Bullets for Breakfast

I haven't tried a bullet point post in a while. Those are fun. They are bite-sized thoughts. Who doesn't love bite-sized goodies?

• When I was a kid I used to love to tell (anyone who would listen) what happened on a TV show. Usually, it was M*A*S*H, but not always.
• Now that I am older, and my mom lives with me, she loves to tell (anyone who will listen) that I would take an hour to rehash a half hour show.
• Apparently, this drove both my parents *crazy* when I did it... all of those years ago.
• Do you remember your parents saying things like, "I hope that when you have kids they are just like YOU!"
• Well, I didn't have any kids, but I have my mom who is *crazy* for this TV show Heartland. She is watching it from the beginning on the Up Network.
• Last Friday night we went out to dinner and she talked the entire meal detailing what happened on the last episode of Heartland. When the check came, I said, "You and dad wondered where I got that endearing trait of relaying TV shows... well, it was from YOU."
• I am here to tell you that karma always happens. It comes back to you. Sometimes from your kids. Sometimes your parents, but it comes back. And it is annoying. I can see why I drove my parents *crazy.*
• Battle of the Bands... I appreciate everyone who listened and voted in this most recent installment of Battle of the Bands. You rock!
• The song was Up The Ladder To The Roof. The combatants were The Supremes and The Nylons.
• For a LONG time, this battle was a tie. Back and forth it went. Man, that did my heart good. ::air kisses for you::
• And then The Supremes pulled ahead and The Nylons did not regain that ground. 
• The final vote: 15 to 10. The Supremes take it.
• Make it 15 to 11. I vote for The Nylons. I love that group. I found them in the 80s and wore out the tape on my cassette One Size Fits All. When I went to college, turns out I wasn't the only one who loved it. My freshman year, someone would put that tape in and we would sit around playing euchre (if you're from the north, you know what that is). Such fond memories go with The Nylons.
• I am so happy with those of you volunteered to read my novel. Seriously, you guys are awesome.
• Elsie sent me some comments about the first scene (or two) along with a note to cut the word "that" whenever possible. Yesterday, I ran the Find Function on the word "that." Holy cow. I kid you not, but that word "that" is Everywhere. I think it snuck into my writing and bred like rabbits. I deleted the unnecessary ones, but couldn't always delete the space it created. 
• Solutions sometimes create different problems.
• Last night I read a blog over at The Kill Zone by James Scott Bell. It was called Revisiting the Mirror in the Middle. Or something close to that. You can click the link to read it for yourself. Essentially, he said that if you go to the middle of any book, movie, etc. that in the middle is that mirror moment for the character.
• Of course, I immediately logged out of blogger and back into my novel. I needed to know what was in the middle of my book. 
• It was what I call the Revelation scene. Woah.
• And then I had a revelation of my own. Let me tell you about it...
• Back in 2006, I wrote the scene that was the inspiration and eventually Back Story for this novel.
• At first, I used it as The Prologue.
• Then I read how so many people didn't like Prologues and absorbed it into Chapter 1.
• I have moved it all over Chapter 1, still not that happy about where it is.
• Last night, I moved it to the Middle. It belongs in that Revelation moment. Of course it does.
• Ironically, James Scott Bell talks about starting in the middle and working forward and back.It turns out by putting this scene there... that is kinda sorta what I did. 
• I haven't read his book (yet) about writing this way, but I think he means that the inspiration for your story is very likely the moment, the crisis, the event that started the character on this path. That point in the middle is the place where the MC questions all of it. Maybe things are starting to make sense or maybe it is all crazier than ever... but it is that point where the MC pauses and says, "Holy crap. What am I doing? What have I done? Where am I going? Can I continue like this????"
• Naturally, this is going to force me to rework the middle scene, the revelation scene. 
• Solutions sometimes create different problems.

Have your kids or parents thrown any of your bad habits back at you? How did that feel? Did you vote in Battle of the Bands? Did the outcome surprise you? Have you noticed in your own writing, reading, watching of movies, that the main character has a mirror moment in the middle (sometimes with an actual mirror and sometimes not)? Have you ever written the middle first and worked forward and back? Have you read any of James Scott Bell's books on writing?

F IS FOR FICTION

When I chose Fiction as my "F" word, I really wasn't sure what direction I wanted to take this post.  Was it that I always dreamed of writing fiction?  That I grew up reading fiction?  Well, that is kind of a Duh, no?  Most anyone who dreams of writing fiction grows up reading it.  Then I realized that this was another Circle Story.  What's that, you ask?  Seinfeld did it all the time.  The story started off here, and ended there, and it was actually One Big Ole Circle.  Hilarious.  I look at my life and see a lot of Circle Stories.  Yeah, not as funny as Seinfeld.  Moving on...

When I was in high school, and Oh-So-Certain of where I was going in my life, and my "Career Path," yada yada yada, I heard the story for the first time of my mother quitting college because... wait for it... she couldn't decide on a major.  At the time, I thought this was Hilarious (as in actually Laugh Out Loud Funny), and I told the story to anyone who would listen, and then doubled over, and practically rolled on the floor.  Sooooo funny.  How could someone quit because they were Undecided????  What in the name of Jesus was she thinking?  Bwahahahaha.

After one miserable Freshman year, I came to a very sad and unfortunate conclusion: I was wrong.  I was not going to major in Music.  That was not going to be my Career Path.  My Career Path was now this Blank Slate.  I was void.  So, I took a year of Core Classes, certain that something would come to me; I would find my answer.   I did not.  I finished up my Sophomore year with a whimper.  I distinctly recall sitting in my Guidance Counselor's office, and having The Conversation about "What are we going to do now," since Music was off the table, and I had to declare SOMETHING in order to choose my classes for the Fall.  Egads.  It was happening already;  I had turned into my mother.  Karma is a terrible thing.  It was taking it's revenge.  I wasn't laughing now.  I would never even be able to tell The Story again.  "Don't ask for whom the bell tolls.  It tolls for thee."  Well played, John Dunne.  Well played.

I chose English.  I chose my Major based on the fact that I liked to read. I had nothing else.  All I knew was that I wasn't quitting.  You can bet your sweet (fill in the blank) that I read a lot.  I packed that entire major into two years.  I read and read and read some more.  And when I wasn't reading, I was writing.  Good times.

Since then, I have tried my hand at writing fiction.  If you have read this blog for a LONG TIME you will remember the elation of when that process was going well, followed by the crushing angst of the crash and burn.  What happened?  I discovered that I did it wrong.  Turns out writing fiction is like booking a trip.  You absolutely must know where you are going.  Like a bonehead, I had a story fairly well plotted out, but I didn't have my ending all sewn up.  Now I feel like a moron saying it out loud because it seems... well, obvious.  So, I quit writing where I was and jumped to the end.  But, I could never make the two meet.  I don't think the constant migraine did anything to shore up this problem.  Eventually, my excitement for the project was outweighed by my annoyance.  That was when it got shelved. 

Of course, that isn't the first book I have started.  Or the first Idea For An Excellent Novel that has ever burned across my brain.  That is just the one with actual chapters and word count.  That said, I don't fancy myself a Great American Novelist.  I don't have this gift for weaving words together so lyrically that you will cry, though that would be lovely.  I just like to tell a rollicking  fun ride of a story.  Barring that, if you aren't bored out of your mind, I would say it is a win.

Until I muster the will to start again on The Book, this blog is my writing outlet... and I just don't see myself quitting.   Why?  Because it just isn't in me.  Now, that is truth and not fiction.

Fiction Rating: Passion, Phase, and Life Lesson (this one gets the Trifecta)

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Are you a fiction or non-fiction reader?  When did the read you become an avid reader?  Have you tried your hand at writing?  If you are a published writer, did you publish the first thing you wrote or did you have several discarded novels lying around before you finally got it "right?"

Pastel in a Brilliant Life

This has been the strangest time. Seriously. My creativity has been in the crapper. My hormones are raging out of control and so are my migraines. So I basically feel lousy all of the time. I remember reading years ago in my book on severe adrenal fatigue that all it takes is a major crisis to knock you right on your butt and completely drain your reserves. For someone who has no reserves, that really messes you up. It helps you discover problems you didn't know you had. Like you needed that, right?

Anyway, you probably noticed my lack of blogging, reading, and commenting. My focus is still lousy. I have considered posting one of those "I'm taking a break" blogs, but that feels like quitting and I don't want to do that just yet. Matter of fact, I almost had a Thursday post a couple of weeks ago. I had several things jotted down, but it just never came to fruition. This is what I mean about my inability to focus.

I have also started writing a book about my health experience, which includes my dad's adrenal breakdown when I was a kid, and might end up including other people's health issues if I was really involved in them. The book is all about how I fell through the floor (lost everything) and is written from the perspective of a regular person. Not a medical journal. Not a doctor. I am not out to sell anything, tell you one way is better than another, etc. This is just my story and my goal is to share it and possibly help someone else from falling through the floor. My secondary goal is to use it to launch my Forging Hope Project. Yeah, it all circles back to being an instrument to help other people. The mission is to assist other people in their journey from illness to wellness.

In other news, I got a military ID card. My stepdad is retired military and we jumped through those hoops to prove that my medical problems today date back to before I was 21 y/o. Yeah, that was fun. While I was in Ohio dealing with my dad while he was still alive I was also calling all of my former doctors digging up any and all paperwork from my childhood. Anyway, we found some. On this one application with symptoms it said in my own hand (I was 13): headaches, nausea, aching in bones and muscles. That was a bit of a shock to read. Anyway, we gave it all to my current doctor to read over. She then submitted a letter to state that she believed that the roots of my current problems began in youth. It was clear that it did. She did. So, after the military sent back the letter saying that it needed to be rewritten in their format (and it was), I was quickly approved.

This means that I cancelled my old insurance (which sucked). I am now on Tricare and am part of my parents' plan. My Rxs are cheap. Yay. I am on a copay system. I can actually get testing and stuff done. Anything done at the base hospital will be free (I think) or very inexpensive. In other words, I can actually get some forward momentum on getting some of my health issues solved. This is such a blessing.

I am now in the third phase of SSD approval. This is when I am most likely to get approved. For my area, we are looking at about 10 months before it comes before the judge. That is how slowly the system is working. Some places it is as long as three years. So, I will keep my tongue in my mouth and not complain. When you win, they backpay you in one lump sum. The irony will be if they take so long that I will be able to work by the time they get to my case. That, of course, will be thanks to the military insurance assistance. I will have financially broken my parents since 2006 and I will just be getting well by the time my case comes up. lol.

I am not sure what I think about that.

I have been watching MY NAME IS EARL on DVD. It is hilarious. It is about this bad dude who wins a scratch off lottery ticket and immediately gets hit by a car. In the hospital he sees Carson Daly on TV talking karma. He says that he thinks he has this good life because he believes if you do good things, good things come back to you. Well, that is when Earl make his list of every bad thing he has ever done. He is certain karma is out to get him. He has to fix things or karma is going to kill him. While he is doing the first good thing, he finds his winning scratch off. The rest of the show is him doing the things on his list. H-i-l-a-r-i-o-u-s.

That cracks me up.

I try to laugh a little every day.

I guess that is all I have for now. Oh... I did get an IPod at long last. Love it. Still not real sure what I am doing. It has face chat on it. But I have no idea how to work it and don't know anyone else who has face chat. Now *that* is funny.

I hope that you have found something here to entertain, inform, or in some other way enlighten you. I do try to please.


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DAY 27: LETTER TO THE NICEST DAY WITH A STRANGER

Dear Stranger,

I wish I could remember your name, since you gave me such a lovely afternoon in Berlin. My traveling companion on my Europe trip was still stuck in meetings, and I was touring the city on my own. I knew that would be the case so I had a plan. I was armed with a guidebook to follow the Berlin Wall around the city. I had no idea how long that would take. I also had no idea how sad that would be. The day before I met you I followed the inset stones weaving around the city. I learned so much. Mostly, I learned how ignorant I was. I had no idea that there were actually two walls and that the space in between was called No Man's Land. In some spaces the two walls were close together, and in other places they were far apart. No Man's Land was where people died, because snipers shot at people that tried to escape from one side to the other.

Along my walk that first day, I found an entire section of wall that was still standing. It was hard to get to and backed up to a fence. It made a much bigger impression than the pretty stones inset into the pavement. It was littered with graffiti, and radiated the frustration, anger, and misery of the people. I hoped that it never came down, so that people would have something to look at, so that they never forgot. The pretty stones in the road did not give off the same feeling as this wall. The wall was tall and forbidding. Pictures of the wall were not enough. I stood there for a long time with my hand on that wall so that I would never forget.

The next day I met you. I had a lot of stuff I wanted to see that day. There is always more stuff to see than there is time. Honestly, I can't remember what line I was standing in when I met you. However, I think it was the Alexanderplatz. You were such a nice young man (as in younger than me) and your English was excellent. That was a good thing since my French was nonexistent. All of my other languages pretty much suck, too. My Spanish is fair to poor. However, as I recall, you didn't speak Spanish, so we were pretty well stuck with English. You were also traveling or were a student. I really can't recall the details now. However, we were both doing the touristy thing alone and it was nice to have someone to share conversation.

I can't say that you made the experience of looking at the crosses of the people who died in No Man's Land any sadder. However, it was nice just to have someone standing there feeling the futility of the whole mess. People can be so inhumane to one another. So cruel. We didn't talk about it and that was also nice. You knew a lot about Berlin, so it saved me having to look up every building in my travel guide. That was a welcome change. You also knew some background stories that were funny. It felt good to laugh about anything. After all of the sadness of the last day and a half, laughter was good. We even took a brief tour through the Volkswagen dealership. We weren't car shopping, but I was curious about a dealership that had every single automobile inside. It must be interesting to test drive those babies. I thought about inquiring, but then decided that would be really just mean, and I would probably wreck the car driving on the wrong side of the road. Karma works exactly like that. However, it was really fun looking at all of the cars indoors. It was like Barbie and Ken's cars for grownups. It was really weird. Of course, you had warned me that it would feel odd, so we both burst out laughing as soon as we made it outside.

I was really disappointed when it got to be late and you needed to go, and I needed to get back to my hotel for dinner. It was an excellent afternoon. You were the sunny side to Berlin. The rest of that trip was all sadness and tragedy and death. So, thank you for coming along and making the end of my day in that city something that was nice. I am so sorry that I can't remember your name. I want to say that it is some variation on Michael, but that could be wrong. I suppose it doesn't really matter. Your name isn't important; it was, and is, all about the spirit and harmony that you carry around. Thank you for being a bright light for me back in the summer of 1999.

Best Wishes,
Robin


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