The Soundtrack of My Life, Unwinding My Romance

From the last post you can clearly see that things are headed toward Break Up with J2.

Here's how it went down:

We were both in a sorority and fraternity, and we both had semi-formals in the spring. So, probably several months in advance (one at least) I asked him to go with me to mine. If you will recall, this still felt like shaky ground to me. Nothing could be assumed. Imagine my chagrin when he didn't immediately reciprocate and ask me to go to his.

I remember the anxiety as the date drew closer. My formal was one weekend and his was the following weekend. We were down to one week before mine and nothing from him on this topic. Meanwhile, it's Friday (or Saturday) night and I'm at a party, and very likely well on my way to being smashed, when one of my guy friends from the second floor of my dorm asks me to go to his formal (one of my euchre pals). Obviously, this was dangerous territory. However, it was treacherous since his formal and J2's formal were the same night. In a moment of wild frustration (and plenty 'o anger), I said "Okay." I still didn't have a clue as to the many ways this could go wrong for me.

The "before" picture at my semi-formal

So, what happened?

The topic came up at the worst possible moment: the night of my formal. One of his frat brothers and his girlfriend (who were long-time steadies and OBVIOUSLY going to the semi-formal together) are hanging out with us. We got a hotel room and were all sharing it. So, his friend says, "Next week let's all go hot tubbing. That would be so much fun."

And there it was. The moment of truth. Now, I could've (and should've) kept my big trap shut, waiting for a moment alone with J2 to explain the uncertainty about his formal, the other guy asking, and giving him the option of speaking his mind and clearing up the misunderstanding. Oh, but no, that's not what I did.

I said, "You all can do what you want, but I'm gonna be at the Frater formal."

Well, you could've heard a pin drop in that room. Talk about conversation stopper. It got extremely awkward and I can't say that J2 or I had much fun the rest of the night. Ironically, he didn't say ONE WORD about it. Not a word. I kept waiting and nothing.

The "after" picture...

Another one of my friends was seriously dating one of his housemates so she was at his house the next day (the one after my formal and grand announcement). All the guys were out on the porch talking. She says to me that J2 just said over and over, "I can't believe she did that to me."

Well hell.

There are too many takeaways here to even list. I should've just come out and asked him if I was invited or not. I didn't because I was afraid I was NOT. However, that would've been better than the way events actually unrolled. Instead, I thought I was forcing his hand... making him see what was obvious to me... he hadn't asked me. He should've asked me. I thought, if he planned on us going to his formal together, he would've said something that night. That would've given us time to sort it out and I would've let the other guy know he needed to find another date. (I suppose my announcement that I was gonna be at the other guy's formal might've had something to do with that conversation not happening. I'm such an idiot.)

I shouldn't have assumed anything... from our dating status to what he'd do with my "news." Because it didn't happen even close to how I thought it would.

Instead, he was pissed. He never spoke to me again. Looking at it from his point of view, I can't say I blame him.

This will all fall down like everything else that was
This too shall pass and all of the words we said
We can't take back

Now every fool in town would've left by now
I can't replace all of the wasted days
The memory of your face, I can't help thinkin'

Maybe if we ever coulda kept it all together, where would we be
A thousand lost forevers
And the promises you never were giving me

Here's what I'm thinking

It won't be the first heart that you break
It won't be the last, beautiful girl
The one that you wrecked won't take you back
If you were the last beautiful girl in the world

So tell me one more time
How you're sorry about the way this all went down
You needed to find your space, you needed to still be friends
You needed me to

Call you if I ever couldn't keep it all together you'd comfort me
You tell me about forever
And the promises I never should have believed in

Here's what I'm thinking

It won't be the first heart that you break
It won't be the last beautiful girl
The one that you wrecked won't take you back
If you were the last beautiful girl in the world
Last beautiful girl in the world

It's over now, I've gone without 'cuz you're everyone else's girl
It seems to me, you'll always be everyone else's girl
Everyone else's girl

This will all fall down like everything in the world
This too must end and all of the words we said
We can't take 'em back

And it won't be the first heart that you break
It won't be the last, beautiful girl
The one that you wrecked won't take you back
If you were the last beautiful girl

It won't be the first heart that you break
It won't be the last, beautiful girl
The one that you wrecked won't take you back
If you were the last beautiful girl in the world

The last beautiful girl in the world
You are the last beautiful girl in the world
Beautiful girl

Have you ever royally screwed up a relationship that you really cared about out of fear? An inability to communicate? Or some other misunderstanding?


If you're enjoying these posts, feel free to share your own Soundtrack. This isn't a hop. No requirements at all, but a suggestion to do it one song at a time. (If you participated in the hop several years ago, you can still do this. Just post them one song at a time, with the freedom to add more songs if you'd like.) I'll link to all participants at the bottom of each of these posts:

StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Cherdo on the Flipside 

Holli's Hoots and Hollers 

THE DOGLADY'S DEN

The Soundtrack of My Life, All The Things You Don't Say (and BoTB Results!)

I just tallied up the results for Battle of the Bands. I knew the vote was going back and forth, but I was SHOCKED when I saw how close this one turned out. For someone who puts these things together, a close vote is the absolute best result possible. It couldn't get any closer in this battle. The song was I'm In. The contenders were Radney Foster vs. The Kinleys. Honestly, I really like both versions. I could/would put them both on my IPod shuffle. BUT, I have to pick one because my vote actually counts in this match-up.

So, how did it turn out?

I lean slightly more toward the Radney Foster version. I think it might have to do with the fact that I've adored the guy for a really long time. I love Abra Moore's voice with his on this song. I just love it.

So here is the final tally, including my vote for Radney Foster:

Radney Foster: 15

The Kinleys : 15

Yep, we got ourselves a tie. I think this has happened once before on this blog, but I could be wrong about that! If you voted, thanks! Come back again on the 1st and we'll do it again with a different song, different singers!!!

In my last post I told you how J1 and were never an "item," but we talked all the time. Well, J2 and I didn't talk enough. I'm not sure exactly what happens in the brain when you decide you're dating, but it's like a trigger is pulled. I didn't want to be the insecure girlfriend, though I was totally the insecure girlfriend. I didn't want to tell him all the crazy things I was thinking. I guess I'd seen that work out not so well with Erika. Heck, even in hindsight I'm not real clear on what happened with this relationship.

But, let me try and pull it into some sort of focus. I suspect J2 was feeling really stressed. He was working, going to school part-time, and trying to date me (which, really, is a full-time job all by itself;). But, seriously, I think maybe he was embarrassed that his life was so hard, and he didn't want to unload his problems on me. What he didn't understand was that it would have made things so much easier if he'd just been honest with me about all the stress in his life.

Instead, I agonized over not hearing from him a week at a time. One of the girls across the hall posted an index card under my phone that read:

A watched teakettle (phone) never boils (rings).

She was so right. I'd spend hours not leaving my room hoping he'd call (he didn't) and then getting mad that he didn't call and that I didn't leave my room. Crazy thinking, I know. I even knew it at the time. But, I didn't want to call him. I wanted him to call me.

I think he was really much more mature about this whole thing and felt like we were good, we were okay, even if we only saw each other on weekends. He didn't feel the need to talk more often than that to feel like he was on solid ground. Little did he know who he was dealing with... or maybe he needed to tell me that's how he felt so I could feel steady, too. Truth was I felt anything but steady. It always felt like I was hours away from getting the Break Up phone call.

So, even though I had a boyfriend I really liked, I never felt confident. Or sure of where I was standing. I think if you'd asked him (before we hit that final straw) what he was thinking, it would've been this song. I have to say Life sure would've been easier if I'd known it was this song. He was always on my mind, too. And I would've done things very differently had I known I was on his...





Have you ever had a relationship fall apart with someone you really cared about because you didn't say all the things you should've said? You didn't tell them how you felt? They didn't know they were always on your mind?


If you're enjoying these posts, feel free to share your own Soundtrack. This isn't a hop. No requirements at all, but a suggestion to do it one song at a time. (If you participated in the hop several years ago, you can still do this. Just post them one song at a time, with the freedom to add more songs if you'd like.) I'll link to all participants at the bottom of each of these posts:

StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Cherdo on the Flipside 

Holli's Hoots and Hollers 

THE DOGLADY'S DEN

The Soundtrack of My Life, Yakkety Yak Please Talk Back

It's only when I started putting together these Soundtrack posts that I realized how much happened my sophomore year of college. I think this might be the "busiest" year of my entire life in terms on pivotal things going on. I had no idea that was true until beginning this project. We'll see if time later proves me wrong, but there have been quite a few songs (significant events) for this year.

On my last BoTB post, I told you my initial meeting/first date story with J2. On the BoTB before that I told you the initial meet with J1, but I never told you the rest of the story.

Today you get the rest of the story for J1: Sophomore Year.

I would post a photo of J1 for this year, but I don't have one. That might seem odd, but it isn't. Not really.

So, if you'll recall our first meeting was odd. He threw open the door and screamed "What?" after my repeated knocking. Then, he came downstairs and played cards with us. You must want to know what happened after that auspicious beginning!

Turns out we really connected. He was another one of my "connect" people for sophomore year. It was a bizarre relationship. He had a girlfriend, who I never met. I was kinda/sorta in a very oblique sort of way dating his roommate. I can't really call it dating, but I can't call it not dating either. I think I was trying on the idea of a "boyfriend," and he wasn't really a good fit, so it stagnated in a place of sort of dating. Kind of reminds me of 6th graders and how they date. They "go together" but nothing actually happens. Now, I think J1's relationship with his girlfriend was more serious than that, but I also think my involvement in his life made it more complicated. ha!

J1 and talked. A lot. We'd play a game or two of euchre and then opt out and just sit and talk for hours. The lobby had furniture and "cubby holes," so you could easily just sit and talk. I'm not sure that his roommate thought much about it, though he should have, because who spends hours just talking??? Well, we did. We talked about Everything. Honestly, I can't think of a single topic that was off-limits. Well, I didn't ask him much about his girlfriend and he wasn't all that keen on discussing my non-relationship with his roommate, but other than that...

J1 and I had a lot in common. The best and worst was that we were equally broken. Equally ridden with holes. When you're full of holes no one understands better than someone else bullet ridden with holes. My parents divorced. J1's divorced when he was 5. His dad remarried very happily, but his relationship with his bio mom at that time was pretty much non-existent. Holes. J1 blew out his knee ending his aspirations for playing football and baseball. Baseball was the real kicker for him. I quit music and had no idea what I was going to major in. I was aimlessly taking CORE classes to try and find a new dream, a new passion, a new anything. Holes. I could go on, but those two subjects alone could keep us talking for days.

J1 didn't come back second semester my sophomore year. I don't know how it would've all turned out if he had. Probably wouldn't have started dating J2, so I'm kinda glad it worked out like it did. J2 was a really nice guy, even though it didn't end well. Getting there, people. Next post I'll tell you what happened with him! But, I didn't think I'd ever see J1 again after he quit school. Turns out I was wrong about that, but if you'd asked me in January of 1988 about J1 I'd have told you I was really sad he couldn't find a reason to stay.

The song I chose to describe this time with this person is Something About What Happens When We Talk by Lucinda Williams. Lucinda's voice is always raspy, raw, and a bit jagged. Kind of how I felt back then. This song talks about a relationship very much like the one I had with J1. And at the end when she says, "But all I regret now is I never kissed your mouth," I know just what she means. When I thought I'd never see him again I knew what it was to ache for something you never really had.

If I had my way
I'd be in your town
I might not stay
But at least I would've been around

'Cause there's something about what happens
When we talk
Something about what happens
When we talk

Does this make sense?
It doesn't matter anyway
Is it coincidence?
Or was it meant to be?

'Cause there's something about what happens
When we talk
Something about what happens
When we talk

And conversation with you
Was like a drug
It wasn't your face
So much as it was your words

'Cause there's something about what happens
When we talk
Something about what happens
When we talk

I can't stick around
I'm going back south
But all I regret now
Is I never kissed your mouth

'Cause there's something about what happens
When we talk
Something about what happens
When we talk

Something about what happens
When we talk
Something about what happens
When we talk

Have you ever met someone that made you feel this way? That you could talk to forever? 


If you're enjoying these posts, feel free to share your own Soundtrack. This isn't a hop. No requirements at all, but a suggestion to do it one song at a time. (If you participated in the hop several years ago, you can still do this. Just post them one song at a time, with the freedom to add more songs if you'd like.) I'll link to all participants at the bottom of each of these posts:

StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Cherdo on the Flipside 

Holli's Hoots and Hollers 

THE DOGLADY'S DEN