This is just a quick heads up that I am not dead. Also, I do plan to return to blogland. I just need to get my head together first. Everything still feels somewhat staticy up there. I did make the decision to get busier with my email campaign for my non-profit. So, I started going through my friends on facebook and writing down email addresses. I got tired about the time I hit the "Bs." That might not sound like a lot, but I have quite a few friends. I even went so far as to send out the email. And I sent to everyone already on the list. Chris, over at A Deliberate Life, talks all of the time about how much of this living this is a head game. If you are not reading her blog, I have to tell you that you are missing out. But, there are some people who always miss out. Heck, I know that there are some really awesome blogs being posted right now that I am missing out on. I may backdoor into them someday... lol. I digress. Anyway, you can only do what you can do, but you probably can do more than you think you can. Or maybe you need to push yourself into doing more than you think you can. Or if you can do anything at all, do something important. I am not really sure what I am saying here, but I just decided that my time out of bed today was going to be spent writing down email addresses and sending out the email for my non-profit. And if I only could do it for 30 minutes, 40 minutes, one hour. Whatever. It was all better than nothing. It's a head game. And I need to get back in it if I want to win it.
Yeah, this whole thing with my dad had knocked me right on my ass. I am not going to lie to you and tell you different. It has. Just writing that sentence made my eyes fill up. I think about him all the time and I cry. I keep thinking about that line from Grey's Anatomy when George's dad died from cancer and he says, "I just can't imagine a world without my dad in it." I may not have gotten that quote exactly right, but it is close enough. I keep telling myself how lucky I am... how I had my dad in my life longer than SO many people. That I had a dad who loved me and I knew it, etc. But, here's the thing: this is one of those landmark times of your life. From this point forward, it will be events that happened before my dad died and after my dad died. Sort of like BC and AD on the Christian calendar. I am not suggesting that my father was the Messiah for those of who going into shock. I am just saying that this is one of those HUGE events in my life that changes everything. Before college. After college. Before I was married. While I was married. After I got divorced. Before my dad died. After my dad died.
I might be closing in on someone to design my webpage. Yay. I keep throwing out that net. I figure eventually something is going to come back.
My crush on Marshall Mathers is still alive and well. That really isn't pertinent to anything. However, I thought someone might want to know.
I reconnected with my best friend from college, Jennifer, after not speaking since 1999. Turns out that there were some misunderstandings there and we aired out a lot of stuff. It felt really good. Tracy is so right about pushing love toward a situation. That always makes it better. I think that maybe we are going to be okay. I realize that I have slowly, but surely, been pulling my friendship family back together. They are still scattered all over the globe. However, I am reconnecting with my family of choice. It has been ongoing process over the last year or so. It feels really good.
I know that I have been a really lousy blog reading friend. I am still reading your posts catch as catch can. I have been a terrible commenter (that translates into not commenting at all). However, I am working my way back into a place of being able to read your posts with a joyful heart. Not quite there yet. When I get there, my regular Thursday posts will come back online.
Don't give up on me. I am putting the pieces of me back together.
