IWSG Meets Battle of the Bands ~ It's Shameless Really

 This is mostly the IWSG colliding with Battle of the Bands.

However, I want to take JUST ONE MOMENT and wish all of you A to Zers well. Today is Day One. Go get 'em!

Second, for all of you interested in my dating story. I broke up with him yesterday. Not because of his addiction, which would have been enough, but his age. We went bowling and I felt like his mother. He said such immature things that I couldn't help but "correct" him or "guide" him. Honestly, it felt way too much like hanging out with my ex's kids. Except they're teenagers. But you get the idea. So, I told him it made me uncomfortable and I was Out. He countered with, "But it doesn't make ME uncomfortable." It got so much easier after that.

Third, the IWSG. I'm back to writing again on my revision. For me, this entire process has felt very much like life. Every now and again we get STUCK. (In life and writing) The question is whether we stay stuck and for how long. Sometimes it's good to just lie down where you are and take a nap, daydream, or study the clouds. Whatever. Good for life. Good for writing. But, if you stay down too long... it can be tough getting back up. And some don't. (Again with life and writing.) So, get up and go. It might be the wrong direction and you'll come back to this same point weary and frustrated (been there, done that... in life and writing). In fact, you might do this a lot. BUT, eventually you'll find a path that works (yep, for life and writing) and then woohoo! So, that's where I am. I'm merrily traveling the path again (after what felt like long naps and aimless wanderings). We're all insecure but DON'T GIVE UP. At least, with writing, you can come back and edit (unlike life) so go boldly!

Fourth, and finally, Battle of the Bands. I thought of this song while reading commentary on Dixie's last battle. You see, Dixie, you CAN choose songs. You and FAE chose/inspired mine this week. The song is Shameless. It was recorded first by Billy Joel on Storm Front, but he never released it. Then Garth Brooks recorded it on his Ropin' The Wind album and it became a Big Hit for him. I know this because I actually had the Ropin' the Wind CD. It might've been my FIRST CD. I got it during that time I worked at St. Martin's Press. Fun publishing fact: When you work in publishing, you can get any book you want free. All you do is call the publicity office and offer to trade books. Well, a friend of mine worked that strategy beyond the realm of books. He traded with all sorts of companies and got all sorts of stuff. One day a package came in with the aforementioned CD and a promo CASSETTE TAPE for John Mellencamp's next album. I got both. I have no idea what else was in the box. Anyway, I fell in love with Ropin' the Wind (and Garth Brooks). However, I'd been a long-time Billy Joel fan, but didn't have that particular record, and was happily surprised to discover Shamless was written (and recorded) by him.

So, even though I discovered them in reverse order, let's listen as they were available to the public.

Billy Joel with Shameless:



Now let's listen to Garth Brooks with Shameless:



For more Battle of the Bands fun, check out the other BOTB bloggers to vote on their battles:

• Far Away Series
• Stephen T. McCarthy's Battle of the Bands Blog
• Tossing it Out
• DiscConnected 
• This Belle Rocks
• Mike's Ramblings
• Curious as a Cathy 
• Book Lover
• The Sound of One Hand Typing
• dcrelief ~ Battle of the Bands
• Alex J. Cavanaugh (sometimes)

If you are participating in Battle of the Bands, and you are not listed here, leave me a note in the comments. Thanks!

Now, is the critical moment. It is time to vote for your favorite version of this song. I even encourage you to leave me long comment explaining all the ins and outs of why you voted as you did! 

ARE YA'LL READY FOR THIS (PART 3, BUT REALLY SHOULD BE PART 4)

I can hear you thinking two things already. 1) Why has she not blogged in such a long time? 2) She really should pay Bryan to cartoon her blog on a regular basis, because this is B-o-r-i-n-g.

Before I get down to it in this post, I want to tell you our trio sang again in church. I have it recorded on my phone, with a fairly funny ending (the person recording forget to hit the Stop button). I will post it here shortly. Our church choir is singing an Easter cantata this Sunday. In which, I have a SOLO. So, I will try to find someone to record it for all of you many readers who've requested the long-anticipated solo. The sad fact is it's bound to be disappointing with this long of a build-up.

Now, let's get down to what is actually on my poor brain today. My crazy ass dating life. The universe keeps throwing me these men with very real problems/issues. For the record, I think this will continue to happen until I get VERY CLEAR on my own boundaries and am able to say to them (in the face of hurting their feelings) that this will, in fact, NOT blossom into a "relationship."

Cue the traveling music:

I think we all recall my first (recent) dating experience. I wrote about it HERE. To help refresh your mind, it was the Alcoholic Guy. Funny story. Terrible experience.

My second dating (recent) dating experience I wrote about HERE. Yep, it was another alcoholic. Funny how THAT works. This time a much nicer sweeter alcoholic, but still an alcoholic.

My third (can I call this dating?) experience was the Tree Guy. I wrote about him several times. Here. Here. Well, after date number two (dinner, movie) I was very disturbed. Took me about ten minutes of reflection once I got home and could THINK about it. I knew this guy was dating someone else (fine by me), but she didn't know he was dating me (not fine by me). In fact, I felt like the Other Woman, even though they hadn't been dating long and weren't married. Not the point. I really disliked his dishonesty. If I were dating someone and I erroneously thought "exclusively," which is what I thought she believed based on what he said, I'd be mad when I found out I'd been lied to... even if it was a lie of omission. "I know you thought we were exclusive, but I was actually dating around." And we all know if a guy will do it to one woman, they will do it to YOU. So, I was going to tell the Tree Guy I wasn't interested only he didn't ask me out again. Way to burst my bubble. I hope that he felt guilty about what he was doing.

Which leads me to the current prospect (number four). I met this guy in a game room (yeah, I'm talking about gambling). I know I should've expected to meet a gambling addict in there. But, I'm not a gambling addict... and you see where this line of thought is going. But, really, it's like going to a bar. Bound to be some alcoholics there. The thing that's rare in a game room is meeting anyone even close to my age (or that I'd even consider dating.) So, I met this guy and something he said made me think, "I wonder if he's a gambling addict?" I left. Saw him the next night and he was really sweet. So, I set the first thought aside (but didn't forget it, obviously). I gave him my number. And then we talked, and I found out he was 17 years younger than I am. Holy cow. I about fainted. If I were him, I'd have been OUT. In fact, I almost dated someone with that sort of age gap when I was 30 (really super nice guy), but it was just too much of an age difference.

He tells me has a Facebook. I look at it. Holy carp (yeah, I meant to say carp!). About two years ago there were two really long threads about his gambling addiction. Other people saying he had a problem and him in denial. Well, safe to say that he's still in denial since I met him in a game room. So I KNOW that this isn't going to be a "relationship."

And I INTENDED to tell  him that and pretty much cut ties. I didn't want it to be ugly because I'm sure I'll run into him, but... Well, me being me, I suggested we be friends because I can't date someone with an addiction. And he agreed to the Friends, but not to the addiction.

But, this feels very much like dating story #2. His idea of friends and mine are different methinks. Now I'm just going to have to drop the bomb again... only harder.

And this, my friends, has kept my migraine in full blown pounding. My spirit knows when I'm making a wrong choice and it doesn't fail to alert me by threatening to twist my head off my shoulders.

The irony is that the more I talk to this guy, the more I fully understand that he has trouble with boundaries, too. People who don't want to hurt others, want to help, etc. often end up taking a beating (or sorts) for their well-intentioned choices. This guy has enormous debt (because of his gambling), but couldn't say to no to a co-worker who asked to "borrow" $60. He didn't have that money to give, but did it anyway. He's got another friend who's going through a "crisis" and doesn't have a place to live. He doesn't want him living with him, but allowed him to crash for a night in his guest BR. Now he's feeling guilty about not wanting him to live with him (but he doesn't trust the guy).

Oddly enough, listening to his story about the friend needing a place to stay provided me with some inspiration. When I tell him firmly and definitively (again) that we won't be dating, I can remind him of that friend he didn't want in his house. Not because he didn't like him. Because he knew that was a bad choice for him. I don't want to date him. Not because I don't like him. I know he's a bad choice for me. The end.

Saying what you feel/know to be true even when it hurts the feelings of another is one of the hardest things we do in life. However, we must do it for our own mental health.

Sadly, because I couldn't drop the bomb immediately on this guy, I know there's another one waiting around the corner. The universe is patient. It will keep handing you variations on the same story until you manage to get it done. I wish I were a faster learner...

I saw this graphic on Facebook the other day and thought, "Oh my. This is the story of my life."

With that in mind, I encourage you to think about what vibrational attitude you're putting out there and what you've got in your life. Can you see the correlation in your own life between your vibrational attitude and what is manifesting in your life?

Easy as 123, It's Always Midnight (Another Episode of the Dating Chronicles)

Normally, I'd try to leave my BOTB post up just a little bit longer (so that anyone who has yet to vote will see it in their reading list) BUT I don't think there is any hope for this battle getting close. So, I'm moving on. Of course, you can still vote until the 21st. Just click back one post, listen, and vote.

I've been trying to find tie-ins for this uber-fun exercise for me of introducing you to Train albums (via the song from the name of the track) plus one more I like by figuring out a way to tie the whole mess into my life. That makes everyone happy. Those of you who like music get some and those who just want to read the dirt get that. And some of you get both.

Well, after the abysmal failure of For Me, It's You Train disbanded. Wikipedia says they went on a three year hiatus (like it was planned or something). "We're going to all go our separate ways for three years and then get back to making music. Rock on." (This is not a real quote. I made it up.) I don't think it was like that. At all. I think that Pat Monahan (lead singer) was tired of playing parent to many of his band members with drug and alcohol problems. After For Me, It's You did so badly, he threw in the towel. (Conjecture on my part.) They all parted ways and he made his one and only solo album to date: Last of Seven. Yeah, he was the youngest of seven children. Normally, I would post that song but it's not on YouTube. That gives me leeway to just pick and choose.

While you listen to a track, Always Midnight, that I think is quite wonderful (though never released) and embodies the feel of this album, I'll get down to the "story" part of this post, though it is a "real" video and totally watchable:)





Seems like it's always midnight
Sweepin' up broken glass after every fight
But the sound of a train that I could have been on
Remindin' me that the last one's gone
With you it's always midnight


Well, I want to lunch with the tree guy last week. I managed to get his full name when he called me (showed up on my caller ID) so that meant I had his full name. As a Numerology Nut, you have to KNOW that I immediately ran his numbers. I then called him back and asked him for his birthday. I needed that to get the rest of his numbers. I knew I might sound crazy, but I didn't care. I wanted to know what animal I was dealing with... well, that would've been much more helpful if I'd numbered the R in his name as a "9," which it is, instead of a "5," which it isn't. So, I got two out of three name numbers wrong. Accchhhh.

I learned a lot on this lunch. I think I told you that this is a guy who was divorced in 2011. The thing is that he married his high school sweetheart, didn't want the divorce, and has only just started dating (reluctantly). He spent four years convinced that his ex-wife would change her mind. It is only now occurring that it isn't gonna happen. So, in some ways the song  "Always Midnight" is about the tree guy and the way he's seeing life right now. (That's the tie-in, peeps!)

Meanwhile, I got some nice surprises during this lunch. He wanted to pray at the restaurant before we ate. (Good thing) He told the other girl he's dating that he wants to slow things down. I suspect that means to a crawl, since he doesn't seem to be a fast mover. hahahaha. (And another good thing)

What did his numbers tell me once I did them correctly? Well... his first three numbers (the name numbers) are 123. In that order. That is significant all by itself (and fairly rare). That is a person who must do things in the correct order. 123. So, it isn't surprising that being derailed by a divorce he didn't want has thrown him for a loop. How do you get back to 1 after that? It's occurring to me that this isn't anything I can solve for him. He's going to have to figure it out all by himself. However, I think he's a good guy, and once he makes some internal decisions and accepts some current realities, he'll get back to 1 (and his old self). Meanwhile, I'll keep plugging away at my own issues (migraines, remember???) while he does his thing. Maybe our two things will meet. And maybe not.

But if they do, it could look something like this:



She's not afraid, she just likes to use her nightlight.

Yep.

My Almost Relationship.... For Me, It's You

Me before the Train concert in 2012

This post is going to be two things that I think in a bizarre sort of way go together. 1) I'm going to tell you the story of my almost relationship (yeah, with a man) and 2) We're moving on to the next CD Train released: For Me, It's You.

Remember I told you that the writing on Train's CDs was often a bit like a mirror into Pat's soul? What do I know about his life at this time? Well, not a whole lot, but SOME. During the My Private Nation tour he met the lady who would become his wife. So, I think his personal life took an extremely positive turn while this album was written. Of course, he still had kids with his ex-wife and there was probably some lingering sadness over that mess. But, all in all, his life was pretty darn good. And this album didn't do well--at all--with the general public. No big hits (the only Train album to not garner at least one song that blasted the charts). So, even though the critics liked it, the public... not so much. As for me... this was 2005 when my migraines really took over my life. Even I didn't buy this one. Hard to do when you rarely leave the house, or your bedroom, or your bed for that matter. I dropped 20 pounds this year and looked very like death warmed over. (No, this isn't the story I promised above.)

So, let's listen to the track For Me, It's You (which was never even released as a single) because I think the title track generally reflects the MOOD of the album, as I stated last post. You can listen to this one while you read my story. Or watch the video/lyrics and then read my story, whichever you prefer.




If I ever find truth I'm gonna let you know
If I ever find faith I'm gonna sit in every bit of its afterglow
If I ever find a way to bring love here today
You better bet your life that this is what I'll say
Give it if you've got it
Get it if you don't
Take my hand in the meantime
And let's walk into the sunshine
Everybody got something that they want to sing about
Laugh about, cry about, it's true
For me, it's you

So, here's the story:

I've told you about my forays with mom at the biker bar singing karaoke. I think I've told you at least one story of a man taking interest that was very one-sided (his side, not mine). But those experiences had value as I learned the art (better, if not perfectly) of speaking my mind. Back in November (the last time we were there), I ran into this fella I kinda/sorta knew. He owns a tree service and took down a large tree in our yard (with his crew) shortly after we moved here. I was still suffering mightily with migraines at that time and my contact with him was extremely limited, as it was another day of living in bed for me.

But, I approached him at the bar and asked "Are you____________?" And he said he was. I told him that he'd taken down our tree. Turns out, he remembered our house (and me), indicating that he felt terrible about the noise given my migraine.

And we talked for quite a while.

Not sure what he was thinking, but I was thinking, "Holy cow. I think I have finally met someone at this place I'd be interested in dating." There is something STRONG to be said for a man with whom you can conversate. (Just kidding. You know that's not a word, right? If not, you can read all about it here.) The long and short of that evening: he joined us for a while. He stepped out to go to the restroom or take a phone call.... I really can't recall. Mom decided she was ready to leave RIGHT NOW, and we left.

I hoped he'd come back and we could see what happened. The problem: we didn't come back. And didn't come back. And still didn't come back. The list of reasons is long and varied, but it's January 10, and we still haven't been back.

About mid-December I began to feel some angst about the whole thing. That bar was NOT a regular place for him to go. What if he came back (repeatedly) only to find out we weren't there? As January pushed forward, with no sign in sight of us returning soon, I finally said to mom, "I think maybe I'll call him."

Oh my Lord. The nerves. I don't know how you fellas deal with this sort of thing. I had to think on it for several days. What do I say? Go out for coffee? Lunch? If so, where do I suggest? It was all extremely nerve-racking!

I made the call to his business phone. Only after I dialed did two things occur to me. 1) He might be married. 2) He might not remember me. So, after an extremely awkward introduction of who I was, since he asked if I wanted a tree removed and I told him no, and I'd called to invite him out for coffee. (Mind you, I felt very stupid as I said this since he didn't seem to even know who I was!) I wanted to just hang up. Then, he figured it out. He knew who I was. Whew!

And that brings us to the other Train song on the album For Me, It's You. It's called Cab. It was released to the radio stations, but didn't do well. As for me... I like it. And it fits the mood of my story.




He tells me that he did show up at the bar looking for me. He was divorced in 2011 and hadn't dated anyone since his divorce. I was the second person he was "interested" in. Don't know what happened to the first. Anyway, I wasn't there (yeah, I know). In the meantime, he met someone else at the bar while looking for me and they've been dating a short while. I have to admit that in that moment, I felt just a bit crushed. You know, like a semi truck unloaded it's entire haul right on my head. I mean, I'd only been psyching myself up about this for a couple months... and then a few days for the actual phone call.

Back to the dating. He said they'd been going out two weeks, but I suspect it's more like a month. According to him, she's a "real nice lady" but he "doesn't know where it's going" and "he's not looking for something serious." Which I doubt. I think that when we meet the right person, we're interested in something serious. When we're with the wrong one, that's what we tell ourselves. Besides, he was married 20+ years and hasn't dated anyone since. That doesn't scream player to me. Or maybe I'm reading something into this that isn't there and he thinks she's wonderful.

He then asks if he can call me if it doesn't work out with her. (Yeah, this is why I think that relationship may not be all that.) I tell him that would be great. And it would. He's only been dating her a short time. It may work out. It may not. Although, I think if he was really into her he would've told me that. I know if I met someone and really thought he was The One, I wouldn't be asking for another guy's number.

So, I say something about it all being bad timing, which it was. He then proceeds to ask me questions and we talk for something like 20-30 minutes on the phone. As I said, I really enjoy talking to him, and I think the feeling is mutual. He told me I could call him anytime just to talk, because he enjoys talking to me. I said I didn't feel comfortable with that AND that I figured he'd know inside a month whether or not he and she will continue. He can call me if they don't. And we hung up.

Will this work out? No idea. For a couple days, I kicked myself over the way it all went down. And then I realized it's okay no matter how it turns out. We tend to allow our self image to be caught up in what someone else thinks/does. In this case, I'm not more appealing if he calls or less appealing if he doesn't. I'm just me, either way. (But you can be sure that if he DOES call, I will tell you about it!!!)

I'm still looking for a fare

No one said that it was fair
To be alone

The days are better, the nights are still so lonely
Sometimes I think I'm the only cab on the road

The days are better, the nights are still so lonely
Sometimes I think I'm the only cab on the road
Sometimes I think I'm the only cab on the road