If you read my "Z" post, you know that back when I started blogging in 2010, I was a wreck. My whole world revolved around pain medication and trying to hold on to my sanity. My migraines raged so badly that I couldn't see anything but THAT. Who I used to be (pre-migraines) was so far in my rear view that I couldn't remember that person and the future was looking too much like the present. I couldn't see this version of me, the person I am now becoming. It was too far out of my field of vision.
The worst part was that I felt useless. Without purpose. We think that we need hope to survive. I would argue that we do not. What we need is purpose. I didn't have ANY hope back then that my life would change even remotely for the better. Blogging gave me Purpose. Purpose sustained me. Each day I typed out a blog bit hoping that I would find myself. I knew that I was lost in a place called Desolation. Did it matter that the writing I was doing was read by so few people? No. Eight or nine people (and eventually more) faithfully read what I was writing and it was enough. Even when no one read this blog, I still had a Purpose. I needed a reason to get out of bed every day. Blogging was the string that kept me and my sanity within spitting distance of one another.
Since I started that journey back in 2010 my motivations changed several times. Blogging started out as a Purpose. When I started writing my first WiP (now in the drawer) I discovered other writers, agents, and more on here. It felt like coincidence... because I still do not understand how it happened. I found one writer's blog and it led me to the rest. I learned so much about the craft to improve my writing and how to submit all of that Writer Goodness to an agent. Then, totally disheartened, I shelved my WiP and deleted some of those sites. Ha! Have you ever done that??? I am still no good at "finding" blogs on here. I stumble into them or they find me.
I remember when I found Alex Cavanaugh's blog. Yeah, the guy is EVERYWHERE and it took me years to ferret out his blog. This is what I am SAYING (about me). I followed. He followed back. He left me good comments and encouraged me to start on another WiP. I mentally scoffed. I could faintly hear Buddy Holly in the background crooning "That'll Be The Day." And then I found so many of the rest of you. Or you found me. Again, not sure how that works. And I kept stumbling into more writer sites, agent sites... AGAIN. And that desire to write surged once more. I launched into another journey of writing.
I decided to help all of you with my A to Z Theme this year by showcasing some of my favorite blogs.... so that you could find them. So many of you did. You read, you liked, you clicked over to their blog, and you followed. I learned that even while I like-love all of the blogs I featured during this to A to Z, some of you didn't. And that is okay. I can still hear my nanny in my head saying to me, "Why aren't you eating that?" I would say nothing because the truth was I didn't like it, but didn't want to hurt her feelings. She continued, "You like what I like. Now eat it." I approached this A to Z kinda like that. I thought all of you would like what I like,would want dessert, and more. Turns out that you like some of what I like.
I participated in the A to Z to find and get found. I consider this year a success. I found a handful of blogs that I enjoy very much and am now following. And I picked up a handful of new readers. I am blogging because I like it. Blogging now means connection and support and friends. Yes, I consider some of you wonderful friends that I would miss so very much if you quit or I quit. It no longer is the string keeping me in touch with my sanity. That is how far I've come.
How about you? What did you find during the month of April?
This post is Reflections on The A to Z. Yes, it is part of a bloghop. You can sign up Here to participate or read the links.
