Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Would You Miss Me?

Well, it's December 27. If you're scratching your head, I'll give you an assist. The day that Jack killed himself two years ago. Also the day of our first date. Those two events may or may not be related. I won't know until I'm also dead. But, then I won't be able to blog about it and let you in on the news. It's a puzzler for sure.

I went back to a blog I wrote in 2010. A very long blog detailing the relationship in conversation and summary. I really had no clue about how to write a succinct blog back in those days. (Yeah, I know it's still an issue. You must grade me on improvement.) What follows are short excerpts from that blog:

Me: If I had to move to Florida, would you miss me? (I say this because it is a possibility. My finances are terrible, but I hope it won't happen.)

Him: I would miss you like I would miss the sun.

And that always makes me think of this song:

On the original post, I included the Grey's Anatomy video It's The End of the World As We Know It at the end, with these words bringing up the very end of the blog. Again, for the sake of your time, which I know is precious, I'm just going to skip to the clip at the end of that show (It's The End Of The World As We Know It, Part 2):

I have spent years trying to remember that last kiss, and I can't for the life of me. If you know something is going to end, you prepare better. You note each thing as it happens, and mark it as the last word, the last dance, the last dinner, the last touch, so that nothing is missed. I don't remember the last time I even saw him, much less kissed him, because I didn't know it would be the last time. And he isn't talking.

Well, it's 2016, and I still can't put my finger on that last kiss. I wish I'd asked him when we talked the last time (a few months before he died). Maybe he could've helped me out with that detail. As it is, he still isn't talking.


  1. I'm sorry that you are still dealing with this senseless loss. It is difficult to lose someone nevermind when you lose someone to suicide. One can often ponder all,those questions and yet one can't find the answers. The best one can do is to find, somehow, the way to adapt to what has happened...never an easy thing.

  2. I'm so sorry that issue haunts you. It's one of those things that frustrates and doesn't make sense. Thoughts for you on this day.

  3. I'm sorry for your loss. Suicide's effects can be so devastating. My thoughts are with you on this day.

    You would be missed.

  4. Those who commit suicide or leave us without a farewell (as in a traffic accident) do impact those left behind. A loss is a loss, no matter how it occurs. We can't always know when that moment is going to come. And, a voice silenced can't tell us 'why'. Wishing you strength to get through this. A new year is on the horizon, look on it with hope.

  5. I would miss you. Would anyone miss me?

  6. So sorry for your loss and unresolved thoughts...

  7. I hope you got through the day ok. I can tell you it gets easier, but so far I cannot tell you it will ever go away. Sending virtual hugs your way. <3

    April 14th is the day I have to switch off my brain or drown. It's been 8 years this year. Sometimes it feels like a hundred. Sometimes like no time has passed at all. Sometimes I dream that he is still alive. A ghost of my own making, I guess.

    Be well, luv.

  8. I'm so sorry Robin. Suicide has got to be the most difficult death to deal with because there are so many unanswered questions that continue to haunt those left behind for years and years. The only thing that I realize when suicide is involved is that the person must have been in tremendous pain to have resorted to that end. It's a heartbreaking end. My thoughts are with you as you navigate this ongoing grief. Sending you a big compassionate hug.

    Michele at Angels Bark

  9. It's easy not to savor the moments because we figure there's more to come. We should try to remember that today is the most important day because we can't do anything about yesterday and today lays the groundwork for all of our days yet to come.

    And, yeah, I would indeed miss you even though we are only connected by our blogs and technology that I don't quite understand.

    Have a great 2017 and may you do mighty things that are meaningful to you.

    Arlee Bird
    Tossing It Out

  10. Not to make light of a situation that I am also familiar with (X 2), but my friend The Flying Aardvark once said: "If I'd known that was going to be the last time I'd ever make love, I would have paid more attention."

    That's a humorous way of looking at what you are looking at through a very serious lens.

    Suicides are so tough. At least you were on good terms with each other at the end. I had a friend who committed suicide and I later learned from his mother that he'd been despondent because he felt he had no friends. I hadn't seen or talked to him for a few months that Summer when he killed himself. Living with THAT has not been fun.

    Maybe it's just as well you didn't TRT 'ORDINARY PEOPLE' with us last night, as it revolves around the topic of suicide.

    ~ D-FensDogG

  11. Oh sweets, I'm sorry you had to go through that. While I have not experienced such a tragedy, I can only imagine what you are going through. That Greys episode, when I originally watched it I balled like a baby. To this day, I still do. It reminds me of my loss. I hope in my heart of hearts, that you are comforted and that your unanswered question, gets answered. Maybe in a dream, or a the wind or the smell of rain...Happy New Year! Hugs!!!


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