Keeping Up With Bullets (Bang)

You may or may not have noticed my lack of posting. This whole burying my dad thing has my head spinning. Kinda sorta literally. And my migraines are through the roof. And I am back to wanting to use the "F" word all of the time. I'm not. But I want to. Really really bad. And I think I am going to use the bullet post format because my head is all over the place and that way I don't have to make any sense. And that is going to be important I think.

• So, yesterday at the pharmacy when I went to pick up my Rxs, I turned the corner, and I ran smack into the card section. It was all Father's Day cards. I couldn't help it. I stopped cold and stared at them for a few seconds and then kept on walking. I teared up, but didn't cry. I consider this progress.
• I am crying now. So maybe not so much.
• My migraines have been kickass ever since my dad died. I really think I might rip my head off of my shoulders with my bare hands. Has this ever been done?
• The day of the funeral I caved and took hydrocodone. My head was KILLING ME. It didn't touch it. I mean not at all.
• The worst part was that I had to act like I felt fine. Meet and greet and thank people for coming. Several of dad's high school classmates came. That was very cool.
• Last night at karaoke several of the people from my mom's church said something first thing about my dad and how sorry they were. So, I know that the word was out about what happened. Mom missed church two Sundays in a row because of being in Ohio for the funeral.
• However, this one guy came in and was talking to her about having to put his cat down last night and how sad it was. She was sitting next to me and he kept going on about it. Then he pulled out his camera phone and showed pictures of the cat to both of us. All the while, my mom had to keep saying how sorry she was about his cat. However, he said not one word about how sorry he was that my father just died.
• My sister-in-law says that I think everything is all about me. I say this now because this story is possibly one more example that might be true.
• Am I one of those people who thinks that everything is all about them?
• For the record, I do feel sorry for this guy over the loss of his cat. I know that losing a pet is painful. I would have been somewhat more sensitive to it had he shown any sensitivity to me over the loss over losing my parent. Just sayin'.
• You might be wondering how I know my sister-in-law thinks the above. She told me at the gathering after the funeral. I'd had a couple of beers. You know, I was mixing it with my hydrocodone to try and get some relief for my miserable migraine. Anyway, she was talking with someone that I had been talking with earlier and I walked up and I thought they were talking about the same thing we were talking about before.
• I was wrong. And that something was related to me.
• And she informed me that not everything is about me, contrary to what I believe.
• At which point, I decided to be Ellie from Cougar Town. You can consult previous clips I have posted to get a better grip on the Ellie personality.
• In this case, I placed my elbow on the table with my back to her facing the other person and resumed conversation with HIM, totally ignoring her. I figure two people can be rude just as easily as one.
• She then says, "So when are you and your mom going back to Georgia?"
• I then step back from the table and say, "Okay, I'm back in." As in, if we are talking about me, I am once again interested.
• I don't recall if I answered the question or not because it was unimportant.
• I really think my life would be a sitcom if I lived anywhere near my brother and sister-in-law. Or a tragedy. Not sure which.
• I gave the minister who did the service for my dad the letters that I posted here. I also ended up telling him (in brief) about my Big Idea. After the service he leaned over and hugged me and told me I was blessed by God.
• On the one hand it kind of freaked me out. But then again, I got the idea from a voice that I think was God. That would probably freak him out. So, maybe being told by a minister that you are blessed by God is really fantastic.
• For the record, I did ask him about it (because of my degree of being freaked out) and he said that after listening to my idea he prayed about it. And he knew I was blessed by God.
• Take from that what you will.
• I didn't tell my sister-in-law about that. I already think everything is all about me. That would have sent her to to the freaking moon.
• Maybe I should change the name of my blog. What do you think? I could call it IT REALLY IS ALL ABOUT ME. Seriously, I do need to change it. There has been nothing daily about the dose.
• Did I tell you that when my dad died all of the lines went out of his face? He died at 78 and had not even one wrinkle. Complete peace.
• One last thing about my sister-in-law: I have decided that she doesn't particularly dislike me. She just has a lot on her plate and it is overflowing. Her filter is gone. Her mom's cancer is back and she is now in the same situation as my dad. Her own dad is very difficult to live with and makes her life hard. That will get worse now that her mom's cancer is back. Her mother is the only thing anchoring her dad to reality. So, pray for her. A person can only handle so much stress and this has already been a terrible year. It is only going to get worse.

It really is all about me.

I proposed something fun for this blog yesterday. Pain as your constant companion just isn't fun. And talking about it isn't fun either. There is a point of release and then there is a point of dwelling. Those lines are really close together. So, I try to not talk about it at all to avoid the possibility of crossing into the area of dwelling. I think I have landed into the land of dwelling because SO MUCH is happening with SSD and MY PAIN is bad right now. Those two things put it all right there at the forefront. So, when that happens I have to consciously put something else on this blog so that it takes up some mental space. I need something positive to think about and make me happy. Then I need to make myself do the stuff that scares me a little (like see what is really up with my novel and get my domain site on a web hosting server). Yeah, I practice avoidance. I admit it. Eventually I will have to do something about these things; I just want to bring my stress levels back down to tolerable before I do. Otherwise, if it is hard going or bad news I will be on the ceiling, and that really isn't attractive.ever.

So, I started thinking about fictional characters I would like to be. Everyone knows that I would like to be Buffy The Vampire Slayer. This is not news. Of course, Buffy has not really had the easiest time of it. The more I think on that, the more I realize how hard it would actually be to be her. She took a lot of hard knocks and I don't mean just physical ones. Lots of heartbreak there. So, I am taking a pass on Buffy for right now. She is very badass and I love that about her, but I am going in a different direction.

For years (and I mean years), my mom did everything but beat me over the head with Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series. She loved those books and I had it in my head that they were murder mysteries. I read enough murder mysteries in my time at St. Martin's Press to pretty well cure me. I like character driven books. I love suspense books. Matter of fact, when I was thinking out this blog I remembered that I read the Kinsey Millhone series right up until I found J.D. Robb's series and then I was done with Kinsey Millhone. I didn't piece that together until today. Why was that? Kinsey pretty well worked alone. J.D. Robb writes futuristic murder mysteries featuring an interesting cast of characters. The first novel introduced them all. The delicious Rourke. Irish. Gorgeous. And numero uno suspect turned out to be not guilty of murder, but our detective, Eve Dallas, married him. He is also a gadzillionaire, which is very sexy. There is the very sensible Peabody and her kooky, nerdy, and brilliant computer genius boyfriend... you see where I am going? Detective Dallas has her own Scooby Gang. There is an entire cast of characters that I care about here and they are in every novel. They are all quirky and you can't help but love them. Some more than others. That Rourke. I really love him. However, my point is that I care about all of them. If you are going to write a series, develop interesting characters.

That brings me back around to Janet Evanovich. I knew it was a series. My mother cornered me on vacation several years ago. We were gone a week. I read a book a day. The first was the worst. We are going to talk Plum for a while. This isn't going to be a book review because it isn't about any one book. This will be a character study. I like all of the characters. Janet Evanovich is brilliant with characters. Anyone aspiring to write great characters should read the Plum series. And they are funny. Seriously funny. Of course, our main gal is Stephanie Plum. She is the person I would want to be most of the time. Okay, pretty much all of the time. I totally get her. She and I are a lot alike. She pretty much backdoors her way into all of the good stuff in her life, too. The only thing she has going for her is persistence. That is it. An unwillingness to give up.

All of the books are written in the voice of Stephanie Plum. Book one starts like this: "There are some men who enter a woman's life and screw it up forever. Joseph Morelli did this to me - not forever, but periodically." Now, who can stop reading with an opener like that? Not me. I was hooked.

So, who is this Stephanie Plum? She grew up in Trenton, NJ. She was a lingerie buyer who is out of a job. She is so desperate for work that she goes to her cousin Vinnie, who I will tell you more about later, but he is vermin, to get a job as a file clerk. Vinnie is a bail bondsman. The clerk job is gone, however they need someone to catch their FTAs. That would be their Failure To Appears. Bail jumpers. I think you can see where this is going. There is no one in the world who is worse at this job than Stephanie Plum. (Well, I would probably be equally bad.) Her first skip, if she can catch him is... wait for it... Joe Morelli. The boy who stole her virginity and wrote about it on the bathroom wall. He is now a vice cop in a case that went very wrong and he skipped his arraignment. Stephanie will get $10,000 if she can find him.

This is the last time she saw him:
"The next time I saw him, I was three years older. I was on my way to the mall, driving my father's Buick when I spotted Morelli standing in front of Giovichinni's Meat Market. I gunned the V-8 engine, jumped the curb, and clipped Morelli from behind, bouncing him off the right front fender. I stopped the car and got out to assess the damage. "Anything broken?"

He was sprawled on the pavement, looking up my skirt. "My leg."

"Good," I said. Then I turned on my heel, got into the Buick and drove to the mall.

I attribute the incident to temporary insanity, and in my own defense, I'd like to say I haven't run over anyone since."

Yeah, she took the case. The fact that she has NO experience in catching FTAs didn't make a difference. The fact that Morelli had been a vice cop for years didn't factor in. The fact that most bounty hunters carry guns and know how to shoot them should have crossed her mind. It did. Very fast. And then it was gone. She did get a stun gun. Although, I think it has been used on her more times than she has actually stunned anyone else. Just sayin'. Did she get her man? This isn't a book review or a tell-all. We are delving into the person that is Stephanie Plum and what turns out to be HER Scooby Gang. This is just the teaser taste.

But, to answer your question... Stephanie ALWAYS gets her man. It's HOW it happens that makes the ride so hilarious. When your FTA handcuffs you naked to your own shower stall, you know that you just made a big bad mistake. When another really hot bounty hunter has to come to your apartment with cuff keys so that you aren't attached to your shower for the rest of your life... you have to ask yourself, is this a good or bad thing? Or maybe the question is... I really should work out more if I am going to spend so much time naked in these kinds of compromising positions. Or maybe I should work out more if I am going to be chasing the bad guys. I don't know. Too many questions for my overworked brain.

Now, I just wish I was Janet Evanovich. She has so many excellent characters in her Plum Scooby Gang. Tomorrow you will find out some more about Morelli the Vice cop (and virginity stealer) and Ranger (the hottie with cuff keys in the shower). He is a bounty hunter if the fee is high enough, was Special Forces, runs Rangeman. And he might be Batman. He has skills. Tomorrow's blog isn't for the weak of heart. Of course, it is still really about Stephanie and how she relates to these people. And since I am Stephanie; it's all about me.