WHERE DREAMS STOP AND REALITY BEGINS

I have posted about dreams before. This isn't new territory. In fact, I wrote a two part blog on this dream. If you missed it you can click here and here to catch up. I guess what I am trying to say is that I think dreams mean something.

A lot of the time, we work out our problems in our dreams. A friend of mine wrote a blog about that yesterday. She has basically the same dream (in differing variations) many nights. Subconsciously, she is trying to change an outcome on something that happened a long time ago. Obviously, this something was traumatic and the outcome cannot be changed. I know that when I am particularly worried or anxious about someone or something, it will manifest itself in my dreams.

The dreams I blogged about and linked to above are not those kind of dreams.


After I broke up with My First Love (MFL), I don't remember dreaming about him much at all. It was years before I had a dream about him. I only remember the dream because he was never in my dreams. The only part I remember is that we were on a cruise ship. I ran into him and his wife (I didn't know he was married in "real life"). I asked him if he was happy and he said that he was. I could tell that he meant it. And that was it. I woke up feeling really good about him (them) and how things worked out.

After my divorce, my ex was still yanking my chain a lot by using his kids. I had this dream and I actually thought to WRITE IT DOWN afterwards. The date was 7/18/05.

"I don't usually document my dreams and this isn't a dream journal, but I have been struggling with my role in C-Man and H-Girl's life. I had a disturbing dream and here it is:

It started with me alone in an open rolling field on a sunny day. I was joined by an Indian woman in full dress (my first thought: white slavery). I am such an optimist. Anyway, she ignored me thoroughly, despite my best attempts to solicit conversation. Soon we were joined by other women of all races and nationalities, which eased my mind some, though none were inclined to talk to me. Finally, one of the younger Indian women shyly said that, "You have to be 19 to get in here. Everyone here has a talent that they are hoping gets noticed and appreciated."

Well, that explained why everyone but ME was there. What talent did I have??? I was completely stymied. Meanwhile, the "show" began with two women coming forth. One grabbed hold of the other's legs and ran with her until she flew. I definitely couldn't fly. I didn't belong here. Then a multi-generational act followed. Mom, daughter, and baby. At some point during their acrobatics, the grandma hurt her ankle, and it was then that the grass started shifting, and the sand started blowing; I could see underneath the dirt. We were on a graveyard. There were skeletons down there. I started asking everyone if they couldn't see that.

That was when The Announcer said, "It looks like someone found her gift for seeing things as they are."

Suddenly, J-Man (my ex's oldest kid), C-Man, and H-Girl were there in a wagon, but there was no bottom. There were rails for them to sit on. They attached me to the back and then pushed the wagon so that it ran down the hill with me being dragged behind it. We went over sidewalk, gravel, grass ~ all at a very high rate of speed. Very painful for me. The kids were loving it. They were having lots of fun. I was getting beaten all to hell. All the while, realization was dawning all over the place, and I knew with absolute certainty, if I didn't figure out a way to detach myself from that wagon I would die. I tried throwing myself, but the momentum of the wagon, combined with the weight, was too great. Ultimately, I discovered that there was a small Release Button; I just had to push it.

When I did, the kids really picked up speed. I was lying there bleeding, bloody head to toe, and I could hear them screaming, so I stood up and just kept yelling, "Put your feet down." They finally did before they hit the bottom. And then I fell back down onto the ground."

*Dream Over*

I am not sharing this dream because I need any help with the interpretation. I got it. Did I use what I had when I needed to? Nope. Did I understand it at the time? Yep. In real life, if the kids won't put their feet down, no matter how many times you tell them that is what they have to do, then you can't hit the Release Button. I had to move to a different state. That was the only way I could hit the Release Button. That isn't the reason I moved, but it turned out to be one of the side benefits. Anyway, this is my ancient history and there is now enough time and distance that it isn't even an issue in my present.



So, why did I write this post? Dreams. I am not remembering my current dreams as vividly as that one. But certain people are making regular appearances in my dreams, and I know it is significant. I used to pray that Right Guy would show up in my dreams for years after he disappeared out of my real life and.. No Dice. Now, he is playing a leading role in my dreams. What is up with that? One of my best friends (someone that Kristin would call an L3) is also headlining these days. I should say former best friend because that relationship is pretty well wrecked. You can read about that here. Do you ever wish you could do your whole life differently? Right now ~ right in this moment ~ all I can see is the destruction. I lit the match and set my house on fire.




Before I forget, Simon, over at Constant Revisions, is doing some book giveaways. I always enjoy reading his blog. He is funny, cynical, and his blog usually mentions alcohol. Since I had to give that up for the migraines, I drink vicariously through him. Somehow that works for me. I really need a drink today. I may have to visit his page a couple of times to get good and drunk. Cheers!

all photos found at www.weheartit