he is living is flowing from his brain onto the paper. Then it goes onto a CD for the whole world to know. Abuse. Drugs. Missing his kids. Fighting with the record label. Political opinions. Opinions about other celebrities. Pretty much everything he thinks, it gets put on the paper and then on the CD. And it isn't just the stuff that makes him look good. In fact, a lot of it makes him look like shit. I think that you really start to see the turning point in his later music, but he still falls down. WHEN I'M GONE is an excellent example of him indicating that he doesn't have a handle on anything. His priorities are all messed up and he knows it. I listened to several. I think that LOSE YOURSELF has a great message, but I think that he was still in "the hole" at that time. I am not sure how AIRPLANES 2 fits in. It doesn't feel like the old Eminem. It feels a lot more like the stuff on this new album. I think maybe he recorded it during his hiatus? I don't know on that one. Maybe someone who knows more about rap can answer that one. Anyway, he released a Greatest Hits album and then took some time off. He needed that time away from that mad business of making album after album. He'd either gone through rehab or knew he needed it... not sure which. All of those were the milestones that led him to where he is now: RECOVERY.


The big question always is can you maintain it? Show business, the music industry, and all of the people that make money off of you want to suck you dry. Can you keep your priorities straight when you're in the middle of the hailstorm? It's easy when you're not in the middle of a tour, making videos, and having your songs topping the charts. It's easy when you're not being nominated for awards. Now is when it gets hard. Everyone is juggling all the time. The reality is that everyone's load is always too heavy to carry all at once, so we juggle. When we are moving at a comfortable pace, we can juggle slow. That way the balls are easy to catch and we don't have to put too many in the air. His pace just picked up and the musical powers that be just threw about ten more balls for him to keep in the air (on top of the ones he already was juggling). No one can do that forever. You have to know your limits. Marshall Mathers is about to find out if he really knows who he is. I hope that he really is Not Afraid To Take A Stand because he might have to (figuratively) kick some ass. That means saying "No," when you're being pressured by, what feels like, the whole world to say "Yes."

I just read that the definition of adulthood is no longer caring what other people think. I plan on writing an entire blog on that at a later date. But it seems a fitting way to end this one today.