How Loud Are You Living?... Take Two.

Happy Saturday peeps! I promised that I would be back with the results from Battle of the Bands. 26 of you wonderful souls took the time to listen to both versions and vote. Woohoo! Many of you gave nods to Ryan Adams but still voted for Oasis. So, even though Oasis won this battle, it was by no means a shut-out, and I think some of you were torn about how to vote. Final tally (without my vote) is Oasis with 16 and Ryan Adams (not Bryan Adams) with 10. My vote obviously doesn't change the outcome, but I am casting mine for Ryan Adams. I think he is a better singer. The slower tempo allows me to really feel the message. "And all the roads we have to walk are winding. And all the lights that lead the way are blinding. And there are many things that I would like to say to you but I don't know how. Maybe you're gonna be the one saves me. After all, you're my wonderwall."

Come back again on the 1st and we'll play Battle of the Bands again!

If you are familiar with Arlee Bird's blog Tossing It Out, you probably remember when he went on a tear a month or two ago about stats, blogs going viral, and all things that relate to those two topics. I hadn't checked my stats in forever and now I am doing it every other day. I am so suggestible! Now every time an old post pops back up in my Top 5 posts of the day, week, etc. I feel compelled to go read it. My fifth most popular post of all time, I'LL HAVE A MOCHA VODKA VALIUM LATTE TO GO PLEASE, once again made my Top 5 this week.  I think that post was so popular because of this graphic (which I didn't use in the post):

I wrote that post the first year I began blogging (2010), so I had to reread it. I considered reposting it here. You can Click Here to read it. However, in that post I reference the previous two posts and the comments generated. So, I read those, too.

I was struck by how much has changed and how much remains the same in all three of these posts. The first was this one (which I am going to reprint for your reading pleasure) is titled HOW LOUD ARE YOU LIVING?  I am including a link if you want to read the comments:)

HOW LOUD ARE YOU LIVING?

This brain has been very full of lots of "stuff." In fact, sometimes I get so much stuff going on up there that it is like someone opened a puzzle and threw out all of the pieces. Yeah, like that's fun. I've never been a big puzzle fan to start with and now I am trying to sort through them in my head. My mom pulled me into her reading room to tell me that she read this little quippy thing: indigestion of the brain. She says, "Maybe you can blog about it."

I am thinking, "Who needs to blog about it? I am living with it. It's called insomnia and I have it nearly every night." However, indigestion of the brain is pretty quippy, so I do have to give her points on that one.


I started reading a blog by Lucy March about a month ago. Maybe more. Maybe less. Time has lost all meaning for me. I backdoored into a published writer's blog, and that led to another, and another, and then literary agents, and the list goes on. I wish that I could say that after extensive research I found these excellent websites. Nope. It was sheer luck, because I don't have a clue what I am doing on here. It is six months now, and I still don't get this site. That is really sad and I know it, but I am really shooting for honesty here and that is the truth.

Anyway, back to Lucy March... she is a published writer, so I checked out her site. I was really into my novel at that time and adding writers left and right. Turns out she is a published writer. Well... what I noticed immediately was that I was jumping into the middle of a story. Anyone who knows me, knows that I cannot stand that. For instance, if a TV show comes on and I miss the first season for any reason, and then it becomes this big hit, well I sometimes don't watch it until it is 1) almost over 2) completely over, or 3) not at all. And then it means I am buying it on DVD and playing catch up because I have to watch it IN ORDER. A story is meant to be read/told/watched from the beginning. So... in terms of Miss March's blog, that meant I had to go back to the beginning and start there. It turns out this wasn't a writing blog. It was a blog written by a writer, but it wasn't tips on improving your writing. This was a blog about rebuilding your life. This was real and honest and real. I know that I said real already, but she was throwing it out there. I was riveted.


I started reading four or five blogs at a time. My brain really couldn't process any more than that. In one of the more recent ones I read she says this, "The definition of adulthood is no longer caring what other people think." That hit so hard that I wrote it down in my notebook. It was an "aha" moment. It was a light bulb moment for her, as well. People who are people pleasers tend to twist themselves up to make other people happy. In some cases, the other people don't even know this is happening. In some cases, they do, and they take advantage. Either way, when you relegate your opinion about what you think to second, third, fourth, or tenth place, you get lost. You just keep stashing pieces of yourself away until you are unrecognizable even to yourself. You become what someone else wants you to be. Oh, the misery. Everyone knows this story doesn't have a happy ending.


So, Miss March is rebuilding. I thought about that while I was reading. How many times have I tried to rebuild since I got divorced? I have lost count. For the longest time, my ex-husband was still yanking my chain with his kids. It was the same old crap. The only difference was that he lived at a separate address. But I was still all tied up in knots. Well, I could go through each case of rebuild over the last five years, but they weren't rebuilds, they were false starts. Why didn't they work? "The definition of adulthood is no longer caring what other people think." I had been stuck in that loop de loop for so long that I didn't know how to get out.


I started a myspace, but my ex insisted on being my friend. Was it my space? No. I started a facebook page. He friended me. This time I put the hammer down. No. However, we did have some mutual friends. I started blogging. One of them copied and pasted one of my blogs and emailed it to him. The blog was about me, but also about him. Sometimes you can't tell your own story without telling his. He got pissed and threatened to not let me see the kids. I could feel myself falling back into the same old patterns. This was pre-Lucy March. However, I was ready to tell him to be the one to explain things to them. In other words, I was ready to draw my line in the sand. You can't devocalize someone. He eventually calmed down. However, I got a blogger account and pretty much stopped blogging on facebook. The truth was that I still didn't want to be in his face. I wanted to be free to write how I felt without having to deal with him and his crap. So, I quietly pulled up my stakes and moved. I still occasionally post stuff on facebook, but nothing that will put his knickers in a knot.


I mentioned it earlier, but my blog following was smaller, so fewer of you got to appreciate it. So, I will bring it up again. H-Girl wanted to see Taylor Swift in concert for her birthday. Her dad said okay and said she could bring someone. She chose me. I tell you what, people, no one was more surprised than me. Events turned out really awesome in that one of her openers was sick and so Taylor went on EARLY. Woohoo. Anyway, she has all of these fairly elaborate costume changes. So, to keep the audience entertained she runs video footage. I pulled this off of youtube; it is in concert footage. People, I laughed my ass off. It was priceless. Had I known that it was part of the show, I would have paid for the tickets. I was on the aisle, and I was practically rolling. I think my ex-husband got the idea, but he never said a word. Again ~ priceless. Now, I ask you... how can a teenager be so smart and a grown woman be so stupid? That is a rhetorical question. I really don't want any answers to that one.




Anyway, it gave me a whole new admiration for Taylor Swift that I didn't have pre-show. There is this voice in my head saying, "If she is strong enough to not care what people think in public, how can you be so 'walk on eggshells' in private? You don't live in the public eye. Newspapers don't care what you do." All of this was still processing (I am a slow processor), when I listened to Not Afraid and got my dose of Marshall Mathers. Here was one more person living right out there in public. Just throwing it out there. In Taylor's case, she is this sweet girl, who hasn't hurt anybody. In other words, life hasn't smacked her good yet.

 In MM's case, it isn't such a pretty picture. In Lucy March's case, she isn't blameless, either. She is coming to terms with all of the things that she did wrong that brought her to where she is now. Publicly. All of these people are publicly claiming their crap. Their weakness. Their fear. What they did right. What they did wrong. And in the case of Lucy March, MM, and me... we are all on this journey of reclamation. Reclamation of our lives. We are all telling our truth in order to get our lives back. The difference lies in how we tell it. MM is really living out loud. LM is living fairly loud. I am living anonymously and hoping that my ex-husband doesn't find my site.

I am reminded of a quote from the movie She's Having A Baby. It is at the beginning (the wedding scene) when the parents and grandparents are on both sides of the aisle. No one seems to be all that happy about this wedding. One of the grandpas says, "People don't mature anymore. They just stay jackasses all their lives."

Bray.

**Updates:
Lucy March has taken down that blog and replaced it with a blog strictly about writing. 
I no longer give a rat's ass what my ex-husband thinks and his ability to yank my chain is over. That doesn't mean I go out of my way to hurt him, spite him, or make him miserable, either.
And most of my friends In Real Life, including my ex, still don't know about this blog.  So, I am still not living all that loudly.... hmm.
That Taylor Swift video still makes me smile. As in hugely. Shouldn't do bad things. Bwahahahahaha.

TAYLOR SWIFT DRAWS THE LINE

Well, we are home early from the Taylor Swift concert. She was supposed to have two opening acts: Gloriana and Kellie Pickler. Kellie Pickler was sick, so we only had one opening act. That meant that Taylor came on much earlier than anticipated (hooray!). H-girl was unprepared for the noise, IMO, and came down with a headache after an hour and a half of the screaming. I was wearing ear plugs, but already had a migraine going in. We left before Taylor quit singing. H-girl is very subdued for her age, or maybe hanging with your parents isn't conducive to screaming. Not sure on that one. She was very reserved for the duration. I got the picure below here.


As for Taylor... I can't imagine what it is like to be her. She still seems to be overwhelmed at times by the enormity of the adulation. I think she doesn't quite know what to do with herself after she finishes singing and all these girls are screaming like maniacs. I mean, what is the proper response to that? I have no idea. She doesn't seem to have a clue, either. She stands there and looks somewhat perplexed and amazed. I get that. If it was just clapping, I think she might be better able to handle it. Frankly, I think it is the screaming that is bewildering. But, maybe that is just me. I know I found it bewildering. Make that annoying. I found it annoying.

However, some of the best stuff was her pre-recorded footage. Taylor is funny. I love a person with a sense of humor. Frankly, I think you need one to make it in life. Particularly a life in show business. I wish I could have found better footage than this, but you get what you get. Someone recorded it with their cell phone. When she delivered the last line, I laughed my ass off. You have to watch it. Forgive the ineptitude of the person doing the recording, and the idiot who walks in front during. Just wait for it at the end.... It is so worth it. Oh yeah, turn off my idiot music player at the bottom of my page...



I laughed so hard I nearly cried. There was that whole period when it seemed like everyone in blogland had the same moral crisis: where's the line? Is is right to write about others if they don't know they are being written about? It is okay to write about others, even if they are the subplot to your own story? When are you crossing the line? Blah blah blah. Of course, my ex was really ticked about a blog that I wrote about him, that pretty much no one read that he knew, and he shot to the moon. Meanwhile, Ms. Swift is writing songs that the WHOLE WORLD is hearing and what is her response? Well, if you watched the video, you know. If you didn't, you should, because she is a teenager and she is right. How can she see this more clearly than I? And the fact that said ex was there to hear the answer at the SAME TIME AS I: PRICELESS. I would have paid money for that had I known it was part of the show. The fact that he paid for the ticket: double bonus.

So, thank you Taylor Swift. You Rock.

THE BEATLES MEET TAYLOR SWIFT

Do you remember your first concert? Of course you do. I just love starting my blog off with a question. I went to my first rock concert with my best girlfriend. We were in junior high school and it was... wait for it... Rick Springfield. He was breaking hearts on General Hospital as Noah Drake, and the hearts of women and teens as a rockstar/actor. Who cared about being Jesse's girl? We all wanted to be Rick's girl. The whole thing was eerily appropriate because the album tour that he was promoting was for his record "Living In Oz," and that is most certainly where I was (romantically speaking, that is). My fantasy life with Rick was nowhere close to reality. I was living in Oz. Too funny. That was a pretty great album and I knew the lyrics to the whole thing. That always makes a concert better if you can sing the entire album end to end. Anyway. I grabbed a photo of Rick and I found it here if you want to check it out.

My ex-husband took his teenage son to see Taylor Swift last year. My ex is a big fan of concerts, in general, and saw this as a good bonding experience for him and his son. I think that was likely true. My ex really likes concerts. He finds pretty much everything about the experience appealing. So, I was surprised by his review of this particular concert experience.

Me: How was it?

Him: Loud.

Me: (shocked) Really? (didn't think this was possible)

Him: Wish I'd brought ear plugs.

Me: (about to faint) Wow. Were you that close to the speakers?

Him: No. It wasn't that. It was the shrieking. The room was full of teenagers and pre-teens who never stopped shrieking. I thought they'd quit once she started singing, but they didn't. It was one long shriek festival. I've never heard anything like it.

Me: That is awful.

Him: It also made me feel old.

Me: That sucks. (All reminders that make you feel old bite big time.)

Him: I'm not used to being completely surrounded by kids that are 18 and under at a concert. It was strange.


Now, I didn't get that exactly right. But it was close. All I could think about was footage that I had remembered seeing from the Ed Sullivan Show when The Beatles performed live. I grabbed that awesome picture here and it has a cool article to boot. They were fantastic, of course, but it was the constant screaming from the audience that fascinated me. When I decided to write this blog, I had to go back to youtube to see if I remembered it right. Oh boy, did I ever. It is only three minutes, but it is three minutes of people in musical bliss. Just remember to cut the noise on my infernal music player at the bottom of the page and then turn up the volume and press play to watch it here:



The thing is that I can wrap my brain around three minutes of screaming. Taylor Swift comes out and sings for anywhere from 90 minutes to 2 hours. Who can scream that long? I can see shrieking your way through that first song. All that adrenalin has to go somewhere. But, after that, don't you want to actually hear the concert you bought the ticket to come and see? Here's a thought: how about singing along with Taylor? Put those vocal chords to some good use.


You're probably wondering why I care.... well, H-girl had a birthday back in January and decided that what she wanted was to see Taylor Swift in concert. Since she isn't old enough to get to go to a concert with a friend, her father said he'd take her, and she could pick one other person to go. She chose me. On the one hand, this is *really awesome news.* I mean really awesome news. H-girl and I have not been connecting. When she was younger, I was the person that she brought all of her stuff to and we were really close. Even when I lived in Florida, I felt more connected to her than I do now. People keep telling me not to take it personally, because she is that way with everyone, and it is a phase, and she is a tween, and all sorts of other things, but still... It sucks. Her brother is one year older and we get along better than ever. Go figure.

Anyway, for anyone new to reading my blogs, I have migraines. Bad migraines. Noise is not good for migraines. Really loud noise can be really bad. The thing is that I really want to make a bridge here with H-girl, and if Taylor Swift is the bridge she is offering, well you take what you can get. I really hope that none of the kids around me (as in directly beside or directly behind) go on a shrieking bender because I might have to pull out the "mom card" on them even though I am not their parent.

What is this mom card you ask? In this case, it would look something like me getting right up in their face and shrieking until they stopped. I would then very politely say, "Yeah, it is annoying. So, please stop." That really isn't my style. I would be applying one of the Roseanne rules of parenting. In this case, it is: "The person who yells loudest, wins." Case closed.