BoTB Results and Liner Notes of My Marriage (A Wild West Show)

Let me begin by apologizing for being so late with the results from Battle of the Bands. My migraines have been acting up. What I mean by this is: my chronic migraine has amped up to the point that for the last few days I've spent more time in bed that out of it. And I haven't been sleeping. I also haven't been doing anything "fun." So, it's just been lying there listening to my head pound.

Anyway, that's also the reason I've been so neglectful of your blogs. What time I've spent out of bed hasn't been here on the computer catching up on blog reading.

Anyway, this race wasn't even close, though many of you indicated that the decision was tough for you. So, even though Louis Armstrong won this by miles and miles, many of you gave a smile and nod to Norah Jones. Final tally without my vote:

Louis Armstrong: 20

Norah Jones: 5

I really like both versions, but I'd vote for Norah (not that it matters). I've got her CD and I enjoy listening to it very much.

If you're keeping up at all, I've been giving you the "liner notes" of my life in conjunction with Train songs. I had a pretty good formula in place. Take the albums in order. Play the title cut and then one or two of my favorites. Just so you know the next album will be Save Me San Francisco, but we're not going there today.

Instead, I'm going to address this little comment that Bryan over at A Beer For The Shower made about country music when he saw that my battle was Cold, Cold Heart. "I saw the words "country music" and immediately thought 'oh God no.'" (Oh Bryan, if only you could've seen my head shaking at this comment...)

I addressed this issue with him off of Blogger and we've been doing some music sharing (I think to the pleasantry of both parties). One of the first country tracks I shared with him was the last cut, Live This Life on Big & Rich's first album, Horse of A Different Color. If you want to listen to it, click here. (Stephen T. McCarthy, I think you'll really like this one!) Anyway, Bryan liked it better than he though he might, but not as much as I'd hoped.

So, this next one is for Bryan (and the rest of you non-country music fans, as well as the country music fans). It also goes with the liner notes of my life, which will come after the song. Try and think about this song in terms of what it's like to go through a divorce or particularly devastating break-up. It gets ugly. It gets messy. Sometimes you wonder if either one of you will survive it. It really is its own Wild West Show.

Check out these lyrics:

I'm feelin' like Tonto,
Ridin' a Pinto,
Tryin' to chase the Lone Ranger down.
I'm a little unraveled,
But I'm still in the saddle,
Cryin' your name out to the clouds,
Hey yaw, Hey yaw!

Why don't you meet me,
Back at the tepee?
We'll lay down by the camp fire.
There, in the dark night,
We'll smoke the peace pipe,
Forget about who's wrong or right.
Hey yaw, Hey yaw!

Yeah, it was a big showdown,
Oh yeah, we stood our ground.
Shot out the lights:
It got a little crazy.
I don't wanna see us go,
The way of the buffalo:
Don't wanna have another wild west show.
Hey yaw, Hey yaw!

Only forgiveness,
Will finally end this.
There won't be a witness if we both fall.
There's never a hero,
In a battle of ego.
There's never a winner of the quick draw.
Hey yaw, Hey yaw!

Yeah, it was a big showdown,
Oh yeah, we stood our ground.
Shot out the lights:
It got a little crazy.
Don't wanna see us go,
The way of the buffalo:
Don't wanna have another wild west show.
Hey yaw, Hey yaw!

Hey yaw, Hey yaw!

It's like a ghost town,
Without you around.
Why can't we just forget it,
Ride off in the sunset?

It was a big showdown,
Oh yeah, we stood our ground.
Shot out the lights:
It got a little crazy.
I don't wanna see us go,
The way of the buffalo:
Don't wanna have another wild west show.
Hey yaw, Hey yaw!

I'm feelin' like Tonto,
Ridin' a Pinto,
Tryin' to chase the Lone Ranger down.

So, I had my therapy appointment this week. We were doing something different this time. The issue had to do with loss of voice (which is work we started at the last appointment) after the ribbon incident with my mother at Sam's Club. Anyway, the resulting migraine made it clear that it wasn't about ribbon. Last time, I made this very long list of incidences in which I felt a loss of voice. This week, we started with the ribbon and moved backward. Every single incident, other than the ribbon, was something that happened with me and my now ex-husband. I thought of the incident, went through it in my head, and then told it out loud to my therapist. Rinse and repeat. Over and over and over again. The idea (I think) was threefold. I'd remember more each time I did it. I'd peak emotionally at some point in the middle (often involving crying and tissues) and then become more detached from it each time I told it. Yeah, this meant telling the same story twenty or more times. I was exhausted by the time I left that appointment (and migrainey!)

And just like in this song, a good bit of time I felt like Tonto riding a Pinto trying to chase The Lone Ranger down. I was also really unraveled, fell out of the saddle, and spent a lot of time on the ground (no, I know that wasn't the lyric, but that's how it was). It did get a little crazy. We never literally shot out the lights, but before it was all said and done I could pinpoint the exact moment I stopped loving him and actively began to hate him. (Big stuffs, kids!) I also pinpointed the exact moment I hated me, which was direct result of not being able to SPEAK UP and tell him how I felt. It's really bad when you exercise your voice and the other party refuses to hear you, doesn't care, etc. It's WORSE when you stifle yourself.

And, like the song says, Only forgiveness will finally end this. I was divorced in 2005. It was shocking to me that I was still stuck in that place. That place of lack of forgiveness. Not so much of him, but of ME. I accepted a while ago that you can't hate a snake for being a snake. It's just being true to its nature. However, when you know something's a snake and you STILL pick it up and put it in your pocket... That's where I was getting stuck.

In other words, he showed me who he was before I married him. All the clues were there. And I still picked up the snake and put it in my pocket. I didn't really want to (which shames me to no end). Heck, I blogged about the inciting incident a long time ago and thought I was beyond it. I had reasons, but they WERE NOT GOOD ENOUGH. If you are reading this and scratching your head... maybe even rereading it not sure that you understood it... let me make this very clear. The incident in question happened a few months before we were married. I felt financially pressured to go through with it. I felt emotionally pressured to go through with it. Neither of these reasons were good enough to actually go through with it.

After that, I experienced a whole bunch of rationalization to make it "okay enough" in my own mind to proceed. Not that it was actually okay. I rationalized the situation (aka the relationship) into something it never was.

So, all of this work was about seeing it all clearly. Fully understanding the choices that I made. Fully realizing the importance of voice so that I don't ever repeat these mistakes. They are too damn costly. They cost your health. They cost your peace of mind. They cost your time. And the only place they lead is to a Wild West Show.

Easy as 123, It's Always Midnight (Another Episode of the Dating Chronicles)

Normally, I'd try to leave my BOTB post up just a little bit longer (so that anyone who has yet to vote will see it in their reading list) BUT I don't think there is any hope for this battle getting close. So, I'm moving on. Of course, you can still vote until the 21st. Just click back one post, listen, and vote.

I've been trying to find tie-ins for this uber-fun exercise for me of introducing you to Train albums (via the song from the name of the track) plus one more I like by figuring out a way to tie the whole mess into my life. That makes everyone happy. Those of you who like music get some and those who just want to read the dirt get that. And some of you get both.

Well, after the abysmal failure of For Me, It's You Train disbanded. Wikipedia says they went on a three year hiatus (like it was planned or something). "We're going to all go our separate ways for three years and then get back to making music. Rock on." (This is not a real quote. I made it up.) I don't think it was like that. At all. I think that Pat Monahan (lead singer) was tired of playing parent to many of his band members with drug and alcohol problems. After For Me, It's You did so badly, he threw in the towel. (Conjecture on my part.) They all parted ways and he made his one and only solo album to date: Last of Seven. Yeah, he was the youngest of seven children. Normally, I would post that song but it's not on YouTube. That gives me leeway to just pick and choose.

While you listen to a track, Always Midnight, that I think is quite wonderful (though never released) and embodies the feel of this album, I'll get down to the "story" part of this post, though it is a "real" video and totally watchable:)





Seems like it's always midnight
Sweepin' up broken glass after every fight
But the sound of a train that I could have been on
Remindin' me that the last one's gone
With you it's always midnight


Well, I want to lunch with the tree guy last week. I managed to get his full name when he called me (showed up on my caller ID) so that meant I had his full name. As a Numerology Nut, you have to KNOW that I immediately ran his numbers. I then called him back and asked him for his birthday. I needed that to get the rest of his numbers. I knew I might sound crazy, but I didn't care. I wanted to know what animal I was dealing with... well, that would've been much more helpful if I'd numbered the R in his name as a "9," which it is, instead of a "5," which it isn't. So, I got two out of three name numbers wrong. Accchhhh.

I learned a lot on this lunch. I think I told you that this is a guy who was divorced in 2011. The thing is that he married his high school sweetheart, didn't want the divorce, and has only just started dating (reluctantly). He spent four years convinced that his ex-wife would change her mind. It is only now occurring that it isn't gonna happen. So, in some ways the song  "Always Midnight" is about the tree guy and the way he's seeing life right now. (That's the tie-in, peeps!)

Meanwhile, I got some nice surprises during this lunch. He wanted to pray at the restaurant before we ate. (Good thing) He told the other girl he's dating that he wants to slow things down. I suspect that means to a crawl, since he doesn't seem to be a fast mover. hahahaha. (And another good thing)

What did his numbers tell me once I did them correctly? Well... his first three numbers (the name numbers) are 123. In that order. That is significant all by itself (and fairly rare). That is a person who must do things in the correct order. 123. So, it isn't surprising that being derailed by a divorce he didn't want has thrown him for a loop. How do you get back to 1 after that? It's occurring to me that this isn't anything I can solve for him. He's going to have to figure it out all by himself. However, I think he's a good guy, and once he makes some internal decisions and accepts some current realities, he'll get back to 1 (and his old self). Meanwhile, I'll keep plugging away at my own issues (migraines, remember???) while he does his thing. Maybe our two things will meet. And maybe not.

But if they do, it could look something like this:



She's not afraid, she just likes to use her nightlight.

Yep.

Battle of the Bands ~ Cold, Cold Heart

It's that day again: the 15th of the month, and that can only mean ONE thing.

BATTLE OF THE BANDS!

I've spent so much time in the last seven days listening to Train that I suspect many of you thought it'd be a Train match-up here today. Can't say the thought didn't cross my mind, but no. (Hand to God: most of the time you lovely folks vote against the version of the song I like best, and I couldn't bear to see my beloved Train lose in one of these things.) So, we're doing something else.

The song is Cold, Cold Heart. Wikipedia actually has some interesting stuffs to say about this song. I'll let you decide how much is true. (I know what you're thinking... if it's on the Internet it MUST be true.) And still... the Internet was created by human beings. Ergo... Moving on to Wikipedia and Cold, Cold Heart.

Cold, Cold Heart" is a country music and popular music song, written by Hank Williams. This blues ballad is both a classic of honky tonk and an entry in the Great American Songbook.

Williams first recorded and released the song in 1951, originally as the B-side (MGM-10904B) to "Dear John" (MGM-10904A). "Dear John" peaked at #8 after only a brief four-week run on Billboard magazine's country music charts, but "Cold, Cold Heart" proved to be a favorite of disk jockeys and jukebox listeners, whose enthusiasm for the song catapulted it to #1 on the country music charts. The song achingly and artfully describes frustration that the singer's love and trust is unreciprocated due to a prior bad experience in the other's past.

That same year, it was recorded in a pop version by Tony Bennett^[1] with a light orchestral arrangement from Percy Faith. This recording was released by Columbia Records as catalog number 39449. It first reached the Billboard magazine charts on July 20, 1951 and lasted 27 weeks on the chart, peaking at #1.^[2]

The popularity of Bennett's version has been credited with helping to expose both Williams and country music to a wider national audience. Allmusic writer Bill Janovitz discusses this unlikely combination:

"That a young Italian singing waiter from Queens could find common ground with a country singer from Alabama's backwoods is testament both to Williams' skills as a writer and to Bennett's imagination and artist's ear."

Williams subsequently telephoned Bennett to say, "Tony, why did you ruin my song?" But that was a prank – in fact, Williams liked Bennett's version^[1] and played it on jukeboxes whenever he could. In his autobiography The Good Life, Bennett described playing "Cold, Cold Heart" at the Grand Ole Opry later in the 1950s. He had brought his usual arrangement charts to give to the house musicians who would be backing him, but their instrumentation was different and they declined the charts. "You sing and we'll follow you," they said, and Bennett says they did so beautifully, once again recreating an unlikely artistic merger.

Me Again:
So, it started as a B-side on a country record, became more popular than the A-side, was then recorded as a pop song and charted again. Since then it's been covered by MANY people and we're going to listen to two of them today. No, I didn't choose Hank Williams or Tony Bennett for this battle (though I'm interested in your thoughts on their version if you're familiar and want to share).

One of the first people to cover this song was Louis Armstrong way back in 1951. Yep, the same year that Hank Williams recorded it. Honestly, that says something (to my way of thinking) for the universal appeal of this song.

Here is Louis Armstrong with his take on Cold, Cold Heart:



One of the things that I particularly like about this battle is that both contenders have distinctive voices (and their arrangements are very different... or different enough... whatevs). Up next is  a much more recent recording of this song by Norah Jones. Cold, Cold Heart is the third track on her 2002 album Come Away With Me. If you're unfamiliar, this debut album won five Grammys, though nothing for Cold, Cold Heart.

Here is Norah Jones with her take on Cold, Cold Heart:



For more Battle of the Bands fun, check out the other BOTB bloggers to vote on their battles:

• Far Away Series
• Stephen T. McCarthy's Battle of the Bands Blog
• Tossing it Out
• DiscConnected 
• This Belle Rocks
• Mike's Ramblings
• Curious as a Cathy 
• Book Lover
• The Sound of One Hand Typing
• dcrelief ~ Battle of the Bands
• Alex J. Cavanaugh (sometimes)

If you are participating in Battle of the Bands, and you are not listed here, leave me a note in the comments. Thanks!

Now, is the critical moment. It is time to vote for your favorite version of this song. I even encourage you to leave me long comment explaining all the ins and outs of why you voted as you did!