Tuesday, December 14, 2010


People just don't feel comfortable with anger. Not in themselves. Not in other people. In fact, most people would rather deal with a depressed person than an angry one. However, depression is the very bottom of the emotional scale. There is no place further down. Anger is an improvement. May not seem like it, but it is. Anger is a catalyst that moves people from one stage to the next. At least, it can. Some people just bounce back and forth between anger and depression. They feel uncomfortable with the anger and it doesn't propel them forward. Even blame would be better than moving back to depression. But if they go there, they often get discouraged by well-meaning friends and/or family, and they land right back in the land of depression. Of course, sticking in a place like blame isn't good, either. You have to keep moving to places of compassion and understanding. Blame might feel good for a while, but eventually you gain insight that the person it is hurting is YOU. Emotions propel us out of bad situations if we let them. That is the point. Anger exists for a reason.

I got angry about the way that the woman who my ex-boyfriend cheated on me with contacted me to reestablish contact. She could have just sent me an email saying that she was new to facebook and was glad she found me. She didn't have to mention HIM at all. In fact, since we hadn't had any contact in almost two years it would have almost been like starting over. We could have had a relationship that was completely devoid of him. I could have started thinking about her and not thinking about him at all. Instead, she tells me that she couldn't remember my last name and that she contacted him for my info. She then went to say that they had exchanged numerous hello emails.

So my head spun around a few times. Smoke blew out my ears. I got to relive some of my old anger issues about that relationship with him in general. The nightmare of trying to maintain a friendship with her when everyone was giving me such grief, and it twisted my knickers that she was able to exchange casual email with him after everything that the two of them put me through before, during, and after their affair. So, I was angry.

It was a good angry. Had she left out that information I would not have known that she and he were communicating. That is information I want to know, because I don't want him "in the know" on anything about my life. That helped me to evaluate what kind of friendship I wanted to have with her. Thanks to facebook, you can have all levels of friendship. Had I found out two months from now that she and he were emailing, I would be peeling myself off the ceiling and wanting to yank back everything I said. As it is, there is nothing to yank. We get to have the superficial facebook relationship. I don't tell her anything I wouldn't want her to pass on to HIM. Resolving that puts me right back in my happy place. I sent her a perfectly friendly email. Short, concise, and not very informative. It was perfectly friendly, but not overly friendly. And as Christine put it, I won't have to waste time picking brain crud out of my head every two to three weeks, because I have bent over backwards being nice to someone who doesn't deserve it.

Anger has its place. It is the platform to force you to make a decision. In this case, it was is this person worth my time, my health, more migraines? No. Obviously no.


  1. Robin: I can't wait until you get to the letter P. P is for you are a Piece of work, lady. You seem to always come up with the right answers, but you're not content until you torture yourself for about a week or so.

  2. Glad to see you work it all out!

  3. dude, how sad is it that I just got tha t you are doing the alphabet? lololol. pretty sad. I already knew you knew where you were going with that.

  4. Well handled and well said. Sometimes it feels like WAY too much information to cope with, but once it's all put in place it's useful ....


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