Who I Used To Be

Recently I have been viewing my Blog Stats.  A lot.  I can go for months and not look once.  Other times, I am compulsively obsessed.  A post from July 23, 2010 is currently showing as one of my most read posts of this week.  Frankly, I always find it odd when an old blog post jumps back into my Top 5.  So, I read it.  What I realized is this: I used to be very open on this blog.  I was committed to writing daily and it sometimes led to crazy posts.  They would start in one place and end in a very different one.  My new readers don't know that person.  I am not sure where she is.  But, let me introduce you via my post called *Bang* on July 23, 2010....

I had been thinking about writing this extremely "real" blog today. Once I got on here and caught up on my own blog reading, I realized it was Blog Hop Friday. Egads. If there is anything that I have learned it is that someone new to your blog doesn't want to read anything extremely real about you on their first visit! That would have them screaming and running for their lives.


So, then I thought I could write something funny. I'm funny. I'm all kinds of funny. In fact, I had a dream last night and I was a one woman comedy act in it. I would tell you about it, but it was a strange dream. Again, I try not to freak people out on their first visit. I do know that I learned one thing from that dream. I hate my hair. I was adamant about a hair appointment that I NEEDED to make. Other things kept getting in the way and I was really snarky by the end of the dream and I was yelling things like, "But I hate my hair!" So, if there was any greater truth in that dream, I think that was it.


One of my friends left this comment on one of my recent blogs:

"Robin, at the risk of hurting you, I will tell you the truth. Sometimes you tend to ramble. Sometimes I don't know WHAT you are talking about. And then, just when I least expect it...BANG! You strike and tear out my heart.

I don't think that your blog has the best writing (sorry) objectively speaking, but it is the one I rush to read so maybe, just maybe, it does. After all, how can we judge what is good writing? Maybe it is simply what appears genuine, heartfelt and exquisitely real.

I love you.

Take care of yourself."

That is how I roll on this blog. I just ramble on and you think that I am going nowhere, and you are mildly entertained, and then *BANG* I actually come up with something that makes sense. For the record, I don't really do crafts, I am not much of a cook, I am working on a novel, I have kicka$$ migraines that tear my world apart regularly, I'm having a really tough time with my friendships, no dating life, and I am living with my parents. Never in a million years did I see my life going like this. Does it suck? Like lemons after half a bottle of tequila when you are throwing up on the bathroom floor in a bar that hasn't been cleaned in six months. (Was that metaphor too vivid? I am thinking it might have been too vivid.)

Anyway, my life right now is about doing what I can. I write when I can. I put the effort into people who are worth it. Right now, there aren't very many people in my life who are worth it. The ones who are live all the way across the country. It is just a bit far. I have a couple of friends here who are worth it, but they are busy most of the time. So, I blog and I work on my novel. And I work on me. And I spend time with my real friends when they can fit me into their crazy schedules. A big part of what I'm doing right now is working on letting things go. This is something that I have problems with, and I will give you an example:

I held on to a marriage that I should have let go of much sooner in order to save children that weren't mine. That's why I have a migraine that started in January of 2003 and hasn't stopped since. That's right. Every day since January 2003. The stress of being married and trying to save his kids was too big for me. Had I let go sooner, I think that the pain cycle of the migraine could have been put down. I didn't. I waited too long. I was determined to give his kids a solid foundation. I thought that when I left the migraines would end. I was wrong. That one choice cost me everything. Letting things go sounds easy. It's not. Sometimes knowing what to keep, how long to keep it, and when to let go are the things that can change or save your life. Sometimes both. *BANG*

Oh How I Miss You

November 8, 2013 - hosted by Andrew Leon, Alex J. Cavanaugh, and Matthew MacNish

The bloggers we really miss…and the ones we would really miss! 

Do you have a couple blogger buddies who aren’t posting as often? Those who’ve pulled back and seem absent from the blogging world? Do you have blogger buddies you are grateful they are still around and would miss if they vanished? Now is your chance to show your appreciation and spotlight them!

On November 8, list one to three bloggers you really miss and one to three bloggers you would miss if they stopped blogging. Then go leave a comment on those blogs.

Our blogger friends are special – time to let them know! 

Do you see the rules?  1-3 friends you would miss or already miss.  I have been composing this blog piece in my head for weeks.  I was certain that the rules read differently until a few moments ago.  I thought it was 1-3 friends you already miss and 1-3 friends (who have already taken to blogging less) and you would miss if they quit altogether.  Imagine my surprise when I reread the *suggestions* and it was just 1-3 friends.  Period.

Hunh.

Friends who haven't blogged in a LONG time and that I already miss....(please, come back!):

Phoenix over at Res ipsa loquitor... This was among the first blogs I started reading back in 2010 when I started blogging.  I thought of Tracy aka Phoenix as the younger, smarter version of myself.  She was the person I wanted to be if I could start over and do it all again.  Has she made mistakes?  Heck yeah.  But, she is so fiery and passionate and insistent about learning from them and doing better NOW.  She makes me want to be the best version of myself.  So, please start blogging again... my best self needs you!

Christine over at A Deliberate Life... I never thought I would follow a weight loss blog.  Of course, it is and isn't a weight loss blog.  It's a Life Blog.  It's about living deliberately.  It's about all of the things that keep us from living deliberately.  I called my blog "therapy" and discovered that I wasn't the only one.  Christine likens getting your internal house in order to cleaning out a chicken coop.  It's messy and STINKY and it only gets worse when you start scratching away at the old crap to clean it up.  That is when things really start smelling.  But, if you never clean it up then you have to live in a chicken coop full of crap.

Friends Who Are Blogging Less (and I fear might quit altogether):

Liza over at Middle Passages... Liza was another lovely person I found back in 2010.  Our journeys are very different, but I always find something applicable to my life in her writing.  And she gives insightful comment.  So many people that I blogged with regularly back in 2010 have given it up.  Liza, I know that you are not writing as much as before, but please don't leave because I would miss you so!

Al Diaz over at Father Dragon Writes... I only discovered Al during April's A to Z Challenge.  As someone who suffers with chronic pain, I understand Al's journey better than most.  And he is such an inspiration.  When you find the right treatment to make you better, just DO IT.  Commit.  And Life will reach out big, generous arms and embrace you.  Life has come calling for Al since he has gotten better and he is heeding the call.  Should you scale back on the blogging?  Absolutely.  But your message is so relevant for *everyone* and inspires all who know you to live their best life.  So, please don't go forever.

Mark Means over at Left and Write... Mark is another blog that I discovered during the A to Z Challenge.  Mark knows about so many things that I don't.  For instance, he blogged on the relatively unknown comic book heroes during A to Z.  As someone who is constantly looking for new information to stimulate the learning center of my brain, I must take this moment to say that if you were to quit blogging.... think of all the things I would never know!!!!  So, you can slow down, but you must not quit.  Ever.

and one more just because he sprang this in his last post...

The Ninja Captain aka AKA Alex J. Cavanaugh... Alex, you announced in a recent post that you might have to cut back on blogging to return to the land of writing.  Another novel is playing in your head.  I totally support your heeding the call.  I also recognize that you won't be able to do all that you once did... i.e. you can't be The News, you won't be giving amazing comment on every post, and the entire blogging world will feel different for you and everyone that reads you.  And I am okay with that.  Just make sure that you come back to us when you have told your story.  I already miss you and you haven't even gone.  ::sigh::


Many of you participated in my most recent Battle of The Bands post.  I planned to announce the winner on my HERE'S TO YOU post.  BUT, due to computer problems I didn't have a HERE'S TO YOU post.  ((Drat my computer and all of the bad ripples that are stemming as a result!))   One parenthesis just wasn't enough... in case you were wondering.  Moving along... And the winner is Marvin Gaye.  Take that Berry Gordy (the owner of Motown) who took a pass on Marvin Gaye's version of I Heard It Through The Grapevine and recorded Gladys Knight and the Pips instead.  The only reason we heard Marvin's version is because he didn't care what Gordy said and put it on his album ANYWAY.  And then DJs got hold of it, fans loved it, and now it is the best selling record in Motown's history.  So... let that be a lesson to all of us.  Just because someone takes a Pass on your talent, it doesn't mean they were RIGHT.  Gordy missed that one by a country mile.  Be like Marvin Gaye: bet on yourself and record it anyway.  Write it anyway.  Paint it anyway.  Audition for it anyway.  Play it anyway.  Someone is going to love your *song.*

Final vote tally:
Marvin Gaye - 15 (including my vote)
Gladys Knight - 3

The fans called it.  Berry Gordy is still wrong.

IWSG: A Tale of Bad Luck

What has me feeling insecure about writing right now???  My computer.

Yep.  You read that correctly.  My computer locked me out a week ago.  Not only could I not access the internet, but I couldn't access ANYTHING.  Where is my novel?  On that computer, of course.

We have a radio station that is devoted to saving you money.  It's called The Bargain Channel.  My mom is an avid listener.  Me, not so much.  BUT, I appreciated her listening after she told me she'd just heard about a deal for a mobile computer repair coupon.  $35 for one hour of tech on your machine.  I was IN.  I bought the coupon and then spent Wed- Sat leaving messages on a mobile repair service answering machine.  I didn't get a call back.

By Monday, I was ready to throw my laptop into the wall!  Have you ever felt that way?  No?  Hmmm.  Well, I was THERE.  I was also disgusted with the mobile repair service, so I called The Bargain Channel and relayed the problem.  They gave me a name of another computer fix-it person and said they would reimburse me for the coupon.  Whew.

That guy called me back later on Monday and said that I need not take the coupon back to the station.  He did business with them frequently and could redeem it.  His cost to fix my computer no matter how long it took: $60.  I pay that less my coupon investment.  Great.  I was IN.  Not an hour later the first guy called when I was in the shower, so my mom spoke with him.  Apparently, he had a family emergency out of state.  He thought he changed his message on his machine to reflect that, but it didn't save the new recording.  So... he had TONS of messages like mine.  She said that she was sorry, but we found someone else.

And what is the point of all of this?  You can be going along and think that you have a handle on everything and then LIFE comes along and screws it all up.  I was planning on participating in NaNoWriMo for this first time.  My computer took a hike two days before Nov. 1.  The guy who could have fixed it had a family emergency and didn't save his new message on his recorder.  Monday rolls around and I find someone and he can fix it, but it will be a few days AND I am going out of town tomorrow and won't be back until Saturday.  IF I get my computer back on Saturday, I am already 8 DAYS behind on NaNoWriMo. If it's Monday, it will be 10.  That is one third of the month folks.

It was a bit overwhelming to participate having EVERY day in November. I can't tell you what this feels like...

So, what is the takeaway here?  Just like things don't go smoothly for our characters, they also don't go smoothly for US.  LIFE or BAD LUCK (or whatever you want to call it) actually does happen.  It twists up our plans and makes us start again.  If it does that for us, it can do the same for our characters.  I am planning on inserting some PLAIN 'OL BAD LUCK on my protagonist just because Sh@t Happens.  Why she should be immune while I am suffering so????

How has your real life affected your storyline?

This is a bloghop aka The Insecure Writer's Support Group.  It happens the first Wednesday of every month.  If you go to this site you can see who else is participating (and add your name to the list to join us).  Even if you don't join, support a writer with encouragement!!!