June-September Update, BoTB The Long Way Home

The last time I posted here was June. Wow. So much has happened since then. For those of you not interested in the update, scroll down to the bottom for Battle of the Bands. It's all good, my friends.

So, we went to Ohio again this summer for camp and visiting relatives. I stayed at camp three weeks Jul 5-July 29 (I think those dates are right). It was a great summer. By far the best summer I've had at camp since I returned. Not sure if it was because it was more familiar or I had a specific job all three weeks or both. But, it was definitely easier this year than the last two. I always realize just how out of shape I am when I go. It's so much walking (and walking on hills). I figure it's good for me. I also just love love love being out in nature for those three weeks. I love setting aside the internet (mostly) and all of the screens that suck up our lives and just being in nature for those weeks, worshiping God and His handiwork, and actually TALKING to other people. It's amazing how much talking gets down when the screens are off.

We enjoyed a nice visit with the family and Ohio friends. Every year I enjoy my SIL and brother more. It's been a real blessing in my life becoming friends with my SIL (and my brother, for that matter). Friendship doesn't necessarily happen with family, but it sure is great when it does.

Some of you might know that since my life improved dramatically in December by taking the Nascent Iodine, it's caused me to reevaluate where I'm going and what I want to do with this abundant life I didn't really think I'd get again. I've been very active in my church the last few years, even giving several messages on Sunday morning. I was encouraged by a retired pastor who goes to our church to apply for seminary. My first thought was I never wanted to go back to school. My next thought was that I really liked the idea of being in ministry. Ministering to people. The decision to go to seminary has brought with it many changes in my life.

I applied to Lexington Theological Seminary. They have a (mostly) online program. I also applied for a scholarship with our churches Mission fund. I was accepted for both. The scholarship is not a full one, but it sure will help.

One of those is that I want to also go back to work part-time. Social Security will help you move from being on disability to working. I have an appointment with an agency this morning to discuss how we can do that and look at different jobs. I will keep you posted on that.

I'm also in the process of changing churches. Seminary requires a lot of work within your church. I will now be going to a church out at the beach here in Jacksonville. They are a larger congregation with more people my age and two pastors who are willing to support me in this journey. As I was talking to the head pastor about the "congregational requirements" of the seminary, he was receiving emails from an independent living for seniors asking them to put on a Sunday afternoon service at their facility. There was no way they could do it (without me), but with me they could. So, a large part of my congregational requirement will be putting together that Sunday service. It doesn't necessarily mean giving the message every Sunday there, but making sure someone does. God's timing is way better than mine!

I also stopped in Augusta, Georgia, on my way back from camp to stay with Haley (my ex's daughter whom I consider a daughter) and her new baby.

Here is a picture of the cutie with her dog, Piper.

She had another dog (formerly Lola, now Dixie) who has moved in with me. Dixie was too much for their little family. She really likes being walked several times a day and wants attention Haley couldn't give her. So, now she's my baby!

And then there was IRMA. Oh boy. You know we evacuated this time. My mom took one look at the size of that hurricane and was like, "No way are we staying this time around." If you will recall, my mom wanted to evacuate for Matthew. Anyway, I agreed that it would be a good idea (even though I really thought we'd be okay here). We stayed with a friend of hers that went to our church in Ohio who now lives in La Grange, GA. Everyone got a nice visit and my mom got peace of mind. Turned out that Irma was worse for us than Matthew (according to our neighbors who stayed), but still just tree limbs down and a minor fence repair needed. We are very happy we aren't closer to the beach. Some of those folks are really suffering. We watch the damage on the news and feel blessed. There are houses that are still under water south of us (Clay County). It's very sad.

I believe that brings us current. All in all, I feel like we haven't been home much since June. I can't even tell you how happy I was to sleep in my own bed come August. So, for Battle of the Bands I knew I wanted a song about HOME. So, let's go... home. The long way, which is apparently how I like to do it!

This song was originally recorded by Tom Waits. It's called The Long Way Home. For a hot minute, I considered using Tom Waits in this battle. However, I know that would only create a blow-out. That is no fun and not how I want to re-start my Battle of the Bands. I found two covers I like pretty well. I hope you like them, too.

First up is a lady I'd never heard of until I started this "cover search." Her name is Saskia Griffiths-Moore.




You might have heard Norah Jones cover this song. Yep, this is going to be the ladies duking it out on this one.




Please vote for the version of this song you prefer. If you want to get into the Ins and Outs of why you like one better than the other... I LOVE long comments!

For more Battle of the Bands fun, check out the other BOTB bloggers to vote on their battles. I've stopped trying to keep up with who is running a battle and who isn't. To see who is participating, go here: Stephen T. McCarthy's Battle of the Bands Blog.

Camp Address and Objects In Motion

Just wanted to share a few things with you before I leave on my big summer adventure.

• Tomorrow I leave for Georgia to pick up C-Man. We'll leave for OH on Thursday morning to spend some time with the family before we have to be at camp. The staff training begins on July 6. After that, it all kicks into high gear or low gear, depending on your interpretation of gears, and we'll be at camp until August  6. I'll be back home about a week (maybe less) later. 
• If you are a praying person, my ex's daughter needs prayer. Long story short: she's 17 and decided to leave home. As someone else who has left her father, I can in some ways understand this decision, but she simply isn't equipped to face life despite her (mistaken) belief that she is. She's living with a friend, is determined not to finish high school, and thinks life will just present her with good things. I'm not really certain how she sees this all going down. My prayer is that someone says "the thing" that provides some much-needed perspective.
• On a personal note, my therapist says that we've done so much work toward battling my migraines, etc. that maybe, just maybe, the biggest thing holding me in this place (or maybe cycle is a better word) of unwellness is lack of purpose. That has been serious food for thought in this ole brain and inspired several pivotal events that I'll tell you about after I get back. Perhaps, I'll have a better context for them. In any event, I wonder if she's right. I ask you, dear readers, do you think it's possible for someone to feel so overwhelmed by life and drowned by their lack of  a place in it that it makes them physically sick? I suspect that the answer may be "yes," and that the only course of action that will lead to wellness is movement. That old adage about all journeys beginning with a single step comes to mind. After all, the only way to get to your purpose is to start moving. You will either feel closer to it or further away. I've already determined that standing still is migraine-inducing. 
• If you're thinking that all of this seems fairly obvious, and you sure thought I was smarter than this... sorry to disappoint. 

I'm going to leave you with two things. One is the camp address, so you can write me. I will write you back if you include your address:)

Robin Richards aka Mergan

Stony Glen Camp
5300 W. Loveland Rd
Madison, OH 44057

I'm also going to leave you with a song for your listening enjoyment. This is one that C-Man sent to me a while back. I really like it. Every time I listen to it I can't help but smile. Smile on...

Battle of the Bands Results and Camping Out

I'm actually timely with my BoTB results. Not sure what is going on here.... Audience participation was a bit off for this one. I think the summertime blues (or summertime vacations) have kicked in. People have decided they have better things to do than sit behind their computers and read/write blogs. Say what??? I know. It's crazy tunes. But, there you go. Seriously, you all know I'm about to leave on a rather long hiatus of my own, so I totally get it.

Let's recap what did happen with the voting. The song was Young and Beautiful. The contenders were Lana Del Rey and Postmodern Jukebox. I fully expected Lana Del Rey to win this one. This is her song after all. However, I also expected Postmodern Jukebox to give her a run for her money. I'm actually going to tell you what I like about both versions (for a change). I think Lana Del Rey has an amazing voice. I also liked the orchestral backing on the song. Many of you said that the song had an epic feel to it. I think that was the feeling that they were striving for with the song since it was part of the Gatsby soundtrack. They wanted it to feel lavish and epic with an undertone of sadness, which I think it accomplishes magnificently. When someone has to ask you if you will still them when they are no longer young and beautiful, they already know the answer. You won't. Or maybe they won't love themselves. Either way, it's going to end badly. But it's going to look and sound magnificent right up until the last note. And that's how I feel about the Lana Del Rey version of the song.

Postmodern Jukebox didn't even try to capture this effect with the song. They went an entirely different way with the song, which was the right thing to do. When you're going to cover something, make it your own. So, they took it right back to the Roaring 20s. They made it sound like a song that might have been playing at one of Gatsby's lavish parties. I loved it. I didn't love it as much as the original, but it was clever and wonderful. Many of you thought so, too, making this battle very exciting.

So, how did that voting go? Well, it was back and forth right up until the end. And there was  a moment when I was teensy bit worried that I called it wrong and thought that Postmodern Jukebox might actually beat my girl Lana on her own song. But no. The final tally:

Lana Del Rey: 10 votes (including mine

Postmodern Jukebox: 8 votes

It was a close one. Thank you for making it fun.


I'm going to post this again closer to my camp arrival, which is Wednesday July 6 for staff training. I'll be there until August 6. You can write to me here:

 Robin Richards

 Stony Glen Camp
5300 W. Loveland Rd
Madison, OH 44057

What I Learned This Summer, Part 3

PART 3 OF 4:

Okay, so we've covered some ground on what I learned this summer. I could tell you more about camp, but I'll just say this: some of it was hard, some of it was easy, and all of it was good. Ultimately. I can't say it was always comfortable, because it wasn't.

However, one of the counselors sent me a friend request on Facebook, which was waiting for me when I finished my family vacation. Honestly, that felt very good, and I'm very grateful for her. ::understatement:: **Since then, I've become FB friends with many of the counselors. Now that we're more than a month away from camp I'm learning that social media actually can aid in these friendships. After a year of getting to know one another better on Facebook, camp won't be nearly so challenging next year. We'll have gained on the issue of time, and I hope I'll be better about sharing my experience.

**A Facebook Friend Request might seem like this super small thing, but it can be huge to someone else after they've had a fairly tough summer struggling with... well, everything. Another example that small acts of kindness are often the ones that mean the most to others. So, don't be afraid to get out there and perpetuate acts of kindness!!!

I spent the entire three weeks not really wanting the other counselors to know my experience because deep down I thought they'd see me as a Lesser Christian (don't think that actually exists, but there you go). What I actually achieved was just not letting anyone in. If they don't know you, they can't like you. Or hate you. Or even feel "okay" about you. In other words, the law of thirds doesn't work if you don't let anyone know you. The irony is that I should've figured this out week one because I became very close with that group of high school girls. I'll just stop and admit to being a slow learner.

What else did I learn?

At our last fellowship dinner at church our pastor invited the Gideons to come. Frankly, I wasn't looking forward to this presentation. It cuts into our "fellowship" time and usually makes choir practice run late. Let's just say I wasn't their ideal listener.

One man did most of the talking. He began by sharing his testimony. (Does this feel familiar?)

I will do my best to not be overly wordy and get the gist of his testimony. He said that he grew up not knowing Jesus. His family didn't know Jesus. He didn't find Jesus until he was at the rock bottom of his life. He was in a prison cell after just being charged with first degree murder and kidnapping.

You didn't see that coming, right? Me either. I try to imagine what that must've been like and come up empty.

Anyway, he said that another inmate saw his despair and gave him a Gideon Bible. It was the first time he'd ever had his hands on a Bible. He started to read, and in the reading, believed. However, there was a kicker: he didn't believe that God could forgive him specifically. He didn't doubt that Jesus died on the cross to save mankind, but mankind hadn't committed murder and kidnapping... so that salvation was for other people. A pastor came to the prison and spoke with him. When he asked the pastor if Jesus could forgive a murderer, that pastor immediately said, "Yes."

That changed his life. Forever. Of course, it didn't change the consequences. We always get the consequences of our actions. He served thirty plus years of prison time. During that time he got his PhD in Theology.

After he was paroled he joined the Gideon ministry because it saved his life. Through that ministry he talks not only to churches but regularly goes to the prison and visits youth in correctional facilities.

What he says to the youth: "You are only one choice and one person away from prison."

That statement kept my brain working for weeks. One person. One choice. I began to think about my own life. I knew there was meaning in there. I had to figure out how I could apply it.

Here's what I figured out: People and choices are like Pringles. You can't make just one. Each time you're confronted with a person and/or a choice it is taking you one of two ways. Closer to Jesus or further away. There is no middle ground here. So, if you make that choice or bring that person into your life that takes you away from Jesus, chances are it will lead you to more of the same. The reverse is also true. If you bring people into your life who bring you closer to Jesus and make choices that bring you closer, they will lead you to more of the same.

That whole scenario put my Soundtrack posts into a new perspective (which are, essentially, my life). I'd talked about holes and filling them, but finally I could see it all very plainly. When I decided to turn to the world to fill my holes that was one choice away from Jesus (because every choice is closer to or further away). Of course, it led to more choices of the same. Instead of getting fuller, I just got emptier. Until, like the man leading that presentation, I hit my own rock bottom.

And, still, even after hearing this, I was still struggling with my own feelings of being a Lesser Christian. That guy didn't know Christ when he did what he did. I knew Christ when I did what I did... and I did it anyway. No, I didn't kill or kidnap anyone. The person I hurt most was me, but...

Well, I'll save the rest for my last post in this series.

Have you ever thought about how important your choices are? The people you bring into your life? Does the whole "one person, one choice" resonate with you?

What I Learned This Summer, Part 2

PART 2 OF 4:

Okay, so I left off at camp. Week one. I woke up at 3am inspired to give a campfire message. I figure you want to know what that was (because I would if the shoe were on the other foot). Lucky for you, I wrote it all down.

**I didn't get this quite right. There are things you think you know, but you don't. And you don't know them until you know them. Of course, that makes me wonder about the validity of anything I write ever. Because that learning thing is an ongoing process. And I don't know right now what I don't know... ::sigh::

However this is what I said:

Tonight I want to tell you my story. Give you my testimony. Because people don't care what you know until they know that you care. But the truth is they don't care what you know until they know you. So, I don't want to just tell you what I know, but how I learned it.

What I know: Life will knock you down.

 If it hasn't yet, it will. How you deal with that will depend on your relationship with Jesus. Even so, there may be times when you, like the Prodigal Son, decide to take your own path. And, like the Prodigal Son, it won't work out well for you. But, also like the Prodigal Son, the Father will welcome you back with open arms.

I grew up in the church. Accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior when I was in elementary school. I started coming to this camp the summer before 7th grade. I had good and bad times, but life was mostly good. Honestly, life was mostly good until it wasn't. I made some bad choices 16 years ago**. Choices I should've known better than to make. Choices that ended up hurting me very badly.

What I know: When you make a choice (any choice) there are consequences.

I dated and then married a man who wasn't a Christian. I should've known that was a terrible idea. Our core values weren't the same. But, I brushed those doubts aside and rationalized that it would be okay.

What I know: If you have to make rationalizations for your choices, you need to rethink those choices.

In fact, he turned out to be an abusive husband. He never hit me, but he threatened me repeatedly, and it was scary being married to him. His two children from a previous marriage moved in with us six months after we married (and out of a physically abusive household with their biological mother). The weight of responsibility for those children fell heavily on my shoulders. I knew that I was their one and only parent with an inkling of how to love and nurture a child.

What I know: You cannot save another person. Only Jesus can save another person.

We've talked a lot about shining this week. The longer I stayed in that situation, the less I shined. I got a migraine that wouldn't go away. Ever. No doctor. No medication would make it quit. My neurologist told me on my first appointment, after asking about my circumstances, that so long as I continued to beat my head into a wall I would have a migraine. I refused to accept that and continued to beat my head into that wall for another two and a half years. My philosophy was "I'm not a quitter," and "I'm not getting a divorce. Ever."

I was sick. My ability to effectively work my sales job diminished to the point that my paycheck was severely affected. The migraine took over my life and I became a shell of who I was. My mother constantly expressed her fear that I was going to die. It wasn't until I fully agreed with her (staying married would end in imminent death) that I filed for divorce.

What I know: When you're sick and/or abused, you push everyone away. You don't want anyone to know.

My relationship with Jesus moved from a daily dialogue and weekly worship to occasional cries that sounded a lot like, "Please help me!"

What I know: God listens to all prayer. Often, we stop listening when we feel surrounded by darkness. 

After my marriage ended, my migraines didn't get better. I didn't understand it. Over the course of the next year I actually got worse. I fell behind on my mortgage payments, and the electric was regularly being shut off on my house. I dreaded calling my parents and asking for help. Eventually, I financially fell through the floor. I had no choice but to sell my house and move in with my parents. It was devastating.

Once upon a time, Jesus and I were like that (fingers together), Now we were more like this (fingers apart). And we were gaining on this. (hands apart)

What I know: God will not always answer your prayer.

Remember the first thing I said? Life will knock you down. I was down and God seemed to have disconnected my number. At least, that's what it felt like. I wish I could tell you that I took all of this with grace and remained faithful that God had my back.

Fast forward three years.

I became really angry with God. I spent a lot of time shaking my fist at Him. I put away my Bible and stopped even trying to go to church. Remember what I said about life knocking you down? I was down.

What I know: God listens to prayer. Even when you stop listening, God remains faithful.

A friend of mine said, "Tell me about your relationship with Jesus." (That would be you, Stephen T. McCarthy)

I was offended. I didn't want to think about it and definitely didn't want to talk about it. My response was something like, "None of your beeswax."

However, I couldn't stop thinking about the question. So, I pulled out my Bible off the shelf. Went back to church. Started singing in the church choir. Started reading books by people smarter than me. I found relationship with Jesus. Again.

What I know: You must choose Jesus every day. Being saved in elementary school doesn't carry you through life. You must choose Jesus again and again.

So, what do I know?

Life will knock you down.
When you make a choice there are consequences.
If you have to make rationalizations for your choices, you need to rethink them.
You cannot save another person. Only Jesus can save another person.
When you don't feel shiny, it's too easy to push everyone away, including Jesus.
God listens to all prayer. Often we stop listening to Him when we feel surrounded by darkness.
God remains faithful in every circumstance of your life.
Lastly, you must choose Jesus again and again because He's always choosing you.

(The end)

Yes, it was long and there turned out to be some crying. I know what you're thinking, but it wasn't JUST me. Me and a few other people. Young people who probably felt like their relationship with Jesus wasn't where they wanted it to be. Therein lies the beauty of a painful story (life). If you can turn that disaster around, there is hope. Or to put it another way, "It ain't over 'til it's over."

What I Learned This Summer, Part 1

PART 1 OF 4:

On my last post, I told you that I wanted to share with you things I've learned this summer.

Before I went to camp, I worried and worried and worried about it. (I think it should be obvious that worrying nets you nothing but migraines, but there you go.) Of course, I worried about the obvious stuff like my ability to simply be able to do it. However, I also worried about whether or not people would like me (typical co-dependent stuff) and if I'd be able to relate to the kids. There was also an unspoken worry about whether I was "good enough" as a Christian to do this. I think that unspoken worry was the worst. Honestly, it was the one I didn't want to even think about, more less form into a coherent thought that could be addressed.

One of the things I've learned over the course of my Soundtrack Posts*(story of my life set to song) is that I really screwed up. We aren't far enough long (yet) for you to see the entire disaster roll out, but if you're paying attention all the makings for it are in place. My self-esteem took a severe punch during the three years of junior high school** creating what I called "holes," and it never really recovered. I would spend a very long time trying to throw anything and everything into those holes so I could feel whole. Do you see the irony?

*link to Soundtrack posts (in general)
**link to junior high school and "holes" post (in specific)

Worse, I would make decisions that would put me further and further out of touch with my Christian faith. I was looking in "worldly places" for someone or something to fix my holes. (How many people does it take to say "you are pretty" or "you are worthy" or "you are smart" to undo years of damage? I don't know, but I can tell you I NEVER reached that number.) I had no idea that I already had everything I needed to repair those holes. Had I simply looked toward my faith instead of away, the answer would've been really obvious, as it is to me right now. (I died for you. I love you. You are already worthy. Go in peace, my child.)

Back to pre-camp and my last session with my therapist. I told her some of my worries. She told me that I don't need to share with the folks at camp the worst aspects of my life. Migraines. Disability. Abuse. Instead, focus on the positive. Knowing me, she also reminded me of the law of thirds. That is one third of the people will really like you, one third will be "okay" with you, and the last third will dislike you. Possibly because you remind them in some indistinct way of someone else that they actively dislike. Or, yeah, it could just be you. In other words, it would be unrealistic to go into this experience thinking everyone is just going to embrace you with open arms.

For the record, I still believe in the law of thirds. However, I also believe in the laws of time and experience. What do I mean by that? I mean that the law of thirds would've been an excellent outcome for my camp experience. The reality was that most of the staff was much younger than I am (in their twenties, with many still in college). In other words, most of them them could've been my kids. AND they knew each other. Just like I knew the other counselors way back when I was last at camp in 1986 and 1992. It was like a reunion with your camp family. WELL, that makes it tough for a new/old person who isn't part of the family. So, we hadn't spent time together and our experience was vastly different.

Now go back and pull in my biggest and unspoken fear: You are not a "good enough" Christian to be here.

I spent the four days of training in an internal argument with myself. The scared part kept saying things like, "What do you think you're doing? You aren't capable of helping anyone." The added bonus was, "Most of the staff doesn't even like you. They know you're not good enough to be here." The more rational part was saying things like, "This will get easier as time goes by. Maybe my experience can help someone else." I suppose the more rational side won since I stayed.

Given my trouble with migraines, I decided not to be a cabin counselor, but to be on support staff. Believe me when I say that was much more than I thought. I taught three activities every day and worked somewhere during Free Time. However, most of the time my evenings were free. That was a mixed bag. I liked being able to just go to bed if I didn't feel well. I missed evening campfires and the way God works within one.

I believe it was Sunday night/Monday morning of week one when I woke up at 3am (probably with a migraine), but also with a certainty that I was supposed to give a testimonial message at the campfire for the high school girls. I wasn't all that keen on it, but the idea wouldn't let me go, and I was up until 6am working it out in my head. When that sort of thing happens, I know that it is outside of me. It wasn't what I wanted, but I still ended up talking to the Division Director, telling her the way this happened, and giving that message on Tuesday night.

Come back on Monday and I'll share with you that message.

Are you familiar with the law of thirds? Do you struggle with the idea of people not liking you? Have you made choices that took you further from, instead of closer to, your faith? What do you do when you're in a situation that scares you?

Greetings From Camp

I only have time for one very quick post.

No, this was not pre-scheduled. It's coming to you Live From Camp.

I'm having a great time, and I APPRECIATE all of you who dug through your desks for stamps, envelopes, postcards, stationery, etc. I've been receiving mail regularly... and much of it has been from you guys!!! IF you wrote to me, and didn't include a return address, please email me your address. I will write you back! rarichards68 at gmail dot com.

Thanks!

I pulled some pics off of Google to show you just a tiny bit of camp.

This is a photo of the glen.

Yep, we have a river with a waterfall here. When I was a camper, there was a cabin at the top of the hill. (It's since been torn down and removed to the "back 40" where all good cabins go to die.) An open air pavilion now stands where my beloved cabin used to be. I loved sleeping there because you could hear the water at night. Ah well, it remains a precious memory.

I've been teaching Air Riflery this summer. Three classes first week of camp. Only one class this week, so I've also been assisting on the .22 range. I'm impressed by what good shots we have on the .22 range. Younger girls take Air Riflery, and it's really a struggle for them to get the mechanics down. AND the guns simply aren't as accurate. Still, it's been fun.

I found this picture also on Google. This lovely young lady was actually in my Air Riflery class first week.

I'm consistently impressed by the graciousness of these young girls. They have been a delight to be around. I think maybe it's doing stuff like this that keeps a person young (at heart).

Spiritually, this time has been replenishing. I'm very thankful I decided to do this (even though it was a bit scary since I'd been gone so long). I'm coming to (finally) accept that everything happens within God's purpose and we all are where we're meant to be, even when that place is less than comfortable. God will always bring us back when we decide to listen.

You can still write to me. I would love to hear from you!

Robin Richards (aka Mergan)

Stony Glen Camp

5300 W. Loveland Rd.

Madison, OH 44057

I'll be here until Aug. 1.

I'll leave you with our Theme Song for this summer. The song is We Are and our theme is SHINE. It's a sweet sound when you hear 100+ voices singing this one around a campfire...

The Soundtrack of My Life, Could We Start Again Please?

If you didn't vote in Battle of the Bands, go back one post. The Soundtrack of My Life is here again.

This is the last thing I'll be posting from my high school years. Whew. I know. What a relief!

I started going to summer camp the summer before 7th grade. I loved it. At first, I attended one week of the summer and eventually went as long as they were open for business (four-five weeks). Camp was a place that spiritually grounded me (and I needed grounding!). I loved the experience so much I participated in their CILT (Camper In Leadership Training) Program. I graduated CILT the summer between my junior and senior years of high school.

Holy freakin' moly, but that was a hard summer. The worst part was that I simply did not see it coming. I was excited about it before I got to camp. Within a few days, the reality hit me... these were the last two weeks I'd be a camper. Ever. As in Forever. In two very short weeks I was going to be the "adult," the counselor, the leader, the person who guided others and made sure they had a good week at camp. Meanwhile, most of my camp friends were going to be way up on the hill in the A-frame house I'd learned to call "home" having the summer of their lives. Without me.

Have you thought about your transition into adulthood? I think for most of us it comes rather slowly. We finish high school, maybe college or tech school, get a job, and one morning we wake up and realize that we are independent. On our own. Making a paycheck, paying bills, "living the dream." In other words, it happens silently and almost without notice. So silently it's painless.

My summer was the Opposite of that.

I took a hard right turn into Adulthood and had two weeks to accept it. (Yeah, that didn't go very well.)

We always sang a lot at camp. After breakfast. After lunch. After dinner. Around the campfire. Singing was a big part of our lives. I recognize, in hindsight, that all of that music probably was one of the reasons I loved camp as much as I did. For a girl with a song in her heart, is there a better place to be????

That summer the Theme song, which we sang at least once a day, was Linger. That can't have been coincidence. God was laughing at me. I swear that must be true. I bawled my eyes out in front of the entire camp at least twice a day. All the way through that song. Every. Single. Time. It was truly humiliating when I was the counselor. My mother says I ruined my contact lenses that summer. I believe it. I cried all summer long. I was grieving. Grieving my childhood. Grieving that rite of passage into adulthood... a place I thought I wanted to go, but when faced with it... not so much.

What I learned that summer... you can want to linger, but life always moves forward. Adulthood is waiting for you (and will grab you) whether you're ready or not.




Did you slip into adulthood without noticing, or did it crash into you like a train?

Battle of the Bands Results AND Monday Bullets (aka The Dirt)

First up, Battle of the Band Results. I've got my theories, but this was the least voted battled I've posted in a while. Don't know if you just didn't care for the contenders, the battle was overlooked in our never-ending quest to Get Things Done, or what... BUT, for a Brief Moment this was a very tight battle between Sir Mix A Lot and Richard Cheese. And then it wasn't. (BTW, the song was Baby Got Back) and I think both versions are hilarious and iconic in their own ways. In the end, Sir Mix A Lot ran away with it. Final tally:

Sir Mix A Lot: 11

Richard Cheese: 7

Anyone else notice that if you reverse them you get 7-11? There was a day when I loved 7-11 (as in the convenience store). Let's all say Big Gulp, because I know you want to. As for me and my vote, I'm sincerely torn in this battle. I think the original by SMA is hilarious. If you haven't seen a group of skinny white chicks karaoke this song, you haven't laughed nearly as hard as I have. Funny, funny stuff. On the other hand, the arrangement by Richard Cheese also seriously tickles my funny bone. I guess I 'll vote with the majority on this one for Sir Mix A Lot (my vote doesn't count for anything anyway), but it was a tough call for me.

In other news...

• Thank you, Bryan, for pointing out in my comments on the last post that if I were a terrible or "wanna be" writer he wouldn't bother CPing for me. Ironically, that little gem infused me with some much needed inspiration to tackle my WiP again.
• However, I think there is something to be said for taking a break from your novel when you're in the very unproductive state of writing and deleting. Maybe that is a good time for thinking. Or reading a book by someone else. Or both.
• I just finished Paper Towns by John Green. I'm not sure I can continue to read his books. I'm consistently awed and amazed by how good he is. I then go a through a period of self loathing, wherein I can never write anything even close to that good. Followed by a period of telling myself that we all write differently and no matter what "I will never be John Green" and "the world doesn't need two John Greens anyway."
• My blogging has just sucked. My blog reading has sucked. I wish I could explain this in a satisfactory way. Alas, I cannot.
• I'm strongly considering going back to camp this summer. It sounds innocuous and not a bit scary, right? Wrong. This is a camp I grew up at. Loved. Haven't been to since 1992. It terrifies me on so many levels that I'm not sure I can even list them all. I wanted to go back about five years ago, but didn't because of my migraines. I'm still very worried that the pace of camp will be too much for me and that my migraines will flare up and I will be DOWN. I also fear that it won't be the same magical place I remember. Heck, I know it's changed. I've been to their website. It's changed. Yet, it's still the same. If that makes any sense at all.
• So, I've been dreaming about camp (literally and figuratively), thinking about camp, and trying to work up a strategy to 1) get through camp, while 2) loving going through camp. I'll keep you posted on this one. If I do go, it will mean three weeks this summer of no cell phone, no computer, no internet, no TV, no nothing. Me. Nature. God. Kids. Fun. That's it. It sounds freakin' wonderful, doesn't it????
• I wanted C-Man and H-Girl to go to camp. For one week. They couldn't live without their cell phones that long. Sigh. I wanted to say, but didn't, that they both say they believe in God and Jesus, but they weren't willing to give up their phones. Yet Jesus gave up his life. However, if it takes guilt to get them there, I'm not willing to do it. Jesus wasn't guilted into dying for us. It was a gift. You can either accept it or not. Simple as that. However, it made me think about the things I've been (and not been) willing to give up in my own life. Which makes it tough to throw any stones at anyone else.
• However, the disappointment remains that they will never have the great life-changing camp experience I had. Not because they couldn't have it, but they didn't want it. 
• Last, but certainly not least, we are about to find out who is right about the man in my mother's life. Yes, I'm talking about the one she's been emailing with for the last six months or so. The one I'm sure is a scammer and she's sure is about to be her next husband. He's FINALLY saying he's leaving Australia (where he's been "trapped" by various and sundry issues that I only have vague notions regarding, because I wanted to stay out of that loop). Yesterday she tell me his flight is booked and he'll be here Wednesday night. This morning, she tells me that he said he went to pick up his boarding pass at the airline and was told that me might have some taxes to pay in order to leave. I was like "That is the biggest pile of bologna (thank you Oscar Meyer, or I'd never remember how to spell that word!) I've ever heard." Mom seemed to see the sense in my statement, but still has faith in the dude. Whatever. I'll eat a paper plate if he shows up. My money is on him needing money (from her) to "leave" the country.
• Alas, as you can see, there is disappointment aplenty to be had here. At our meals we pass the fried chicken and the disappointment. You don't get one without the other.

And that is the all the news that is fit (and unfit) to print.

C IS FOR COUNSELOR

The summer before seventh grade I went to Pioneer Girl's Camp for the first time.  Pioneer Girls is a Christian organization run through your local church.  During the year, the group meets weekly.  They have a camp somewhere in your state that your child can attend for a week (or more).  The boys have a similar organization, and used the same camp for the first part of the summer for five weeks, and then the girls got the camp for five weeks. 

I loved it. 

I went back to camp every summer for an increasing number of weeks each summer.  I even joined their 2-year CILT program (Counselor in Leadership Training).  It is a rigorous training program that requires a lot of time during the year fulfilling requirements to complete the program, as well as a lot of time during the weeks at camp.  That first year of CILT, I stayed four weeks at camp.  I spent two weeks fairly immersed in CILT stuff.  The second two weeks I was free to just be a camper again.   Whee.

I was completely unprepared for what happened that next summer.  I should have been ready, but I was NOT.   It just didn't occur to me until I got to camp that after the two weeks of the CILT program, THAT WAS IT.  We would have this big ceremony and then I would be a counselor.  There would be no more fun weeks of being a camper *ever again.* 

Every year there is a Theme Song that we sing as much as possible in an effort to remember it.  I must admit that year's song is the only one I remember.  The chorus went something like this, "Mmmm I want to linger, Mmmm a little longer, Mmm a little longer here with you..." I cried through the whole thing every time we sang it.  It was a waterworks show.  In fact, my tear ducts were always on a short trigger.  As graduation approached, I knew I didn't want to graduate.  I didn't want to grow up.  I didn't want to be the adult.  I didn't want to leave childhood behind.  I could see it rapidly approaching and I just wasn't ready to give it up.... yet.

There are people who go through life and have this big mid-life crisis because they don't know what happened.  Their youth somehow slipped by them without them even knowing.  I always knew that would NEVER happen to me.  I knew precisely when my youth got left in the dust.  It was the summer of 1985.  It didn't go easy, either.  I like to think I was a caterpillar before that summer.  That summer was my chrysalis.  And fighting your way out of one those things isn't remotely pretty.  It is a lot of kicking, crying, screaming, frustration, and exhaustion.  All the while you know something has died.  You don't feel the same, and you are mourning that caterpillar.  Meanwhile, you have no idea what you will look like when you finally get out of what feels like a Death Trap.  It's hard being caught in the In Between Places. 

It's only after it is all over that you see things for what they are.  See you for what you are.  It's something of a shock when it's all over.  You don't even recognize yourself.  Who is that?  I don't know that being.  But, it is me and it's okay.  Better than okay.   I'm a butterfly.

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:"    Ecclesiastes 3:1

image found at www.weheartit.com 


Did you have a defining moment or experience that marked your passage from childhood to adulthood?  Have you had clarity about realizing your days of childhood have passed you by and you are now officially an adult?  How did that happen?  Did you ever go to summer camp?  Was that a wonderful or terrible experience? 

Bullets and Ribbons

I am going to shoot some bullets at you and then celebrate my bloggy good fortune with you.

• Shelby, my dog, is doing oh so very well after her surgery. They removed her leg all the way up to the shoulder. Her incision was very long for such a little dog, but she was a champ. It took her a few days to find her new center of gravity and then she was good. She is now running, jumping, playing, etc. I find that I have much to learn from her resiliency.
• My parents are in therapy (that now makes all of us), separately, but there you go. It appears to be working. They are actually talking through their issues. There. And at home. And there have been no more instances where-in I have felt uncomfortable. However, I am prepared should that happen again. Funny, how just knowing what you WILL do takes the nerves away.
• I got botoxed for my migraines on Thursday. Yikes. I cannot see the pleasure in doing that for fun. We are now waiting and seeing. If it makes a difference in my migraines in the next two weeks, it will be considered successful. If not, it won't. Simple as that.
• I happened to catch the end of Kenny Chesney's concert on youtube. It was the kickoff for his new record: Welcome to the Fishbowl. I have seen him actually live in concert two times.
• The first time was at a fair in Michigan when he had maybe one song on the radio. No one really knew who he was. He was the Opener. I do remember someone yelling some off color remark to him from the floor and he blushed so hard that I could see it from my first row cushy seat just under the awning. I thought it was the cutest thing I had seen.Ever.
• I was thinking about that blush when I saw him the second time at the Columbia Civic Center for his No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem tour. I don't remember how many times he had been named Entertainer of the Year at that time. The Center was huge. It had a huge screen for those in the nosebleed section. And he came up in an elevator under the floor. Women were throwing their panties at him. He would catch them and throw them backstage, and never miss a beat. I sighed and quietly said a goodbye to the boy who blushed all those years ago. He was long gone. Fame had worked him over good.
• Anyway, I still enjoyed that concert. He is doing a lot more writing I think. His stuff really comes from the heart. He likes writing about that boy he was, the man he is now, and how he got here.

Okay, I guess the rest can wait. If you missed my very long V-Log. You can backpedal through here and watch it. If I ever do that sort of thing again, I will learn how to EDIT so that it is much shorter. There is definitely such a thing as too much Robin. If you want proof of that, ask my mom. She will tell you.Now, let us move on to the bloggy portion of this event.

Gossip Girl over at ~~Whatever~~ honored me with an award. These are the rules.

1. Post the rules on your blog.

2. Name five of your most fabulous moments, either in real life or in the blogosphere.

3. Name five things you love.

4. Name five things you hate.

5. Pass the ribbon on to five other bloggers. (Leave them a comment to notify them of their win.)

5 of my most fabulous moments, either in real life or in the blogosphere...

1. Every single time I have been onstage for a show. I can't really differentiate one show from another because they are all fabulous. But when I am onstage, I know I am alive.

2. All of the time I spent at summer camp. That was like soul food.

3) The moment my junior high school bully came up to me the first day of high school like we were buddies because she was lost. It was a big high school. She had intimidated the crap out of me for three years and she blew it in one day because THAT DAY I saw her for who she really was and she lost all of her power over me. In fact, they all did. They were all just insecure people trying to feel bigger. For the first time in three years, I was FREE. They only had power over me because I gave it to them. That day, I took it back. It was AMAZING.

4) The day I read ILLUSIONS by Richard Bach. It totally changed how I saw the world.

5) The day my first boyfriend said, "You're beautiful." I had been told I was pretty on the inside and had a great personality, etc. But he was the first person who ever said I was actually pretty on the outside. Until he said it, I didn't believe it. I think it is sad that you need one other person to say it before you can accept it as a truth about yourself. However, until that moment I believed all sorts of things about me but that was NOT one of them. I will always love him for that.

Name 5 Things You Love

1) A book that you cannot put down and must read in one sitting.

2) Just about any Joss Whedon series.

3) Just about any game (card, board, etc.)

4) I am still Jonesing for Marshall Mathers. Is he ever going to put out a new record????

5) Pretty much anything that touches my heart and makes me laugh, cry, feel inspired. This can come in pretty much any form and that is what makes it so great. The world is full of inspiration and hope and love and beauty. I love all of it. I want to eat it, swim in it, pour it over my head, pet it ( if it's my dog), hold it close, and let it go.

Name 5 Things You Hate

1) Cruelty

2) Disrespect

3) Lack of compassion

4) People who take advantage of those weaker than themselves. Manipulators. Liars.

5) Arguing over politics and religion. You're just asking for trouble.

Pass this on to 5 Other Bloggers.

1. Liza at Middle Passages. She is in a writing thing and needs blogging material.

2. Jasmine at Yellow Rose of Texas. Just because.

3. Chris at A Deliberate Life. To help her get back into the blogging thing again.

4. Mary the Food Floozie. Because I would like to read about something other than food...lol.

5 Mary at Spilled on the Kitchen Table. This is actually up her alley:-)