O is for Over and Over Again.

When I start to think about writing a post, I say to myself, "Well, not much has happened and so much has happened." Crazy right? Both are true.

In some ways, not that much has happened. In other ways, it feels like I can't keep up.

• Ah, those crazy migraines are still whomping me and good.
• In great part, they account for the feeling that nothing has happened.
• To those of you who don't live with chronic pain, this is just going to sound like whining and I apologize ahead of time. I have had this migraine since 2003. It is like getting on a bike and thinking you're going somewhere and arriving at the same damn place over and over. It is beyond frustrating, beyond annoying, beyond anything. And migraines hurt. They aren't headaches. No no no no no no no.
• A hundred years ago doctors were using drills and drilling into people's heads and the patients were begging them to do it. No one does that for a headache.
• Yeah, most of them died from that procedure. They call it practicing medicine for a reason.
• So, when I get on my kick about axes and all that junk, it is because my head is freaking killing me. Nuff said.
• Funny thing about it. Telling you how much it hurts, doesn't make it hurt less. So, moving on....
• My sister-in-law's mother died last Thursday at 1:30am.
• Yeah, it was shocking.
• I wasn't completely unpacked from going up for my dad's funeral.
• Mom and I had every intention of going up for her funeral, but this was so soon that we weren't recovered from the trip we just made.
• Had we known, we would have just stayed up there.
• The funeral was yesterday.
• I sent her a condolence text message.
• That way she knows I care, but I am not interrupting anything going on in terms of the business of the day. In other words, yesterday was all about her.
• In other news, I went out to lunch and for some belated Christmas, birthday, and Mother's Day shopping with my ex and H-Girl. At the end of that, we had to run by his apartment and order something I wanted off of Amazon.com because we couldn't find it in the stores.
• His roommate was there and ended up leaving with us because they were going to do something after he dropped me at home. On the car ride, they got to talking about Michael J. Fox.
• They both are big fans of MJF. A list came out of MJF's best roles due to his 50the birthday. I stayed out of that conversation. I am not familiar enough with every single role he has ever been in to make an informed comment.
• Then they got to talking about how great he looks for being 50. Now, that is something I can weigh in on. Unfortunately, I think he would look a lot better if the Parkinson's wasn't eating him up and I said so.
• Sometimes I should just keep my mouth shut.
• His roommate told me that MJF looked better at 50 with Parkinsons than I do RIGHT NOW.
• Shut my back door.
• I told him that he was full of crap without actually saying he was full of crap, but pretty much saying he was full of crap. H-Girl was in the car.
• My ex thought that was hilarious.
• I watched The Social Network last night. At the start of the movie, this girl pointed out to the guy who was going to be the start-up guy for facebook, "You can tell yourself that girls don't like you because you're a nerd, but I'm here to tell you that the reason that girls don't like you is because you're an asshole."
• My ex and his friend are like two peas in a pod. Nuff said.

A Time For Dying.

Hello friends. My dad passed away Friday morning at 6:20am. My mom and I got into town Thursday evening about 9:30, but we decided to wait until the next day to see him because he was having a pretty good day on Thursday. At first, I was just wrecked that I missed my chance to see him one last time. And then I reminded myself that I deliberately had made a decision not to see him like this... that I wanted my memories of him alive to be of him in March. He knew we were coming and I think he chose to go. He took that choice out of my hands. Dad always knew my heart.

We did go see him shortly after he passed and he died so peacefully. His hands were crossed over his stomach and he was clearly asleep. His soul leaving his body wiped every single line from his face; it became as smooth as a newborn baby (albeit a bit rough). I made note to self: make sure someone continues to moisturize my face when I am old and dying so that my skin is soft when I go.

We talked about dad's favorite things, and one of those was casinos. He moved out to Vegas for a while he liked them so much. So, we woke up very early this morning and drove for a couple of hours to go to Cincinnati and the casino Hollywood. We had a great time and I felt my dad's energy every time I hit it. I had a really good day. I think he was pulling some strings for me from high places:-) Normally, I would call him after some of those wins. In this case, I just talked to him right there at the machine. It is nice to know you can do that.

Tomorrow we meet with the funeral director to discuss the details. The funeral will be Wednesday. Because he is a veteran, he will get a military funeral with the 21 gun salute and the flag, etc. I know that I will cry through the whole thing. I cry through those when I don't even know the person, so this will be a gusher.

Thank you all for the support. I don't have easy access to internet here, so I apologize if your comment doesn't show up right away. I will get it and I do appreciate it. I love all of your feedback. Especially now. Thank you for continuing to show up.