Pastel in a Brilliant Life

This has been the strangest time. Seriously. My creativity has been in the crapper. My hormones are raging out of control and so are my migraines. So I basically feel lousy all of the time. I remember reading years ago in my book on severe adrenal fatigue that all it takes is a major crisis to knock you right on your butt and completely drain your reserves. For someone who has no reserves, that really messes you up. It helps you discover problems you didn't know you had. Like you needed that, right?

Anyway, you probably noticed my lack of blogging, reading, and commenting. My focus is still lousy. I have considered posting one of those "I'm taking a break" blogs, but that feels like quitting and I don't want to do that just yet. Matter of fact, I almost had a Thursday post a couple of weeks ago. I had several things jotted down, but it just never came to fruition. This is what I mean about my inability to focus.

I have also started writing a book about my health experience, which includes my dad's adrenal breakdown when I was a kid, and might end up including other people's health issues if I was really involved in them. The book is all about how I fell through the floor (lost everything) and is written from the perspective of a regular person. Not a medical journal. Not a doctor. I am not out to sell anything, tell you one way is better than another, etc. This is just my story and my goal is to share it and possibly help someone else from falling through the floor. My secondary goal is to use it to launch my Forging Hope Project. Yeah, it all circles back to being an instrument to help other people. The mission is to assist other people in their journey from illness to wellness.

In other news, I got a military ID card. My stepdad is retired military and we jumped through those hoops to prove that my medical problems today date back to before I was 21 y/o. Yeah, that was fun. While I was in Ohio dealing with my dad while he was still alive I was also calling all of my former doctors digging up any and all paperwork from my childhood. Anyway, we found some. On this one application with symptoms it said in my own hand (I was 13): headaches, nausea, aching in bones and muscles. That was a bit of a shock to read. Anyway, we gave it all to my current doctor to read over. She then submitted a letter to state that she believed that the roots of my current problems began in youth. It was clear that it did. She did. So, after the military sent back the letter saying that it needed to be rewritten in their format (and it was), I was quickly approved.

This means that I cancelled my old insurance (which sucked). I am now on Tricare and am part of my parents' plan. My Rxs are cheap. Yay. I am on a copay system. I can actually get testing and stuff done. Anything done at the base hospital will be free (I think) or very inexpensive. In other words, I can actually get some forward momentum on getting some of my health issues solved. This is such a blessing.

I am now in the third phase of SSD approval. This is when I am most likely to get approved. For my area, we are looking at about 10 months before it comes before the judge. That is how slowly the system is working. Some places it is as long as three years. So, I will keep my tongue in my mouth and not complain. When you win, they backpay you in one lump sum. The irony will be if they take so long that I will be able to work by the time they get to my case. That, of course, will be thanks to the military insurance assistance. I will have financially broken my parents since 2006 and I will just be getting well by the time my case comes up. lol.

I am not sure what I think about that.

I have been watching MY NAME IS EARL on DVD. It is hilarious. It is about this bad dude who wins a scratch off lottery ticket and immediately gets hit by a car. In the hospital he sees Carson Daly on TV talking karma. He says that he thinks he has this good life because he believes if you do good things, good things come back to you. Well, that is when Earl make his list of every bad thing he has ever done. He is certain karma is out to get him. He has to fix things or karma is going to kill him. While he is doing the first good thing, he finds his winning scratch off. The rest of the show is him doing the things on his list. H-i-l-a-r-i-o-u-s.

That cracks me up.

I try to laugh a little every day.

I guess that is all I have for now. Oh... I did get an IPod at long last. Love it. Still not real sure what I am doing. It has face chat on it. But I have no idea how to work it and don't know anyone else who has face chat. Now *that* is funny.

I hope that you have found something here to entertain, inform, or in some other way enlighten you. I do try to please.


image found at www.heartit.com

THE IPOD SHUFFLE

Before we leave give me word = junior high experience behind, I would like to make two notes.
I feel like a lawyer standing before the judge. First, I reserve the right to bring this game back at any time. Second, Purple Cow pointed out that several of her "problem friends" from junior high and high school are now friends on facebook. Folks, BOTH of these ladies are friends on my facebook page. One of them (the clarinet player) actually reads and enjoys my posts and took the time to send me an email telling me how much she enjoyed my writing. Of course, she would not have enjoyed these last two posts. They never made it to my facebook fanpage. The other friend NEVER reads my facebook writing. I have tagged her several times but she is "not interested." She is technically a fan of my fanpage, but she is recently divorced and.... doesn't that say it all? Anyway, there are lots of "friends" from junior high and high school on my facebook who were never friends at that time. There are some that were not enemies either, but people I simply didn't know. I went to a very large high school. I have come to like some of them through my blogs. Very interesting. And the people who were my good friends seem to be the people that I have the hardest time to get to read my writing AT ALL. What's up with that? Moving on to something fun....

Ipod Game
Rules of the game:
1) Put your ipod on shuffle.
2) Write down the FIRST song that comes on to each question.
DON'T switch the song if you don't like it.. That's the fun of the game.
3) There are 46 songs so if you want to avoid cheating altogether, avoid looking at the questions and listen to the songs FIRST.

*How am I feeling today? Gone Gone Gone ~ Alison Krauss and Robert Plant (how is this different than any other day?)

*How do my friends see me? High ~ James Blunt (it probably has something to do with the drugs prescription medications)

*What is my best friend's theme song? I'm Not Dead ~ Pink (I suppose that is a message that the phone line works both ways)

*What is the story of my life? Same Mistake ~ James Blunt (LMAO - this could not be more true)

*What is the best thing about me? There's Hope ~ India.Arie (Thank God)

*What is today going to be like? This Is How A Heart Breaks ~ Rob Thomas (now this is more like it)

*What is in store for this week? Ache ~ James Carrington (keeping with the same theme)

*What song describes my mom? The Heart of The Matter ~ Don Henley (I feel a tear)

*What song describes my dad? If Everyone Cared ~ Nickelback (and another tear)

*To describe my grandparents? Same Girl ~ Jack Johnson (hand me a tissue)

*How is my life going? Scratch ~ Kendall Payne (hand me the whole damn box... please)

*What song will they play at my funeral? When God Fearin' Women Get The Blues ~ Martina McBride (Holy Moly, I hope someone is taking notes. For you seasoned readers, this is old news. For everyone else, turn off my video player at the bottom of the page. We have to have some youtube action on this one because, hand to God, I hope someone plays this at my funeral with the video. Of course, no one reading this will likely know that I have died. Note to self: send Purple Cow an email about where she left her husband the letter about her blogsite in the event of her death.)



*How does the world see me? Monsoon ~ Jack Johnson (I don't know what this means...)

*Will I have a happy life? Old Blue Chair ~ Kenny Chesney (I am not sure what this one says, so I went to youtube I am posting it. What do you think?)



*What do my friends really think of me? It Would Be You ~ Gary Allan (that I post too much stuff on youtube... this song is really sad... he's describing a heartache... so I guess that's what I am... one big old aching heart)

*How can I make myself happy? Mandolin Rain ~ Bruce Hornsby (I think my playlist needs some happier songs...)

*What should I do with my life? I Know Why ~ Sheryl Crow (this doesn't even try to answer the question... which pretty well sums up my take on the whole deal, too)

*What is some good advice for me? Man In The Mirror ~ Michael Jackson (finally some good advice!)

*How will I be remembered? Give Me One Reason ~ Tracy Chapman (I think we should engrave that on my tombstone)

*What is my signature dancing song? The Old Stuff ~ Garth Brooks (LMAO)

*What is my current theme song? I'm Alive ~ Kenny Chesney with Dave Matthews

*What does everyone else think my current theme song is? Like We Never Loved At All ~ Faith Hill with Tim McGraw (Oh, how does the random song hit it over and over so well? Well, I will put up the youtube and you can watch it or not. I love this video. I would have put up MY theme song (I'm Alive), but I have already done that in a fairly recent blog, so you have probably already seen it. I already claimed it as my theme song. Too weird.)



LIFE STORY:
*Opening Credits: Gold Dust Woman ~ Fleetwood Mac (My favorite line of this song is "Rulers make bad lovers, you better put your kingdom up for sale." I have no idea how that applies to anything.)

*Waking Up: You'll Be There ~ George Strait (Since this song is about dying and going "home," I am once again at a loss. I suppose I do feel that The Other Side is home and this is the strange place. So, maybe this is reassurance from the onset.)

*First Day At School: Someday ~ Nickelback (I guess this is indicative that life is just going to hard.)

*Falling In Love: I Miss You ~ Coldplay (ouch)

*Fight Song: The Dance ~ Garth Brooks (You have no idea how much I want to youtube you right now. It's all real people who lived hard and died violently. "For a moment all the world was right.... I'm glad I didn't know the way it all would end, the way it all would go.... I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance.")

*Breaking Up: If Love Was Enough ~ Graham Colton (right on the money)

*Prom: The Difficult Kind ~ Sheryl Crow (oddly enough, this is the song that whenever I hear it, I think of my first true love. That came after high school.)

*Life's OK: Deadwood Mountain ~ Big & Rich (this is not a life's okay song... which I guess is the point....)

*Mental Breakdown: Broken Arrow ~ Rod Stewart (totally fitting - who else is gonna bring you a broken arrow?)

*Driving: Back To Me ~ Kathleen Edwards (LMAO - Oh yeah, I've got moves I never use...)

*Flashback: Down So Long ~ Jewel (I was down a long time and I am there again. Yeah, I am in a flashback right now.)

*Getting Back Together: She's Every Woman ~ Garth Brooks (I think this is one of the most romantic songs ever so....)

*Wedding: More Than A Memory ~ Garth Brooks (I loved this song. This little exercise has taken this song and put a very twisted spin on it.)

*Birth of Child: The Scientist ~ Coldplay (Since I don't have any natural kids of my own, the only way it would happen is to go back to the start.)

*Final Battle: Who Knew ~ Pink (Most of the time we don't see the end coming. It sneaks up on us.)

*Death Scene: Gone ~ Montgomery Gentry (I couldn't have chosen better. "Gone like a freight train, gone like yesterday, gone like a soldier in the Civil War -Bang Bang- gone like a 59 Cadillac, like all the good things that ain't never coming back")

*Funeral Song: Best I Ever Had ~ Gary Allan (A little freaky for a funeral song. But this song is played in a minor key and sounds sad. Oddly enough, I can see it.)

*End Credits: If Today Was Your Last Day ~ Nickelback (This couldn't have been more perfect. I know that I overload you with youtube footage, but if you only watch ONE video, make it THIS ONE. Whoever plans my funeral, I hope you pull up the screens and play this for everyone after you play the funny Martina video. Everybody needs a good laugh, too. But this sh*t is important. Watch it.)



*What song describes my mood right now? Have A Nice Day ~ Bon Jovi (This is a great song and a great video. Yeah, I know I watch too much youtube. It's Bon Jovi with just the right amount of in your face attitude, especially if there is someone who has spent their time oppressing you. "I ain't gonna do what I don't want to... Shining like a diamond... Standing on the ledge show the wind how to fly... When the world gets in my face, I say have a nice day")

*What song do I listen to when I'm depressed? Nightswimming ~ REM (This one is right on the money, too. "You I thought I knew you, You I cannot judge, You I thought you knew me, This one laughing quietly underneath my breath, Nightswimming.")

*Happy? I Believe ~ Diamond Rio (not sure happy is the right word, but I do love this song)

*Scared? What Hurts The Most ~ Rascal Flatts (more like sad and depressed, but I guess scared does apply in terms of ending up alone, sad, and depressed)

*Bored? Mary Chapin Carpenter (not so much, but the rest were dead on)

Okay, that's it folks. I encourage you to play the IPOD shuffle. If you don't have an IPOD, go to projectplaylist.com and create a playlist like I have at the bottom of my page. You know the one. It is that irritating thing you have to turn off every time you want to watch a video on youtube. You can set it to shuffle. Have fun. I can't wait to read your the results of YOUR Ipod shuffle.