Wednesday, April 24, 2013


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When I was in high school my Umbrella Loss Rate increased dramatically.  In fact, it got so high that I started getting them four and five at a time for Christmas.  My mom stocked up and then goofed me at the holidays every year.  It would have been funny had it not been so Necessary.  By the time December rolled around, I was all out or down to the sorriest umbrella that I owned.  There is always one that you can't seem to lose no matter how hard you try.  It's the one that has broken spokes, flips inside out in a good wind, and/or might not even fully extend anymore, so it's handle reach is half what it once was.  Yep.  I have lived with a combination of all these scenarios.

What happened in high school?  Well, it was spread out much like a college campus.  So, when I changed classes, I left the building and went outside every time.  I remembered the umbrella if it rained all day.  However, if it stopped at any given time, I could very easily leave my umbrella under my desk, and not be able to recall where I left it at the end of the day (if I remembered at all).  Sooo... at the end of the school year, I easily went through four or five umbrellas.  However, I never managed to lose the Loser Umbrellas.  Go figure. 

I had quite a collection of umbrellas that didn't work well at all.

My trend with umbrellas didn't improve remotely in college.  At Christmas I was still receiving my Umbrella Stipend with enormous thanks.  Honestly, I could have used about three or four more, or maybe a system of rubber-banding my leg to the chair so that I would remember my umbrella.  I don't know.  The only thing I do know is that my current system Was Not Working.

My junior year we had a late fall rain and I was down to the Loser Umbrella Stack.  Christmas couldn't get here fast enough.  I surveyed the options and they were not good.  I had a flower umbrella that only opened halfway (major pain) and a blue umbrella with half of its spokes broken (but it opened all the way).  It also had a tendency to flip inside out in a brisk wind, but that was easier than trying to huddle under an umbrella that was just too darn short.  I went for the blue one.  I made it to class getting only mildly wet.  It was still raining after class, so the umbrella and I trudged out.  As I passed this cute boy whom I'd never seen before, he says, "What happened to you, a big rock fall on one side of your umbrella?"

Oh Lord Have Mercy.  My face flamed so red I thought I would pass out.  I just walked faster and pretended I hadn't heard him.  Dratted umbrella.  Christmas couldn't come soon enough.

Rating: Phase.... though I currently don't have a Working Umbrella.... Hmmmm.  Maybe there is a Life Lesson in here somewhere????

Have you had similar issues with umbrellas? Have you gone through phases of losing certain items?  Are there any other things that you constantly need to replace right now?  Do you misplace them? Break them?  What is your experience?


  1. I live in Arizona.

    What's an umbrella?

    I like the Train version...

  2. No wonder my stock in Acme Umbrellas boomed back then :P

    I think one of the best gifts I got, when I was in college, was one of those umbrellas the folded down and fit into your jacket pocket. It was pricey, so I made sure to keep track of it. :)

  3. Umbrella trouble. Never heard of them either. Never rains in Montana.
    But isn't it funny that when you are young, such a remark bothers you. Now, I bet you'd flip out a really sassy come-back.

  4. We don't get that much rain around here. I mean, we get enough to keep things lush and plush but most of it falls during the night or during the day while we're inside. So, I have one umbrella and I've had it for about 7 years. I only use it when the rain is falling too hard not to. But your post? I loved it! And I'm sure I would be able to relate if we lived in a rainy area!

  5. I used to live in Washington State and could never remember an umbrella when I needed one. You have to learn to walk between the rain drops! :)

    Nice to meet you via the A to Z

  6. Larry ~ I guess in Arizona you wouldn't need an umbrella often. I like the Train version, too:)

    Mark ~ My parents should have bought stock in whatever umbrella company they were keeping in business. Oh my. I don't think they trusted me with a pricey umbrella... and I hate to say it, but that was probably the correct call. Umbrellas and sunglasses: I can't keep the nice ones. The broken and cheapies stick with me forever.

    Manzanita ~ I always pictured Montana as a lush place. Guess not. Yeah, I tended to let the things that people said bother me WAY MORE back then. Now that stuff rolls off. Or, if said in good fun, I would come back with something in the same spirit.

    Empty Nester ~ You live in Camelot:P A seven year relationship with your umbrella!!!! I can't believe it:D

    Yolanda ~ I would drown in Washington State. Actually, I would invest in a raincoat and rainboots. That is all there is to that, because I know my history with the umbrella. I don't dodge the raindrops well, but I admire your pluck.

  7. You'll probably be surprised to hear that I don't think I own an umbrella at all!!! Now you will always hear me saying how gray/awful our weather is in the Seattle area, but seriously we do NOT use umbrellas. Everyone I know says that's how you spot a tourist!
    We just wear jackets with hoods and flip them up when needed. Our rain is the misty/feels like you're in the vegetable section at the grocery store variety for the most part and an umbrella is completely useless for this. I think the only time I can remember using an umbrella is during a funeral during a complete downpour.
    I can't think of anything right now that I am constantly breaking or losing, but that must have been so frustrating. At least yours was a relatively cheap fix. I've known people who kept going through cars for one reason or another!

  8. I was the umbrella breaker. Either the handle would fall apart or the thing wouldn't open or wouldn't close. Finally I got a Totes that collapses. I had it for years until it was dirty and the the handle finally lost its last piece of plastic. Don't have one now.

    Love the image at the top of this post.

  9. I'm surprised I haven't lost more umbrellas over the years as I'd always forget them under my seat.

  10. The best way to avoid losing umbrellas is to live in Los Angeles, because you need them probably twice a year but you live in an area so paranoid about the rain that everyone keeps multiples in their car.

    I, however, go through socks like nobody's business. I don't know what happens between the time I put BOTH socks into the laundry hamper and the time I pull the socks out of the dryer, but some wormhole or wardrobe to Narnia opens up sometime in between and BAM! I have like, 4 less socks each time. And they never are 4 of the same kind, nooooo. That would be too easy. I bet there's an entire universe just filled with the socks I have lost.

    I hope you've been well, lovely girl :) That Train version is pretty awesome, I must say.

  11. This post cracked me up - I've always had a high umbrella loss rate. ;)

  12. I try to leave an umbrella free life either getting wet or just not going out in the rain. Fortunately, all the men in my household are golfers and they always have an oversized umbrella around somewhere.

  13. I need to just sit in my jammies with a cup of coffee and catch up - where did this month go, that I was looking so forward to with your alphabet posts??? Sigh .... Jeremy and I have a tradition at Christmas, too - every year, Santa brings him guitar picks. An assortment of shapes, colors; one year, it was a set of "Nightmare Before Christmas" picks. By the end of the year, he's down to the last one that he guards with his life. And then we start anew. A fresh start for making music, for finding protection - guitar picks and umbrellas, each bringing a bit of shelter from the world ....


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