Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Hey You, Get Off Of My Cloud

I woke up this morning and thought, "Oh dear, I should post a blog today."

Okay, truth time.... I thought about my blog after I shook off this horrible dream I had.

I am still reading the Unlearn Your Pain book and going to therapy. Turns out that there is a lot of crap that I simply internalized. Now, all of it (most of it? some of it? plenty of it?) is dragged out in the open so that I can look at it. Yikes. It is not pretty.

I thought I already tapped out this bad junior high school experience with a teacher. Apparently not. I woke up reliving that experience and then yelling at him about how teachers aren't supposed to bully kids. We got enough bullying from our classmates. And on and on and on. It was ugly. My head pounded with a horrible migraine. You just can't tell me that pain isn't thoughts. It is thoughts. On the plus side, I think it was cathartic, to a degree, to tell him (okay, scream at him) how I really felt about the whole thing. But, it was adult me doing the screaming. Would it have been more healing if it had been kid me? I don't know. The adult in me already knows it was wrong. Bad. Horrible. No teacher should act this way. But, the kid I was didn't SAY anything. Hmm. I guess this is a conversation for the therapist the next time we meet.

Anyway, I didn't really want to blog about my therapy... even though it is eating a lot of my mental and physical energy.

On an unrelated note, I finally finished my rough draft. I know that it needs SO MUCH WORK. But still. It is done. I have something to edit. I can revise something that already exists. I spent all day Sunday walking around and patting myself on the back. It is good to appreciate each accomplishment. 

On another unrelated note... or maybe related to the initial topic of what to blog about... Tara Tyler at Tara Tyler Talks gave me the Liebster Award. I received this award in the past, BUT I stopped keeping up with awards in my sidebar (and am thinking of eliminating them entirely to clean up said sidebar). I lacked material for today, so I decided to answer the questions. I am supposed to thank the person who bestowed the award on me (Thanks Tara!), answer her 10 questions, create 10 questions and pass it on. I am fudging on the last part, but I'm a rebel!

These are Tara's questions:

1) What was your favorite subject in school?

2) Do you believe in love at first sight? (do your characters?)
I believe in Like At First Sight. Sometimes that like leads to love. I believe in meeting someone and feeling like you've known them forever. It has happened to me a handful times in this lifetime. Those connections are very special, whether they turn out to be good friends or SOs.

3) What genre do you write and why?
I write what most would call women's fiction (or just fiction since I have guy reading it who likes it....) with supernatural, mysterious, and romantic elements. Is that a genre???? I chose it because I enjoy reading it. I am currently reading a lot of YA so that I can write it somewhere down the road. I think you have to read A LOT within a genre before you understand it well enough to write it.

4) What advice would you give new writers?
I am a new writer. What advice do you want to give ME????

5) How long have you been blogging and what made you start?
2010. I was so sick in 2010. Migraines took over my life and I felt like I was contributing NOTHING to the world. Blogging was the vehicle I saw to better myself. It started out as the place for self expression to try and understand how I'd landed at this terrible place. It turned into a chronicle of the journey. Now, it's a mish mash of everything.

6) Morning, afternoon, or evening writer?
I tend to read and post blogs in the morning. Then I write. I like to relax in the evenings. Of course, all of that could change soon...

7) What's the hardest part about writing for you?
Do I have to pick JUST ONE thing? Frankly, it is all hard.

8) What movie would you like to be an extra in?
I spent ten minutes thinking about this and have come up with nothing. However, I would have liked to have been an extra for the TV show Moonlighting. I loved that show. Or maybe M*A*S*H. That one was great, too.

9) If you could go anywhere or any when for research, where/when would you go?
Scotland. I find that country fascinating. Pick a time. If I could time travel, I would leap through the centuries to see it all.

10) Did you always want to be a writer?
Yes and no. I always loved writing. Actually, that isn't true. I am like Dorothy Parker. At least, I think it was Dorothy Parker. Anyway, someone said, "I hate writing. I love having written." It's always been like that.

I am going to break the rules and NOT hand this out to specific people. If you are lacking blogging material and want to take a crack at the following ten questions, I would love to read your answers. If not, well that's fine, too:)

These are my questions:

1) Have you ever met someone famous?
2) What concert would you pay a "ridiculous" amount of money to see? The person or band can be dead or alive.
3) What personality trait do you like best about yourself?
4) If you could meet a character in a book, who would you choose?
5) If you won the lottery, how would you spend the money?
6) Do you believe that there is such a thing as "having it all"?
7) Have you ever had a paranormal experience of any kind?
8) What is the most important trait for a person to have in order to achieve success in their life? Job? Relationships? (It can be one trait that ties them all together or separate ones...)
9)  What is holding you back from achieving your dreams?
10) What is your favorite time of day?

Well, this post turned out rather long for someone who had no idea what they would write when the woke up.

Have you ever experienced physical pain from things that happened to you in the past or present? Do you understand the idea that pain is thoughts? Do you celebrate your large and small accomplishments? If you want the award, run with it and make a blog post. If you want to just take a stab at all or some of the questions here... well, I want to read it.


  1. >>... What movie would you like to be an extra in? ... I would have liked to have been an extra for the TV show Moonlighting. I loved that show. Or maybe M*A*S*H. That one was great, too.

    Ha! I spent 5 years (or, seasons) doing that on the latter show. And a few times included dialogue (i.e., acting). I didn't really appreciate the whole experience while it was occurring because I was dreaming of bigger and better things. Looking back on it all these years later, I realize what a cool and unique situation I was in. Hindsight being 20/20 and all that jazz.

    Never worked on 'Moonlighting', but I'm a big fan of that show (own every episode on DVD), much more so than M*A*S*H, which I really didn't care for much overall.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

  2. Robin, I feel your pain - literally - I am in a very similar process. It is frustrating and scary to make progress and then feel as if you are regressing. Will someone please just give me a pill to take all the emotional pain away? Not really.

  3. I only dream like that if I've rolled over on my chest. However, I do love questions!

    1) Have you ever met someone famous? Define "famous." Does the Governor count?
    2) What concert would you pay a "ridiculous" amount of money to see? The person or band can be dead or alive. None, I'm a cheapskate.
    3) What personality trait do you like best about yourself? Breathing on a constant basis.
    4) If you could meet a character in a book, who would you choose? Hmm. Haven't read a lot of fiction recently. I may have to ponder that one.
    5) If you won the lottery, how would you spend the money? In such a way that I could juggle being near a beach and never working again.
    6) Do you believe that there is such a thing as "having it all"? Not in this life...
    7) Have you ever had a paranormal experience of any kind? Possibly. I used to do rune magic.
    8) What is the most important trait for a person to have in order to achieve success in their life? Job? Relationships? (It can be one trait that ties them all together or separate ones...) Confidence. Hence, I have not succeeded.
    9) What is holding you back from achieving your dreams? See above.
    10) What is your favorite time of day? Bedtime... or about 8 am in the summer.

  4. I can totally relate to that middle school bully of a teacher! Ugh.

    And congrats on finishing the first draft! Big moment. Finished my novel about a month ago. Knee-deep in revisions now, but making progress. :)

  5. Awesome questions. I'll have to ponder a few of those. As for your first draft....whoooooppeeeee! And remember what my Grub Street teacher said. The ONLY thing you have to do with a first draft is finish it. You are there, baby! Think how many people can not do that! Here is hoping your editing is fun!

  6. You are contributing something to this world. Why do you think I'm here? ;) What's holding me back from achieving my dreams? Well, me.

  7. Twice I have thrown out my back (once, just this past Sunday), both times doing something so silly that it is embarassing (you never hear a good throwing-out-your-back story, have you noticed).

    The pain I felt as I crawled to lay down in bed is the closest I can think of to how you decribe your migraines, but in both cases the pain was gone by the next day.

    I am going to post my answers to the ten questions on my blog for tomorrow.


    1. I fibbed-yesterday got away from me, so I did not work up answers until today. I'm going to post on Monday (3/17) since I already had a post scheduled for today and Saturday.

  8. Stephen ~ OMG. My dad has passed over, but I know that he knows what you just said about M*A*S*H... that was some of our best father/daughter bonding time right there. We both loved that show. I liked it best in the earlier seasons. I really didn't care for the Winchester character much, but I loved Frank Burns. I also preferred Henry Blake over Harry Potter. Matter of fact, I also liked Trapper better than Honeycutt. Huh. I am seeing a pattern here. As for your being on that show... youth has the crazy way of not allowing us to appreciate most of the good stuff while it's happening. We are so busy striving for that Next Big Thing that we don't just enjoy the thing we've got. So, you aren't alone with your hindsight...

    Karen ~ The thing that I am learning about emotional pain... avoidance does you no good whatsoever. If you don't pay attention, you get sick. But so often people don't understand that the two are interconnected. I hope that you sort through yours, so that you can fully get your life back.

    CW ~ Breathing on a constant basis???? I think I've caught you in a bit of a rut, my friend...

    L.G ~ I haven't even started revisions. I am taking a couple of days to let it all clear. Then I will read the whole thing. Then I have some charts planned. And then I will start revising. I don't know how authors crank out one or more books a year...

    Liza ~ Yes, it feels like this HUGE accomplishment. It may suck, have tons of holes, need all sorts of help, but I have a story with a beginning, middle, and end. I can work on the sucking, holes, and help.

    Blue ~ Yes, this blog in many ways saved my sanity. I think that "me" is the answer for most everyone. Good for you to be aware of that...

    LC ~ I am sorry to hear that about your back. So true... very few good back stories. Though now you've challenged me. I will have to find something. I look forward to your answers:)

    1. >>... that was some of our best father/daughter bonding time right there.

      Glad I could play a very "small role" (or two) in it.
      However... sorry to disappoint ya but... I was only in the last 5 seasons (i.e., the ones you didn't like as much).

      Somewhere (I thought it was Wikipedia, but I just now checked and didn't see it) there was a website that listed some of the most popular and/or unusual MASH episodes. I can't find it now, but one of the episodes mentioned was titled 'Life Time' (Season 8), in which a soldier, whose life couldn't be saved, was brain-dead and the MASH surgeons were hoping he would die in time to take a part of his aorta to use to save another wounded soldier's life. The entire episode was done in "real time", with a small clock in the lower corner counting down the time that was left in order to save the wounded soldier's life. I was the brain-dead guy (always being typecast as "the brain-dead guy") who died in time to save the other bloke.

      There was another episode on that list in which Klinger was suffering from an illness and high temperature, which caused him to see and hear dead people. I was one of the dead people he could hear. (Too much work to research it and find out which episode and season that was.)

      Anyway... that was my first 15 minutes of fame. Recently, I scored another seven and a half minutes of fame, but that's a story for another... year.

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

    2. Please understand me... I watched probably every episode of M*A*S*H... some more than once. I don't remember every episode... because that is a lot of episodes. I don't remember the first one you mentioned, but I do recall that one with Klinger seeing and hearing dead people. I have NO IDEA which season it was in, either.

      Now I can't wait to hear about your seven and a half minutes of fame. Is that like Seven Minutes In Heaven? ha!

    3. Those of us who know Stephen still affectionately think of him as "The Brain Dead Guy."


  9. I had an awful, mean first grade teacher who used to call me a "baby," scream at me and say I would never be a good reader. I would still like to punch her in the face. A punching bag actually works quite well for an outlet since it also helps you get some exercise.

    So, I guess you can say I feel your pain (not in the Bill sort of way, that is).

  10. Most of my bully teachers were from gym class. Congrats on finishing your rough draft! That is huge! I also loved Moonlighting.


  11. Steven ~ I think many people have at least one bad teacher story.... and yours is horrible. What brings on chronic pain is when you have someone come into your life later (or now) who does the same sort of things that the first one did. It can be difficult to recognize that you are essentially reliving the same trauma. But our very smart minds know it and, if we don't make changes, we will begin to feel physical pain for it. I am sorry that happened to you.

    Julie ~ Yes, I had those, too. Were any of them NOT bullies? They catered to the superstar athletes and everyone else was invisible.

  12. Congrats on finishing your draft!! I did the same thing patting myself on the back. I nearly broke my arm I was so dang proud. Your experience with your teacher reminds me of one I had when I was young. He embarrassed me in front of the whole class. Basically called me stupid for not knowing 8x7. Boy, I'll never forget that answer again.

    This is totally a side note but as I was reading your experience with it, I thought of my step work. Again, not trying to compare you to me. I worked my forth step, which is all about taking a moral inventory and such. Wow, that was some deep self examination and reflection. It was painful to look at some stuff that happened to me over the course of my life, but gosh, it felt good to put each piece of the puzzle that is me back in it's place. Okay, my selfish comment is done =P

    Be well!

  13. Yay! You finished your draft! This calls for some cheese therapy, a good book, amazing music and a day off. Enjoy the little things, eh? (Or in this case, the BIG thing.)

  14. Up to age 30 my life was free of any really traumatic experiences so no bad pain from childhood. After 30 there were a couple of divorces and events related to that. Very painful at the times and for a time thereafter, but I've basically gotten over all that crap.

    Good to learn a bit more about you. Those question award things are always good to fill up a post when you need it. Right now I've got post material backed up for a good time in the future.

    Wrote By Rote
    An A to Z Co-host blog

  15. Elsie ~ I think what makes a good comment is throwing in your own experience. That is what makes it a conversation. So, keep on doing that selfish stuff. I like it.

    Crystal ~ I have actually taken several days off. I had SO MUCH OTHER STUFF that needed attention. I am now getting excited about reading it start to finish.

    Arlee ~ So long as you aren't having any physical pain, I would say you've processed it all well. Yay!

  16. Congrats on your rough draft being done, and on the Liebster. :)

    Yelling at the teacher as a child probably wouldn't have done any good. You can't reason with the unreasonable. I found that out years ago.

  17. Way to go on the first draft. I don't have pain filled dreams but I do still dream about having another conversation with my dad. Lost him twenty years ago and still miss our talks.

  18. Hi human, Robin,

    Blogging about your therapy can be a pawerful resource. To verbalise, to share, can bring forth further awareness.

    Very pleased that you have completed your rough draft. It's abundantly obvious that you have a passion for the written word, my human friend.

    Hearty congrats on getting the Lobster Award or whatever it's called :) Continue to write from the heart and visualise you are writing to the one person or animal who reads whatever you formulate.

    My human keeps trying to move on from the pain from past experiences. Unfortunately, our government keeps dredging up the pain he tries to move on from.

    Just getting out of bread can be an accomplishment. Yet, my human challenges that are gets from under the duvet and heads for the doorway.

    Pawsitive wishes,

    Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar! :)

  19. Teachers can really screw with us, can't they??? I think most don't realize how powerful they are in the lives of the kids they teach. Teachers didn't know what the heck to do with me for the most part- no surprise there, I'm sure ;). I do recall thinking many times that when I was an adult I would never behave the way many of them did. I now like it that I am getting to the age of many of those teachers and I still can't imagine acting like they did. So I was right, even as a kid!
    I think I've written about the nasty professor that my husband had that discouraged him from pursuing actuarial work. I would like to go back and smack that witch for the ten extra years it took for him to get to his actuarial career since he pursued other work, thinking that he wasn't suited to be an actuary. Oh, and I'd like to have the money we lost on that move back as well, dammit!
    Now I think I'd better go and write out some stuff I've been going through so I can get through it. Writing is so darn therapeutic- way better than anything else I've ever tried!

  20. rosey ~ I didn't mean the kid saying something as a kid. I meant in the dream. However, I have come to the conclusion that I don't think it matters. Kid, adult, I got it out.

    Susan ~ Sometime I will have to tell you about the "dreams" I've had with my dad since he passed. I know that those conversations were as real any one with a live person. They might change planes, but they are never gone.

    Gary ~ Ah, yes, I am still struggling with the government, too. I try not to think about them overly much as I don't want to upset the progress that I am making here. Hang in there, my friend!

    Jasmine ~ No, it doesn't surprise me that your teachers didn't know what to do with you! And !!boo!! on those teachers that talk people out of pursuing their dreams because "they" can't see it. You don't need them to see it, you just need them to keep quiet if they cannot be supportive. My mom was in college as an English major and her guidance counselor (an English teacher) said that he couldn't see her as a teacher and she should major in something else. And she listened to him. She floundered, changing from major to major until she dropped out. In reality, English was perfect for her, but that ONE PERSON took it away, didn't give anything else, and she quit school. Sometimes educators need to rethink their approach. As in seriously.

  21. Yay for finishing the fist draft! That is AWESOME! (I'm taking a vacay from mine and had a tooth abscess - that's a good excuse, right?) Yay for the Liebster award! It's terrible you were bullied as a child. As I age, much of my patience and tolerance is disappearing. But I only yell at people inside my head. And perhaps imagine shooting them. You can't go back, but I hope the adult-you yelling at the past-bully helps with the present-migraines. :)

  22. sorry about the bad experience
    yay for finishing the draft!
    and love the answers to the questions - esp Moonlighting & MASH! i loved those shows!

    have a great weekend!


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