I got up early this morning for a psych evaluation. It was the only time slot the doctor's office had this week, and my SSD Hearing is fast approaching. May 22. The weight of that date has been crushing me just a little more every day. So, I needed the test with the follow-up appt next week and the time to get the medical records requested BEFORE the hearing.
This has felt a bit like standing in line at the amusement park. Hurry up and wait. With the added benefit of the standing being the worst part. The walking from ride to ride isn't so bad, but that hour or more stand in the line is just a killer. Walking is movement. Standing is just... well, standing.
My hearing is slated for 8:30am on May 22 so I knew this morning appt would be an excellent dry run at how well I do. Last night at 4am when I was still wide awake and completely stressed out, I had a fairly good idea of what that would look like. Scary as crap. I began to develop alternate scenarios of sleep all day the day before and then stay up all night so that 8:30am is the END of my day and not the beginning. That is desperation thinking.
I got about two hours sleep before my test and was in excellent humor when I arrived at the doctor's office. Ha. In reality, I looked like the victim of a mugging and was mean as a snake. My whole body felt like it endured a beating all night long. So, I was in the perfect state of mind for a Psych Evaluation. LOL. Several hours later, it was over and I was completely creeped out. Some of the questions on those tests had my mind spinning. Another blog peeps. Maybe.
I get home and there is a message to call my Disability Reps. All I WANT to do is go to bed. But, I call. It is a person I have never dealt with before. And my brain slowly processes what he is saying. But I make him repeat it because I am running on IDIOT.
The judge has reviewed your case and your petition has been approved. Your hearing on May 22 has been cancelled. You will be getting your official notice in the mail. The various people in our office will be following up with you to help you with your Medicare benefits, and to make sure you get your monetary benefit(s).
He may have said more but I started crying the first time through, and the second time around I just wanted to be sure I got it right.
There are no words to express the relief that I feel. It still isn't over because the red tape still has to be processed, but we are almost home. I can stop worrying. An end is in sight.
image found at www.weheartit.com
