ARE YA'LL READY FOR THIS (PART 3, BUT REALLY SHOULD BE PART 4)

I can hear you thinking two things already. 1) Why has she not blogged in such a long time? 2) She really should pay Bryan to cartoon her blog on a regular basis, because this is B-o-r-i-n-g.

Before I get down to it in this post, I want to tell you our trio sang again in church. I have it recorded on my phone, with a fairly funny ending (the person recording forget to hit the Stop button). I will post it here shortly. Our church choir is singing an Easter cantata this Sunday. In which, I have a SOLO. So, I will try to find someone to record it for all of you many readers who've requested the long-anticipated solo. The sad fact is it's bound to be disappointing with this long of a build-up.

Now, let's get down to what is actually on my poor brain today. My crazy ass dating life. The universe keeps throwing me these men with very real problems/issues. For the record, I think this will continue to happen until I get VERY CLEAR on my own boundaries and am able to say to them (in the face of hurting their feelings) that this will, in fact, NOT blossom into a "relationship."

Cue the traveling music:

I think we all recall my first (recent) dating experience. I wrote about it HERE. To help refresh your mind, it was the Alcoholic Guy. Funny story. Terrible experience.

My second dating (recent) dating experience I wrote about HERE. Yep, it was another alcoholic. Funny how THAT works. This time a much nicer sweeter alcoholic, but still an alcoholic.

My third (can I call this dating?) experience was the Tree Guy. I wrote about him several times. Here. Here. Well, after date number two (dinner, movie) I was very disturbed. Took me about ten minutes of reflection once I got home and could THINK about it. I knew this guy was dating someone else (fine by me), but she didn't know he was dating me (not fine by me). In fact, I felt like the Other Woman, even though they hadn't been dating long and weren't married. Not the point. I really disliked his dishonesty. If I were dating someone and I erroneously thought "exclusively," which is what I thought she believed based on what he said, I'd be mad when I found out I'd been lied to... even if it was a lie of omission. "I know you thought we were exclusive, but I was actually dating around." And we all know if a guy will do it to one woman, they will do it to YOU. So, I was going to tell the Tree Guy I wasn't interested only he didn't ask me out again. Way to burst my bubble. I hope that he felt guilty about what he was doing.

Which leads me to the current prospect (number four). I met this guy in a game room (yeah, I'm talking about gambling). I know I should've expected to meet a gambling addict in there. But, I'm not a gambling addict... and you see where this line of thought is going. But, really, it's like going to a bar. Bound to be some alcoholics there. The thing that's rare in a game room is meeting anyone even close to my age (or that I'd even consider dating.) So, I met this guy and something he said made me think, "I wonder if he's a gambling addict?" I left. Saw him the next night and he was really sweet. So, I set the first thought aside (but didn't forget it, obviously). I gave him my number. And then we talked, and I found out he was 17 years younger than I am. Holy cow. I about fainted. If I were him, I'd have been OUT. In fact, I almost dated someone with that sort of age gap when I was 30 (really super nice guy), but it was just too much of an age difference.

He tells me has a Facebook. I look at it. Holy carp (yeah, I meant to say carp!). About two years ago there were two really long threads about his gambling addiction. Other people saying he had a problem and him in denial. Well, safe to say that he's still in denial since I met him in a game room. So I KNOW that this isn't going to be a "relationship."

And I INTENDED to tell  him that and pretty much cut ties. I didn't want it to be ugly because I'm sure I'll run into him, but... Well, me being me, I suggested we be friends because I can't date someone with an addiction. And he agreed to the Friends, but not to the addiction.

But, this feels very much like dating story #2. His idea of friends and mine are different methinks. Now I'm just going to have to drop the bomb again... only harder.

And this, my friends, has kept my migraine in full blown pounding. My spirit knows when I'm making a wrong choice and it doesn't fail to alert me by threatening to twist my head off my shoulders.

The irony is that the more I talk to this guy, the more I fully understand that he has trouble with boundaries, too. People who don't want to hurt others, want to help, etc. often end up taking a beating (or sorts) for their well-intentioned choices. This guy has enormous debt (because of his gambling), but couldn't say to no to a co-worker who asked to "borrow" $60. He didn't have that money to give, but did it anyway. He's got another friend who's going through a "crisis" and doesn't have a place to live. He doesn't want him living with him, but allowed him to crash for a night in his guest BR. Now he's feeling guilty about not wanting him to live with him (but he doesn't trust the guy).

Oddly enough, listening to his story about the friend needing a place to stay provided me with some inspiration. When I tell him firmly and definitively (again) that we won't be dating, I can remind him of that friend he didn't want in his house. Not because he didn't like him. Because he knew that was a bad choice for him. I don't want to date him. Not because I don't like him. I know he's a bad choice for me. The end.

Saying what you feel/know to be true even when it hurts the feelings of another is one of the hardest things we do in life. However, we must do it for our own mental health.

Sadly, because I couldn't drop the bomb immediately on this guy, I know there's another one waiting around the corner. The universe is patient. It will keep handing you variations on the same story until you manage to get it done. I wish I were a faster learner...

I saw this graphic on Facebook the other day and thought, "Oh my. This is the story of my life."

With that in mind, I encourage you to think about what vibrational attitude you're putting out there and what you've got in your life. Can you see the correlation in your own life between your vibrational attitude and what is manifesting in your life?

INSPIRATION STRUCK A DAY LATE

You know how some people are perpetually a day late and a dollar short. Well, I suppose that would be me today. I am not saying that I qualify as "perpetually" a day late and a dollar short. Just today. It would seem that many people have embraced Saturdays to post an inspirational song. Unfortunately, I already had my Saturday post half written in my head, and was already committed to it, so I felt the need to go with it.


However, I can always get down with a reason to cruise youtube for music. Or for any footage actually. I am a youtube junkie. If I didn't know it already, I would never try heroin or crack, because it turns out that I have a highly addictive personality. Or meth. No meth for me. Thanks anyway. I learned in 7th grade health class that you can't really get off these drugs once you start, so there is no point in starting. People can rationalize that they are the exception, but that is a big fat lie. Or cocaine. I forgot the cocaine. None of that either. All it gets you is to spend your money on the drugs until you run out. Then you steal, lie, and do even worse stuff, until someone throws your stupid self into rehab, (if you live that long) and then the really awful part starts because you go through the withdrawal period. So, I made the decision at twelve that "No," to all of that stuff was the right choice for me. Turns out that was pretty smart because once I do decide on something, I am freakishly committed to it. We have rolled back around to the aforementioned youtube. If youtube were actually crack in disguise, I would be a goner.


I forgot what we were talking about. Inspirational songs. Right. Anyway, since I missed that for yesterday, I will not use their cute little logo and just do my own variation. Besides, I am not really a follower. Have you noticed that? I am an Aries. Aries is the Ram. It is the 1st sign on the zodiac. It is the leader. Let me give you an idea of the personality of the Aries. Let's say there are a group of people (me included) that get stranded in the desert. Maybe we are in a small plane and it goes down. Pilot is dead and we have no clue where we are. Lots of arguing about what to do. After two days and no one comes to find us. We all think that surely we will be missed and they must track us because of that box thing all planes have; it begins to dawn that our plane didn't have the black box or it somehow malfunctioned when we crashed. Our supplies are low and everyone has an idea about what we should do. I would be the person who stands up and says, "Everyone shut the fuck up. (I apologize for the potty mouth. But I would probably use the "f" word after two days stranded in the desert.) I don't give a rat's ass what you do. I am going to take a bottle of water and my provisions for the day and start walking. I am picking a direction and I am going. If I am going to die out here, so be it. But I am going to die trying to get somewhere, rather than die sitting here listening to you argue." That is pretty much how Aries rolls. I never said I was nice. In a crisis, I can be a mean little biotch. I'm a lot like Jack on the show LOST. Pretty much think I know everything and, once everyone decides that I am the leader, well I will die for the group when push comes to shove.

How do I keep getting away from my goal? Inspirational songs. This first one is a song that I often will sing in a karaoke bar. Particularly if I am in a karaoke bar I have never been in before. I once landed in a bar outside Nashville, where there are a lot of really good singers. A lot of rising star wannabes. It was probably the most nervous I have ever been singing karaoke. I chose this song because I know it backward, forward, and upside down. I have been singing it into a hairbrush since I was in elementary school. My parents had an extensive record collection. This song was my favorite (Don't forget to cut off my music player at the bottom of the screen):



You might be wondering how that karaoke experience went in that bar outside of Nashville. Pretty good actually. This guy I was seeing, who I later lived to regret dating, but that is another story altogether, was standing at the bar talking to his ex-girlfriend. Yeah, you read that right. Anyway, she is this really good singer. I know this because he talked about it ad nauseum. The more I type, the more I want to kick him in the nuts. Alas, he is safe because he lives far away. Anyway, he tells me that as soon as I started singing, she said something like. "Finally, someone who can sing in here tonight." She lived to regret those words when she craned her head around the bar and saw it was me. So, I guess I was pretty good.

On a totally different note, I grew up in one of the coolest eras ever. The 80s. I saw the launch of MTV. Matter of fact, I can't tell you how many hours I sat and watched MTV. It was addictive. I think we've been here before. The thing was you got a new "snack" every 3-4 minutes. So, if you didn't like the previous song, well it was only a few minutes of suffering before you got something else. Because it was new and different, the bands and singers went out of their way to come up with interesting videos. Every now and then you just got the band playing a song live in concert, but the bands saw the opportunity to break out, and really use this medium to stretch, and make a name for themselves. This is one band that did a FANTASTIC job with the song and the video and then nothing. I go on record for saying it is one of the best.videos.ever.



Okay, well that definitely wasn't in the spirit of the Inspirational Saturday Songs that I read yesterday, but it was a typically random Robin post with some (hopefully) interesting stuff thrown in. Happy Sunday everyone!