Friday, June 19, 2015

The Soundtrack of My Life, Yakkety Yak Please Talk Back

It's only when I started putting together these Soundtrack posts that I realized how much happened my sophomore year of college. I think this might be the "busiest" year of my entire life in terms on pivotal things going on. I had no idea that was true until beginning this project. We'll see if time later proves me wrong, but there have been quite a few songs (significant events) for this year.



On my last BoTB post, I told you my initial meeting/first date story with J2. On the BoTB before that I told you the initial meet with J1, but I never told you the rest of the story.

Today you get the rest of the story for J1: Sophomore Year.

I would post a photo of J1 for this year, but I don't have one. That might seem odd, but it isn't. Not really.

So, if you'll recall our first meeting was odd. He threw open the door and screamed "What?" after my repeated knocking. Then, he came downstairs and played cards with us. You must want to know what happened after that auspicious beginning!

Turns out we really connected. He was another one of my "connect" people for sophomore year. It was a bizarre relationship. He had a girlfriend, who I never met. I was kinda/sorta in a very oblique sort of way dating his roommate. I can't really call it dating, but I can't call it not dating either. I think I was trying on the idea of a "boyfriend," and he wasn't really a good fit, so it stagnated in a place of sort of dating. Kind of reminds me of 6th graders and how they date. They "go together" but nothing actually happens. Now, I think J1's relationship with his girlfriend was more serious than that, but I also think my involvement in his life made it more complicated. ha!

J1 and talked. A lot. We'd play a game or two of euchre and then opt out and just sit and talk for hours. The lobby had furniture and "cubby holes," so you could easily just sit and talk. I'm not sure that his roommate thought much about it, though he should have, because who spends hours just talking??? Well, we did. We talked about Everything. Honestly, I can't think of a single topic that was off-limits. Well, I didn't ask him much about his girlfriend and he wasn't all that keen on discussing my non-relationship with his roommate, but other than that...

J1 and I had a lot in common. The best and worst was that we were equally broken. Equally ridden with holes. When you're full of holes no one understands better than someone else bullet ridden with holes. My parents divorced. J1's divorced when he was 5. His dad remarried very happily, but his relationship with his bio mom at that time was pretty much non-existent. Holes. J1 blew out his knee ending his aspirations for playing football and baseball. Baseball was the real kicker for him. I quit music and had no idea what I was going to major in. I was aimlessly taking CORE classes to try and find a new dream, a new passion, a new anything. Holes. I could go on, but those two subjects alone could keep us talking for days.

J1 didn't come back second semester my sophomore year. I don't know how it would've all turned out if he had. Probably wouldn't have started dating J2, so I'm kinda glad it worked out like it did. J2 was a really nice guy, even though it didn't end well. Getting there, people. Next post I'll tell you what happened with him! But, I didn't think I'd ever see J1 again after he quit school. Turns out I was wrong about that, but if you'd asked me in January of 1988 about J1 I'd have told you I was really sad he couldn't find a reason to stay.

The song I chose to describe this time with this person is Something About What Happens When We Talk by Lucinda Williams. Lucinda's voice is always raspy, raw, and a bit jagged. Kind of how I felt back then. This song talks about a relationship very much like the one I had with J1. And at the end when she says, "But all I regret now is I never kissed your mouth," I know just what she means. When I thought I'd never see him again I knew what it was to ache for something you never really had.





If I had my way
I'd be in your town
I might not stay
But at least I would've been around

'Cause there's something about what happens
When we talk
Something about what happens
When we talk

Does this make sense?
It doesn't matter anyway
Is it coincidence?
Or was it meant to be?

'Cause there's something about what happens
When we talk
Something about what happens
When we talk

And conversation with you
Was like a drug
It wasn't your face
So much as it was your words

'Cause there's something about what happens
When we talk
Something about what happens
When we talk

I can't stick around
I'm going back south
But all I regret now
Is I never kissed your mouth

'Cause there's something about what happens
When we talk
Something about what happens
When we talk
Something about what happens
When we talk
Something about what happens
When we talk


Have you ever met someone that made you feel this way? That you could talk to forever? 


If you're enjoying these posts, feel free to share your own Soundtrack. This isn't a hop. No requirements at all, but a suggestion to do it one song at a time. (If you participated in the hop several years ago, you can still do this. Just post them one song at a time, with the freedom to add more songs if you'd like.) I'll link to all participants at the bottom of each of these posts:

StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Cherdo on the Flipside 

Holli's Hoots and Hollers 

THE DOGLADY'S DEN

35 comments:

  1. Good morning, dear Robin!

    To answer your question, yes, there were two such women in my life. I remember feeling totally at ease when I was around them and we often talked for hours, touching on every topic under the sun. I miss that. I need that.

    Your story and song inspired me to offer you an answer song.

    From the Flashdance soundtrack, please listen to Kim Carnes as she sings "I'll Be Here Where The Heart Is."

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgmhszgvLo8

    It's the song that just keeps playing on the radio
    And you know I haven't seen you for a while
    I lie awake at night
    And wonder how you are
    And I wish that I could see you again

    Is it fate or is it luck
    That brings us back
    Or is it just a common point of view
    Time has put a spell on you
    You never seem to change
    And I wish that I could see you again

    I'll be here where the heart is
    When the dreams that we've been after
    All come true
    You will find me here where the heart is
    I'll wait for you
    I'll wait for you

    It's the light that just keeps shining day after day
    When other loves have come and gone
    I'll be here with open arms to take you in
    And I wish that I could see you again

    And in between
    And when I need to see you again
    All I have to do
    Is close my eyes
    Oh, the picture's coming in my friend
    I'll hold you again
    But until then

    I'll be here where the heart is
    When the dreams that we've been after
    All come true
    You will find me here where the heart is
    I'll wait for you
    I'll wait for you

    Have a safe and happy weekend, dear Robin!

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    1. Shady,

      We don't get many of those people. (Maybe that's why we blog????) It's nice to know that, once again, my story relates to the experience of others. Seems like we're all living variations of the same life.

      Thanks for sharing the song. I don't think I've heard it before. Makes me want to watch Flashdance again!

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  2. Lucinda is the bomb diggity! I loved her album Car wheels on a gravel road.
    When I was also a sophomore in college it was my second semester I transferred to a University from my junior college. My roommate was dating a guy she had met from the previous semester and he had a really cute friend ( G). The 4 of us were always hanging out and playing quarters or cards and I really liked him. G would hold my hand and we would stay up into the wee hours but we never kissed. He had a girlfriend but she went to another school. I admire his loyalty but dang it was hard to be so close to him.
    Have a wonderful weekend Robin!!

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    1. Car Wheels On A Gravel Road was my first Lucinda album, too! Ha! And, yes, she is the bomb diggity:)

      I don't know how I feel about these "emotional affairs." Do I admire these folks for their restraint? I suspect that if they seek an emotional connection in someone else their relationship is lacking. So, it's really just a matter of time before they break up with the girlfriend/boyfriend as realization dawns that the relationship doesn't meet their needs. Makes me wonder what happened to your G. Did he marry her? You'll find out what happens with J1 in a later post...

      Delete
  3. I had a friend like that in high school. We talked and talked about everything. Those friends are special.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hey kiddo
    Connecting with others by conversation is delightful. Marilyn, my friend of 55 years and I have that connection. I don't connect with many men.
    The reason I haven't been around is that I'm getting my garage organized into a studio. In fact I named it "The Garage People." The gals like the exercises but love dancing. Our first choreographed number is to "Satin Doll."

    I really loved looking at back posts and seeing the beautiful pictures of you. You're a doll.....hey, a Satin Doll.

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    1. Hello Manzi!

      So glad to see you here. Congrats on your garage becoming a studio. Of course, they love dancing!!!

      Thanks for the lovely words. You're a doll, too!

      Delete
  5. Looking back on my college (and grad school) boyfriends is painful. I was too eager to please, and I never stood up for myself. Heck, one of my boyfriends used to make me sit in the back seat on the way to the beach so he could fit his surfboard up front. It could have gone on the roof of the car, but he was worried about it being damaged. So I sat in the back like a schmuck ... There's more, but not much reason to dredge it all up and ruin my day.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Relationships. I think it has something to do with the fact that these are among the Firsts. I rarely do Firsts well. I hope you can get to a place where you can think about those old stories and say to yourself: I grew. I changed. I became better. I thought better of myself. I knew I deserved more and didn't accept less. Those old boyfriends were Learning Experiences!

      Delete
  6. Wow...conversation...what a concept.

    My experience has always been that when a man and woman are "friends," one usually wants more.

    Sadly, I did not come to this realization until long after college, because there were a few ladies I was very friendly with that, if my thoery is a sound one, boy did I blow an opportunity!

    I am not a frequent Facebook user, but it has been enjoyable catching up with some of those people I have not seen for decades and seeing how their lives turned out.

    Although I must disappoint them....I am kind of the same. I buy records and go to concerts. Just like back then.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. BTW-this post inspired me to break out (well, I am streaming them, actually) my copies of Passionate Kisses and Car Wheels On A Gravel Road

      Delete
    2. I think you're right about someone wanting more (sometimes both people wanting more). Of course, there's the other side of that coin wherein both people just like each other (but not sexually). Yeah, I think it does happen.

      That was not the case here. J1 and I "liked" each other, but he wasn't ready to break up with his girlfriend (I guess) and I... well, I was a mess.

      If you haven't listened to the Lucinda Williams shown for this song, I strongly suggest it. I think it may well be my favorite!

      Delete
  7. Lovely song, lovely story. I had a friend I connected with like that. Who knows what might have happened but we went separate ways. Years later, we connected via Facebook and it makes me happy just to know this friend is doing well...

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I know just what you mean. Facebook has its place. One of them is finding out that the people whom you cared for turned out just fine. They're (mostly) happy. That is a good feeling.

      Delete
  8. I'm still looking for that kind of connection, Robin.
    Have a nice weekend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think everyone wants it, including me (since you know I'm single again...).

      Delete
  9. DiscConnected: >>... "My experience has always been that when a man and woman are "friends," one usually wants more."

    YEP.

    Robin: >>... "Of course, there's the other side of that coin wherein both people just like each other (but not sexually)."

    NOPE.
    Not once - not a single time in the whole history of the word. "Harry's Theory" is right. Sorry, Sally. I know you thought you were right but... you wuzn't. Harry wuz right. (Take it from the woman who wrote the screenplay of your hit movie!)

    ~ D-FensDogG
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
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    1. "worLd".
      (But "Word", too.)

      ~ D-FensDogG

      Delete
    2. You know what's funny? In my original comment, which I then deleted, I referenced "men and women cannot be friends" from WHMS. But then I thought about cases in which I have truly been just friends with men. I guess maybe it works if the man is 1) gay or 2) (happily) married. But, I also think it works in this crazy blogging universe in which you don't actually know the other person in a way that you would if you were spending time with them up close and personal. It allows for friendship interaction. Or do you think I'm wrong about that???

      But, most of the time someone wants more. LC, Harry, and you are all right about that!

      Delete
    3. GIRL WONDER ~

      >>... I guess maybe it works if the man is 1) gay or 2) (happily) married.

      Ha! Well there IS that first one, which I hadn't considered. If the guy is gay, or the woman is a lesbian, then maybe they could actually be friends. I have known some women who were friends with gay guys... but then there's that snarky part of my mind that says: Yeah, but then are they "really" GUYS? And if they're not, then the whole equation gets tossed because it's not really a "guy" and a gal having a platonic friendship, right?

      And I don't think the second example really occurs outside of maybe a workplace friendship, which isn't a true one-on-one friendship where they'd meet outside of work and not in a group setting. It doesn't happen, to my knowledge.

      When I said "not once - not a single time", I was exaggerating but just barely. It's probably happened but if so, it's so rare that it's hardly even worth mentioning.

      My experience has been that always one of the two secretly wants the friendship to develop beyond just that.

      I know that in my past there were times where I thought a female and I were just friends only to find out much, much later that she had a desire I was unaware of. There have also been times when I had a friendship with a woman but it was I who had the secret desire.

      I believe that the WHMS formula is damn close to 100% accurate. If you have a platonic friendship with a guy, and you aren't concealing a secret desire for it to develop beyond that, then you can be sure the guy is. (Bryan's last paragraph tells the story.)

      ~ D-FensDogG

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    4. I just read Bryan's comment. I guess blog friendships work because you aren't around each all the time and actually doing things. In some ways it's a very strange thing to know another person so well (and still not at all).

      I'm trying to imagine what my own relationships have been like with guys, and I guess you're right. At some point, there is a realization that someone wants more.

      Delete
  10. Hi Robin,

    Ah, a bit of reminiscing. Through some situations of empathy, you to found a common bond, a common connection. It's nice to have been able to communicate and feel at ease with somebody that you feel you could talk forever.

    I'm afraid that my relationships have been a disaster and not sure there is anybody I've ever been able to talk to at length. I'm know resided in the knowledge that I will more than likely spend the rest of my life alone. That's something I shall deal with and continue to feel comfortable in my own company.

    Thank you, Robin. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

    Gary

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There is a difference between alone and lonely. I think it's a lovely thing to be comfortable in one's own company:)

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  11. My ex was like that. When we first met we'd talk on the phone for hours.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I think many a relationship begins this way. It would be nice if they'd all last...

      Delete
  12. Hi Robin. I'm trying to figure out how to respond to this. It's almost like a foreign language to me - now. I was raised thinking I had to be "paired" with another in order to be complete. Oh, and it was supposed to be a man. (Times as they are - now - it could also be a woman. Women weren't in the running for me as a pairing.) Time moved a long and men were put to the side as well. I simply stopped thinking in terms of "pairing equals completeness."

    It is said that, "two heads are better than one." I understand that. I also understand, it is written, "there is wisdom in the council of many." It is nice to have friends as sounding boards, and offer my own help in return. However I find myself agreeing with a couple of others here. I've yet to meet a man where friendship was the total deal. The line can be very thin and easily get crossed. I might hope it never happens again and the friendship continues, but I've yet to see this achieved.

    I know what I want, and when it doesn't include a pairing, people tend to get upset. It's as if they know me better I know me. I have nothing against people who want to pair up... if their level of contenment must include that, who am I to disagree? It is my life to live as I choose... but trying to get understanding of my choices is tough for others. In the end I've resolved not to bother explaining any more or any less.

    If you're single and simply must have a mate - then discernment should become your best friend. As for the song... in the end she wasn't satisfied with only conversation. She regretted never having kissed him. She wanted more.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Dixie, I'm trying to figure how to respond to this. I guess I'd say that I've been through many phases of life. Sometimes, I think I really want a relationship (and then I get one) and I decide I really wish I'd stayed single. However, I think it all had more to do with me and who I was attracting into my life. Or to say it another way, you aren't going to bring good people into your life until you become healthier. I believe we tend to attract people where we are. So, it's been my goal for a long time now to become more healthy to attract healthier people into my life. That goes for girlfriends and men. At some point (not yet), I'd like to have a relationship. But not until I'm in a place where it isn't something that breaks me. I need to be more discerning and choose better.

      However, I understand another person's choice of deciding they don't want to be in a romantic relationship. (Well, since I'm there right now, I totally get it.) But, I understand that a person may want to stay there forever. However, that does seem to be a tough concept for many.

      Delete
  13. Well, Brandon and I can talk about anything, but I've never regretted not kissing his mouth (or any part of him, frankly). And I have no regrets with the wife. So I can't relate. But it is a pretty nice song. :)

    Also, as for the whole male/female friendship thing, I have yet to see that work outside of something like blog friends (as you mentioned). Plus, as a married guy, it just seems like a respect thing. It's weird to think of my wife going out to dinner with some guy, but he's just a friend. Or on the flip side, my wife is at work and I'm seeing a movie with some woman and then going out for coffee afterwards. It just looks bad.

    Plus, most of the time they do want more. I know that my cohort's wife had a lot of so-called male friends when he first met her. And yet, when Brandon started dating her and calling her 'girlfriend', guess what? They all dropped off the face of the planet. They weren't real friends. They just wanted her. Once they realized they couldn't have her, they left.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Well, thank you for that bit of schooling Bryan. Hahaha. You MUST remember that this is my sophomore year of college. Are you saying that you never messed up a male-female relationship even once in your dating career? If so, I'm beyond impressed;) I'm made a career out of screwing up relationships, so I realize you are well beyond me at mastering this (since you're happily married and I'm not). I'm laughing so hard right now.

      So, don't become offended, because I know you responded to this comment in the place you are right now. A married guy. And you're right, it would be awkward if you went to the movies with another woman. There might even be blood involved in that equation.

      Well, that last paragraph nails the "can men and women be friends" question. Thanks for that!

      Delete
  14. I sure did have a friend like that and it was beautiful and amazing and the only regret I have is that we never kissed. We wanted to, but we never did.

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    1. Yep. Sometimes both people want more but it just doesn't happen.

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  15. It's wonderful to connect to someone like that. Too bad J1 didn't come back to school. It sounds like your friendship could have easily blossomed into something more. On the other hand, you did meet another nice guy. ☺
    I've had those deep connections with a few people in my life, including my husband of 42 years.
    That's a beautiful song and new to me. Thanks for sharing these musical snippets of your life.

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    1. Oh, Debbie, it was really upsetting at the time (that J1 didn't come back). Of course, there was nothing to be done about it. However, if he'd come back I wouldn't have met J2, and I learned a lot with him.

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  16. Connection is key even if it doesn't work out in the end. Funny how, when one looks back at love, we realize why we had to go through that. I have gone out with male friends....but they happen to be gay-lol. That is safe. If the man is really, really old and a father figure then that works also but not if they are single (or not), heterosexual and you wish to hang out with them, then something is wrong in my books. Call it archaic, but unless it is for work then it is not fair to your partner. I know I would not be happy if my hubby went out with good looking straight women to have a coffee with. That would not work well with me.

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