Saturday, January 10, 2015

My Almost Relationship.... For Me, It's You

Me before the Train concert in 2012

This post is going to be two things that I think in a bizarre sort of way go together. 1) I'm going to tell you the story of my almost relationship (yeah, with a man) and 2) We're moving on to the next CD Train released: For Me, It's You.

Remember I told you that the writing on Train's CDs was often a bit like a mirror into Pat's soul? What do I know about his life at this time? Well, not a whole lot, but SOME. During the My Private Nation tour he met the lady who would become his wife. So, I think his personal life took an extremely positive turn while this album was written. Of course, he still had kids with his ex-wife and there was probably some lingering sadness over that mess. But, all in all, his life was pretty darn good. And this album didn't do well--at all--with the general public. No big hits (the only Train album to not garner at least one song that blasted the charts). So, even though the critics liked it, the public... not so much. As for me... this was 2005 when my migraines really took over my life. Even I didn't buy this one. Hard to do when you rarely leave the house, or your bedroom, or your bed for that matter. I dropped 20 pounds this year and looked very like death warmed over. (No, this isn't the story I promised above.)

So, let's listen to the track For Me, It's You (which was never even released as a single) because I think the title track generally reflects the MOOD of the album, as I stated last post. You can listen to this one while you read my story. Or watch the video/lyrics and then read my story, whichever you prefer.

If I ever find truth I'm gonna let you know
If I ever find faith I'm gonna sit in every bit of its afterglow
If I ever find a way to bring love here today
You better bet your life that this is what I'll say
Give it if you've got it
Get it if you don't
Take my hand in the meantime
And let's walk into the sunshine
Everybody got something that they want to sing about
Laugh about, cry about, it's true
For me, it's you

So, here's the story:

I've told you about my forays with mom at the biker bar singing karaoke. I think I've told you at least one story of a man taking interest that was very one-sided (his side, not mine). But those experiences had value as I learned the art (better, if not perfectly) of speaking my mind. Back in November (the last time we were there), I ran into this fella I kinda/sorta knew. He owns a tree service and took down a large tree in our yard (with his crew) shortly after we moved here. I was still suffering mightily with migraines at that time and my contact with him was extremely limited, as it was another day of living in bed for me.

But, I approached him at the bar and asked "Are you____________?" And he said he was. I told him that he'd taken down our tree. Turns out, he remembered our house (and me), indicating that he felt terrible about the noise given my migraine.

And we talked for quite a while.

Not sure what he was thinking, but I was thinking, "Holy cow. I think I have finally met someone at this place I'd be interested in dating." There is something STRONG to be said for a man with whom you can conversate. (Just kidding. You know that's not a word, right? If not, you can read all about it here.) The long and short of that evening: he joined us for a while. He stepped out to go to the restroom or take a phone call.... I really can't recall. Mom decided she was ready to leave RIGHT NOW, and we left.

I hoped he'd come back and we could see what happened. The problem: we didn't come back. And didn't come back. And still didn't come back. The list of reasons is long and varied, but it's January 10, and we still haven't been back.

About mid-December I began to feel some angst about the whole thing. That bar was NOT a regular place for him to go. What if he came back (repeatedly) only to find out we weren't there? As January pushed forward, with no sign in sight of us returning soon, I finally said to mom, "I think maybe I'll call him."

Oh my Lord. The nerves. I don't know how you fellas deal with this sort of thing. I had to think on it for several days. What do I say? Go out for coffee? Lunch? If so, where do I suggest? It was all extremely nerve-racking!

I made the call to his business phone. Only after I dialed did two things occur to me. 1) He might be married. 2) He might not remember me. So, after an extremely awkward introduction of who I was, since he asked if I wanted a tree removed and I told him no, and I'd called to invite him out for coffee. (Mind you, I felt very stupid as I said this since he didn't seem to even know who I was!) I wanted to just hang up. Then, he figured it out. He knew who I was. Whew!

And that brings us to the other Train song on the album For Me, It's You. It's called Cab. It was released to the radio stations, but didn't do well. As for me... I like it. And it fits the mood of my story.

He tells me that he did show up at the bar looking for me. He was divorced in 2011 and hadn't dated anyone since his divorce. I was the second person he was "interested" in. Don't know what happened to the first. Anyway, I wasn't there (yeah, I know). In the meantime, he met someone else at the bar while looking for me and they've been dating a short while. I have to admit that in that moment, I felt just a bit crushed. You know, like a semi truck unloaded it's entire haul right on my head. I mean, I'd only been psyching myself up about this for a couple months... and then a few days for the actual phone call.

Back to the dating. He said they'd been going out two weeks, but I suspect it's more like a month. According to him, she's a "real nice lady" but he "doesn't know where it's going" and "he's not looking for something serious." Which I doubt. I think that when we meet the right person, we're interested in something serious. When we're with the wrong one, that's what we tell ourselves. Besides, he was married 20+ years and hasn't dated anyone since. That doesn't scream player to me. Or maybe I'm reading something into this that isn't there and he thinks she's wonderful.

He then asks if he can call me if it doesn't work out with her. (Yeah, this is why I think that relationship may not be all that.) I tell him that would be great. And it would. He's only been dating her a short time. It may work out. It may not. Although, I think if he was really into her he would've told me that. I know if I met someone and really thought he was The One, I wouldn't be asking for another guy's number.

So, I say something about it all being bad timing, which it was. He then proceeds to ask me questions and we talk for something like 20-30 minutes on the phone. As I said, I really enjoy talking to him, and I think the feeling is mutual. He told me I could call him anytime just to talk, because he enjoys talking to me. I said I didn't feel comfortable with that AND that I figured he'd know inside a month whether or not he and she will continue. He can call me if they don't. And we hung up.

Will this work out? No idea. For a couple days, I kicked myself over the way it all went down. And then I realized it's okay no matter how it turns out. We tend to allow our self image to be caught up in what someone else thinks/does. In this case, I'm not more appealing if he calls or less appealing if he doesn't. I'm just me, either way. (But you can be sure that if he DOES call, I will tell you about it!!!)

I'm still looking for a fare
No one said that it was fair
To be alone

The days are better, the nights are still so lonely
Sometimes I think I'm the only cab on the road

The days are better, the nights are still so lonely
Sometimes I think I'm the only cab on the road
Sometimes I think I'm the only cab on the road


  1. Isn't dating fun?

    What would you tell me, if I could hear you speaking?
    If you could touch me, how would I know the feeling?
    I just can't imagine
    But I try to do it anyway
    I wish I was moving faster, I wish you'd drift back
    But it just wasn't meant to happen
    Very soon I'll have to
    Face the fact
    Some things never come together
    Parallel lines running on forever
    And you can't turn back
    There is never any starting over
    Parallel lines never do cross over

    -Todd Rundgren

  2. Y'know, I wonder if the near miss wasn't the way to get some time to think about it for YOU. God does do things in funny ways. Or, it could just be odd timing, you know how that goes. I do want to say- I think you've seen from BOTB that I am far, far from what you would call a Train fan. But, I will say that would change if they sounded more like Only Cab On The Road. That is honestly the first song of theirs I made it all the way through, and just might consider listening again. But, this from the man who says the musical world ended at disco.

  3. Oh the misadventures of dating! I went on some truly weird dates while single and ran into plenty of girls playing games.

  4. Oh, my. An issue of timing. This will work out the way it should. Your attitude is great. Could be the timing hasn't been exactly right for either of you. So when and if it is, look out! You two could be the next greatest thing ever! You're becoming friends, and the friends to lovers thing is powerful ♥

  5. LC ~ That felt very tongue-in-cheek. And, no... not so much.

    CW ~ I really do think everything happens for a reason. There is a life lesson in every experience if we know where to look. Aha... I'm slowly winning you over with Train;)

    Steven ~ Don't get me started on oddball dates. I've written about one particularly bad one here not that long ago...

    Carol ~ Yes. Timing is everything, isn't it??? I spent a couple of days agonizing over it and then pretty much set it aside. As you say, if/when something happens... :) If nothing does, well it only means someone better is out there just waiting to be found!

  6. I am glad you have the right attitude about this because, if I may be so bold....he knows where you live, he could easily look you up from the tree he felled on your property and he could have done that right after he met you at the bar. We women analyze things and think up things because that is who we are. Men are simple and they do or do not. I also just don't like that he mentioned to you that if it doesn't work out with that girl then he will call you. I'm sorry but you are terrific and one kick ass great gal regardless of your physical issues you are great! So I just don't like that he says something in a way to keep you on the sideline sort of speak. You are grand and he should be calling you and making every effort to see you. I had no care to meet someone after getting screwed around. I then met my hubby. We talked and I didn't hold anything back-told him from the get go about my joint pain and my emotionality and that I am still friends with my ex. He kept calling me almost every night and did all he could to be with me. We are now together for over 8 yrs. he can be a bum because, well, he's a man (sorry to all the gents out there but gals can say this to one another) but it is wonderful. I was sick and tired of games and crap and made it known from the get go. I hope you are not offended by my bold talk but you deserve the best and he better show it:)

  7. Ah, you were brave to call! I can't remember who called who first, me or my husband. I'm going to have to ask him, I"m curious now. :)

  8. I think you calling him was exceedingly brave and I think he was being good and true by asking if he could call you if things didn't work out. If he was a shitehead he wouldn't have even told you he was dating someone else and the fact that he asked if he could call you tells me that he still has interest but doesn't want to to just give up on this other girl, wants to give it a chance even if there's a part of him that really wants to give you a chance, too. Not to mention that fact that you can talk to him...I mean, that's big in my book, someone you can comfortably talk to. So. that's my two cents. Maybe things will work out with him and that girl, or maybe not. And then we'll see what happens...oh my, it's almost like the beginning of a love story! Or not...

  9. Interestingly today I''m reading your post, and it takes me back to a time when Adele's songs really touched my heart. Here's to you, and hoping someone kind will wave for your cab! soon.

  10. Birgit ~ Here's the thing I think has become true about "dating." We don't actually "date" any more. I could tell you WHY I think this is, but I don't want my comment to be longer than yours. So, it's craziness, but someone asks someone out (not really having any idea about whether it will be "good" or not). They go out, and if it's "okay enough" they continue to go out. Dating implies multiple dates, as in dating several people at once. There was a time when this put into practice. People dated until there was enough mutual like to "go steady." And then they told all the other folks they were dating that they were now "off the table" because they were committed to one person. In these insane times, in which we live, as soon as you say "yes" to that first date you are going steady with that person until you decide you don't want to go out again (or he doesn't ask again) OR until you have a formal break-up. Or you get married. But no one dates any longer, and that is craziness. That said, I didn't have a problem with him asking if he could call if it didn't work out with her. They've been dating a short time and anything could happen. Does that mean if I meet someone else (and I won't to go out provided he asks) I won't go??? Heck no. That's also insanity.

    rosey ~ Funny how we forget these details over time...

    Marcy ~ Well, I felt beyond nervous, followed by incredibly stupid, then relieved, and finally disappointed. I'm not sure I ever felt brave. Oh well. True. He didn't have to tell me he was dating anyone at all. He could've just kept it to himself. I think he's a good guy who was married a long time and is very much outside his comfort zone "dating" again. Heck, it's uncomfortable for me, too, and I've lived most of my life here. ::sigh::

    Dixie ~ Isn't it funny how specific music reaches you at specific times? There is one Adele song I really like that was never popular. Of course, I can't think of the name of it right now. Hold on...

    1. I'd never heard it but it's on the money - honey!

  11. I recall a very similar situation back when I was single. Very similar. By the time I finally got the nerve to call him, he had started dating someone else. I wasn't as brave as you, just asking him out for coffee. I pretended to be asking about a hawk sanctuary he told me about when we met the first time. He saw right through it though, and told me he would have been interested in going out with me if he hadn't met someone in the meantime. I felt crushed too.

  12. Ahhh, dating. I don't miss it at all. And calling? What's that? That's what texts are for. It completely removes all the nerves related to calling.

    If it works out, great, if not, that's cool too. Just don't be anyone's plan B. We all know you're better than that. ;)

  13. Well, you just never know unless you go down the rabbit hole and then sometimes you wish you hadn't done that while other times you're glad you did.

    Your story reminded me of last summer when I hired an tree service to trim the trees in my mother's yard. My widowed sister was kind of joking about whether one of the "cuter" guys was married or not since I think she is kind of ready for companionship now. I chatted with him a bit and in our conversation found that he seemed to be quite happily married for many years with a nice family. But you never know unless you pry for info, right?

    I'm glad I'm not in the dating stage anymore. A lot of uncertainty and hassle. Good luck to you though. It can be a weird world out there.

    Tossing It Out

  14. I really like the second song. I'm thinking that loneliness is part of the human condition - whether one's single or not. I'm proud of you, Robin. You took fate into your hands and called him. It's an added bonus that he does like you, and did/does/may in the future want to date you. He's keeping his options open and sounds like an honest one. You never know. But you can be sure that, had you not contacted him, he'd likely not express interest. You paved the way for new possibilities, whether or not they come to pass. That's something to feel great about.

  15. I remember this album coming out, and it fizzled out pretty quickly. I think it's the least known Train album out of everything they've released.

    I'm amazed that people actually still meet other people in bars. I've been away from that scene for soooooo long, so I have no idea what I'm basing that assumption on.

  16. Dianne ~ Well, you met the person you were supposed to meet. That's what I tell myself, too. If this doesn't work out, it's because it was never meant to... and that's okay.

    ABFTS ~ Yep, I couldn't agree more. If he calls, fine. If not, also fine. The only thing that makes him calling me not feel like Plan B is the reason he was there in the first place was to seek me out. The fact that I wasn't there and he found her... well, that's life.

    Arlee ~ You are so right about that. You'll never know if you don't ask. Sometimes you don't know even when you do ask. I went through that one a while back. I met this guy, and he seemed nice. So, I asked him if he was married. He said, "No, I just haven't met the right girl yet." A very short time later, I figured out via Facebook that he was living with someone (not married, true enough) and they had four kids. The youngest was a baby. He was lucky he stopped calling me before I garnered all that information because I would have blasted him a new one.

    Robyn ~ Yeah, I really like it, too. I think that a big part of what Pat was writing about was how when you're on the road touring with the band you tend to live in your own private nation. You're "all alone thinkin' life's a phone call." The thing is a whole bunch of folks can live in their own private nation and not be on tour. I know. I've done it. In fact, I sometimes think I've lived there most of my life...

    Jay ~ Yes, For Me, It's You was the least listened to/appreciated album they've ever recorded. And people meet people in bars all of the time. Rarely do they meet anyone of Quality... or so has been MY experience. Some bars are exceptions to the rule... like karaoke bars where people go to sing and not drink. But most bars... not a good place to meet someone:(

  17. I kind of like conversate. Just because it's not a word doesn't mean you can't like it, right? And there are words popping up in our language all the time that weren't there last week, so I say, let's add conversate.

    Let's also add that you acted from right thinking, so there was nothing wrong in making the call. And you conversated for a long time. If you find things to share for 30 minutes over a phone, my bet is he's calling for more of that conversating stuff. There, now it's officially a word because I just made it present, past and continuous tense in one comment.

  18. My nephews Dad just got engaged to a girl he had missed timing with twice before. And they are so good for each other that it's just so darn obvious they were meant to be.
    Now having said that, just be open to whatever comes along and never wait around. As I've always said, time waits for no man and neither do I!

  19. I also give you lots of credit for calling him. It was a good sign that you spent so much time "conversating!" He seems like a nice person, and I hope you both get together soon! Train is starting to grow on me!



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