Monday, January 12, 2015

On My Long Way Down



Another day has overtaken me and my level of productivity... well, I'd rather not talk about it.

Regarding my "almost relationship": all remains quiet on the southern front. (Not surprising.) In the course of this silence, I have thought of two things.

1) Patience is not my long suit. 
2) Calling him again is not a good idea.

Why is calling a bad idea? (I'm so glad you asked!)

It's a long story, and I won't go into the details here, but suffice to say that a long time ago with my first serious boyfriend I made a huge mistake. What was it? Well, as I said there's a long story that I don't want to get into here, but the significant part is as follows:

He went to boot camp and I went to work in NYC. I wrote tons of letters and got no response. I'm thinking he's changed his mind (not an unrealistic thought since the relationship had a long and annoying history of being on and off, with him controlling the ons and offs). And when I KNEW he was home and hadn't called me I got really drunk and called him. Nothing good ever happens when you drunk dial. Believe me. The gist was that he got all my letters when boot camp ended, and I was clearly upset at not having heard from him (ya think?), and he decided that continuing on would only hurt me more. Oh, he was so right about that. I figured that out about four years later. Anywhoozle, it took me a long time to fully understand that I stopped loving him right in that moment. I thought I still loved him, and continued on like I did, but the really good part of that love died right there on a parquet kitchen floor in Queens, New York.

You see, I wanted someone who was willing to fight for me. Or maybe thought I was worth fighting for. Whatever. And he wasn't that guy and he was never going to be that guy and it took me four years of trying to turn him into that guy to realize that I should have just accepted his answer the first time. Back on that parquet floor in Queens, New York. Continuing on was only going to hurt me more. He was 100% correct.

So, I've been thinking about that a lot these past few days. This tree guy will either decide I am someone worth fighting for (well not fighting precisely), but you know what I mean. Or he won't. But, if I call him (again), it's the first boyfriend all over again. And I will stop loving him before I even get a chance to start. And that seems like a big waste of time, and frankly I'm getting older and don't have four years to just throw into the toilet.

And that made me think of the Train song called Ordinary. And that made me realize that I should've posted it after the post on My Private Nation. It was released right after that record on the Spiderman 2 soundtrack. It is so much in the style of the My Private Nation record that it could've been on the album and fit in very well. It also is a perfect fit for the not-so-short story I told above.




Is it just me or do we all want to be anything but ordinary? And feel frustrated when our lives are so ordinary. Or our writing.

You read that correctly.

This song causes me to segue from my love life on life support to my writing on life support. I just don't believe in doing something unless you do it really well. I don't want to write a book that as the amazing Bryan over at A Beer For The Shower would say, "It's the best book no on will ever read." (He said this tongue-in-cheek about a story idea for his own book, but it made me pause and gasp a little.) Writing is such hard work that I cannot imagine being that person who devotes so much time and energy to something that is "okay" or "passable" or "fine." Oh God, please anything but fine.

I want to write something so funny, so witty, so damn spectacular (in its own obscure way) that makes a person not want to put the book down. Just like so many books have grabbed me in my life, and the last thing I ever wanted to do was quit reading and then wanted to cry just because it was over. So, I read it again so I could live for a few more hours in that world.

I want to be anything but ordinary. In my life. In my writing. Heck, I could probably settle for just this blog.

And that is why when I put My Private Nation back in the CD player the song that grabbed me by the throat was this one (Lyrics Below bolded by me):



I put ketchup on my scrambled eggs
And everybody thinks it's funny
I don't get mad
I don't laugh 'cause you don't shave your legs
But everybody thinks it's funny
No need to get mad
I don't spend my time with anyone
Who doesn't think I'm wonderful
Or somewhat cash refundable at times

Now I'm out here counting airplanes
Trying to make sense of the change
And I don't wanna be just anybody
So don't try to figure me out
I won't try to figure you out

I don't wanna be some average anybody

Now I got friends that ride into the storm
And ride out of the storm with nothing
They rode into the storm with
And there seems to be a price for everything
You get what you pay for then you pay for
What you already thought you bought before

But now I'm out here counting airplanes
Trying to make sense of the change
And I don't wanna be just anybody
So don't try to figure me out
I won't try to figure you out
I don't wanna be some average anybody

When you're up between the new sky line
The city lights and the warm sunshine
It's a long way down
When you can count on one hand what you love
And can count on who you love to help you
On your long way down

Well you end up counting airplanes
Trying to keep up with the changes

I don't wanna be with anybody else
So don't try to figure me out
I won't try to figure you out
I don't wanna be some average anybody
I don't wanna be with anybody else

When you're up between the new sky line 
The city lights and the warm sunshine
It's a long way down, it's a long way down
It's a long way down

52 comments:

  1. Hi Robin,

    A life less ordinary. You verbalise. You articulate. Writing doesn't have to be hard work. If that were the case, then the magic of the written word that beats in your heart, would contradict your desires.

    A relationship where two people fight for the love they treasure. No one-way love ever works. You, like your writing, will live a life less ordinary.

    In peace and kind wishes,

    Gary

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    1. A life less ordinary. I'd swear someone wrote a poem about that very thing. I guess I'm NOT the only one...

      Thank you for the kind words, Gary:)

      Delete
  2. "So don't try to figure me out
    I won't try to figure you out
    I don't wanna be some average anybody"...

    See, I can see you in this, and that's why I can't comment to your writing. I have a story that I thought was pretty damn good, and when I was done with the rough draft, I was done. It did what I wanted it to do- it entertained me. I don't mean to be selfish (some might call it "merciful"), but our drives are different. I just like to be noticed once in a while.

    I just had a comment on today's MWN post that said, "You are too funny!" Good enough for me.

    But as to the other, I think you are dead on. The longer that you hang on to something the other person doesn't value as much, the less it means to them, and the less you mean to yourself. YOU have value if no guy ever calls you back. Relationships never grow in value unless you value yourself.

    For what it's worth, I value you.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. PS I liked Counting Airplanes. Who knew?

      Delete
    2. <<<----"So don't try to figure me out
      I won't try to figure you out
      I don't wanna be some average anybody"...

      See, I can see you in this, and that's why I can't comment to your writing.

      I laughed out loud at this. Were you saying that you cannot figure me out simply from this blog, ergo you cannot comment on my writing. If so, that is hilarious.

      Here's the thing about relationship IN MY MIND. When I'm trying to process one of them, I think about EVERY SINGLE ONE THAT PRECEDED IT AND FAILED. So, I really am at the place at the beginning of this post. I know I don't have much patience and I know I won't call him again. Telling the story about the ex was the reason I won't be calling him again. I learned that lesson the hard way the first time.

      What I will do (which I maybe should have put on this post, but it was so long already) is continue to work on ME. Making me the most mentally and physically healthy is the NUMERO UNO most important work I have. I've made a lot of strides in the last two years since I devoted myself to this work with a single-mindedness that impresses me every now and then.

      If you liked Counting Airplanes, you are well on your way to becoming a Train fan. First Cab, now this. Oh boy!

      Delete
    3. Actually I was leaning more towards the "don't wanna be some average nobody" part, and that your internal "bar" was set at a point far enough from mine that it would do me no good to try and figure it out. And thus I couldn't comment about the frustration in your writing when my stuff is just sitting in a binder. But, if it gave you a laugh, go me!

      Delete
    4. Ohhhhh.... Yeah, I feel that way all the time when published writers go on about the problems with marketing. It's so far outside my window of thinking that I have NOTHING to say on the matter.

      Delete
  3. Yikes, once again I can sympathize so much because of a similar situation regarding The "Boyfriend" Who Didn't Write Me Back While I Was in England For a Month. Countless letters I wrote while I was taking a course there. Not a single one back. But he still expected me to come over his place and have sex when I got home. I did go over to his place. I marched out before giving him what he wanted. I am still ashamed that I showed up at all, expecting him to have an excuse for not writing, even if I left shortly afterward.

    Uh, this was in the days before cell phones or internet, of course. Letters will still a thing.

    Is it possible we have lived parallel dating lives?

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    1. Hahahaha. Our lives have run on a parallel course with ONE SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE (WELL MAYBE MORE)... you did meet a great guy, married, him, and have children. You've also mastered the writing thing well enough that you are published and people do read your books with amazement and glee (and love returning to your Eighth Day World).

      As for YOUR dating horror story, I don't think you should feel bad about showing up. There is nothing like seeing that face-to-face response. You might not have been disgusted enough if you'd had the conversation via the telephone. Plus, didn't the marching out feel really good????? I've always wanted to march out on someone.

      Delete
  4. You deserve someone who would fight for you. Once I got over my shyness, I fought for and pursued my wife with total determination.
    I wanted my last book to be deep and pivotal and gritty and so unique. Pretty sure I missed the mark again though...

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    1. And this is what I'm talking about. Thank you.

      (I'm not saying I've never had a guy pursue me. I've just never had a guy I was head over heels for pursue me. Big difference. Important Note: I'm not even sure how I feel about the tree guy. I just wanted a cup of coffee to see how it would go.)

      Oh Alex, yeah, I feel you there. I'm not even striving for deep or pivotal or gritty. I do want the reader to like this "world" I've created, the MC, and to be sad when the book ends. I don't think I'm there yet...

      Delete
  5. There's a quote I like.
    "Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it come the issues of life."
    To that I add peace and progress, for your search for the extraordinary YOU!
    Great song choices.

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    1. "Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it come the issues of life."

      Holy tomole. I think this explains YEARS AND YEARS of therapy.

      Delete
  6. GIRL WONDER ~
    THIS you can take to the bank:

    No guy that YOU need to pursue will EVER be the RIGHT guy for you.

    If he doesn't pursue you, he's really not that interested.

    My romantic failures, my existence as an unmarried 55-year-old guy are irrelevant. I know the way guys think because I AM a guy. And THIS is 100% true: No guy that you need to pursue is the RIGHT guy for you.

    Keep your dignity, keep your self-respect, and wait for the guy who will step out on the limb for you.

    If that guy never shows up, then KNOW that God has something else in mind for you. (You ARE aware, I hope, of the Biblical verses by Paul that say an unmarried state is the best condition for a person who wishes to serve God.)

    Marriage is good. An unmarried person committed to God and Christ is even better.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

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    1. You are right. (Do you ever get tired of hearing this???) There is a book made into a movie called HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. I mention this since it all happened after the year 2000 (I think) and most of that "junk" is lost on you. However, the author (a dude) is right on the money and says what you said. He really could've written a pamphlet, but books cost more. And then there's the movie, like I said.

      I'm going to assume you haven't seen it. This is a clip at the end. The guy character has been "coaching" the girl character on how to meet guys. Mostly telling her to Just Stop doing all of the crazy things she's doing. Don't drop by their place. Don't call them. Just don't. If they like you, they will pursue you. Also, they will be more than happy to sleep with you and never call you back. Because it can take a long time for a guy to meet someone that he wants to pursue. In fact, for most of the men you meet, you will not be the one. Sad, but true. So, get over it. In the beginning (of the movie), she really liked him, but realized that he didn't feel the same and they settled into this friends (coaching) business. And she started dating again. Well, I'll let the clip speak for itself, now that I've done all this speaking, that is.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZPsalQRxkY

      And that is what I want. And that is why I won't call (besides I have no idea if he even is the RIGHT guy. I was just suggesting coffee when I called--not marriage). And I finally figured out that my calling 20 years ago hurt both of us. Finally, I do learn from my mistakes... eventually.

      Yes, I know what Paul wrote about marriage. I've spent most of my life single. I can't say that it has made me a better Christian. But then again... maybe when I wasn't dating anyone I was. No drama. No relationship woes to steal all my time and attention. I'm one of those people who probably could live the rest of my life unmarried (or not in a relationship). Heck, I've not been in one since 2009. Can't say this is the first really long, dry spell I've had either. So, I survive just fine. But, I'm not really happy. Maybe happiness is overrated.

      Delete
    2. >>... You are right. (Do you ever get tired of hearing this???)

      You'd think I would but, oddly enough, I never do.

      I watched that clip you URLed me to.
      It would have been better if the male actor wasn't gay.
      (He's definitely gay. And I would have played that part as a straight, heterosexual, alpha male attracted to women and who is always right. That's just how I would have interpreted that role. That doesn't mean I would have interpreted it right but... you know I would have. [:-)}

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

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    3. <<<----You'd think I would but, oddly enough, I never do.

      Hahahaha. Why am I not surprised? Who doesn't like/love being right????

      The last part just made me laugh. I think it was case of not-great casting. Justin Long is a funny guy, but he really does better in those nerdy roles IMO. I'm trying to think who could've done it better in that age group and I'm struggling. There are very few actors that are hitting my "sweet spot" right now.

      Delete
  7. Hope you get things on track for your life and your writing. Hope you get that call and find the confidence to get the writing going again. Love Train.

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    1. Thanks Susan!

      I feel like I'll get the call if I'm meant to. If not, there will likely be another call another time. Patience.

      Delete
  8. Probably everyone wants to think they have lived 'an extraordinary life', BUT the real question is 'EXTRAORDINARY' in the estimation of whom; God or man.

    'Lay not up for yourselves treasure upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:

    But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven where neither moth or rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do bot break through no steal:

    For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.':
    Matthew 6:19-21

    Sorry if that seems preachy, (I'm sure it inflame some of your readers, but from other things you have posted, I believe you will understand) but every time I hear someone who claims to be a Christian, talk about wanting the extraordinary or wanting to accomplish the extraordinary, I think of this scripture. Looking for the praises of men vs. the treasures of heaven is a hollow existence. IMO.

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    1. Well, you've provided some stuff to ponder. No worries. I get your meaning. All of this life is temporary and the eternal is important. Sometimes it's hard to see that when the eternal is beyond our conceptual understanding and the temporary is all we see.

      I don't think it's wrong to want to do something well. It's nice if other people notice, but just doing something well is the thing. I'm not saying I have to write a bestseller to be happy. I just want to know that if I'm devoting my time and energy to writing that it's really good. That I'm doing it well. Because if I'm not, my energy would be better directed toward another endeavor entirely.

      Delete
  9. OK, I have several Train CDs but I have never heard either one of those songs. You sound like you may be on the verge of a broken heart. Or maybe I am and I'm projecting it onto you? Either way, I have been moved into a new divided cubical which an unfortunate Asian woman is forced to share with me. And today I had intense intestinal gas ... which, of course, kept escaping. Poor woman, I thought she might die. Try to be of good cheer and thank God above that you don't share a cubical with me 8 hours a day. Your tears wouldn't be tears of sorrow, but tears of red, burning eyes and nostrils. On the plus side, I think I cleared her sinuses.

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    1. Well, you're welcome then. Regarding the Train songs, that is.

      Actually I'm not on the verge of a broken heart. I'm one of those people who feels the need to share every emotional break-through I have with all of you. My logic is that I cannot be the only person who's made these mistakes, or will make these mistakes, and maybe someone will read this and have an "aha" moment like I did.

      In other words, I learned something about myself and wanted to share it with all of you.

      Thanks for that work story. So glad I don't share a cube with you.

      Delete
  10. Oh I did a drunk call and that never is a good idea. One can overanalyze the crap out of things like this but I would suggest the book "He's Just not that into You". It is funny and it hits to the point. If he wants to see you he will call. You have to keep standing tall and say you are great! If they don't get it, their loss! Music can soothe the soul and it's nice to listen to music when you need it. Chin up, smile and know you are wonderful

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    1. Great book and movie. Now, you're thinking like Moi. You could have taken a video clip and left it for me in the comments. Or written a post and called it HERE'S TO YOU. hahahaha.

      Delete
    2. yeah, I never went on a date in my life-not me but I learned over the years when they just want some tail...to be blunt

      Delete
  11. You've gotten some sound advice here. Though some men need a gentle nudge for starters, the next step is to wait for him to contact you. I know it's frustrating, but the ball is in his court now. In the meantime, you should be out meeting other people. Then he just might call when you least expect it. Any man would be lucky to go out with you, Robin!

    Julie

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    1. I don't plan to stop living waiting for him to call. Hahahaha. Not that I do a whole bunch of exciting "living" anyway, but still...

      Thank you for the lovely compliment, Julie. I hope you're right about that last bit.

      Delete
  12. As I see it from the eyes of an old broad, men have whimped out during the last 65 years.....most likely because women have become the aggressor. But, (the old "But Factor") they still have that basic hunting instinct and when they see the game they want, they pursue. Another thing I've noticed, if a man pursues, now-days the gal often yells "stalker" so whats a poor guy to do? I would say that feminism has put men between a rock and a hard place.

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    1. Wow. Look at you bringing up the roles of men and women and how effed up it's all become. There is now so much crossover that no one seems to know what the hell they should be doing. And still... you're absolutely right. When men see the game they want, they pursue. I just wish the men who pursued me in the past were the ones I wanted pursuing me. Thus far... no. Of course, those cases have given me the opportunity to find my voice again and say, "I'm sorry. I'm just not interested."

      Hopefully a day will come when the pursuer and the pursuee are in agreement on the pursuit. Ah, what a fine day that will be!

      Delete
  13. Everyone deserves someone who will fight for them :) and I have no doubt that you will find that!!

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    1. How optimistic of you! You've named yourself quite aptly. Thank you:)

      Delete
  14. Cringing at the thought of the waiting, the calling versus not calling...am impressed at the level of thought you put into your decisions.

    I was discouraged for awhile from writing because I read so many things that were just bursting with awesome that other people wrote...but then I wasn't happy writing nothing either...

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    1. In that event, your only recourse is to force yourself to get better at the writing thing. Yeah, that's the approach I've been taking, too...

      Delete
  15. We all (women) want someone to fight for us. And we deserve it too. We just have to find that right someone who will fight for us. I hope we both find that person someday. Soon. ;)

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  16. I've always said that true love is having a guy who'd walk through the fires of hell to bring you a glass of water. That's not too much to ask for, is it? And I do believe in true love, Never settle for less!

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    1. That's pretty good, and even though it sounds crazy I think there's truth in it. Never settle for less!

      Delete
  17. I second what Stephen said. Not every tale of romance begins and ends like a story book, but when you find the right guy, he will definitely want to fight for you. I'm sorry, but there wouldn't be any of this "Well, I need to be fair to the other girl and keep dating her just to see how it works out" BS. If I was unmarried and met my wife and had been casually dating another girl for only a few weeks, I'd have dropped that girl to the curb like a sack of bricks. I mean, it's not like this guy is with his longterm girlfriend who he's been with for years. I'm pretty sure he could easily cut things off with this new chick if he REALLY wanted to.

    Now, I'm not gonna say it was some sappy love story and that when I saw her I knew she was the one or time stopped or some crap like that, but when I saw the wife I knew instantly she was someone I wanted in my life and someone I wanted to fight for. So I did. I deleted my dating profile that night (so did she, as a matter of fact, without either of us having asked or told each other, even though we had both been chatting with other people up to that night) and I followed up immediately to make sure there would be a second date.

    Any guy that won't fight for you isn't worth your time.

    As for the writing, I would call your book extraordinary. It's not your typical story, the characters are witty and unique and fun to read about, and I had no idea what was coming. I chewed through that book very quickly because I was interested in seeing where it went and I wanted to know how it ended. In other words, I genuinely enjoyed a book I never thought I would enjoy (in a genre that I'm not usually a fan of), and if that isn't extraordinary, I don't know what is. :)

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    1. On the guy: The funny thing is that after the phone conversation I half expected him to call me that night telling me he'd ended it and, "When do you want to go to dinner?" Well THAT didn't happen. And each day that passes my enthusiasm for the whole thing dwindles. If another week goes by, I might not even want to go any longer. As you say, if he REALLY WANTED TO GO OUT WITH ME he would make it happen. He isn't. He doesn't. That relationship may be good, bad, or indifferent, but he's not willing to let it go. And that might be just as bad as being unwilling to fight for something you want. Man, I don't want someone who hangs on to me just because they can't work up the effort to leave. You know what I'm saying??? So, I'm about to chalk this one on the Life Lesson board. It wasn't all bad. I finally figured out when/why I stopped loving Boyfriend #1. It only took me twenty years to figure that one out.

      Well, that compliment was entirely unexpected. Even now, I find myself typing and deleting all the disbelieving statements (that I genuinely feel, but also diminish the awesomeness of your comment). ::sigh:: What a conundrum. I hope I find an agent who feels EXACTLY like you do, followed by a publisher who feels the same, and then a whole bunch of people who read it and feel the same. Heck, who doesn't want to be a bestselling author? Every writer in that little private place inside (mine apparently isn't quite so private) really wants to be a bestselling author. People who love to tell stories want to know that it's a good story and people enjoy hearing/reading it. Nature of the beast.

      What do you know? I feel motivated to actually edit again. That feeling wore off several days ago when I feel into a hole of mediocrity. And then it started to rain, and I just decided to enjoy being wet. Yeah, not really. I've been moaning and groaning for days.

      Delete
  18. I would echo the above sentiments about if you have to pursue him, he's not worth it, but I think my philosophy is even simpler than that.

    A lady friend said this to me about fifteen years ago when I was in a relationship that did not seem to be going anywhere (much like the song lyric I posted in my comment last week).

    She said, "it shouldn't be this hard for you."

    She;'s so right. In the early stages of a relationship, there should be excitement on both sides. A lot of guys put out a "take it or leave it" attitude, but they are full of it-and if he does not call you, it's a bummer that he's not that interested, but I would rather be alone than be with someone who thinks she is doing me a favor by going out with me.

    Larry

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    1. God Yes. It's (probably) the best--as in most exciting--in the beginning. So, if you don't have THAT, it's all downhill from here baby. How appropriate that I titled this one ON MY WAY DOWN.

      Delete
    2. I have made the statement that all relationships go downhill after the first date, that the only variable is the degree of decline, and usually get a lot of flack for it, especially from my married woman friends.

      I think you get it-I do not mean that relationships are all going to go bad, but in every one there is some form of behavior that was exhibited early on that will go by the wayside.

      So if a basic critical need is not met early on, it's probably time to run for the hills!

      If it makes you feel better (in reference to one of your comments to McCarthy), the last actual relationship I had was before 9/11, and since then I cannot recall anything going past a third date. And my last date has been almost a year.

      So you're seem to be doing better on the dating front than me!

      Delete
  19. I know what you mean about wanting to write something really amazing, something magical.

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  20. Robin: I don't know the guy, but I know you. His loss.

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  21. I sense an inner conflict that I think many of us face. Extraordinary means to have to continue to live up to something and keep proving each effort to be better than the previous one. The higher you climb, the more it can hurt if you fall.

    Ordinary is much easier. We can lounge in our recliners looking up at the stars and dreaming about something ambiguously better, somewhat content with where we are since not a whole lot of effort is required to do what we are doing, accepting our lot in life. We hope a lot, but maybe not hard enough to get to the heights.

    As I grow older I can look back to see that I've had a life out of the ordinary, but not overly extraordinary by the terms most of us use to measure success and such states of being. My life has been extraordinary to me in many ways, but I know there can be a much more important future ahead in whatever short time lies before me.

    I'd say to focus on your writing, but don't push life or love too hard. What is waiting will come eventually. If you force things too much, you may not like what you get.

    I think you can have great things when your expectations are great, but realistic.

    Lee
    Tossing It Out

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  22. Is life really ordinary? I don't think so. It's filled with bits of wonderful and what we may see as ordinary is someone else's wonderful.

    One of the things I've learned over the years is I have value. I'm worth something. and I tend to stay away from people who don't value me or appreciate me for who and what I am. I've learned not to run after those who don't appreciate me.

    Hey, when it comes to writing, everything we write is a lesson towards good. Writing, like any skill, takes practice and then applying the lessons learned. Just keep working for it. Those authors who touched you heart? You have no idea how many ideas or MS they went through or developed before the story in your hands. I bet, they too, have a drawer full. Just sayin'

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  23. If someone isn't willing to put forth the effort early in the relationship, there's no way he will when things really get tough ten or twenty years from now. You deserve someone who wants you for the long haul.

    Odd thought that just occurred to me...if we all want to be above average and not ordinary, does that make the dream of being extraordinary...well, ordinary. Sorry, it was just an odd thought.

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  24. I read once that if someone tells you who they are, believe them. Actions speak as loudly as words, and believing what is real instead of what you want to be real (not talking about you, just saying in general) could save us all so much hurt. I wish I could teach that lesson to my daughter early on. She's probably going to be a slow learner like I was... dagnabitanyway.

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  25. Getting to perfection takes a lot of practice. And confidence that you have achieved that point. Relationships and writing have a lot in common. Still, its the journey that matters most, right? At least you put your heart out there, and have the courage to know when it is not working for you. And then, get back out there and try again.

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  26. I can totally relate - at least on the boyfriend front. After a lifetime of being the fixer, the one who held on, the one who fought for relationships, I decided two years ago, after my second divorce, that I am worth the effort it takes to get to know me, worth the effort it may take to work with me to maintain a relationship. Whether it is friendship, a romantic relationship, or even kinship - I will settle for nothing less.

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  27. You're a wise woman, friend. And as someone up there wrote, if he is too dumb to realize what an amazing woman you are, then he doesn't deserve any more of your precious time.

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