How Can We Make This Fun?

We have been back home for a few days and I have been meaning to blog, but I have been busy catching up. Deep breath. Slow down. And here we are.

I had to look over my last blog to see where I ended. St. Augustine Monday morning. I was about to meet a fellow blogger.

Well, that was so much fun. My mom and I met JJ and his wife in downtown St. Augustine at a restaurant whose name I can no longer remember. However, it was lovely. And the company was great. Meeting fellow bloggers is truly a fantastic experience. You finally get to put a face and a voice to the words. And I loved JJ's wife. She is a gem of a person. Lunch went by very quickly, as it always seems to when you are having such an enjoyable time, and we promised to try and get together again.

Mom and I spent the rest of the week in the car traveling back and forth from St. Augustine to Jacksonville, Eulee (Fernandina), or South Georgia area (Kingsland, St. Mary's) to look at real estate. We left early and got home late each day. However, we did learn a lot about what was happening in the real estate market in general, what sort of house we wanted in specific, what area we preferred in each location, etc. The time was well spent, but we were both worn out by the end of the week.

It was hard to believe that when Saturday rolled around we still hadn't seen the beach. Gah.

I put another call into JJ and his wife and we met up again and we met at a restaurant on the beach and sat on the screened porch. Now, that was perfect. No sand. No actual water in my toes. But the view was amazing. And the breeze was fantastic. Of course, the company makes any situation delightful and this was no exception. We sipped on tea and then had an exceptional meal. They then came to our resort to do some more porch sitting so that we could finish out our visit. It was a lovely way to finish out our vacation.


image found on facebook, of course

Are You Keeping The Toxic Junk?

I am on vacation again. I know, it is insane.

A person can barely drag me out of the house and now I am everywhere.

Mom and I are in St. Augustine for the week. We stayed last night in Jax with a friend of hers from church (back from when we lived here a few years ago). And are considering moving back to the area, so one of the things we will be doing this trip is looking at real estate. Yeah, this is looking less like a vaca and more like work. I KNOW!

However, it hasn't really started yet, so I have nothing to report on the house hunting yet. Aren't you thrilled????

I am so excited about meeting fellow blogger and his wife today for lunch. So excited that I am awake at 7am. Okay, a migraine woke me up. But I am still seriously excited. And I will probably go back to bed for a nap once my pain pills hit and this blog is done. But still... so psyched!!!

When things are on my mind and then I dream about them, I don't know if it was a chicken or the egg thing. Were they on my mind causing the dream or did I dream about them causing me to think about them? Does this happen to anyone else?

Yesterday, while at my mom's friend's house on Super Soul Sunday on OWN Oprah pulled out an interview she did with Deepak Choprah. He is a doctor who was an MD that just wasn't finding the answers he was looking for in traditional medicine and started looking in alternative medicine. Turns out that that there are LOTS of answers there. Shocking, I know. Right? At that time, I think he was promoting his book Ageless Body, Timeless Mind. I know I have all the words. Could be in the wrong order. Anyway, it was fascinating.

There were several things that I took away "hard" from that interview (meaning that they really hit home). The first was that the body perceives every emotion about something the same way as it does the action itself. So, in my case, I spent three years wrapped in daily anxiety to the point that they were causing excruciating migraines over what to do about my marriage. The thing was my SPIRIT already knew what I needed to do: get out. It was toxic. If it wasn't, I wouldn't be having these horrible migraines. Why did it take three years of migraines that debilitated my health so thoroughly? I believed in the vows I said, yada yada yada. However, my SPIRIT knew that it was killing me and tried to tell me. Anyway, the worry about what to do.... Do I stay? Do I go? That was as bad as the divorce itself. And that was terrible. As anyone who has been through it can tell you.

Another example, every time you relive the awful thing your former spouse did to you, you might as well be right back there. The body/spirit doesn't care about what is actually happening. All it cares about is your emotion to it. So, if you stay stuck on something for ten years, you might as well as have never left it. Another example: if it takes you two years of worrying about whether or not to get a surgery, you have done yourself more harm than good. You have essentially been in that surgery for two years. The body doesn't care what IS, it operates only on what your emotional state thinks IS. Our emotions are more powerful than we understand.

The doctor talked about a study that was done with some type of carcinogen (or other toxic food) that was given to lab animals. I think rats. Anyway, as expected almost all of the groupings died. Only one grouping survived. Maybe they were hamsters. Not sure now. It was such a bombardment of information. Anyway, what made the difference for the surviving group was that before they were fed, the scientist picked them each up, held them, petted them, talked to them, and loved on them. That difference changed how that food was processed. What was toxic turned to something non-toxic in their bodies.

The lesson about food for you and me is to never eat while we are angry, according to Chopra. That will make even good food toxic. Better to skip the meal. And never eat with people that you do not like. Our bodies respond to so many things on a cellular level.

Well, I will try to write more later this week. I know there is more rattling around in this brain. I am just not thinking of it. Plus, I will be able to report on my fascinating meeting with fellow blogger, JJ, The Disconnected Writer. That, all by itself, is something to look forward to reading!

LOST IN SPACE AND A HINT OF JASMINE

I promised I would post the "after" before it became months after and here I am. I decided I better get it down while it was all fresh.

One of my doctor's said that I might discover just how much my meds are doing for me when I come off of them for this test and go without. That was partly right. I did find out how much they were blocking many of my symptoms because I was down and out miserable for the three days prior to the test and going in to the test. In fact, I was in such bad shape the doctor had doubts about my ability to get through the test (but that is jumping ahead). It did confirm to me that I have a bad case of fibromyalgia, in case I had doubts. My hands and feet felt like someone was pounding nails in them the first day. Then they were on fire the next day. The day after that they were just ice cold and sweaty and hurt. Sleeping was iffy all three days. My TMJ reactivated in a big way. And I couldn't breathe deeply because my left side hurt for two days. I also had a meltdown on day three when I was convinced I was having a heart attack. That was when my hands and feet went numb and shooting pains when down my left arm. Of course, none of this was helped by the fact that I dreamt that I died on night one and I literally felt my spirit leave my body. It was very peaceful and I think my dad was there. Also, all of my nerve endings were screaming. I could hear and smell everything. Anytime I breathed deeply my teeth hurt. I constantly thought about pulling all of my teeth out with pliers. 24.7. By day three all of muscles went into involuntary spasm including the ones on my face. So, I was literally this jerking mess who had no control over my body. Now, throw in the fact that I was so dizzy all of the time and couldn't eat for three days because I was constantly nauseated and you have a fairly complete picture of what I looked like on Monday for this test. Oh, and coming off my meds gave me the runs. It REALLY wasn't pretty.

So, when the doctor said we might not be able to do it, all I could hear in my head was Joy from MY NAME IS EARL. Joy has a foul mouth. Fortunately, I kept it inside. But, Joy said, "Ah hell to the no."

And Robin said, "I think we should give it a try." And that meant pulling it together and exercising every last bit of control and getting through it because I was not going through this again. Of course, somewhere in that drug induced nightmare, I already decided not to go back on some of my meds NO MATTER WHAT. Yeah, you read that right. Doctors are funny people. My doctor would have read that and said, "But all of that pain was caused by you going off that medication."

My response is this: "But sir: I wasn't THAT BAD BEFORE I WENT ON!"

And that says to me that something has to give. Yeah, I had a lot of pain. I was hurting. I still am. But, I wasn't a freak show.

Back to the test.

I made it through. And found out some bad news about my inner ear. Turns out that most people who have an inner ear problem usually have a problem on one side. That is not great but one side can rehab off the other side. That reminds me how amazing the body is. Turns out that my inner was blown in both sides. I have less than 30% function in both sides. It totally explains the dizziness I am feeling. The doctor says that I literally cannot find myself in space. There are no pills, no surgery for this. However, there is vertibral rehab. The idea is to (re)teach your inner ear all of this stuff that it used to know. Until then, I am very reliant on physical and visual cues. It is why I always need to lean my head against something in order to not feel sick to my stomach. That is how I know where I am in space. It is why I spend a lot of time holding onto walls when I walk. Quick turns are not a good idea. It is why I landed in the bathtub that time after flushing the toilet.

As for the what caused this? The doctor doesn't know. It can be anything from medications to an infection to an autoimmune issue. The thing is that there are lots of causes. My gut says that it is one or the combo of these meds to treat the fibro and the antidepressants. They have all had bad side effects with me. Namely they continue to make my hair fall out. I realized that in my three day horror when all of my senses were heightened and I was lying in bed with nothing to do but think. I have already begun the search for natural alternatives and will suffer the difference. I am going to push my doctor for rehab alternatives to treat my fibro, as opposed to medicinal ones. I want my inner ear to repair itself; I don't want it battling against any drugs that caused the damage in the first place.

As for the hint of Jasmine... I finally met The Yellow Rose of Texas... my first blog friend come to life in person. My only wish is that I had been in a healthier place. She caught me the day after the hearing test. I was back on enough of my meds that I wasn't a blobbering fool. Plus, I had gotten some sleep. We only met for a few hours and it was pretty much all spent at yet another one of my doctor appts (yes, the timing was sucky). However, she was delightful and it was exciting how many ideas we had in common!!! Not only that, but shared life experience! How exciting to say... and then this happened, but I learned such and such and to have another voice pipe in and say "Me too!" Yes, it was a great time! We laughed a lot and sighed a lot and did some head shaking over some life lessons that we wish had come easier or sooner... but it is what it is! My only regret is that we forgot to take a picture... not that she would have let me post it... lol.


image found at www.weheartit.com