Keeping Up With Bullets (Bang)

You may or may not have noticed my lack of posting. This whole burying my dad thing has my head spinning. Kinda sorta literally. And my migraines are through the roof. And I am back to wanting to use the "F" word all of the time. I'm not. But I want to. Really really bad. And I think I am going to use the bullet post format because my head is all over the place and that way I don't have to make any sense. And that is going to be important I think.

• So, yesterday at the pharmacy when I went to pick up my Rxs, I turned the corner, and I ran smack into the card section. It was all Father's Day cards. I couldn't help it. I stopped cold and stared at them for a few seconds and then kept on walking. I teared up, but didn't cry. I consider this progress.
• I am crying now. So maybe not so much.
• My migraines have been kickass ever since my dad died. I really think I might rip my head off of my shoulders with my bare hands. Has this ever been done?
• The day of the funeral I caved and took hydrocodone. My head was KILLING ME. It didn't touch it. I mean not at all.
• The worst part was that I had to act like I felt fine. Meet and greet and thank people for coming. Several of dad's high school classmates came. That was very cool.
• Last night at karaoke several of the people from my mom's church said something first thing about my dad and how sorry they were. So, I know that the word was out about what happened. Mom missed church two Sundays in a row because of being in Ohio for the funeral.
• However, this one guy came in and was talking to her about having to put his cat down last night and how sad it was. She was sitting next to me and he kept going on about it. Then he pulled out his camera phone and showed pictures of the cat to both of us. All the while, my mom had to keep saying how sorry she was about his cat. However, he said not one word about how sorry he was that my father just died.
• My sister-in-law says that I think everything is all about me. I say this now because this story is possibly one more example that might be true.
• Am I one of those people who thinks that everything is all about them?
• For the record, I do feel sorry for this guy over the loss of his cat. I know that losing a pet is painful. I would have been somewhat more sensitive to it had he shown any sensitivity to me over the loss over losing my parent. Just sayin'.
• You might be wondering how I know my sister-in-law thinks the above. She told me at the gathering after the funeral. I'd had a couple of beers. You know, I was mixing it with my hydrocodone to try and get some relief for my miserable migraine. Anyway, she was talking with someone that I had been talking with earlier and I walked up and I thought they were talking about the same thing we were talking about before.
• I was wrong. And that something was related to me.
• And she informed me that not everything is about me, contrary to what I believe.
• At which point, I decided to be Ellie from Cougar Town. You can consult previous clips I have posted to get a better grip on the Ellie personality.
• In this case, I placed my elbow on the table with my back to her facing the other person and resumed conversation with HIM, totally ignoring her. I figure two people can be rude just as easily as one.
• She then says, "So when are you and your mom going back to Georgia?"
• I then step back from the table and say, "Okay, I'm back in." As in, if we are talking about me, I am once again interested.
• I don't recall if I answered the question or not because it was unimportant.
• I really think my life would be a sitcom if I lived anywhere near my brother and sister-in-law. Or a tragedy. Not sure which.
• I gave the minister who did the service for my dad the letters that I posted here. I also ended up telling him (in brief) about my Big Idea. After the service he leaned over and hugged me and told me I was blessed by God.
• On the one hand it kind of freaked me out. But then again, I got the idea from a voice that I think was God. That would probably freak him out. So, maybe being told by a minister that you are blessed by God is really fantastic.
• For the record, I did ask him about it (because of my degree of being freaked out) and he said that after listening to my idea he prayed about it. And he knew I was blessed by God.
• Take from that what you will.
• I didn't tell my sister-in-law about that. I already think everything is all about me. That would have sent her to to the freaking moon.
• Maybe I should change the name of my blog. What do you think? I could call it IT REALLY IS ALL ABOUT ME. Seriously, I do need to change it. There has been nothing daily about the dose.
• Did I tell you that when my dad died all of the lines went out of his face? He died at 78 and had not even one wrinkle. Complete peace.
• One last thing about my sister-in-law: I have decided that she doesn't particularly dislike me. She just has a lot on her plate and it is overflowing. Her filter is gone. Her mom's cancer is back and she is now in the same situation as my dad. Her own dad is very difficult to live with and makes her life hard. That will get worse now that her mom's cancer is back. Her mother is the only thing anchoring her dad to reality. So, pray for her. A person can only handle so much stress and this has already been a terrible year. It is only going to get worse.

Timing Is Everything.

Well, I figured out what my post with the "L" should be in my alphabet soup series. Lessons. The trouble there is I can talk about that for a long time. That could be a series of posts all on its own.


I read a post by Corrinne over at Everyday Gyann a week or more ago on lessons. It was actually something she excerpted on lessons. I can't remember it precisely, but the gist of it was that a lesson comes in phases. First is getting that it is a lesson. That still does you really no good if you don't take it further. There was a second point which took it deeper, and I can't remember what that one was, but it still wasn't enough. The only time that you really benefit from the lesson is when you are using the lesson. In other words, you have to apply it in order for the lesson to have benefited you at all. Taking it further yet, you may continue to get the lesson until you apply it. Now, that is fine motivation to get up and start putting it into practice. They call them lessons for a reason: because they are hard. They hurt. They suck. Etc.

Saw the movie Country Strong yesterday. Really good movie. I am always a bit surprised when they cast non-singers in singing roles and it works. Tim McGraw was the only big name country singer, and he didn't sing in the movie. In fact, I looked up the soundtrack and he only sings one duet on there with Gwyneth Paltrow. I was shocked. More on the soundtrack later. For those of you not in the know on this movie. Here is the trailer. Give it a quick watch, so you are up to speed.



Just from watching the trailer, you can already see that the movie is full of potential lessons. One of the best lines going in the trailer: "Don't take someone out of rehab before they're rehabbed." Yep. That would be a lesson. Even a moron can see the potential for disaster there. Fame puts an enormous amount of stress on a person. Pulling someone out of rehab early and immediately throwing them on a tour bus just probably isn't the smartest choice (she says with tongue in cheek).

Here is a short clip from the movie that is one of my favorites and is going to lend itself to where I am going in this blog.



That little clip from the beginning of the movie is how the song Timing Is Everything started to come together. Beau, played by Garrett Hedlund, finished it at the end. Here is the whole song. This is not an official video. Garrett Hedlund doesn't even sing it on the soundtrack. They had Trace Adkins record it for the soundtrack. I suppose that they wanted a "name" for it since it is such a great song. In my opinion, that is a shame, because Garrett Hedlund sings it better. And that is coming from a Trace Adkins fan. Sorry Trace. Here's the video. Listen to the lyrics, because that is the topic for today's yammering.



Timing is everything. "When the stars line up, and you catch a good break, people think you're lucky, but you know it's grace. It can happen so fast or a little bit late. Timing is everything. I know I've had close calls, when it could have been me. I was young when I learned how fragile life can be. I lost friends of mine, I guess it wasn't my time. Timing is everything. And I could have been a child that God took home. And I would have been one more unfinished song. And when it seems the rhyme is hard to find, that's when one comes along just in time. I remember that day when our eyes first met. You ran into the building to get out of the rain, because you were soaking wet. And as I held the door, you wanted to know my name. Timing is everything. And I could have been another minute late. And you never would have crossed my path that day. And when it seems true love is hard to find. That's when love comes along just in time. You can call it fate or destiny. Sometimes it really seems like it's a mystery, because you can be hurt by love or healed by the same. Timing is everything. And it can happen so fast or a little bit late. Timing is everything."

I am one of those people who wants to make things happen once they get the lesson. However, timing is everything. Trying to do too much for me before I really have my migraines under control is akin to pulling someone out of rehab before they are rehabbed. Not smart. However, when you are ready, it can happen so fast... timing is everything. And people will say that you got lucky, but you will know better. But you know it's grace. And timing is everything. You will also know how many hits you took to get to this "lucky place" and are very aware of just how bumpy the ride was, but people don't see that. And the thing that hurt you can be the thing that heals you. Sometimes it really seems like it's a mystery, because you can be hurt by love or healed by the same. Timing is everything. And it can happen so fast or a little bit late. Timing is everything.

I think about starting this blog and all of the people that I have met. Some of you are healthy as horses. Some of you live with chronic pain. Some of you are living your dreams. Some of you are still aspiring to get where you want to go. So, you keep practicing. You have a golden lasso and you keep throwing it out there until you rope in the moon. And it can happen so fast or a little bit late. Timing is everything. Some of you are wanting to meet that someone special. Some of you already have. Some of you have huge goals and have met them. Some of you are in the process of meeting them. Some of you just like to write and this is your personal space to do it. When I started this blog, it was just to keep my sanity. It is still that. But I also got to make a bunch of wonderful friends. And I could have been another minute late. And you never would have crossed my path that day. Timing is everything.




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