Wednesday, December 31, 2014

I Can't Believe We've Circled Back to This: Boundary Issues, Part I of whatever

I considered not even posting this because... let's face it: tomorrow is Battle of the Bands, and this post will be covered up (and mostly not read) pretty quickly. However, interesting discoveries happening here. So, maybe I'll this a Part One of Two? Three? Four? and link back to this one with the rest a la Stephen T. McCarthy style.

First, I appreciate the THOUGHTFUL comments from so many of you on my last post. Several of you expressed concern that something you might say could or would hurt my feelings. Alas, not so. I wanted to hear something other than my own thoughts, and you gave them! Thank you!

Here is the rundown on Christmas, bullet point style:
  • First, the shocker (not): He didn't show up.
  • I took FAE's suggestion in the comments and steered the conversation to other topics. Good idea! Though, it was a lot of work. I've discovered that I'm a person who's comfortable with silence. Constant talking just wears me out. So, after two days of this (Christmas Eve and Christmas)... exhausted.
  • We ate cheese spaghetti (I know this was on ALL of your minds), and it was delicious.
  • We watched the movie Must Love Dogs. For those of you not in the know about this film... It's a divorced woman (Diane Lane) and a divorced man (John Cusack) who are both thrown into the online dating world by well-meaning family (her) and friend (him). She has many disastrous dates (with people who live in the country and show up) and a pseudo-disastrous first date with the Cusack character. Why? Dating is hard. Online dating is really hard. 
  • What I hoped mom would take away from this movie was that even people who date online have an expectation of a face-to-face meeting fairly quickly (and it will suck 9 times out of 10). Ergo, being "in love" with and expecting to marry someone you've never actually met... RIDICULOUS.
  • Did she take that away? I don't think so. Oh well.
Here is the trailer for Must Love Dogs. It's a cute movie.

In the second part of this installment, we shall move on to what I learned from a dream that became even more clear in therapy and how much work I still have to do.  (That could also be the third and fourth parts, because there was A PLETHORA of emotional gold--aka issues--to mine here.) I can't wait to bare my soul for you people so you understand how truly f#cked up I am, but it's really my parents' fault... hahahaha... you know, because they raised me this way;)

If you're thinking we didn't discuss boundary issues, trust me... they are THERE. You just aren't ready for them yet. (Imagine this in my best Jack Nicholson voice.) You can't handle the truth.

Well, you can. And you will. Just not today. See you in January. Happy New Year friends!!!!


  1. See you in January... BTW, I stopped over here to link you- I'm doing a year closing post and want to explain to everyone why I'm about to give you the #1 blogger award (such as it is). See, things looking up already!

  2. Gawd, Robin - girl - you are funny!! I'm thinking "reality show" with you and momsies!! Please consider it. :))

  3. Happy New Year! It's got to be better than 2014, which was hell for me (in a manner of speaking). Good luck with the mom situation. Left a late comment on that post.

  4. Happy New Year! Whatever the year brings, let's hope we can be healthy, happy and blog:) Must Love Dogs is a cute movie. I have done the internet dating, let's just say, going out with a 7ft tall man named Jesus, meeting a man who talked incessantly about his chocolate fountain and meeting a man who ended up having no teeth, were on the "don't go there" list

  5. Sorry that your mom is still pining away for this mystery man. It's a shame there isn't another family member that could help reason with her. I know this is a heavy load for you to carry. Just remember you're a wonderful daughter, and your mom is lucky to have you. By admitting that you're right, your mom probably feels like she's losing her power. I know from experience, how some moms will fight with all their might to prove they're still in charge. Take care of yourself during this stressful time. Remember your health comes first, Robin. Wishing you all good things in 2015!


  6. CW ~ I took a quick peek at your post last night, but it was LATE and I was TIRED. I promise to return and comment today. Thank you for the mention. Mostly I'm glad that things worked out well. Sometimes all it takes is someone outside the situation telling you what you already knew!

    Dixie ~ I honestly couldn't imagine a TV crew following me around and filming all the time. They edit those shows for the "juiciest" bits, which are usually people when they completely lose it. Since that happens fairly regularly for me... egads. I wouldn't want the world to see that!

    D.G. ~ Sorry 2014 was so rough. I hope 2015 is MUCH BETTER.

    Birgit ~ Yep. I keep suggesting (without outright saying) that the odds of "meeting" four pretty great guys (she never met)... two of whom she was convinced she'd marry shortly after that first meeting... well, it's not realistic. The first one took all her money, and I don't know what the second one's up to... but, I'm sure it'll be a whopper of a story. But The Point is that they are so great because they quizzed her about what she wanted in a man, and now have her convinced that they are ALL of those things. If you admire evil genius, it's brilliant.

    Julie ~ Oh yeah, she's still on the hook and buying his stories (I mean, excuses) hook, line, and sinker. One of the things up for topic in future posts is HOW TO LIGHTEN THIS LOAD if you can't change the behavior. I do wonder if part of the reason she's clinging so damn hard to this fantasy is just to prove me wrong (since she knows I think he's a scammer). If that's the case, I need to rethink what I'm doing.

  7. I'm sorry she's still engaging in this self-destructive behavior and dragging you into it. When my sister was visiting me earlier this week, she confided in me how her mother-in-law had gotten herself into some very bad financial trouble, then conned a long-time friend of my sister and her husband's into loaning her thousands of dollars (which they now feel obligated to pay back), and how this didn't even put a dent in what the woman owes ... I feel so bad for my sister and for you. I don't have any advice. Just expressing sympathy.

    1. Dianne, I realize (now)--and will go into this more fully as I plunge into this little series--I can't change her. All I can do is change me and how I react to her. Not just her actually, but all people who throw their toxic mess on us. This is a Life Lesson/Boundary Thing. We all run into these issues. Learning how to negotiate them is important in life.

  8. Oh, I can't wait! Seriously, I live for this stuff. When people make real connections with how their own reactions to other peoples behaviors actually affect their own lives, amazing sh*t happens. Truly. It happened to me, so I ought to know. ;)

  9. Glad you got your Cheese Spaghetti! :) I hope your mom moves on from her online fella, since he didn't show. Time for her to stop crossing those oceans. ;) Happy New Year to you!

  10. Not the point, but the woman who wrote the book, Must Love Dogs lived one town over from me. She used fictitious representations of many sites in my town in the book, places you've seen pictures of on my blog. The book is also cute, and a funny read, if you want to compare it to the movie. I wrote about Claire Cook here...a lifetime ago. When I read over that post I realized how different the place is that I'm in right now. Hang in there with your Mom, and let your strength build.


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