The Soundtrack of My Life, This Is What Marriage Looks Like (and BoTB results)

Before we get to the actual post for today, I've got some BoTB results to post for you. The song was Orange Colored Sky and the contenders were Natalie Gauci and Michael Buble. This was one of the most interesting battles here on this ole blog in a long time. For the longest time it was back and forth with the vote, but then Natalie Gauci pulled ahead and Michael Buble simply couldn't catch her. The final tally without my vote:

Natalie Gauci: 15

Michael Buble: 9

I'm with the majority on this one. I thought Natalie Gauci blew it out of the park. However, that isn't to say that I didn't/don't enjoy the Michael Buble version. In other words, no matter how this turned out, I'd have been fine with it. Two very fine versions of a wonderful song.

If you didn't read the last Soundtrack post, I suggest you back up one. This is really an extension of that one.

Okay, so you're caught up, right? It's sophomore year and my parents are divorcing. Here's the "rest of the story" that you really need to know for everything that comes down the line to make sense. I said in a previous post that I had no good role models for how "good marriage works."

My parents: My father was wonderful with my brother and I. Always willing to talk and listen. Not so much with my mom. I don't know when they quit trying, but I know it grieved my mother greatly. There were times she'd stand in the bathroom and cry while we were both getting ready in the morning. At the time, I was sure it was something I'd done (but I had no idea what and wasn't brave enough to ask). Turns out, it was just the gulf between her and my dad. One that she never could cross. He was distant and cold, and I suspect the harder she tried to bridge it, the faster he ran for higher ground. That would be Model #1 on Marriage.

My grandparents: My grandpa was horribly abusive to my grandma. In point of fact, abuse ran all the way down my grandma's family tree. Her mother, my great grandmother, had seven sisters. Every last one of them married an abusive man. Some were alcoholics. Others not. None of them nice. On visits to their house, I'd listen to my grandma give my mom the update on "the sisters," and it was one case of abuse after another. For my grandma, this was the "normal" way to live. She was surrounded by abuse and accepted it from my grandpa daily. It was very hard to watch. That would be Model #2 on Marriage.

My dad's mom (nanny) and that whole side of the family really: My dad's mother divorced five times. As did her mother (my great grandmother), which was unheard of in those days. My aunt was divorced for the third time (I think) most of my life. But she had boyfriends who came and went. So, it was the opposite end of the spectrum over there. There was a lot of kicking to the curb happening and a strict No Tolerance Policy of... well anything. I think the lesson was "leave them before they can leave you"... or something like that. That would be Model #3 on Marriage.

It's all really messed up. I know it.

Then there's my own takeaway on what love looks like: If it doesn't hurt, it isn't love. I guess I pulled all of those scenarios together, and that's what I decided on. How do I know this? Well, if it wasn't hurting me, I didn't trust it. Of course, when it hurt too much, I had to leave it. But, the only thing I had any faith in was the storm.

Like I said, messed up.

Now, given that, you'd think I'd hate this song, but I LOVE it. And the video is freakin' awesome.






Have you noticed how the relationships of those closest to you influenced your own choices? Were you lucky enough to have good role models or have you, too, been trying to overcome faulty belief systems?


If you're enjoying these posts, feel free to share your own Soundtrack. This isn't a hop. No requirements at all, but a suggestion to do it one song at a time. (If you participated in the hop several years ago, you can still do this. Just post them one song at a time, with the freedom to add more songs if you'd like.) I'll link to all participants at the bottom of each of these posts:

StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Cherdo on the Flipside 

Holli's Hoots and Hollers

The Soundtrack of My Life, Going Through The Big "D" (and I don't mean Dallas)

If you participated in Battle of the Bands (June 1 post... and still time to vote!) than you know that we've slipped into my sophomore year at college.

My parents decided to divorce my sophomore year. When I originally wrote this post, the way I remembered it was that my dad sent me a letter letting me know that he and mom were divorcing. Turns out I keep a lot of shizzle, and when I was making scrapbooks I taped all of that shizzle in there... including the letter from dad. After reading the letter (again), I realized the letter was a follow-up to a phone conversation in which they dropped the bomb. But, all of these years later all I remembered was the letter. The brain is a weird place. If you don't believe me on that, you need to read some of my older blog posts. They confirm it.

Here's the proof that I did get a phone call and then a letter:

Click to enlarge

Here's the bizarre thing about my parents divorcing: I was expecting it. I'd known it was going to happen since junior high school and I watched the movie Heaven Can Wait. If you've seen that movie, do you remember the scene when the Warren Beatty character takes the Julie Christie character out to dinner? At the end of the evening he drops her off at her hotel. As she's walking up the stairs he calls from the parking lot, "My wife and I are getting a divorce."

She replies, "But you're not even separated."

He says, "Sure we are. It's a big house."

Granted, in that movie said wife was desperately trying to kill the Warren Beatty character for his money. It wasn't like that in my house. No one was plotting murder, and the house wasn't all that big. BUT, my parents lived very separate lives. In fact, there was a distinct lack of conversation. My parents could go for weeks without saying anything other than, "Pass the salt."

So, they didn't divorce because they argued all the time. They didn't. They simply didn't connect any more on any level, and even I knew it.

So, what was shocking about this turn of events? They did it before I expected. I really thought they'd wait until my brother graduated high school (and me college). So, I thought I had a few more years to adjust myself to the idea. I also thought it wasn't going to be "that big a deal" when it finally happened.

Boy, was I wrong.

If I thought I was in a spin freshman year, I learned what spin really was my sophomore year. I even wrote a research paper on divorce and why it happens. The whole world felt upended and my faith in the "lastingness" of relationships was at all-time low. Honestly, I'm not sure that it ever really recovered, because I still am amazed when someone says they're happily married after a whole lotta years. How do they do that???? What I learned in my research was that they do stuff together, take an interest in the other person's interests, and genuinely like one another. (You can understand something intellectually and still not really grasp it, if you know what I mean.)

What I'm trying to say is that knowing on a theoretical level what keeps people together and what drives them apart didn't change a whole lot for me. I was still messed up.

Just when you think that you know it all
You'll never fall and that it's all good
And you're gonna win again, it's a sin, that's gonna mess you up

Just when you think that you can't be touched
You're on your way up you think you're too much
That's gonna mess you up, it's your ego, your mojo, out of control

That's gonna mess you up, life has a way
To put you in your place if it needs to
That's gonna mess you up, leave yourself behind

Look around you'll find, it ain't all about you
In the end it's who you loved and who loved you
If it ain't the heart and soul stuff, that's gonna mess you up

Just when you thought that the girl was yours
She stuck it to you with a note on the door
Sayin' all take and no give, boy that ain't no way to live

She left you high and dry in the middle of the night
'Cause you didn't treat her right, that's gonna mess you up
You neglected, she rejected, should've expected

That's gonna mess you up, life has a way
To put you in your place if it needs to
That's gonna mess you up, leave yourself behind

Look around you'll find, it ain't all about you
In the end it's who you loved and who loved you
If it ain't the heart and soul stuff, that's gonna mess you up

That's gonna mess you up, life has a way
To put you in your place if it needs to
That's gonna mess you up, leave yourself behind

Look around you'll find, it ain't all about you
In the end it's who you loved and who loved you
If it ain't the heart and soul stuff, that's gonna mess you up

Have you ever been through a divorce? Your parents? Your grandparents? How did you cope?

Soundtrack/Battle of the Bands ~ Orange Colored Sky

Once again my Soundtrack series has run into Battle of the Bands. In the past it has resembled a crash. Today, it's more like a friendly merger.

So, let's start with the Soundtrack story. It's my Sophomore year of college. We're jumping ahead in time just a little bit, but at least we're in the right year! I lived in a coed dorm, the only one on campus, which is right where I wanted to be. My roommate situation became complicated at the end of my freshman year (which I'll address later), but ended up working out just the way it should. The girls who lived across the hall were complete strangers, though that wouldn't last, and they'd become good friends.

In point of fact, all four of us (me, my roomie, and the girls across the hall) all loved to play euchre. If you're from the north, you know of what I speak. If you're from the south, you're without a clue. I don't know about you western-living folk. BUT, it's a card game. In the north it's a wildly popular card game. Most everyone at my college played euchre. Turns out, there was a group of guys who lived on the second floor of my dorm who congregated in the lobby to play. After dinner, my friends and I (them that wanted to play, that is) would stop in the lobby for a game (or night) of euchre.

On this particular occasion, we didn't have enough people. So, I volunteered to go knock on doors on the second floor of the dorm to scrounge up some euchre players. I kinda sorta knew where these dudes lived, but not really. Anyway, one of the rooms had music blaring. (I mean blaring, as in really loud.) I knocked and knocked and knocked again. Honestly, I was stymied. Someone had to be in there because no one would just leave with their music turned up to 11.

This guy, who I'd never met, throws open the door and yells, "What???"

Two things were readily apparent. 1) He was annoyed. 2) He'd been sleeping. The latter threw my brain into a spin. Who could sleep through that racket????

I stammer out, "I was looking for R-------. We need someone for euchre." At this point, feeling really stupid and kinda scared. The guy was big (not fat), but football player-like big. Mussed. A bit like an angry bear.

He scratches his head and says, "Where you playing?

Okay, maybe this wasn't going to be a disaster. "The lobby."

"I'll be down in a few minutes." Door slams.

Why is this story even important? We'll call this guy J1 (guys with J names feature prominently in my life). He would also be my first Big Love. But not this year. There was a time when I thought this would be a story for the grandchildren. Alas, it didn't work out that way. But, it still makes me smile just to think about it. You never know who's lurking behind Door Number One.

If this were just a Soundtrack post, the song would be Orange Colored Sky by Nat King Cole. And you can listen to it HERE. But, you can't vote for it. He would run away with the vote. .

So, let's get to it. I punched in Orange Colored Sky on YouTube and listened to many versions. Honestly, I was a bit surprised at the number of covers. I'd never even heard the two I decided on for this battle until I began the search.

Do you have any First Meeting Stories you'd like to share? I'd like to hear about 'em!

First up is Natalie Gauci:



Next up is Michael Buble:



We've got so many new Battle of the Bands players that I'm having difficulty keeping up. (We post a new battle on the 1st and 15th of each month.) For those who've been following this feature/blog for a while now, can you believe that once upon a time -- for a long time-- there were only five of us??? Well, now the list grows each battle. So, if your name is not on here and you're participating, please leave me a message in the comments. Thanks for your patience!

 Also, please vote for the version of this song you prefer. If you want to get into the Ins and Outs of why you like one better than the other... I LOVE long comments!

For more Battle of the Bands fun, check out the other BOTB bloggers to vote on their battles:

• Far Away Series (not participating 6/1/15)
• Stephen T. McCarthy's Battle of the Bands Blog
• Tossing it Out
• DiscConnected (temporarily disconnected from BoTB)
• This Belle Rocks
• Mike's Ramblings
• Curious as a Cathy 
• Book Lover
• The Sound of One Hand Typing
• dcrelief ~ Battle of the Bands 
• Shady Dell Music & Memories (not participating 6/1/15)
• Cherdo on the Flipside 
• Angels Bark 
• THE DOGLADY'S DEN 
• Jingle Jangle Jungle 
• WOMEN: We Shall Overcome
• Alex J. Cavanaugh (sometimes)