Thursday, June 23, 2011

It is what you do at that crucial moment.

I checked my email today and JJ asked me when I was going to be ready to blog again. He was looking for a specific date. I know that he meant regularly. I used to be a daily blogger. I am not there yet. I don't when I will be. However, I will try to be better than I have been. I don't think not blogging is doing me any favors, so I will just commit to trying to being better than I have been.

Emptynester commented on my last post with a question about my migraines. Yes, I do have them all of the time. I have had this migraine since 2003. Every day. The only thing that varies is the level of severity. Sometimes it is really terrible. I call those bonecrushing. That is my own term. Other times it is more of a nuisance. I don't even take anything for it. It still wears on me just because it is chronic. It is like being tapped all of the time in the head with a tiny little hammer on those days. It doesn't really hurt. It is just annoying to the nth degree. Sadly, I haven't experienced a migraine like that in a long time. It has been all pain, all the time since my dad was diagnosed in February. Simply brutal.

I also get them behind my right eye. One of my friends who also get migraines says that if you stick a finger up each nostril far enough and press, you will find a spot that is very painful, but it will knock out that ocular part of the migraine. Well... in desperation I tried this little trick. My nostrils aren't wide enough to accommodate my fingers. I could just barely touch the painful area she was referring to, but she was right, because it did hurt. I could just barely reach the place inside my nostril that I was supposed to press together firmly. Just touching the periphery on both sides was excruciating. I cannot imagine the pain of actually being able to reach the area and smashing it together. I think I might have passed out. This stuff just isn't for sissies. Let me tell ya.

I did see the Green Lantern in 3D with a friend of mine. Not being a big comic book reader (sorry Phoenix, I hope you didn't hurt yourself), I really wasn't prepared for the awesomeness of this superhero. Our Green Lantern is only one of many Green Lanterns. They each have a grid in the solar system to protect. They get a ring and a lantern. They are chosen because they are fearless. That is one concept that gets worked over pretty good in the movie. Actually fear gets discussed quite a bit, but I don't want to ruin it for you. However, one thing our hero doesn't really get is that Green Lanterns aren't chosen because they are fearless. They are chosen because of their courage. No one is fearless. Everyone has fear. It is what you have at your core. It is what you do at that crucial moment. That is what counts. That is courage. It is the ability to overcome fear and do what needs to be done.

The other thing that I liked best about the Green Lantern is what fuels the Green Lantern's power. It is the will of the people. In other words, the Green Lantern might wear the ring, but he is only as strong as the will of the people. We are what make the Green Lantern strong. And all of the other living beings in the Universe fuel all of the Green Lanterns. The other superpower that Green Lantern has is to create any object simply by thinking of it. If he can think it, it will appear. It is through his sheer will. This is how he fights evil.

What a fantastic object lesson. It is through sheer will that you fight evil. Everyone is afraid, but digging deep and finding courage, you find yourself. If you think it, it will appear. If you focus on it, it will become reality.

You may be asking yourself right now why I am not focusing all of that amazing energy on ridding myself of my migraines. Excellent question, Holmes. I can't focus. Believe me, I have tried. That is the trap of chronic pain. I have tried. The key to achieving vibration with something and bringing it into your life is to be able to maintain focus on what you want (and not what you don't want). And when you have bonecrushing migraines you just can't keep your focus off of them. At least, I can't. And that, my friend, keeps them in your reality even though you don't want them. I need to break the pain cycle long enough to keep my attention off of them, so that they are out of my reality. Once that happens, well then we are off to the races. I know what needs to be done. And I think *pretty soon* we are going to get there.

I think I will start focusing on that reality. I will let you know how it works out.

In other news... I am dreaming about my dad nearly every night. I can't remember any of the dreams. Or just fragments. I am sure he just wants me to know he is okay. And just once, about a week ago, he dropped in on me. We prearranged before he died that he would let me know he was around by "perfuming" the air with apple cider vinegar. I was sitting here at the computer and I got a big whiff of apple cider vinegar out of nowhere. It didn't last long. However, I know that he is letting me know he is fine. Of course, I always knew that. I just miss him.

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  1. I believe firmly and absolutely that your dad was saying "hi" and letting you know that he's okay. And I'm so glad to know things are okay for him. Now we need to get YOU better! You're missed, you know ....

  2. The nostril finger thing is the second thing I learned today. Maybe you need to check out the fingers of your friends and find one with slender long fingers?

    The first thing I learned today is that once a month [in the last few days of the month] the oil futures adjust to the next month's contracts and there will be either a fall or jump of about 2% of the current oil price. This was from Reggie who has a Masters in Economics so I guess he's right? - Charlene

  3. I'm glad you arranged that signal with your must be comforting.

  4. I hope you feel better soon! We sure miss ya around here.

  5. I have missed you as well. It's interesting that even though I do not "know" the people who I read here on blogger I am often affected by things they write and my perspective of who they are. Sometimes my perceptions get in the way.
    I have avoided 'bugging' you as I know I cannot possibly imagine what you are going through. Still I am so glad to hear from you when you do write. No pressure here, but it is probably good to be pushed a little sometimes.
    It's cool how you and your Dad love each other enough to plan a way to communicate in some small manner in the afterlife.

  6. I suffer from migraines too. I never heard of the finger thing. Interesting.

  7. I am glad your dad dropped in to say howdy. I have not been a daily b logger lately either..too busy doing to write I guess. I will pray for you and your migraines. I have no idea if it will work. As for what I am supposed to do, I think I know I am just afraid to mention it to my husband b ecause it involves adoption. lol. We aren't exactly the youngest folks. We'll see. If God wants me to know, I can expect a big sign soon. As can you.

  8. thats awesome that you arranged that with your dad how comforting to know he is with you.....I too suffer from migraines I found my triggers and have not had one in awhile but the next time since migraine suffers know there is always a next time I am going to try that finger thing....

  9. I understand everything you have said here...

    What I find especially touching is the agreement between you and your Dad...

    I honestly do believe that they come to see us...



  10. It is always nice to hear from you, because despite your plight, you remain a positive person. Be well.

  11. Sorry I haven't been by in a bit... We were away and I have people coming this week. But that's enough excuses. I've been thinking of you a lot and hoping that you were getting some relief. Sorry that's not the case.

    It's fantastic that your dad has been around so much in your dreams/visits and that he gave you the sign you'd agreed on. It shows how much he wants you to know that he's OK. I think it's also his way of thanking you for those amazing letters that you wrote.

    Hope the days ahead bring some relief for the migraines. You're missed very much, my friend.


  12. Okay, now that I've gotten up off the floor from falling in shock (Not! A! Comic! Book! Reader!), I can comment on your post. Kidding, kidding... I think you had a lot more of a social life in high school than I did so my teenage years were spent reading comic books instead of being in plays or clubs. ANYWAYS, I like to think it was definitely your dad saying hello and dropping in. I think that's beautiful, I really do. And I loved the lessons of Green Lantern. Benni is a huge fan and he talks to me about what all the different colors of the lanterns mean, and when he was taking care of his father in New Jersey the first summer we dated, I sent him a Blue Lantern t-shirt that he could wear when he was feeling down. The Blue Lantern is for hope... and it's what Benni needed at that moment. So maybe instead of using a Green Lantern to muscle and will-power your way through your migraines... maybe we should get you a Blue Lantern, a little bit of hope when things are tough.

    Hugs and love,

  13. My entire body twisted at what your friend told you to do about your migraines. EEEEEEEEK!!! I'm so sorry you're going through that. I assume they have you on medicine? I had a friend that had them and the doctors gave her some kind of anti-seizure medication but she still got them occasionally. I've only had migraines twice in my life and I was miserable.

  14. Dreams help me keep in touch with my friends, too. What about if you stick in other stuff instead of your actual fingers... chopsticks maybe? I agree with JJ, despite problems you are very positive.

    Have you found that your headaches are alleviated when you are at certain places? I remember once you said that you didn't have migraines while travelling through Europe. Maybe you are just allergic to America.

    Or meditation. Have you tried meditation?

  15. Hope you are doing okay..starting to worry. Drop me aline okay?! Hugs.


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