10 Ways To Identify a Romance Scam

My blog buddy, Bryan over at A Beer For The Shower is here to make my post ever so much funnier than anything I could write by myself. He's also the brilliant creator of the cartoons. Please give him a standing O.

Okay, you can sit down now.

What you're about to read are the Dos and Don'ts to identify a scammer: Robin's Personal Top 10 List of How To Save Your 401K From The Online Man Of Your Dreams You'll Never Meet.

Chances are, if you're reading this, you're NOT the person being scammed. Why? People who are being scammed absolutely refuse to believe they are the victim of a scam. I know. My mom has been pursued by numerous scammers. Let me share my (I mean Mom's) credentials to validate that I can absolutely recognize a scammer from twelve inches (the approximate distance of my nose to my computer monitor).

Brief Descriptions of the Scammers Who've Approached Mom:

Scammer #1 - Lives in Atlanta. After a couple of weeks of IM and Phone Calls he had to leave for Malaysia for a JOB (because that’s where people go to work). As soon as he arrives in Malaysia: FINANCIAL CRISIS. SEND ME ALL UR MONEY PLZ.

Scammer #2 - Forgot where he lived (happens to the best of us). Currently in CO buying furniture for his business. He's robbed* and FINANCIAL CRISIS. SEND ME ALL UR MONEY PLZ.

*Bryan, who lives in Colorado, can confirm that he’s robbed CONSTANTLY**

**never once

Scammer #3 - Lived in S. FL. A meeting is scheduled, but the day before the meet he must fly to TX because his son needs a heart transplant, and FINANCIAL CRISIS. SEND ME ALL UR MONEY PLZ.

Scammer #4 - Ironically, #3 and #4 happened simultaneously. These two knew each other. #4 referred her to #3 (not knowing they were already talking) because #3 supposedly worked to help women who'd been already scammed… for the miserly fee of $10K. SEND ME ALL UR MONEY PLZ.

Scammer #5 - Lived in CA. Wanted to relocate to wherever his true love lived. Who knew it would be here? However, as a geologist he had to leave for work in Malaysia (because again, that’s where everybody goes to work) and FINANCIAL CRISIS. SEND ME ALL UR MONEY PLZ.

Scammer #6 - Native of France. Lived in Boca Raton, FL as a renter. Ran a business to fix cruise ships (sounds legit). Wanted to meet mom, but had to leave for Australia for work and FINANCIAL CRISIS. SEND ME ALL UR MONEY PLZ.

I bet you can already see a pattern. But sadly, if it's happening to your mother (or friend), I promise you she can't/won't see it. She’s dazzled by all of those super sexy emails promising to spoil her rotten and love her up and down (gross). Not to mention buy her a new house, new car, and the new Whatever The Hell She Wants because he makes Big Bucks! So, it's up to you to recognize that your loved one is being scammed. Lucky for you, I've been through this six times (sigh) over the past two years. I'm a freakin' expert.

I've got 10 Simple Tips to help you determine if your mom's potential spouse is really just looking to get into her pants (to filch her wallet).

1) If your mother shows you the profile of her new online boyfriend and he is twenty years younger than she is, don't be alarmed. Your mom is just a babealicious babe. No, wait, actually be alarmed. Your mom is the Perfect Target, and it's not normal for a rich, good looking man in his mid-50s to salivate after a woman in her 70s.

2) If your mother's boyfriend is widowed. I know this seems innocuous, but my mom has been romanced by six different scammers. Not a divorcee in the bunch. It probably helps play on sympathy. Either that, or it’s the rich symbolism that he’s about to rip his mate’s head off like a black widow.

3) If your mother's potential new mate has a foreign accent, is an engineer or contractor, and doesn't live anywhere near her.

4) If your mother's new man has a first and last name that are actually two first names. For example, Steve Samuel, Richard Mark, Wayne Michael. Anything that sounds like it was either created by a 5 year old or someone who’s never been to America.

5) If, after your mom insists on a face-to-face meeting, he instantly must leave the country for a) work or b) a sick relative or c) that small child that fell down a well. Whatever the crappy excuse, it’ll happen the very instant she’s ready to meet.

6) If he must depart the country for work, your new love is very likely to meet up with many unexpected catastrophes. Like there’s an import tax of which he was previously unaware, but fortunately for you it only requires you sending him $5K to get his stuff back so he can get to work. After he succeeds in getting this money, expect every possible crisis to soon follow. Not enough equipment. Equipment is ruined and must be replaced. He gets a six figure check but cannot cash it due to the fees imposed by the bank. He can't send it to his own bank because they don't accept check by mail. Additionally, everyone in his family has sold their homes and the dog to try and get his ass back home. You, and you alone, are his last hope.

7) The good news is that he has a six figure check, so he can reimburse your mother immediately. I mean, he'd totally help her out of a jam if the roles were reversed…

8) Your mother's man might have his lawyer correspond with her to confirm that Her Man is in very real, very dire circumstances that can all be alleviated with one small, or not so small, check. Or he might introduce her to a family member if she hesitates at sending the money. This person, if they're very good, will tell her not to send it if she doesn't have it, but reassure her that said family member is the "most honest person they know."

9) If you become suspicious of your mom's knight in shining armor, there are sites you can use to determine the likelihood of a scam. Copy/paste some of those sweet words he sent your mother in an email. (Word of warning: It is painful reading this sugary sexpot stuff. Perhaps you should pop some pills or drink a bottle of Jack, or both, before never being able to look at dear ol’ mom the same way again.) If you find that same message word-for-word on the internet, chances are your mom's honeypot didn't write it. Either that, or he did write it… and then sent it to about 1,000,000 people.

10) Scammers use, and by use I mean steal, other people's pictures as their own. If your mother is corresponding with a man embodying all of the aforementioned traits, run his pictures through Google Images. For the non-savvy computer user 1) Click on Google Images 2) Click on the camera 3) Click on upload picture from your computer (if that's where you have it saved). Then wait. If the boyfriend pops up as someone else on social media, he just might not be who he says he is… regardless of dear cousin Mary vouching that “he is most honest person that is knowing.”

While all of this is presented with humor, the facts are TRUE. If someone you care about is dating on-line, they are in the sights of salivating scammers. I hope these 10 tips help your mother avoid the pitfalls of falling prey to their ruse. Unless you just came from Bryan's blog, use the link at the top of this blog to run over their posthaste. I promise you won't be sorry!

Cheers and Stay Classy, Friends,
Robin and Bryan

Drinking: Red wine out of the box
Listening: Barenaked Ladies

This Is How You Know You've Been Scammed

First, I want to thank everyone who has voted on Battle of the Bands (my last post). If you have not yet done that, I hope you will. The last day to vote is the 5th (Thursday). I might or might not have my regular Thursday post on that day. Why?

Second, my migraine is kicking my butt. I am now FULLY aware of how stress in my life translates into extreme pain in my body.

My mother joined a dating website in February (I think). And she met this guy who claimed to be from Georgia, owned his own business, blah blah blah. And before they could meet he had to go to Malaysia to work a job. While there, he was beset with one financial crisis after another. I was unaware that he asked my mother for money (and she sent it) until after the first few sends. When I did find out... I do believe pieces of my brains are still clinging to the ceiling in the living room. But, it wasn't over and she felt compelled to send yet more money in order to get back her initial investment. I STRONGLY advised her not to do that. But, she did. And then she stopped talking to me about it until she sent him EVERYTHING she had. I am talking savings, running up all the credit cards, and emptying her retirement IRA. Everything. Complete financial destitution. It KILLS ME that she sent this scammer creep every penny that she scraped to save her entire life.

By the time she told me the extent of the damage, she suspected she had been scammed. I went online to look for stories of other people who had been scammed. They are all eerily similar. She filed a police report (they said they couldn't help because it was outside of state lines) and something online with the FBI. Radio silence from them. The guy continued to call right up until a few days ago. Sporadically. But enough that it kept a nugget of hope alive in her mind that he was NOT a scammer. (He is totally a scammer.)

In the meantime, she joined another dating site (in order to move past the pain of the first experience). And started talking at first via email and then phone to another guy. He supposedly lives in the area, but it took about a week to find out he was in Colorado for a conference. My scammer alarm began to sound. She let me read his emails. Right away my brain went "Scammer." She said that couldn't be because she told him that she'd been scammed and had NOTHING left. Why try to mine for gold where there isn't any? She had a point, but the other part of my brain said that scammers are liars. Liars tend to think that everyone else lies. So, he probably thinks she still has some sort of nest egg. When the flowers and candy arrived out of the blue (from scammer #2) I knew it was a scam. Scammer #1 sent a rose bush after she told him that she wasn't crazy about flowers. I guess she forgot to mention that to #2. Now, I just sat back and waited for the inevitable financial crisis. It came this morning. He was robbed. He needs $800.

At first I was relieved... she will wake up and see this for what it is.

No.

She says that someone owes her $500 and if she can get that money back she might send him some.

Say what???? What was left of my brain blew off and all of my remaining brain matter now lives on the ceiling of the living room. It's a freaking miracle that I can even type right now given the fact that my brain exploded and is dripping off the ceiling.

Turns out that she can't get that $500 back (whew) yet. At most, the person who owes her can give her $60. She relayed this to scammer #2. I told her he'd take it. After all, he needs reimbursement for the money he spent on the flowers and candy he sent.

She still uses the phrase "IF he is a scammer when she talks about scammers #1 and #2" which does nothing to soothe my migraine. If she sends money she doesn't have to these morons, I am going to have dip into MY savings to cover HER bills. And I don't have much savings. And I don't want to pay scammers.

So, she said she was corresponding with someone else. I told her I knew from the emails right away of #1 and #2 (after I read them) that they were scammers. She asked me to read the emails from the new guy. Guess what? #3 is also a scammer according to my radar.

She did NOT want to hear that. She now thinks that I think everyone is a scammer. Not so. But if they live so far away - or are out of the state for a conference - that you can't meet within a couple of email chats... they are probably a scammer. If they have a crazy lineage to explain their extremely foreign accent, they are probably a scammer. If they call you honey, dear, sweety, and my queen in the second email, they are probably a scammer. If they repeatedly use the word soul mate with someone they have never met, they are probably a scammer. If they write you extremely lengthy emails and manage to convey absolutely nothing with any meaning whatsoever, scammer. If they are an engineer of any kind (no offense if you are an engineer, but seriously they are ALL engineers and do private consulting or own their own business)... scammer. If they are widowed and just want someone to share their life... scammer. (Again, my apologies if you are widowed and on a dating site.) Every single one of these guys meet the above criteria. Every.Single.One.  If they send you flowers and candy (and haven't met you) and then need a large amount of money for a crisis - CONFIRMED SCAMMER.

As you might expect, my mother feels horribly stupid over having sent scammer #1 all of her money. But she still can't see the thread of commonality running here. My job isn't to make her feel stupid. She is a very trusting and caring person who is honest to a fault. Ergo, she believes that everyone else is the same. I was married to a chronic liar for three years. I know that just because YOU are honest does not mean other people are.

And she now says like a mantra, "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose." What she doesn't seem to understand is that there is always more to lose. Maybe money. Maybe faith. Maybe hope. I believe that this madness will stop only when she reads one of these emails and can clearly see (or suspect) that this is another scammer. I tried to joke with her that if she strung enough of them along maybe she could slowly recoup her money in flowers and chocolate. Or ask them to send something useful like a couple pounds of bacon. Have you seen the cost of bacon lately? I mean that would seriously be helpful.

I have suggested that she change tactics and utilize the Meet Up site here. They have singles groups that actually meet and do things. I sent her the link. I don't know what else to do. I do know that the anxiety over all of this is keeping me in a state of acute migraine all of the time. I don't know how to effectively cope with stress when it lives with me.

Any ideas?

Oh, and I am sorry for unloading this huge pile of horse manure on you. Now you know why I originally titled this blog as Blog Therapy. Obviously, I need it.