Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The Pieces of Me

This is just a quick heads up that I am not dead. Also, I do plan to return to blogland. I just need to get my head together first. Everything still feels somewhat staticy up there. I did make the decision to get busier with my email campaign for my non-profit. So, I started going through my friends on facebook and writing down email addresses. I got tired about the time I hit the "Bs." That might not sound like a lot, but I have quite a few friends. I even went so far as to send out the email. And I sent to everyone already on the list.

Chris, over at A Deliberate Life, talks all of the time about how much of this living this is a head game. If you are not reading her blog, I have to tell you that you are missing out. But, there are some people who always miss out. Heck, I know that there are some really awesome blogs being posted right now that I am missing out on. I may backdoor into them someday... lol. I digress. Anyway, you can only do what you can do, but you probably can do more than you think you can. Or maybe you need to push yourself into doing more than you think you can. Or if you can do anything at all, do something important. I am not really sure what I am saying here, but I just decided that my time out of bed today was going to be spent writing down email addresses and sending out the email for my non-profit. And if I only could do it for 30 minutes, 40 minutes, one hour. Whatever. It was all better than nothing. It's a head game. And I need to get back in it if I want to win it.

Yeah, this whole thing with my dad had knocked me right on my ass. I am not going to lie to you and tell you different. It has. Just writing that sentence made my eyes fill up. I think about him all the time and I cry. I keep thinking about that line from Grey's Anatomy when George's dad died from cancer and he says, "I just can't imagine a world without my dad in it." I may not have gotten that quote exactly right, but it is close enough. I keep telling myself how lucky I am... how I had my dad in my life longer than SO many people. That I had a dad who loved me and I knew it, etc. But, here's the thing: this is one of those landmark times of your life. From this point forward, it will be events that happened before my dad died and after my dad died. Sort of like BC and AD on the Christian calendar. I am not suggesting that my father was the Messiah for those of who going into shock. I am just saying that this is one of those HUGE events in my life that changes everything. Before college. After college. Before I was married. While I was married. After I got divorced. Before my dad died. After my dad died.

I might be closing in on someone to design my webpage. Yay. I keep throwing out that net. I figure eventually something is going to come back.

My crush on Marshall Mathers is still alive and well. That really isn't pertinent to anything. However, I thought someone might want to know.

I reconnected with my best friend from college, Jennifer, after not speaking since 1999. Turns out that there were some misunderstandings there and we aired out a lot of stuff. It felt really good. Tracy is so right about pushing love toward a situation. That always makes it better. I think that maybe we are going to be okay. I realize that I have slowly, but surely, been pulling my friendship family back together. They are still scattered all over the globe. However, I am reconnecting with my family of choice. It has been ongoing process over the last year or so. It feels really good.

I know that I have been a really lousy blog reading friend. I am still reading your posts catch as catch can. I have been a terrible commenter (that translates into not commenting at all). However, I am working my way back into a place of being able to read your posts with a joyful heart. Not quite there yet. When I get there, my regular Thursday posts will come back online.

Don't give up on me. I am putting the pieces of me back together.


  1. Hey you... I'm glad you are still around... :o)

    I trust all is well...



  2. I am so sorry about your pain hon. both the physical and spiritual. Hang in there. I am glad you are still working on your dream. Keep at it.

  3. It's good to hear from you..I've been praying for you and thinking of you. I know what you are going through. I care about your crushes...keep them alive and well and you don't have to make sense all the time.

    take care you...


  4. Awww, bigs hugs for you! I promise you that your head will eventually unclutter and your life will begin to make sense again!!! Chin up!!!

  5. It sounds trite to say it, but life goes on even during your dad's fight for his own life. And that means putting the Big Idea into play. That means networking and finding the key people to implement this project. And it's a project your dad would benefit from, so maybe it's a form of tribute to him. But not everything can be lost, and so -- difficult as it maybe when your heart is breaking -- it's important to keep working towards the great goal ....

  6. Sweetie, you need to take the time you need to heal your heart. We will all be here when you get back into the game, whenever that may be. In the meantime, do what is good for you and your life and your family in this moment. Don't worry about everything else; life has a way of working itself out! ~Hugs

  7. Always good to hear from you, Robin. I am one who enjoys hearing all about your life, even your crush on Marshall. The whole you will be back again and when you are we will all be here, cheering you on.

  8. Robin dear, Don't ever worry about any of us giving up on you, my friend. You're far too special and important to us. When the time is right for you, then that's the right time. I think it's a great idea to keep pushing forward with the non-profit. It will keep you occupied when you need it to. We all need positive distractions when our world seems to be spinning out of control all around us and what better way to honor your dad now and always, than a quest to help others get the care and compassion that they deserve.

    As always, I'm here if there's anything I can do and of course you and your family are in my prayers every day. Be well my dear friend. I'm sending out healing and comforting thoughts.

    Love to you. XOXO

  9. Hi Robin, I'm so sorry about your father. Having lost mine when I was almost 15 and still, in some ways, feeling like I'm still reeling from it, I can understand. Your whole language changes - no more "parents" now just "mom." I know it and I've thought it.

    After my optimistic post at the end of December about my book being published in January I really started working on it like crazy and, who knew, it took way longer than that! It should be on Amazon by Wednesday and Target and Barnes and Noble, etc. But it was kind of the perfectionist tries to publish a book - impossible! Also, I did it myself in light of the bad experiences I had with my previous agents and the crumbling publishing industry, so everything was up to me.

    Anyway, I'm happy you're putting one foot in front of the other and I agree that's the way to do it.

  10. Take your time and work us in when you feel better! You are most important right now. In my prayers!

  11. just dropping in to say howdy...my laptop died so I have not been out and about. still thinking of you.

  12. No one's giving up on you, come on! :) Take your time, listen to inspirational songs (if they're sung by Marshall Matters, that's an additional bonus, lol) and, you know, just focus on recovery. (also you can focus on "Recovery" haha)

  13. Hi Robin - You've been in my thoughts and prayers. I'm glad that you're focusing on your website....

  14. I think it is safe to say that most of us have no intention of ever giving up on you, on your writing, your ideas, your friendship, or your love. All of it (and most importantly, you) is just too powerful and inspiring to ever walk away from.

    and I like that you are doing what I had to learn (in some very hard ways) to do and are just pushing more and more love at everything you do.

    Hugs and love from your fiery Phoenix family in SoCal,


  15. Robin: I wish I could do more than wish you well. Hang in there. We will all be here when you return.

  16. It's so good to hear from you! But don't push yourself. We will be here when you're ready! Take all the time you need...grieving is such a process and it does take time. Thinking of you as always...

  17. I hope someday I can reconnect successfully with some of the friends I've lost. Good for you.


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