IT WAS THE DRUGS AND MISERY

Okay, I lied. It wasn't the drugs. I was just looking for a catchy blog title in the style of Misery.

It looks like I am going to blog in the style of all of you before this is said and done. Look out. You could be next. Today, I am going to blog a la Misery minus the fashion and the models. Actually, that really makes it look NOT like her blog at all. Well, I will tackle lots of different subjects.

Here is a video I posted on writing a novel quite a while ago. I have quite a few new followers, so it may be new to you. It blew my mind when I watched it. I was in the process of writing a novel (not my first) and I finally understood why I never actually completed one. The video is short but enlightening. Remember to turn off the idiot box music player at the bottom of the page.



To update you on my own novel writing: I finally hunkered down and wrote The End. It was sad news people when I watched that video and understood that I had written about 18 chapters and had yet to write The End. I immediately stopped writing and started thinking about The End. Big Trouble in Robin Land. I had written myself into corners I didn't like. I tried several times to work within these restrictions. Finally, I said screw it and wrote The End that I wanted. Yeah, that meant major rewriting all through the novel. I am almost done connecting the middle to The End. However, I have hit a stage of "not wanting to write for the last few days." Not good.

I have backdoored my way through blogger all the way down the line. People: I don't understand how to use this site and I pretty much luck up every time I find anything. That is no lie. Well, I backed into a writer's site. A published writer. Did you know that published writer's follow other writers? They also follow literary agents and sites that tell you how to write a good query letter? It felt like hitting the mother lode. Or is that mother load? I think I was right the first time. Who cares? You know what I mean. The downside of this was TMI (too much information). As in brain overload. I think I short circuited myself. And that might be the cause of the blockage.

Yesterday, I read this blog. It is short and worth reading. Derek Molata, out of the goodness of his heart, gives three tips he has found that work in overcoming the dreaded writer's block. (Yeah, he is someone worth following.)

Now, about my Music Theory class. I did really well in the written part of the class. It is somewhat mathematical and you can study for that. If I remember this right (it was a long time ago, folks), most of the time you were given the note that the sopranos would sing (top note in the treble clef) and the bass note (the low note in the bass clef) and given the key you were working with, you had to fill in the rest of the chord (the alto and tenor notes). That wasn't so bad. Now, for those poor souls that I mentioned that didn't read music but could play anything, all of it was torture. It had to be. I didn't hear the complaining, but there were four guys in a band and they were good. I think one of them could read music. I honestly don't know how they got through that class without throwing things.

For me, it was the listening portion of that class that had me crying in my room every Wednesday and Friday. The teacher was actually very cool ~ the best one of the bunch, but that part of the class was torture. He would give you the key. Play a note on the piano and try to get you to hear the next note. Somebody shoot me. That turned into starting with one note and him playing bars of music. You had to get the notes right and the values of the notes right. You got the key and the starting note and then three bars of notes. So, if you miss the first note played after the given note.... well, you're screwed.

I graduated high school with a 4.0 GPA. I made As. I expected to make As. Anything less than As was unacceptable. Not to my parents. To me. The first three months on those listening tests I made straight Fs. Thus, the crying. Every week. I don't remember when the Fs turned into Ds, but it didn't stop the crying. Ds are not that much better than Fs. My attitude about that class turned into, "I hate Music Theory." Once you cross that line, you are destined to fail. I promise you that. Once you hate it, it hates you right back. I took voice lessons. I stopped practicing. That did nothing to improve my voice. I didn't care.

The guy that taught rhythm first semester worked with us on the piano the second semester. By then, I was already more than halfway out the door. I remember a specific day when we were all plugged in to our pianos. We all had headphones on so that we could hear him, and he wore headphones so that he could tune in specifically to hear our "electric" piano and/or our voices. I can't remember what he asked me to play, but I had not practiced whatever it was. I laughed at him. Yes, I did. I laughed at my professor. I believe I followed it up with a "You're kidding, right?" He wasn't kidding. After listening to me hatchet my way through whatever scale it was he wanted me to play, he stopped me mid-way and agreed that I was not competent at that. I think I smirked and nodded. We had to have been close to the end of second semester. I had to have known that Music Theory and I were about to part ways. It is amazing how free you are to be an asshat when you know you are about to kiss something goodbye.

As for me and the listening portion of Music Theory, I finished with test scores of Cs. Fs to Cs. I think that I got a B in the class overall. I could have done worse because my Listening grade should have brought my average lower than that. I talked to my professor after the grades came out and asked how I did so well considering that I really averaged a "D" in his portion of the class. He said that he graded on improvement. He thought that moving from straight Fs to Cs showed a great deal of improvement. It was Fs for a long time. He respected the fact that I didn't give up.



We spend so much time looking for truth. So much time traveling up and down the emotional scale. Some people actually don't travel that far at all. Depression to anger and back. Depression to anger and back. We wonder why there isn't a book or books to explain things. Something to help us get on track. Well, there are. We just don't read them. Or, if we do read them, we don't utilize the knowledge that we have. We are somewhat perverse like that. Our world operates on The Law of Attraction. It isn't unfair. It treats everyone the same. You get what you think about. No exceptions. You can only attract to you that which vibrates in harmony with you. If you are depressed, you will attract other depressed people. Like attracts like. If you say, "Well, I think about money all of the time and I still don't have any. What's up with that?" Well, you're thinking about the lack of money. And you are still getting it. The lack, that is. You will have to turn off the idiot box music player again if you checked out Derek Molata's blog and my idiot box music is back on.



I can't say that I have managed to take this law and use it for my full benefit. I haven't. However, I believe in its truth, so I keep shooting at it. It's not like Music Theory where I can just opt out and change majors. It's life. I know from experience that I get better with practice. I had a professor that taught me that even that is about more than just a grade. It's about not giving up.

SHIFTING YOUR REALITY

Why do you blog? Let me change that question... why did you start blogging? Sometimes we can start for one reason, but continue for a different one.


I started blogging, aka writing, because I needed to write again. I needed to do something productive, and I needed someone other than me to read it. In fact, in my mind, I had this picture of my blog working out sorta like the movie FIELD OF DREAMS. If I write it, they will come, was my mentality when I opened my account. I was all enthusiasm, sure that I was going to set the blogging world on fire with my mad writing skills. I look back at that and laugh now. Not with sarcasm, but a full belly laugh. It's funny, right? Because if you're reading this, you know how hard it is to build a loyal readership. Well, I guess it took Kevin Costner some time in the movie, too. He had to build a baseball field, etc. It's not just flipping a switch.

The thing I didn't anticipate was how much enjoyment I would get from reading other people's blogs. I didn't see that coming. In fact, if I have limited time and have to choose between writing my own and reading my subscriptions.... it's a tough call. Sometimes I will choose to read what you guys are writing, unless I have something that I really want to get down on paper, because I LEARN so much.

Here is the kick in the teeth: if you know something to be true, but you don't utilize that truth and make it your own, it does you no good. Now, doesn't that just suck lemons? One of my favorite bloggers, Phoenix, wrote an excellent post about not allowing negative people, events, etc. to suck her energy anymore. This may or may not be a new concept for you. It's truth is undeniable. Negativity sucks our energy. Our spirit. Eventually that may mean our good health. As long as we keep that door open, it keeps sucking. It comes at us as people and things. If you don't know what I am talking about, think about whatever steals your joy. That is the culprit. What has you stomping around and cursing and wanting to throw things? There it is. Anyway, I read that post and it did a flashsideways with my current book (yeah, that was a LOST reference ~ couldn't help it).

If you have never read Richard Bach's books you're missing out. Period. Being on vacation made it hard for me to work on my own novel, but did enable me to read more of RUNNING FROM SAFETY by Richard Bach. Even though I could have gulped it; I savor his books like a fine wine. Therefore, I am still not quite halfway finished. That does move my actual finish date up from Thanksgiving to Halloween:-) I am digressing....

So how does this wonderful book and Phoenix's blog flashsideways? Well, she figured out that getting angry and allowing negativity to suck your energy steals your joy. In the chapter I had just finished Richard was talking with his wife about how pointless it was to get angry. She reminded him that she had seen him angry plenty of times. He then sets about explaining that it's because in that instant he forgets that it's just a game. He gets caught up in that he might lose this or that, or is afraid of something being taken away, that he becomes angry. However, once he remembers that it is a game (his perception is restored), then the anger becomes just a mood of the game, and it fades immediately.

If you're scratching your head right now, that's okay. I tried to explain something rather complicated in a few sentences that he knew required a book. The thing that both of these people have in common is that they are taking their reality and shifting it. People change their reality all of the time. I know that is true. I have read it on here. People are shaking their boxes and changing their lives. They are cutting out the negative and only letting in the positive and it is changing their game. Me: I keep pulling the pain card with my migraines in my game, and I am really tired of that. I am ready to change games. Like I said, if you know something to be true, but you don't utilize it and make it your own, then it does you no good.

SOMETIMES I JUST DON'T GET IT RIGHT

Sometimes I just don't get it right. I know that happens by the comments that you guys leave. Don't get me wrong... even when I get it wrong, I love your comments. Sometimes I love them MORE. It shows what HUGE HEARTS you all have and then I go off on this big crying jag over comments left by people that I don't know. In the back of my mind there is this awareness that I am crying about these wonderful comments that were left over misinterpretations over my blog, and that you lovely people wouldn't have left that sweet comment if I had been a better writer, and gotten the message across more clearly. That slows the crying down. Then I just think, "Yeah, this is all because you suck as a writer." That pretty much dries up the tears.


Now, you're thinking, "What is she talking about?" That is exactly my point. You have no clue what I am even referencing. That very long blog "BEING ROBIN," which was my own little spin on the TV show BEING ERICA, is the blog in question. I think the problem was multi-faceted. It was too long. Some of you have so many blogs to read and it was just too long. The other problem was that I worked on it over the course of two days. My thinking can change a lot about something in that amount of time AND IT DID. The other key point that I thought that I made clear, but I know that I didn't, is that even in the show the thing that consistently changes the most is Erica's perspective. The time travel is merely a vehicle. It's an interesting concept.

I think where I "upset" most of you was with my list. You have no idea how many things I chose not to put on there, even though they were awful, simply because I know they were learning experiences. However, the deal is that they are all learning experiences and I didn't make that clear. What frustrates me about my own list is how many of the things on that list are repeats. However, it is what it is, and I did have reasons for making those choices. I think I said it best when I indicated that the list is most useful as a future blog topic list for those days when I am stuck.

However, I think that maybe everyone was too caught up in the list.... Maybe disturbed by the list is a better word. It is unhealthy to stay stuck on all of the negative stuff that happens in a life. So, looking at the list halted you in your tracks and even though your eyes kept reading, your brain stopped absorbing, because this is what you missed (which came after the list): "I started working on this blog last night. I picked it up again this afternoon and was just about to hit the publish key this evening. Then I had a revelation. There is a reason I picked BEING ERICA, and told you that her time travel events didn't change much of anything except her perspective. I was too close to it when I wrote it to see it. I know I am not getting any do-overs or a time machine or any sessions with Dr. Tom. The only thing that everyone gets is the opportunity to start from where you are. Today. And if you can find some perspective on your past, so that you can leave it there, then you can walk away that much freer. That is what she is doing, even though she doesn't realize it. Each time she goes back, she gets to let that thing go. It was holding her down. Her burden gets lighter. "

What I didn't do was bring it around full circle for you and close it. Again... bad writing and it is why you didn't connect the dots. I wouldn't change any of the things on my list. I chose them for a reason at that time in my life. There is also a reason that I have already blogged about some of them. It was my way of letting them go. I call this thing that I am doing Blog Therapy. This writing stuff down is my way of letting it go. That is what I didn't say and what I should have said, and again why it sucked.

All of that said, this little piece has been something I have been working on FOR DAYS. So I have NO IDEA how badly I have screwed it up?!?!? I guess it will all come out in the comments. Since we came in with crying, let's go out the same way... sort of. On the drive over to my ex's place to meet up for the ride to see Taylor Swift, I was listening to the radio. Boy, that was a learning experience. It made me realize how little time I spend listening to the radio these days. I didn't know a single song playing. Of course, that really shouldn't have been a shocker. I pretty much write my blog, write my book, read and comment on other people's blogs, troll youtube, and watch my DVR'd shows, and well that's about it. I mean on a daily basis. You can throw in some other non-daily activities, but really.... I used to read, but since I have started writing my own book, I don't want anything interfering with my "process." I digress. Back to the radio... Well, this one song came on and it almost made me cry. Not quite. But almost. So, of course, I had to come home and look it up on youtube. You can turn off my idiot music box at the bottom of my page if you want to have a listen. I doubt you will need a tissue. But you might decide that I am indeed certifiable. Okay, I will take the tissue....